Distractions
by windchymes
Summary: An unexpected discovery and Bella realises Edward lied when he left her. She is determined to find him, but as she searches she finds there is more to Edward Cullen than she ever realised.
1. Chapter 1: Look Out Below

**All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

In September Edward Cullen told me he didn't want me anymore.

Then he left.

And he took everything ... photos, gifts, my best friend. My heart, my soul. My future.

He would leave me with no reminders ...

... as if I could ever forget.

I sleepwalked through October and dragged myself into November. Charlie threatened me with Jacksonville and my mother. My mother threatened me with counselling. I stuck a smile on my face and pretended to be a whole person.

But in December a Christmas tree pushed its way through the front door and everything changed.

* * *

It was a Friday afternoon after school and the knock at the door was unexpected. Even more unexpected was what met me when I answered.

Bushy green branches slowly curled around the door as it opened, as though they were taking a sneaky peak to see if anyone was home. I took a startled step back, pulling the door with me and the wider the opening the more green appeared, the branches becoming bolder now and pushing their way in.

"Er, hello?"

"Bella? Hey!"

"Jacob?"

"Yeah, it's me."

His voice came from somewhere beyond the green.

"What ... um ... ,"

"You'd better stand back, this thing is big."

Obediently, I moved out of the way as the narrow hall filled with foliage. Behind it was Jacob Black.

"I think I might have overestimated," he said, parting some of the branches so he could grin at me. "So ... where do you want this thing?"

His face was expectant. Obviously, I was supposed to know what was going on.

I didn't.

And that must have been obvious too, because Jacob's face fell slightly.

"Charlie didn't call you, did he?"

Charlie?

"No, I ... oh!" I jumped as the phone started ringing. "I guess ... that's probably him, right?"

I started towards the kitchen, wondering what exactly my father was up to, but the ringing stopped just as my hand touched the phone. I stared at it for a second, then turned back towards the living room. Jacob opened his mouth to speak and the phone rang again.

I snatched at it this time and was met with Charlie's voice on the other end. He sounded slightly sheepish when I asked if he knew anything about the unexpected Christmas tree.

"So, Jake beat me to it, huh?"

"Looks like it. So, what's the story?"

Charlie hesitated a little, then cleared his throat.

"Well, it's Christmas," he said firmly, almost a declaration. "I thought ... I don't usually do much in the way of trees or decorations, but I thought _you_ might like to."

"Oh, okay."

"And you seemed to get on okay with Jake at Thanksgiving, and last week when he came over with Billy ... I thought you wouldn't mind his help."

I gritted my teeth as I closed my eyes. It was easy to read between the lines. Charlie was trying so hard to distract me, to help me, to bring me out of myself. I swallowed and leant my head against the kitchen wall. "Yeah, Dad. That'll be great."

"Yeah?" He sounded almost surprised. "Good, that's ... good. Listen, don't worry about dinner, I'll grab a pizza and maybe you could ask Jake if he wants to stay."

I nodded, then realised he couldn't see.

"Sure, okay."

We said goodbye, the phone was back on its hook and I needed a moment.

Charlie cared. My pain was killing him, but everything he did to try and help me was just another way of emphasising what was wrong.

Not that the _wrong_ needed emphasising. It was everywhere.

I didn't go to school now, I went to school _without him. _

My room wasn't just my room anymore ... it was my room _without him in it._

When I washed dishes ... I washed dishes _without him flicking me with soapsuds._

There was no relief ... school, home, Forks, the Thriftway, driving past the hospital, Port Angeles, Charlie, my friends, Volvo commercials ...

He _wasn't_ everywhere.

I dragged my arm over my face and tried to take a deep breath. Memories flickered, painful and raw, pulling at the loose threads of my barely-there composure, trying to unravel me. This was just going to be Christmas _without him._

"But you never had a Christmas _with _him," I muttered, hugging myself. "So you have no reminders, no comparisons." I bit down hard on my lip. Maybe I could make this Christmas a _new_ memory ... without him.

"Bella?" Jacob startled me as he walked into the kitchen. "Everything okay?"

I pulled my hair back behind my ears and nodded. "Yep. Fine."

He hesitated while I stared at the floor, trying to fix the smile back on my face as I wrapped my arms around myself again.

"Did Charlie ... do you want ... I can go ... ,"

I heard myself tell him it was okay, he should stay, we'd decorate the tree.

He didn't move or speak for a moment while my eyes stayed trained on my feet. There was mud on the tip of my left sneaker, I noticed.

I worked at my expression until I was finally satisfied I had something resembling a smile, then I looked up and his eyes were hesitant, unsure. I cracked the smile a little wider and he smiled back, gingerly.

"Oh, and you should stay for pizza. Charlie's bringing it home." I put as much enthusiasm into my voice as I could and it must have sounded real because Jacob's smile became more confident.

"Okay, well, lets get started." He turned to head into the living room and I followed.

"So ... where?" Jacob stood, arms folded across his chest, looking around.

"Um, I don't know."

"How about the corner over there?"

I shook my head. "No, it'll cover part of the flat screen."

"Oh, yeah. No good."

"Maybe by the window?"

"It'll cut out some of the light."

I shrugged. "That's okay."

Jacob nodded and walked over to grab the tree and drag it in from the hall.

"Is this thing going to fit?" I didn't know how much help I was being but I was pushing and pulling as much as I could.

"Um, yeah, but only just, I think." He gave a nervous little laugh.

The leaves at the top were brushing against the ceiling as we stood it up. Jacob held it steady, I tightened the screws in the stand and then we stood back and looked.

"How did you even get this here?" I asked, realising I had no idea whether Jacob had driven or caught a lift. Surely he hadn't dragged it from La Push ... although looking at the tree now, maybe he had.

"My dad's truck," he said. "Well, what do you think?"

I stared at the tree a moment. It leant slightly to the left, the curtain was caught up at the back, some of the branches were bent at odd angles and it was already dropping needles.

And Jacob looked so proud, I gave him a soft smile.

"Yeah, it's good."

Decorations were a problem. Charlie had said he kept a box at the top of the hall closet, but by the look of them, and the layer of dust that held them together, I didn't think he had done the Christmas thing for a while.

There were some cracked baubles, tinsel that fell apart when I touched it and ten cardboard stars, each painted a different colour, all sprinkled with glitter and curling at the edges with age. I could sort of remember making them. I'd been five and Charlie and I had sat at the kitchen table, the same one he had now. There'd been newspaper spread out, a box of paints, small containers of glitter, cardboard, safety scissors and glue. He'd sat with me and painted his stars while I painted mine. He'd helped me with the glitter, pouring it in a small pile in the centre and then giving me a spoon to spread it around. Then he'd done the same with his own. We'd poked string through the tops and hung them all over the tree. I remembered thinking it was wonderful, and even though now, years later, I knew the Christmas craft would have been Renee's suggestion, Charlie's smiles had been his own.

I touched one of the stars and the memory warmed me in a way nothing else had in the last two months. Then I handed Jacob the box.

"Um, it's not much of a collection," I said. "I don't think Charlie's had a tree since I was five."

Jake nodded. "That's okay, we can make some decorations. We used to do it all the time when I was a kid."

He walked to the coffee table and bent down, sorting through the magazines that were stacked underneath.

"We could cut some of these up," he said, picking up a magazine and flicking through the pages.

"Not the _Fishing Digests_!" My voice was sharp and Jake looked up, surprised. "Charlie would kill us." I explained more gently.

Jake grinned. "Yeah, he probably would. What about these?"

"The _National Geographics _are fine, we can use those."

Jake nodded and grabbed a copy with Krakatoa erupting on the front.

"And what about these?" He smirked as he pulled out two copies of _Seventeen_. I grimaced. I'd forgotten about those.

"Those you can cut up," I said flatly and turned back to the tree.

They were the leftovers from Jessica's attempt to cheer me up with a surprise movie night. She'd arrived one Friday night, unannounced, bouncy and bubbly, armed with magazines, movies, a selection of nail polish and a bag of chocolates. It had been only two weeks afterhe left and though her gesture was kind her tolerance was low. It took just half an hour for her to get bored and realise that one evening of gossip and girl time wasn't going to fix me.

"Maybe you'd rather be alone," she'd sighed and packed up her nail polish and her copies of _Fifty First Dates_ and _The Wedding Planner _and headed for the door. She'd turned back briefly for the chocolates.

"You can keep the magazines," she'd said.

So, all afternoon Jake and I made paper chains from winter fashion tips and easy first date conversation topics. We cut paper lanterns from fiery volcanos and mysterious European crop circles. I was mostly silent, just focusing on my task and listening while Jacob told stories about Christmases in La Push. They were funny stories and sometimes the smile on my face was genuine.

I liked Jacob. He'd seen me at my worst, he'd been here that night Sam Uley found me in the woods and brought me home, but he didn't treat me with wary looks or awkward, loaded silences. As we cut and pasted he didn't push me to talk or share my own Christmas stories, he just let me be and somehow I felt a little lighter.

The tree actually looked pretty good when we'd finished and the decorations hid the fact that, despite several adjustments, it still leant slightly to the left.

"I want to put these on, too," I said, fishing out the old cardboard stars from Charlie's box of decorations. We each took a handful and scattered them over the tree, mixing the old in with the new.

"Here," Jacob said, handing me a star that was bright yellow. "For the top."

I smiled and took it from him, then titled my head up to look.

"I'm not going to reach," I said but Jake had already pulled the lounge chair over for me to stand on.

"Um, I don't know ... ," I frowned, visions of trips to the hospital with sprained or broken ankles danced in my head. "Why don't you do it?" I held out the star but Jake shook his head.

"Nope. Your tree, you do it." He held out his large hand and his dark eyes twinkled as he smiled. "I won't let you fall."

I took his hand tentatively. It was warm, warmer than anything I was used to. Memories tried to creep in, another hand, cold, icy - yet it had always _seemed _warm when it would wrap tenderly around mine.

I swallowed the memories down fast and focused back on the tree. Jake held my hand firmly as I balanced on the armrest and stretched up to put the old yellow star on the top. I wobbled a couple of times, but Jake's grip would tighten, helping me to steady myself again.

"Perfect," he said, grinning as I stepped down carefully and he replaced the chair, dusting my footprints from the upholstery. I gave him a shaky but genuine smile, just as Charlie's cruiser pulled into the driveway.

"Ready for the big reveal?" Jake joked as the front door opened and my father was preceded by the smell of pepperoni and cheese.

The tree was admired, the pizza was eaten, Jake told Charlie about the car he was restoring and Charlie kept an eye on me for signs of life. He seemed pleased when I joined in the conversation and took a second slice of the Italiana Special.

But after dinner, when Jake had gone home and Charlie had gone to bed, I headed back into the living room. I didn't bother putting the light on, I just sat in the dark and looked at the shadowed outline of the tree. Today had been a better day, but now, without the distraction of Jacob and Christmas craft my mind began to wander.

What would it have been like, our first Christmas together? Did the Cullens even celebrate Christmas? It had never been mentioned, but knowing Carlisle's background and his beliefs, and Alice's love for any type of celebration, I was sure they would.

Did they wait until Christmas morning to open gifts, or did they do it on Christmas Eve? I wondered if he liked to shake presents before he opened them, trying to guess what was inside. Did he rip the wrapping off his gifts or did he open them carefully, his long fingers pulling gently on the end of a ribbon, sliding under the edges of the paper. There'd be no paper cuts of course. Such things weren't a consideration when your skin was like marble and my eyes stung as I held back bitter tears.

I wondered where they were. Were they even in the country? Would he think of me on Christmas day? Would _any_ of them think of me? I wondered if Alice could still see my future and if so, what did it look like? Was it as bleak as my life now? Was I still trying to make it through each day only to find the next one just the same? Images filled my mind and suddenly, for the first time in two months, I thought long-term.

And it wasn't good.

The thought of feeling_ this_ way, living with the loss and longing, trying to mask it with distractions every day for the rest of my life, was unbearable. The idea that this was all there was for me now was paralysing. My breath stuck in my chest and I gasped a few times, trying to free it.

And in six months I'd graduate ... what then? Should I move away to college? What if he came back and I was gone? Did I really still think that would happen? Or do I stay in Forks and ... do what? Keep working at Newton's store, shopping at the Thriftway and sleeping with my window open in case he _did_ change his mind and came back for me. Was my only prospect for the future to be the mad old lady of Forks who hung around waiting for her lost love to return?

I knew the truth. He'd find me ... if he wanted me.

But he didn't want me. He'd said so.

I'd been a distraction.

Scenarios crashed through my mind, each sadder and more desperate than the last, and tears began to spill onto my cheeks. I would always want _him_, but I didn't want _this. _

Suddenly I felt more tired than I could ever remember feeling. I rubbed at the wetness on my face as I stayed, curled up on the sofa, in the dark, crying softly as a restless sleep crept up on me.

Over the next week I tried to make more of an effort, tried to have more _better days._ Tried to keep the Mad Old Lady from creeping up on me.

I ventured into Port Angeles for Christmas shopping. I tried to join in the conversation more at our table in the school cafeteria. My awkward willingness to be part of the world again brought surprised looks at first and I almost retreated, but Angela's warm smile kept me going.

And I was surprised when I started to feel angry with _him. _Angry that he'd played me along, angry that he'd let me believe he loved me, angry that I was like this now. And I realised I was angry with myself, too, because even though he'd broken me, I was still allowing myself to be broken. And the anger fueled my determination to find a way back from this ... somehow.

But at night I would shiver and freeze, snuggled beneath my blankets while the chill winter wind blew through the open window that I would never, ever close.

Christmas was quiet. Just Charlie and me and a roast dinner. I chose a complicated recipe so it kept me busy, focusing on the elaborate spiced stuffing so I wasn't wondering what _he_ was doing.

New Year's Eve was busier. I went down to La Push with Charlie for a bonfire. Jake's friends were loud and fun and for a while I was laughing and smiling with them ... but silent tears rolled over my cheeks at midnight when Embry and Quil set off fireworks that reminded me of a night six months before ...

July 4th.

A massive burst of red, white and blue, the biggest yet, erupted above our heads.

"Oh! Did you see that one?" I cried out.

"Mm hm."

"So beautiful!"

"Yes."

Cool lips pressed against my neck softly and I laughed.

"Edward are you even watching the fireworks?"

"I can do many things at once," he murmured and he kissed me again, just as another burst of colour illuminated the sky.

We were in Port Angeles, in the park by the water, surrounded by hundreds of people. Alice and Jasper were among them somewhere. Edward's arms were wrapped tight around my waist, my back pulled snugly against his chest. His chin rested on my shoulder and my head was tilted up as I watched the display of lights in the sky above me, timed to the music that came from speakers hung in the trees. I'd never been into fireworks much, but watching them with Edward was different. Everything with Edward was different. I heard him sigh softly as his arms squeezed me a little tighter. I moved to look at him but he quickly turned me back around.

"No, you'll miss the finale, watch!"

There was a final, enormous explosion and the oohs and aahs of the crowd were almost as loud as the skyrockets that had lit up the darkness. The music stopped and there was a moment of perfect silence as the last dying sparks spiraled downwards, sizzling as they hit the water and then fading away.

"Did you enjoy that?" Edward was grinning as the sky fell to black again and the crowds around us began to disperse.

I grinned back, nodding. "They were great, I loved the music."

"The music makes a big difference," he said softly. His eyes were smiling as he took my hands in his and walked backwards, pulling me with him so we were standing underneath a large tree, hidden in the deeper shadows offered by its heavy branches. His fingers squeezed mine, our eyes locked and my heart sped up as he lowered his face slowly so our lips gently touched.

Heat shot through me, my eyes closed and while our lips moved together he dropped one of my hands and I felt a single finger trail back and forth along my jaw, then move down my throat and along my collarbone. My hand was in his hair and on his neck and I sighed when his lips left mine and instead followed the path of his finger ... delicate little kisses, but each one like a firework of its own.

I'd forgotten about the crowd and let out a soft hum, angling my head back as I was pressed carefully between Edward and the tree. But suddenly he changed position, pulling away and straightening up, moving to rest his arm around my shoulders.

"Too much?" I asked, trying to get my breath back.

He shook his head. "I think we might have attracted some attention," he whispered and motioned towards an older couple who were walking past, arm in arm and smiling warmly at us. The man winked and while I blushed, somehow Edward managed to seem smug and embarrassed all at the same time.

"Lets go," he said and began slowly walking us back towards the car park. I was still a little breathless and he was still grinning, his eyes bright. I wrapped an arm around his waist and he squeezed his arm tighter around my shoulders.

"You like fireworks, don't you?" I said.

"Yes, I do."

"I guess you've seen lots."

He shrugged. "Some."

"Some?" I scoffed and he chuckled.

"I suppose I've seen my share of New Years Eve's and Fourth of July's." He paused for a moment. "But none as good as these."

"Oh come on, Edward!" Alice and Jasper appeared suddenly. I'd almost forgotten they were with us. "What about Sydney in 2000? They were incredible!"

Edward shook his head, smiling again, and we stopped walking, letting the crowd thin out around us a little. "They were, but these were still better."

He sounded very certain as he smiled down at me. I waited for him to elaborate but he said no more.

"I'd like to hear about Sydney," I said, curious. Edward opened his mouth to speak but Alice got there first, dropping Jasper's hand so she could use hers to emphasise her words.

"We were chasing the millennium and Sydney was where we started. They had this amazing ... ,"

"You were what?"

Jasper smiled at Alice as he took over the story.

"Alice wanted to have as many new millenniums as possible, so we tried to follow midnight around the world."

"And I had nothing else to do so I tagged along." Edward shrugged a shoulder.

Tagged along? He made it sound so lonely.

"So you followed midnight ... is that even possible?"

Alice nodded. "Yes, but it's tricky ... flight schedules, airport curfews. We managed two New Years, though ... Sydney and Los Angeles. If we'd had more time to plan we might have been able to manage another one, maybe two, but most of the flights we needed were already booked up, and we couldn't find a private jet that was available." She paused. "I suppose it _was _short notice."

"How late did you decide to do it?"

"December thirtieth," she beamed.

I looked at Edward and he shrugged as we all started walking again.

"Maybe we should just buy our own jet," Alice mused and Edward rolled his eyes. "Oh, like that thought hasn't occurred to you, too, Edward," she said smoothly, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Good night, Alice," he said with a grin and she grinned back, giving a little wave as she and Jasper fell back into the crowd.

"So, are you going to tell me about Sydney?" I asked.

He kissed the top of my head and I drew closer to him, hugging him tighter. It was a warm night so I was able to nestle longer without shivering.

"The fireworks were held over the harbour, there was an elaborate light show on the water and they made the harbour bridge and the opera house part of the display. For the finale the word _Eternity_ was written in fireworks along the bridge. It was very spectacular."

It _sounded_ spectacular. "But, you say these ones tonight were still better?"

He nodded. "These were still better."

I didn't get it. Tonight's were great, but there was no light show or bridge or writing.

"Why?"

He hesitated a little, then bent his head, putting his lips to my ear. When he whispered I was surprised at how shy he sounded.

"Because in Sydney I didn't have a girlfriend to share it with."

The tears spilled faster and I dragged my sleeve over my face roughly. Had that really been a lie? A distraction? A novelty? It hadn't felt like it.

I chewed on my lip until I tasted blood and wondered where Edward was now. Was he chasing the new year again? Or maybe he was partying somewhere, Rio, London, Paris, New York. Had he bought a jet? Was he dancing in a conga line? Celebrating in a crowd somewhere, singing Auld Lang Syne? Was he watching fireworks with someone new? I tried to find the anger that I'd embraced a couple of weeks earlier, I needed it now, but somehow, despite the pain that tore through me at the thought of him with someone else, I just hoped he was happy.

Suddenly I wanted to go home. I wanted to just climb in the cruiser and leave and go home and not be here where people were hugging and kissing and happy and singing. I wanted to go home and then ... do what? Stare out my window? Hope that he'd feel sentimental and maybe call me? Try to sleep and hope I didn't have nightmares? Yeah, like that would happen. I could almost set the clock by my nightmares.

My resolve to make more of a real effort was rapidly crumbling and I stared at my feet scuffing the dirt. The Mad Old Lady of Forks was looming hard on the horizon, I could see her beckoning.

"You okay, Bella?"

Jacob's voice brought me back. I swallowed and nodded quickly.

"Yeah, fine."

I took a breath and gave him a smile. My lips got it right but my eyes gave me away and I could see Jake didn't believe me. He gave my arm a squeeze.

"So, Happy New Year," he said quietly and I nodded.

"Happy New Year."

"Did you like the fireworks?"

They were over and I hadn't noticed any of it.

"Yeah," I nodded. "They were good."

I sighed and stared at the fading bonfire, ignoring all the hugging and kissing that was going on around us. Jake crouched down and grabbed a stick, poking at the embers.

"Yeah, um, so, this year my big thing will be finally getting my own transport," he said. "What about you?"

I crouched down beside him, focusing on the embers, pushing fireworks and millenniums and mad old ladies out of my mind.

"I already have my own transport."

He rolled his eyes and I smiled a little.

"I mean what's your big thing for this year? Everyone has something."

I picked up a stick of my own and started poking, too. What was my big thing?

"I guess I'm graduating. I'll ... I'll probably go away to college in the Fall." My voice dropped as I realised I'd just given myself a plan for the future. It was vague, but it was something. The Mad Old Lady took a step back.

Jacob frowned a little as he absorbed my news.

"I guess you will." He stared at me for a moment. "That makes you _so old_," he grinned and I whacked him on the arm.

"Enough of the old, thank you."

He kept grinning as he threw his stick into the fire and stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"So, let me know when you want to take the Christmas tree down. I'll come and take it away."

I stood up, too.

"You don't have to. Charlie and I can ... ,"

"Nah, it's okay. It gets quiet around here just after New Years. It'll give me something to do."

He gave me another smile and I smiled back.

"Okay."

It was a little after twelve thirty when we got home. The phone was ringing as Charlie opened the front door. He ran down the hall to the kitchen, grabbed at the phone but was too late.

"Missed it." He hung it up and rubbed his hand over his head. "Probably your mom," he said through a yawn.

"Well, I'm going to bed. You?"

"Yeah, bed," I sighed and trudged up the stairs behind him. At his door he stopped and seemed to hesitate before he spoke.

"You seemed to have an okay time tonight."

"Um, yeah. It was good."

He nodded, gave me a smile, then leant over and kissed the top of my head.

"Happy New Year, Bells."

"G'night, Dad."

I threw myself down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, just as my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Renee.

Her Happy New Year text winked at me from the tiny screen. Yeah, it would have been her on the phone downstairs.

I sent back a message of my own then tossed the phone on the bedside table and went to lean out my window.

I ran my fingers over the sill.

There were some slight scuff marks where his shoes had rubbed against the paint - the result of a quick getaway one morning to avoid Charlie. My fingers stroked them. It was something I did often.

It was like the desk in Biology. I spent every lesson sitting on his side, my fingers feeling the grooves and gouges underneath where his hand had clawed at the wood that first day ... the day he'd wanted to kill me.

He hadn't been able to erase everything.

"You did exist," I whispered, touching the scuff marks again and then looking out into the dark.

Music was thumping from a party further up the street. The night air was cold and a shiver went through me and for a moment I thought about closing the window. He wasn't coming back, and at least I'd be warm. My hands reached up and I started to pull down the pane of glass, but halfway I stopped.

Maybe tomorrow night I'd close it. I hugged myself as the curtain blew around me.

Jacob came the next afternoon to take the tree away. I'd carefully packed away our decorations, the branches were bare and browning now and the carpet was littered with pine needles.

Jake held the tree steady while I unscrewed the stand.

"Okay, lift it up," I said but Jake lifted too quickly, with too much force. There was a loud crack as the top of the tree broke through the ceiling and we were showered in a drift of plaster dust.

"Jeez, Bella, I'm sorry! Charlie's gonna kill me, isn't he?" Jake panicked.

"How bad is it? Pull it out and lets see."

"I'll fix it, I promise."

"Just pull it out Jake. But gently."

Very slowly Jacob started to pull the tree down. More dust and a chunk of plaster came away, it sat stuck in the branches like an alternative decoration.

"I'll grab the vacuum cleaner," I said and hurried to the hall closet. The debris on the floor was only going to make the hole in the ceiling seem worse.

I heard some scuffling sounds from the living room as I untangled the power cord and hauled the vacuum cleaner across the hall.

"If you can get the tree outside I'll start cleaning up. At least then ... ,"

"It's stuck," Jake grimaced, tugging on the branches. "The last bit's stuck."

"Pull!"

"If I pull too hard it's going to make the hole bigger!"

"Then pull gently!"

"I'm_ trying_ to pull gently!" His teeth were clenched tight and he was frowning hard.

I crossed the floor and reached up to help him, fisting my hands in the branches.

"Like this." I tugged and wriggled and was rewarded with more dust and more plaster crumbs.

"Maybe we should cut it off at the ceiling!" Jake said suddenly and I considered the idea for a moment, then shook my head.

"No. One more try, okay?"

He sighed. "Okay."

"After three."

He nodded.

"One, two, three!"

We tugged together and there was a soft crack, the tree gave way, more plaster fell and something pointy hit me on the head.

"Ow!"

I let go of the tree, stumbling over the footstool and landing, smack, on my backside on the floor.

"Bella, you okay?" Jake called from the other side of the room where he was pinned beneath the now horizontal tree.

"Yeah," I muttered, looking around, trying to find what had hit me and I realised I wasn't just sitting in a pile of plaster now.

Somehow I was also surrounded by the debris of my birthday.

"Oh."

I stared dumbly at the CD in its case, the photograph, and the box that I knew held two plane tickets to Florida, all lying scattered around me. And while my mind couldn't make sense of what I was seeing, my heart closed down and wouldn't let me try.

I touched one finger to the sore spot on my forehead, and another finger to the point of the CD case, connecting the cause with the effect, as if somehow, maybe that would help me make sense of things.

But Jake was scrambling out from under the tree and I quickly leant over and shoved my birthday presents under the sofa, out of sight. I couldn't think about them now, about what this might mean. I still had a broken ceiling and a room full dead foliage to deal with.

At last the tree was gone. The living room had been cleaned and tidied. My Dad took his broken ceiling surprisingly well and had agreed to let Jake come back the next day with Sam to repair the hole. Dinner had been cooked and eaten and while Charlie took a trip to the bathroom before settling down to watch a basketball game, I grabbed the things from under the sofa and, not looking at them, hurried to my room.

I was still kind of numb as I sat in my rocking chair staring at the things lined up on my bed. My heart and my mind were starting to disagree about what to do with this little discovery. They debated between themselves for a while but my mind won. So with my heart safely in lock-down, I took a deep breath and began to think, not feel.

The items had obviously been hidden in the cavity between my bedroom floor and the living room ceiling, but why? I leant forward and tentatively touched the corner of the photo. After a moment and a couple of attempts I picked it up. It was the two of us, standing by the fireplace. And it hurt to look at him. He was so beautiful, more so than memories could capture. But his face was so serious, his eyes flat. This was the night before he left me. The numbness started to fade and I felt my chest tighten, my heart was rattling the chains, trying to get out. I put the photo down quickly, turning it face down, unable to look at him any longer.

I reached for the long, narrow box and opened it. Two plane tickets to Florida, one for each of us, to visit my mother. I wondered what Renee would have thought of him as I closed the lid and put the box back on the bed.

I picked up the CD next, tilting it, letting the light from the lamp catch rainbows on its silver surface. But I didn't put it on to play. I didn't know what hearing it would do to me so I put it back on the bed, too. Its melody was burned into my soul anyway.

I realised then that one of the photos was still missing. The one of him in the kitchen, smiling. It had disappeared along with everything else two months ago, and I wondered where it was now, and what that meant.

I continued to stare, but I still didn't have any answers. Maybe he just hadn't had time to get rid of them that day ... but I shook my head at that thought. He had superhuman speed. He could have stashed them in his car in no more than a few seconds. Or just shoved them in the pockets of his coat.

No, he'd _wanted _to leave them here.

Why?

When he'd been so insistent that he'd never bother me again, that it would be like he'd never existed, why would he leave something of himself behind? Was it because he _hoped_ one day I'd find them?

It didn't make sense.

I chewed on my lip, considering, and for the first time in two months I actually encouraged myself to think about him, hoping I'd find the answer in a memory somewhere.

Conversations ran through my head. Declarations of love, laughter, jokes, concerns, silly arguments.

And then I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

A conversation in the school cafeteria. He'd struggled as he'd spoken, as though he found the thought difficult.

... _I care the most, because if I can do it ... if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe ..._

It all fell into place. I groaned as I slid from the rocking chair and sank to the floor, resting my head on the edge of the bed while I hugged myself and a new pain ripped through me.

It had been a lie.

Not about loving me, about _leaving_ me.

He'd left to protect me.

From his world, from _him._

And slowly, my mind put out a toe to test the water, and then it unlocked my heart and let it out.

He still loved me.

My heart started to pound and my breaths were sharp and shallow. Tears spilled onto my cheeks and ran down my face.

He still loved me.

I began to shake, almost too scared to believe. This new truth was a fragile, delicate thing. I had to embrace it slowly, gently, in case it broke and shattered and I was left with the emptiness again. I'd been so long in the dark, I was squinting now against the light.

I hugged my new truth, letting it grow and strengthen. Letting it fill me up, I checked it for flaws and impossibilities, but could find none.

He loves me.

And now, the truth became solid and real and sure as I remembered new things, things I'd been too distracted to see before.

The press of his lips against my forehead as he'd said goodbye - how they'd lingered.

He loves me.

The flicker in his eyes as he'd pulled away. I'd been so distraught I hadn't understood it at the time but I understood now. It was the moment his heart had broken.

"Oh, Edward." My tears flowed faster.

But as I remembered that look, something new was growing along with the truth and it surprised me as it began to take hold.

Anger.

Because now I realised that wherever he was, he wasn't dancing or singing or having a good time. He would be in agony, and he'd brought it on himself.

The anger grew stronger, matching the truth now, almost eclipsing it.

The anger became fury as I realised just exactly what he'd done ... to me, to us, to himself. And the fury needed to have its moment. I snatched up my hairbrush from the nightstand and threw it at the door, following it with my English book and then my left sneaker.

"Bella! What's going on?"

Charlie's voice and the sounds of his footsteps on the stairs just managed to save my right sneaker from the same fate as its mate. I took a quick, deep breath and swallowed as I hurried to the door and opened it. Charlie was half way up the stairs.

"Nothing Dad, just rearranging some things. Sorry, I'll be quieter."

He frowned a little but nodded. "Okay then."

I smiled and he turned around and went back downstairs.

My anger had abated slightly, but not enough. I was practically growling as I prowled around the room.

"Idiot! Stupid over-thinking vampire!" I spat and snatched the photo off the bed. "Why didn't you talk to me? We were in this _together_."

His beautiful eyes stared, flat and empty, out of the photo.

"You'd already decided, hadn't you? It was already killing you, wasn't it? Aargh!" I threw the photo down and pulled at my hair.

I stormed and raged, alternately sobbing and snarling and then slowly the anger started to fade and sorrow filled me. Not the sorrow I'd felt for the last two months. This was new, it was all for him this time, not me, and now I was sobbing again. Because all this time I'd been suffering, he would have been suffering, too - and still would be.

I picked up the photo, tracing his face with my fingers, and I knew I had to find him.

If it took the rest of my life ... I had to find him.

Without thinking at all about what I was doing or what I was going to say, I grabbed my cell phone, sat on the floor and dialed the number I never thought I'd ring again.

My sobs slowed to gulps and my heart raced at the thought of hearing his voice.

I knew he would pick up within two rings, he always did. Unless the phone was off and then it was four rings and voice mail. There'd be no message, just a beep.

I waited as I heard the first ring, my leg jiggling up and down.

The second ring.

Oh! He was about to answer. I was about to hear his voice.

My hands were shaking, I was beyond nervous, beyond excited, and I wondered frantically what I was going to say. _I love you and I know you love me, please come home? _Or maybe,_ hey Edward, want to explain my birthday presents under the floor? _

Third ring.

Okay, it was probably going to voicemail. He could be hunting. Should I leave a message? Maybe not, perhaps I should try again, wait until I could speak to him properly.

Fourth ring.

I swallowed, and prepared for the beep. Maybe I could just ask him to call me.

_Beep._

An automated message.

_... the number you have dialed is no longer in use ... the number you have dialed is no longer in use ..._

My phone went the same way as my sneaker.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. **

**Quote in italics from Twilight - copyright Stephenie Meyer**


	2. Chapter 2: And So It Begins

**Sorry this was so long coming ... the next chapters should be quicker.**

**I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

I stood outside the Forks Post Office, hands shoved deep in pockets, stomping my feet against the cold, watching Mrs Morgan turn the _Closed_ sign to _Open._

It was Tuesday, first business day after New Year, first day back at school ... and I was about to take my first step in finding Edward.

Mrs Morgan smiled as she opened the door for me.

"You're up and about early this morning. It's Bella Swan, isn't it?"

"Yes, hi Mrs Morgan."

Her smile was warm and friendly and she tried, unsuccessfully, to push back some wayward hairs that had escaped the bun at the back of her head.

"How can I help you, Bella?" She moved across the floor and took her official position behind the counter while she continued to poke at her hair. "Doesn't look like you have anything to post."

Her eyes travelled to my empty hands.

"No, I, um ... I wanted to ask something."

Mrs Morgan clasped her hands together as she rested her forearms on the counter. She leant forward, still smiling.

"Ask away."

---

The night before, when I'd discovered Edward had disconnected his phone, I'd been angry.

Angry and frustrated and then a deep feeling of helplessness, almost panic, had overtaken me. I'd pulled at my hair, breathing fast, wondering what on earth I could do.

And then I'd thought I had the answer when I'd realised just how much my hands were shaking.

I'd trodden over the pieces of my broken phone, wrenched open the door and half run, half stumbled, down the stairs, two at a time, to the kitchen.

I'd snatched up the phone, taken a breath and carefully, slowly, dialed his number again, buoyed by the faint hope that in my angry, excited, _shaky_ state upstairs my fingers had hit a wrong button.

But they hadn't.

The same cold message of disconnection had come through and somehow, it had seemed worse the second time. I'd slammed the phone back on the hook then leant my head against the wall, trying to take some more deep breaths.

But a moment later I'd lifted the phone and stabbed angrily at the keypad again as I dialed a different number this time.

Alice.

I'd waited, three rings, then ...

... _the number you have dialed is no longer in use ..._

I'd nodded as I'd hung up, hard. Of course Alice's phone would be disconnected too - Edward was nothing if not thorough.

I'd stomped back up the stairs, thankful that Charlie's basketball game was so engrossing, and thrown myself onto the bed. I'd reached over and snapped off the lamp and lay in the dark, watching the curtains ripple softly around the open window, trying to calm myself. Trying to think. Slowly, the powerful mix of excitement and anger had begun to fade and I'd taken a few shaky breaths as I'd tried to get my head around what had actually happened. I'd rubbed my hands over my face roughly as I'd thought.

Edward still loved me. He had always loved me.

And he loved me so much that he had ruined his own happiness to keep me safe ... from himself, from his world.

And he was out there, somewhere, with a broken heart, knowing he'd hurt me, knowing he'd played on my insecurities, and believing that I thought he didn't love me.

And I didn't know how to find him.

The CD and the box of tickets had still been at the foot of my bed and I'd picked them up and set them gently on the bedside table. Then I'd held the photo in a stream of moonlight and traced his face again as I shook my head.

"_You_ are in so much trouble," I'd murmured and some slow tears had fallen down my cheeks.

I hadn't known it was possible to feel so utterly happy, and so crushingly sad, all at once. I just wanted to curl up in the warm euphoria that came from knowing he loved me, but I couldn't. The agony of knowing he was somewhere, shattered and hurting, consumed me - it was greater, even, than the pain of the last three months, when I had thought he didn't love me.

Instead I had stared at his face in the photo and wondered when and where our reunion would be.

Because there would be a reunion ... I just had to work out how.

---

Now I took a deep breath as Mrs Morgan watched me closely. I was trying not to let the hope get the better of me. This was a long-shot, I knew that, but so far it was all I could come up with.

"Um, I was just wondering ... when the Cullens left town, did they leave a forwarding address?"

I waited for Mrs Morgan's response. She was silent for a moment, and then it appeared, the slow, sad smile of understanding. Inwardly I cringed. I knew how this seemed ... poor abandoned Bella Swan, desperate and stalking her ex-boyfriend.

And for a split second I was taken aback by my own thought.

Was that what I was doing? Stalking him? I chewed on my lip and focused on my feet as I thought, quickly.

No. I was just trying to find him. Finding, not stalking. That was different, wasn't it?

Wasn't it?

Then I shrugged a little to myself and looked up again, resolved, determined.

So what if this was stalking ... he'd climbed through my window to watch me sleep for weeks before I knew he was doing it. He'd followed me to Port Angeles. He'd watched me through the thoughts of others.

I'd learned from the best.

And if this _was_ stalking ... I didn't care, as long as I found him.

I put on a bright, un-stalkerish smile and kept talking like my question didn't sound sad and pathetic.

"It's just, I have something of Edward's I want to return."

Her sad smile blossomed into full-on pity. In return, my defiant smile widened as Mrs Morgan shook her head.

"I'm sorry, honey, they didn't leave an address." She used a slow, soft voice, as though talking to a sick child, and I felt my skin prickle with irritation. But beyond the tone of her voice, her actual words hit me hard and I could feel the disappointment, swelling and growing. I pushed it back. It would have to wait until I was safely in my truck. I was used to hiding my emotions.

"That's okay," I said, grinning like a maniac now. "I'll just give it to him next time I see him. Thank you."

And I turned to walk out the door.

"Didn't they go to Los Angeles? I heard that Dr Cullen told the hospital he was taking a job there."

Yeah, all of Forks had heard that story. Sparkly vampires in sunny LA? I didn't think so.

"Yes, thank you."

"I'm sorry I can't be more help," she continued. "But they never got much mail, anyway."

I reached for the door handle, nodding, still smiling. My cheeks were starting to hurt.

"And there's been hardly anything come in since they left, which is kind of unusual when people move away. Normally we get mail for a few weeks, even months, that we have to redirect or return, but not for them."

She was frowning now, the pity-face gone, as she considered this problem. She turned to the computer and began clicking the mouse. "We record undeliverable items when they come in ... ," she murmured as she clicked.

My eyes widened and my heart sped up a little. Was she really going to tell me about the Cullens' undeliverable mail? Surely that would breach some sort of privacy law, but there was no way I was going to question it. No way. I felt a small surge of hope, maybe there was something ....

"Just a _Vogue_ magazine ... ,"

Vogue. That would be Alice, she had a subscription.

"A Tiffany catalogue for E Cullen ... ,"

"Tiffany?"

She looked at me over the screen and smiled. "The jewellers, you know? Have you seen the Audrey Hepburn movie?"

I nodded. "Yes, I know Tiffany's." E Cullen, that would be Esme, she had some stunning pieces of jewellery.

Mrs Morgan looked back at the screen.

"And a letter from the University Hospital in Chicago addressed to Dr Cullen."

I nodded again. Carlisle.

"The items all arrived in September, not long after they left. All returned to sender."

The hope flickered and died. There was nothing there.

"Sorry I can't be any more help." The pity face was back as she poked at some more loose hairs that had swung free.

I tried to keep my smile in place, cheeks burning, as I said thank you and opened the door again.

---

The bitter chill of January hit me as I stepped outside but I didn't notice. The bite of disappointment was deeper than the cold.

Deep inside me a spark of panic flared as I got into my truck and started the engine. What if I couldn't find him, what if I _never_ found him, what if ...?

No! No _what if's._ I'd known the forwarding address was unlikely, I just had to keep going, that's all. There'd be something else to point me in the right direction, there had to be.

I turned my truck around and headed for school, thinking hard as I drove. In my mind I pictured what I'd say when I saw him again. I began rehearsing speeches where I'd tell him he didn't get to decide for me, that he didn't make the rules. And I'd tell him I love him, and that I knew he loved me. The images warmed me and dulled the disappointment a little - until I remembered there wouldn't be a reunion if I couldn't find him. So I set my thoughts in a different direction.

I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Edward could be anywhere in the world. Any state, any country, any continent. He had ninety years experience at hiding and evasion.

He had practically unlimited funds.

And I didn't.

So what did that mean? Did I think I was going to fly off to the far corners of the earth on a whim or a hunch? And if my hunch was wrong, could I just pick another point on the map and fly there?

No, of course I couldn't.

I sniffed back some tears as the panic fluttered again. I took a breath and pushed it back down.

I had my modest college fund. If I was flying anywhere I'd have to be fairly sure he was going to be at the other end because there wouldn't be many second chances.

And my parents? I shook my head at the thought.

I could probably tell Renee I was trying to find myself. She'd be happy with that, heck, she'd encourage it. In fact, I decided that she'd probably pack my bags for me and drive me to the airport!

But Charlie ....

I knew I'd have to come up with a more substantial story for my Dad ... a _really _good one. The f_inding myself _argument wouldn't work with him and the truth definitely wasn't an option - there was no way he'd let me run off chasing Edward Cullen, whether I was eighteen or eighty.

_Eighty._

A bone-deep chill washed through me and I quickly dismissed that thought, not wanting to even consider that it could take that long to find him.

I pulled into the school car park and rummaged in my bag for the list I'd written sometime in the early hours of the morning.

The list of everything I knew about Edward Cullen.

I had thought it might give me some clue where to start. It hadn't taken long to write and when I'd finished I'd been disappointed to see it wasn't much of a list at all.

He'd lived in Denali, in Alaska, with another family of vampires. But I'd discovered, via Google, that Denali was a huge area of national park that contained several small villages, and I didn't know which one had been his home. He'd been to a school in Canada, but I didn't know which one. He'd been to Harvard. He liked running, music, fast cars and mountain lions. He played the piano. He'd been born in Chicago in 1901, his mother was Elizabeth and his father was Edward Snr. He'd _died_ in 1918. He'd been an only child.

But there were so many other things I knew about him, things not on my list.

He was gentle and affectionate. He was loving, caring, protective and clever. His lips could make me breathless and his fingers could make me sigh. He could make me laugh with just the lift of an eyebrow or the quirk of his mouth.

He had told me every day that he loved me.

My breath shuddered as some tears spilled onto the paper. How must he have felt when I'd believed his lie so easily? It must have crushed him.

The bell for first period rang and I sniffed back my tears and rubbed my hands over my face. I balanced the list on my knee and wrote quickly ...

_Vogue magazine_

Tiffany catalogue

University Hospital Chicago

I couldn't see how they were important, but right now it was all I had.

---------

School was harder than I thought it would be. I'd been used to pushing away the Edward memories, but now that they'd been unlocked and allowed out, they came at me, loud and clear, everywhere I went.

The lockers, the classrooms, the hallways, even the janitor's closet - he'd once joked about locking Mike Newton in there.

I _think_ he'd been joking.

As the morning wore on I wasn't sure what was happening to me. I felt jumpy and teary, excited and anxious. And everything, _everything_, paled into nothing against the increasingly frantic need to find Edward. I couldn't concentrate on lessons or the conversations of my friends. I laughed too loud at some things and almost cried at others.

By third period I was exhausted. It was a study period and instead of going to the library I went to the car park and shut myself in my truck.

For the past three months I'd been numb, in an emotional stupor. And now that stupor had been lifted and the deluge of feelings was overwhelming me and I couldn't keep up.

I'd gone from feeling almost nothing for three months, to feeling _everything,_ all at once. It had started last night and then rollercoastered today.

Every moment, every thought, every memory, brought its own, different emotion. Happiness, anger, fear, love, panic, worry, sadness, frustration.

And it didn't help that last night I'd barely slept and this morning my post office plan had failed.

I took a couple of shaky breaths, laid down across the front seats and started to cry.

I'd cried a lot since Edward left me. I'd cried a lot since I'd found my gifts. I'd cried in sadness and loss and frustration and anger and happiness. I'd cried for me. I'd cried for him. But now, in my car, in the cold, with my cheek pressed against the old, cracked leather and the gear stick pressing into my hip ... I just cried.

Not for any specific reason or purpose or person ... I just cried.

The crying felt like it went on for a long time. It probably did. The seat was wet, my neck was wet, the collar of my shirt, too. But eventually I stopped. I sat up, gulping some breaths and feeling ... calmer.

I rubbed my hands over my face and sighed. Things seemed a bit different now, a bit clearer, more settled.

Finding Edward was still my focus, I wouldn't give up until I found him, but the panic was gone. I felt like the rollercoaster had glided to a stop. I could see now that I needed to be strong to do this. _Edward_ needed me strong, because I was pretty sure he _wouldn't_ be, when I found him. My powerful, indestructible vampire was going to need taking care of.

The bell for lunch period was about to ring. I climbed out of my truck and hurried to the bathroom. My face was desperately in need of cold water.

---

The rest of the day was better. I was able to focus in class and I joined in some of the conversation at lunch and at 3.30pm I was halfway to Port Angeles with Angela and Jessica. They were going to check out a new store that had opened and I had originally said _no_ when they'd invited me. I'd been keen to get home and research Denali again, but then I'd remembered I needed a new phone.

Angela was driving and Jess was talking. The big news of the day had been Callum McLeod, the new boy. Jess was gushing over him as Angela negotiated the road through the heavy rain that spattered and slashed at the windows. It seemed Jess was over her break-up with Mike.

"Sooo cute," she sighed. "So blonde, and I've never seen eyes that blue, have you?"

"Um, no," Angela answered and I shook my head when Jess looked at me for my opinion.

"No, I haven't."

Jess nodded in approval. "It's a shame he's only here for three months, I hope his Dad's dig takes longer."

"His Dad's what?" I asked and she rolled her eyes at me.

"Weren't you listening at lunch, Bella?"

"Um ... ," I thought I had been, but it was possible I was still getting over my meltdown. And I had to admit I'd probably switched off a bit when Jess brought Callum over to introduce him like he was her news for Social Studies. He had seemed friendly and slightly bemused by Jess' bouncing enthusiasm as she had sat him down, launching into question time while beside her Mike stabbed at his meatloaf with a plastic fork.

Now, she took a deep breath and began a recap for my benefit.

"His Dad's an archaeologist at UCLA. He goes on digs and Callum usually goes with him but this time he's somewhere in the middle east and he didn't want to take Callum because he thought it was too dangerous so Callum's staying with his aunt near Ranier instead." She stopped for air.

"Oh, okay." I remembered now.

"And he'll sit next to _you_ in English and History, Bella. And Biology. They're the only empty seats in those classes." She pouted a little.

"Have you worked out where he'll be sitting in his classes?" Angela stared in surprise for a second before she turned quickly back to the road. Jess just shrugged.

I was surprised, too. Not just by the slightly unsettling depth of Jess' interest in the timetable of a boy she'd just met, but at the thought of someone else sitting in the seats that used to be Edward's. The idea hurt and for a moment and my stomach tightened.

_Stop it. It doesn't mean anything. They're just chairs. It doesn't mean he's not coming back. _

I gave myself a little shake and focused back on the conversation.

"Maybe Callum will like it here so much he'll want to stay." Jess was musing as she stared out the window. "Or maybe not," she added softly, almost to herself. "He likes music and computers but he doesn't like the rain."

Angela shook her head and smiled. "Do you know his shoe size, Jess? Or his favourite colour?" she asked with good humour.

"Blue," Jess sighed and then she looked up, sheepish, and we all laughed. But as I chuckled a sudden thought came to me and I didn't much think before I spoke.

"Jess, did the Cullens ever mention where they lived in Alaska?"

She looked at me surprised. Then she looked at Angela and back at me again.

"Can we talk about the Cullens now?" she asked in all innocence.

I felt myself starting to blush.

"It's ... I was just wondering ... I, um, there was a documentary on the television the other night about Alaska and I just ... wondered." My voice trailed off as I adjusted my seat belt.

"No," said Jess simply. "I asked ... _Edward_ once." She said his name carefully, trying to be sensitive. "But he just said it was a very small town and I wouldn't have heard of it." She turned to Angela. "Did you ever know?" she asked.

Angela turned slightly to look at me. "No, sorry," she said softly.

"It doesn't matter," I said brightly. "I was just wondering."

"Didn't he tell you?" Jess asked.

"No. And ... ," Now that I thought about it, "I guess I never asked."

And now I wished I'd never asked Jessica. I could practically read her mind. I was sure she didn't believe my television lie and she would be dying of curiosity now. Thankfully Angela changed the subject.

"What sort of phone are you going to get, Bella?" We were driving past the _Welcome to Port Angeles_ sign.

"Just a basic one, nothing fancy." Something cheap so I don't dip too much into my _Find Edward Fund._

"What happened to your old one?" Jess asked.

"It broke," I said and turned to look out the window.

Half an hour later I was the owner of a brand new, base-model Nokia and we were browsing through _Beans, Beats and Books._ It was a new store that was part café, part music store, part book shop. Apparently there would be live music every weekend.

I'd already checked out the book department. From what I could smell, the coffee was good, and now I was examining their music section.

"This is great." Angela smiled as she brushed past me and I nodded.

The range of music was varied and they even had a good selection of indie artists. Edward would like it. Well, the books and music, anyway. I would bring him here, when I found him.

I was flicking through random CDs, not really looking at them, wondering how long it would take me to visit each village in Denali. But suddenly one CD caught my eye and I stopped and picked it out.

David Bowie, _Hunky Dory._

My heart tightened and suddenly it was last August again.

My hand was clasped firmly in Edward's as he led me into his room. He closed the door behind us and gently moved his hands to my back, rubbing up and down slowly. He smiled as he lowered his head to kiss me softly. I wanted to throw my arms around him and press myself hard against him, but he had rules about things like that and I was trying to be good. Instead I rested my hands on his upper arms, sliding them up to his shoulders, linking them behind his neck, letting my fingers play in the hair there. It was so soft.

"Mm, I like it when you do that," he whispered, lifting his lips from mine and resting his forehead on my shoulder as my fingers kept playing. His whole body felt as though it was relaxing under my touch and it thrilled me that I could do that for him. I changed my action from soft finger tips to finger nails, dragging lightly over the skin. He shivered and his body tensed again. He pulled back, his hands sitting lightly on my hips now. His amber eyes were smiling, but apologetic. He wouldn't let our kissing go too far, but some touches and caresses he was happy to explore ... to a point.

We'd obviously reached that point.

"Music?" he asked suddenly, pulling away.

"Um, sure."

He turned and walked over to the shelves that were laden with CDs and vinyl record albums.

"What would you like?" he asked, dragging his palm over his cheek as he frowned at the shelves. I folded myself onto the floor, cross-legged.

"Surprise me," I said gamely. I knew his taste was varied and he turned to look at me, a sceptical eyebrow raised.

"Really?"

I nodded. "Uh huh."

He grinned. "Alright then." And I giggled that this made his so happy.

He turned back to the shelves, stepping closer and running a long finger over the many CDs and albums. He'd pause here and there, considering. A couple of times he'd start to pull something out then push it back, shaking his head.

"The Pogues? Maybe the Velvet Underground?" he muttered to himself at one point as he turned to look at me. I smiled and he shook his head, no, before turning back to his task.

I picked at the gold carpet and waited, watching his back, the gentle roll of his shoulders and the sway of his hips as he moved slowly, gracefully, along the shelves, obviously putting a great deal of thought into his selection. It was lovely watching Edward from behind, I wondered if he knew that.

Finally he made a choice and pulled an album from the shelf.

"What did you decide?" I asked.

"David Bowie's _Hunky Dory_ from 1971," he said and pulled the black vinyl record from its sleeve. He balanced it carefully, flat on the tips of his long fingers as he bowed his head a little and pursed his lips. He blew softly across the record's surface to dislodge microscopic specs of dust that only he would see. I watched, mesmerised as his hair fell over his forehead, his lips perfectly puckered as they blew gently, the action emphasising his cheekbones. I felt my heart pick up as I wondered how such a simple action could be so ... mmmm. Then he smirked, just a little, obviously hearing my tell-tale heart. He turned his head, smiled for a second then blew me a kiss. I blushed, surprised, and he chuckled softly as he lifted the lid on the record player, set the record down and adjusted the needle. There was soft crackling and the sound of early Bowie filled the room.

"You might recognise some of these," Edward said as he walked back to me.

I was looking down, trying to hide the blush that still covered my cheeks and no doubt most of my neck. I was just so obvious.

"I think I know this one," I said as I recognised the song.

"_Changes,_" Edward nodded. "You might know _Life on Mars_, too."

He sat on the floor next to me, leaning back on his hands, legs stretched out, ankles crossed. His arm was brushing gently against my shoulder and we began playing footsie with each other. His toes were cold and made me giggle as he ran them along my instep.

I jerked my foot away and when I brought it back he stroked it gently with his - no tickles this time. I smiled up at him and he gave me his crooked smile back.

My eyes wandered to the album cover sitting beside him on the floor.

"So this is from the glam rock era?" I asked, remembering some of Renee's albums in her collection.

"Yes," Edward answered surprised. "You know about glam-rock?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not _that_ young, Edward. I've been around."

He laughed and so did I.

"Renee had a thing for Elton John once," I explained. "She has some of his early albums."

He closed his eyes, smiling, and shook his head. "Please don't tell me I share your mother's musical tastes."

I laughed again. "Why not? What's wrong with that?" One thing about Renee, her taste in music wasn't too bad.

He opened his eyes and looked at me, smiling softly. "It would make me feel very old."

"You are very old." I joked. Then I reached up and kissed him and he wound his hands in my hair.

"Not too old, I hope," he whispered softly against my lips.

"No. Definitely not too old."

Suddenly, he lifted me into his lap and I laughed in surprise.

"What are you doing?"

"You were too far away over there," he said and his lips traced lightly over my jaw for just a moment as he snuggled me into his lap.

"Too far away? I was right next to you."

"Mm, exactly. Too far away."

He pulled me tighter against him, his fingers trailing softly up and down my arm, giving me goosebumps.

"So do you like it?" he asked after a moment and he motioned his head towards the record player as the next song started playing.

"Oh, well, it's interesting," I offered and he smiled.

"I can put something else on if you'd like. Something more recent."

"No, this is good." Then I giggled as I looked at the album cover again.

"What?" he murmured as he nudged my ear with his nose.

"Edward, did you ever wear sparkly platform shoes?"

I was teasing him and I tilted my head to see his face. The corner of his mouth twisted upward in a smile

"No," he said, and kissed the top of my head. "They would clash with my sparkly skin."

My mouth dropped open in a surprised gasp and he laughed, his chest vibrating against me as he rumpled my hair with his hand.

"I just liked some of the music, Bella, not the clothes. I was in London when this came out."

London?

"Were you at school there?"

"No. We were having a rest from school." I was about to ask what he meant when he groaned suddenly and rolled onto his back, bringing me with him.

"What?" I asked. He eyes were screwed shut.

"Emmett's home."

"So?"

Edward sighed, eyes still closed, grimacing slightly, obviously listening-in to thoughts or conversations I couldn't hear.

"He has plans this evening with Rosalie," he said after a moment. "He wants a _nice_ car. He wants the Vanquish."

"What about Rose's car? That's nice."

He shook his head. "He wants speed. The Vanquish is faster."

"Will you let him?"

"No." His tone was firm and final.

"I heard that! Hi Bella!" Emmett's voice boomed up from downstairs and I giggled.

"Hi Emmett," I said at normal volume, knowing he'd hear.

Suddenly Edward sat up, his brow furrowed slightly. Smoothly he moved me off his lap, setting me carefully on the floor. He walked quickly to an old silver trophy cup high on his shelf where I knew he kept his car keys. He reached inside and his eyes widened, then narrowed, as he pulled his fingers out again, empty.

"Emmett!" He all but flew out the door and I was left wondering what was going on. I started to stand up, meaning to follow, when there was an almighty crash, the sound of stone against stone.

It was followed by another crash, and then another, then the sound of breaking wood, and then finally ....

"Ow! You don't fight fair, Edward!"

A second later Edward appeared back in the doorway, startling me. I hadn't even fully stood yet. He was twirling a set of keys around his finger and there was a smug smile on his face as he walked back to the shelf and dropped them, clattering, into the silver cup.

"Nobody drives the Vanquish," he muttered.

I started to laugh as he walked back to me, a single eyebrow raised.

"Where were we?" he grinned but then he stopped and he dropped his head back as he let out an exasperated sigh. A second later I heard Emmett's voice again.

"Watch out, Bella!" he called. "Bowie always makes him really crabby!"

"Really?" I called back as Edward sat down again and pulled me back into his lap. I kissed him softly and played with the hair at the back of his neck. He made a purring sound and held me close, nuzzling my neck with his nose. I gasped a little as I answered Emmett.

"He doesn't seem crabby to me."

---

"Are you ready to go, Bella?" Jess' voice brought me back to the present with a jolt and I dropped the CD.

"Geez, Bella, jumpy much?"

I bent to pick up the CD and put it back in its slot.

"Yeah, I'm ready, lets go," I muttered. I shoved my hands in my pockets and started following her between the shelves and counters, past the tables and puffy leather stools, towards the doors where Angela was waiting.

There was a magazine section near the cash registers and Jess slowed down.

"So many ... ," she breathed and then gave a little squeal. "I didn't see that before! Look!"

She picked up one of the glossy copies and started flicking through.

"_Teen Vogue_? There's a _Vogue_ for teenagers?"

Jess nodded enthusiastically, not even looking up as she pored over the pages. In the middle of the magazine was an order form and she made another excited little noise.

"Ooh, I know what I'm asking my Mom to get me for my birthday."

"A magazine?"

"Nooo," she said with a deliberate eye roll. "A gift subscription."

"Oh."

My eyes travelled along the rack as I continued on towards the door where Angela was still waiting.

Jess was right, so many magazines. So many _Vogue's. _

_Vogue, Teen Vogue, Vogue Living, Vogue Bride, Vogue Entertaining ...._

The idea hit me, fast and sudden and my heart started racing. It wasn't a lightbulb coming on over my head, it was floodlights and at that moment I could have kissed Jessica Stanley.

-------------

The _Vogue _website was on my computer screen, my new cell phone was at my ear.

"Subscriptions, this is Amy, how can I help you today?"

"Um, I'd like to order a gift subscription, please."

"Certainly, ma'am, which magazine would you like to subscribe?"

"Um, _Vogue Living_?"

"Certainly, ma'am. Would that be one year, two year or three year?"

"Oh, just one year, please."

"In what name?"

"Alice Cullen."

"And the address where the issues will be sent?"

I took a deep breath. Here came the tricky part.

"She already has a subscription to _Vogue._ Can this one be sent to the same address? Not the Forks address. The new one."

I held my breath.

There was silence for a moment and I could hear the clicking of the keyboard.

"Yes. We can do that. But there will be an extra charge per issue to cover the postage."

"But, I thought postage was included?"

"Only within the US, ma'am. There's an extra charge if it's going international."

"International?" It was a whisper, my breath had left me and my hand gripped the phone, tight. I had my first _real_ piece of information and I was excited. But they weren't in America anymore and my excitement wavered.

"Ma'am? Are you still there, ma'am?"

"Oh, yes. Sorry. So, um ... ," I was trying to gather my thoughts.

"Do you want to go ahead, ma'am?"

"Yes. Yes, please. Um, what address do you have?"

There was a pause, I could hear her hesitating.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I can't give out specific address details. If you tell me the address I can confirm if it is what I have in the system, but I'm afraid I can't actually tell you that information." Her voice was guarded, wary, and I felt a flare of embarrassment, realising that I was probably stalking again.

No. Not stalking, _finding._

"Sure, I understand. Just send it to the current address. And I can include a message with it, can't I?"

This was the crux of the whole exercise.

"Certainly, ma'am. We'll include one of our gift cards with the first issue. What would you like it to say?"

I'd thought about this, ever since I'd seen the Gift Subscription Order Form in the magazine Jessica was looking through. Obviously I couldn't say everything I wanted to, so I'd decided to keep it simple.

"Could it say, _Dear Alice, Please tell Edward thank you for the gifts, I found them and I understand. I miss you all, please call me. Love, Bella._"

I could hear the keyboard clicking again and when Amy spoke her voice had lost its formal tone.

"Is that ... everything?"

Obviously it wasn't the standard message.

"Yes, that's everything."

"Alright, I'll just go over the order with you."

She read back the details, told me the price and I gave her my credit card number.

"The subscription will start from the February issue and will be despatched in about three weeks."

Three weeks. In three weeks Alice would be hearing from me. I wondered if Edward was with her, if he'd be there when the magazine arrived.

For the first time in three months I felt real hope.


	3. Chapter 3: Patience

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

If I was a vampire, running away after breaking my own heart and the heart of the person I love ... where would I go?

I stared at the Vogue website on my monitor and started chewing on my lip, thinking. The information I'd just had from Amy wasn't much, but it had given me lots to think about.

I scrolled aimlessly through the site and smiled. Alice had always told me, _fashion is your friend._ Maybe she was right.

The hope I felt was growing into excitement and my smile widened. The photo of Edward and me sat on the desk, beside my keyboard and I gently touched the image of his face with my finger tips. But the thought of waiting three weeks to hear something ... no, possibly _four_ weeks by the time the magazine reached its mystery destination ... was hard, and I wondered how I was going to wait that long.

I stood up and began to wander around my room. The phone was still in my hand and I was tapping it against my cheek as I tried to think where the Cullens could be.

My old children's Atlas was on the shelf, the one Charlie had bought me when I was nine. I grabbed it and turned to the centre pages where a poster sized map of the world was folded in place. I pulled the map out and after a battle in which it tried to re-fold itself, I eventually managed to pin it onto my notice board. Then I stepped back to look.

I could probably eliminate most of the southern hemisphere ... it wasn't like the Cullens would run off to South America. I smiled at an image of Edward walking along the beaches of Brazil, sparkling in the sunlight. For a second I let myself wonder what he'd look like in a swimsuit. Did he even have a swimsuit? I'd never even seen his legs, and then I felt the heat of my blush.

I focused back on the map.

Were the Cullens even together?

Was Edward alone?

My heart twisted at the thought and I hoped he wasn't.

But if Edward _wasn't_ with the others, Alice would know where he was - she would _see_ him.

Then I wondered if Alice had seen _me_ as I'd sat at my desk, made my decision and dialed the subscription number for _Vogue._

And suddenly my excitement went up a notch or ten.

If she'd seen me, then maybe I wouldn't have to wait weeks for the magazine to arrive. Maybe she'd see it was coming and call me before it got there.

She might even know already!

But would she call me?

The tiny voice of doubt came from nowhere.

My excitement faded as my eyes trailed across the brightly coloured continents.

They'd actually left the country to get away from me.

They'd disconnected their phones.

And suddenly ... that hurt.

Would it really have been so bad if I'd called?

They'd gone to such extremes to cut me off, maybe they wouldn't want ...

I didn't let myself finish that thought. I took a deep breath and shook it off, refusing to let my old insecurities take hold.

Edward loved me, I knew that. And I loved Edward. I'd find him and then ... well, then we'd go from there.

My doubts completely forgotten a second later when the kitchen phone rang and I practically threw myself down the stairs in my hurry to answer it.

_... please be Alice ... please be Alice ...please be Alice ..._

Or Edward!

If the Cullens _were_ all together then maybe he'd seen Alice's vision and ... oh! Oh! OH!

EDWARD!

I was taking the stairs three at a time and I stumbled on the last step, banged into the wall, fell onto my hands and knees and then did a sort of scramble crawl into the kitchen as I tried to stand up.

I snatched up the phone and practically yelled into the receiver.

"Hello! Hello!"

"Bella! You _are_ alive then!"

"Jacob?"

My stomach dropped and I had to bite my lip, hard, to stop the sob that rose up in my throat. My eyes were screwed shut, like that would somehow stop the disappointment that threatened to swallow me and I cursed myself silently for letting my excitement get the better of me.

"We've been knocking for ten minutes," Jake chuckled as he continued. "Are you okay? We were about to break down the door."

I took some quick, deep breaths. There were tears stinging behind my eyes and there was a bitter taste in my mouth. I guess that's what the old saying means ... to taste bitter disappointment.

"No, I'm okay. Where are you? Are you outside?"

I moved into the kitchen doorway and tried to see through to the living room windows.

"Yeah. I'm here with Sam. We've come to fix the hole in the ceiling ... if you'll let us in."

He chuckled again and the weakest of smiles crossed my lips.

"Yeah, I'll let you in."

I hung up and leant against the door frame. My heart was pounding and so was my head. I looked down at my ankle where a bruise was already starting to bloom. I gave it a rub and winced. If this was going to happen every time the phone rang I would be black and blue before the magazine even went to print.

...

I gave myself a stern talking to while Jake and Sam cut and filled and plastered. They worked quickly, Sam clearly knew what he was doing. So I sat on the sofa watching, handing up tools when they were needed, adjusting the drop cloths to catch the dust, and firmly reminding myself that Alice didn't _see_ everything. She'd told me that herself, once. And the things she did see were usually related to the people she was closest to.

And I wasn't close to her.

Not any more.

"Can you pass the trowel, Bella?"

Jake's voice startled me a little. I looked up and he was smiling at me from one of the two ladders they'd brought with them. Sam was on the other, supporting the new piece of plaster in its place.

"Sure." I handed up the tool then wondered if I should have checked out the hole before they'd arrived. I was still missing the other photo of Edward, the one of him smiling in the kitchen, and it occurred to me that it might still be in the ceiling.

Too late now, the hole was sealed. I let out a sigh and wondered how hard it was to lift floorboards.

Jake passed the trowel back to me and I sat back on the sofa and continued to lecture myself, silently.

So if I didn't hear from Alice straight away, it didn't mean I wasn't going to hear anything at all.

I'd just have to be patient and assume it would be a month or so before I heard something. That's if the mail was on time.

I remembered the year that Renee went through her holistic medicine phase and she'd subscribed to a magazine from London. March hadn't arrived until August and June didn't turn up at all. And that was mail going between two major cities.

Alice was probably somewhere remote, so who knew how regular the mail delivery was.

I started seeing images of a rickety mail train, stalled and snow-bound on an icy tundra.

No!

A potentially questionable mail service was _not_ going to keep me from finding Edward Cullen. I decided then I needed my eggs in more than one basket.

Sam and Jake finished just as Charlie arrived home. My Dad was happy with the repairs, Jake apologised again and promised to come back over the weekend to paint over the patch.

I cooked dinner, we ate quietly as usual, neither of us saying much, and then, as I limped up the stairs, anxious to try my luck with _Tiffany_ and the hospital in Chicago, Charlie stopped me with a gentle hand on my arm.

"Bells, before you go upstairs," he said quietly and I started to feel wary. "I was thinking ... well, you've seemed different the last couple of weeks, even the last couple of days."

I nodded, wondering where this was going.

"Are you feeling better about ... things?"

I thought for a moment. I knew what _things_ meant. Better? Maybe that was one word for it. For the sake of this conversation it would do.

"Yeah, I'm feeling better." Don't mention the stalking.

"Good, that's ... good."

I thought I saw some relief in his expression. "Because I was thinking, you should probably start doing some more college applications."

That really threw me and I felt my stomach tighten in knots.

"Um, I've done one, remember?"

It was back in November and had been linked with Charlie's Jacksonville threat. I'd applied to Washington State University, English Lit. I couldn't even remember what I wrote in my essay.

"You want to put all your eggs in one basket, Bella?"

No! I'm on my way to fix that problem right now.

"No. I don't, Dad, you're right. I'll go see the Counselor tomorrow."

Charlie gave a quick smile. "Good." Then he looked around towards the living room. "Well, guess I'll just .... ," and he didn't finish his sentence as he headed for the flat screen and I kept on my way up the stairs.

I sat at my desk and groaned as I dropped my head into my hands.

Two weeks before, at the New Year's Eve bonfire I'd told Jake I was going to college in the Fall. I'd meant it, it had been a turning point for me in some ways. But now? I hadn't given it another thought since I'd found my birthday gifts.

Right now I wasn't thinking any further ahead than four weeks away.

Was I still going to college? How was that going to fit in with my plans to find Edward? I considered for a moment.

All the same arguments from my Christmas epiphany were there. Nothing had really changed. The mad old lady of Forks was still looming, I realised, only now she wasn't waiting for her lost love, she was _trying_ _to look_ for him.

Poor Bella Swan. She's forty ... sixty ... eighty ... and still visits the post office every day in case some mis-addressed mail has come in for the Cullens.

It wasn't a pretty picture and it made me shiver.

I'd go to college. It would have to fit in. Because, and my stomach rolled at the thought, it could take a long time to find Edward. And I'd need a good job with a solid income if I was planning on travelling and trekking off to who knows where.

And if I never found him?

Just the thought of that stopped the breath in my chest. But even if I didn't find him ... I was still going to need a life.

But I wouldn't think like that right now. I turned on the computer and typed _Tiffany & Co_ into the search engine.

...

Disappointment was swift.

William, the customer relations officer, wouldn't even tell me if they had an Esme Cullen on their catalogue mailing list. Or E Cullen. Or Mrs Cullen.

Stupid privacy policy.

But I wasn't deterred. I still had the University Hospital in Chicago.

Mrs Morgan had said the envelope was addressed to Dr Cullen so this time I took some liberties and hoped it would get me further.

I told the receptionist I was Dr Cullen's secretary and I was following up on some correspondence that hadn't arrived.

But my story fell apart when the receptionist asked me what the correspondence was regarding, or did I have a contact name at the hospital.

I had to say I didn't know.

"And Dr Cullen is away right now. I can't ask him," I added.

I knew how lame it sounded and her heavy sigh told me that this call was about to end.

But I was surprised when instead she called me _honey_ and made a comment about doctors expecting everyone to be mind readers.

"It's after office hours here now," she said. "But I'll get your number and leave a message for the morning shift. Hopefully we'll be able to hunt your letter down and someone will give you a call tomorrow."

I stammered and stuttered my shocked thanks and my cell number and hung up.

Now I had eggs in two baskets.

* * *

The next morning I limped into third period History, still nursing my hope, a vivid purple bruise and now a stack of college brochures and application forms, courtesy of Miss Alvarez, the school counselor.

I set my books on my desk and pulled my Edward list out of my pocket.

The night before I had added some notes.

_Tiffany -_ nothing. William was obstructive and unhelpful!

_Vogue magazine -_ subscription ordered, 1.3.10. **ETA approx 2.3.10**

_University Hospital Chicago - waiting on call back_

I'd even circled the ETA date on the calendar in my room. It was a rough guess, but it was something.

At the bottom I'd written some new points.

... _Alice overseas. Other Cullens ???_ ... _No sun ... northern hemisphere??? Canada, maybe???_

The chair beside me scraped over the floor and I quickly folded my list and put it back in my pocket.

"Hi Bella." It was a friendly voice and I turned to see that Jessica had been right, Callum McLeod _was_ going to be sitting next to me.

"Hi."

"Is it okay if I sit here?"

It was going to feel strange to have someone sitting next to me after three months alone. And it felt wrong that it wasn't Edward. I remembered how he would sit with one arm draped over the back of my chair, his fingers playing in my hair while his long legs stretched out in front of him.

But it wasn't Callum's fault this was the only empty seat in the class, and it didn't mean Edward wasn't coming back, so I took a breath and nodded.

"Sure."

He smiled and slid into the seat as he dumped his bag on the desk. He undid the zipper and the contents spilled out across the desktop and onto the floor. He muttered something under his breath and I smiled a little to myself. That sort of thing usually happened to me.

I bent down to help him gather his things, just as he did the same and we bumped heads.

"Ow!"

"Ouch!"

"Sorry."

"No, it's me. My fault," I said rubbing my head. "This is kind of what I do." I gave an apologetic shrug.

"Yeah?" he smiled as he rubbed his hand back and forth over his head. "Well, I guess it's good to have a hobby."

Despite the pain in my head I laughed a little. Yeah, accidents _were_ almost a hobby with me.

Callum hesitated a second and looked at me carefully, eyebrows raised, a new smile playing at his lips.

"I'm going to try again, okay?" He pointed to the floor and I nodded, only watching this time as he gathered his pens, notebooks, wallet, a couple of computer magazines, some CD's and a cell phone.

"I carry too much stuff," he muttered as he shoved everything except a notebook and the magazines back in the bag.

"You like computers?"

He gave a quick laugh. "What gives you that idea?"

I smiled back.

"Do you read German?" I noticed one of the magazines was foreign.

"Not really, a little bit. But this is one of the best IT publications around so I subscribe. Most of the technical terms are the same and sometimes I scan the articles and run them through translating software."

I raised my eyebrows. "Sounds like a lot of effort."

"It is, but that's okay."

Then Callum started to laugh. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"It's only my second day here, I'm trying to make a cool impression, and you've discovered my dorky side in like, three minutes."

He was grinning and I looked down at my book.

"Secret talent," I muttered.

There was movement two rows ahead and I looked up to see Jessica in her seat, staring at us, trying to catch Callum's eye as she flicked her hair over her shoulder.

I bit back a smile and thought vaguely for a moment about asking if she wanted to swap seats with me.

She flicked her hair again and that decided it for me ... no, I wouldn't swap - she'd probably have his eye out with that action.

Angela said 'hi' as she took her seat in front of us.

"Oh!" she said, looking at the American magazine in front of Callum. "They had an issue last month all about the new photo editing software."

Callum nodded, smiling.

"You like computers?" he asked her then looked at me and chuckled as he echoed my earlier question.

"Not computers so much, photography," Angela explained. "I'm working on a project for graduation and it's getting a bit complicated."

She began telling Callum about the DVD she was preparing. Photography was her hobby and she'd brought a camera to school nearly every day of the past four years, taking candid and posed photos of students and teachers, concerts and sports events, proms and gala days.

But I got lost as she began to talk about scans, file conversions and batch processing. Callum was nodding, making occasional comments and asking questions.

By this stage Jess realised the hair flicking just wasn't going to get her anywhere so she came and sat on the edge of my desk.

"Oh, is this about the DVD you're making for graduation?" she asked Angela. "I hope there aren't too many pictures of me. I'm completely un-photogenic."

She giggled and her eyes flicked to Callum but unfortunately he completely missed his opportunity to compliment her. He was too busy telling Angela the difficulties his father had had trying to get old photos re-imaged for a book he'd written.

"Has your Dad written a book?" Jess asked, her face lighting up. "What's it about?"

"Er, myths and superstitions." Callum smiled at her but then turned back to Angela.

"I thought he was an archaeologist?" Jess frowned a little.

"He is. He's written books about that too. But myths and superstitions are his hobby, he loves that stuff."

"Oh." She looked like she was going to say something more, but Mr Maxwell entered the room and she hurried back to her desk and Angela turned to face the front.

"What are we studying?" Callum asked quietly.

"Um ... this is a revision week. I think we're going over the Civil War again."

"Good," he nodded. "I've already done that." He opened the computer magazine, tucked it in the pages of his notebook and began to read.

The vibration in my pocket started as Mr Maxwell began to talk about Gettysburg. I slapped my hand over my phone and my heart began to gallop. I quickly asked to be excused and a moment later I was in the corridor, hurrying towards the bathroom as I answered the call, hoping my assumption was right.

I took a deep breath as I hit the _talk_ button.

"Dr Cullen's office, Bella speaking," I cringed at my words as I pushed open the bathroom door.

"Hi Bella, it's Heather from the Continuing Professional Studies office at the University Hospital in Chicago. I'm returning your call."

Holy cow, this sounded so official and professional. She thinks I'm ... real, and I began to feel a little guilty.

"Hi, um, hello, Heather."

"Sorry I couldn't take your call yesterday," she said and I could hear her smiling. "You were enquiring about correspondence for Dr Cullen?"

"Yes, that's right." I tried to sound professional too as I leaned on the bathroom sink.

"We sent him a program advertising the courses and seminars we're offering for 2006, but it came back 'return to sender'."

Oh. Courses and seminars. It was junk mail.

"We only have the Forks address in the system but if you give me the new details I can update the database and send a new program today. I'm sorry if Dr Cullen's been waiting on it. If he'd prefer, he can look up the information on our website ... it's all there."

I nodded, even though she couldn't see.

"I think he'll just do that, thank you."

"Do you still want me to update the address?"

"No, thank you."

I hit _call end_ and shoved the phone back in my pocket as I headed back to class.

My eggs were back in one basket again and I felt ... lost. And useless. I was doing everything I could to find Edward and it felt like it wasn't enough. But I didn't know what else I could do. I supposed I'd just have to be patient now and see what happened with the magazine.

Patience had never been a problem for me in the past. I'd needed it with a mother like mine, so I'd just have to try and find that patience again. Somehow. And maybe I'd come up with something else while I was waiting.

And hopefully the mail train wouldn't get snow-bound in an icy tundra.

* * *

I walked into Newton's at three thirty, ready for my shift.

The shop was empty except for Mike. He was unpacking a box of hiking boots and stacking them on the shelf.

"Hi," he smiled when he saw me.

"Hi. No customers?"

I dumped my bag behind the counter.

"No, looks like it's going to be pretty quiet."

"Do you want help with that?" I asked, nodding towards the boots.

"No, I'm good. But we've got some new guide books in." He nodded towards a box near the door to the store room. "You could arrange those."

"Okay."

I dragged the box over to the wire, rotating rack, opened it and started pulling out the books.

_Day Hikes in the Olympic Peninsula_

_Alaska - the Last Wilderness_

_A Guide to State Parks in the USA and Canada_

_100 Best Hikes in the USA_

_Discovering the Pacific North West_

_Discovering Canada_

_Denali National Park - Hiking and Camping Companion_

My eyes caught that last title and I started flicking through the pages. There were maps, photos, information about accommodation and about the towns located in the park. Edward had lived in one of those. He loved running and as I looked at picture after picture I could imagine him speeding through the forests, jumping over creeks and boulders

"Mike, can I buy this?" Maybe, somewhere between the covers, I'd find something to help me.

Mike was trying to separate some boots whose laces had been knotted together and he looked up frowning.

"What? Oh, sure." And he went back to his task, head bent low over the offending boots.

I flicked through some more pages. Denali looked like a spectacular place. There was information on each of the towns in the Park and I wondered again which one he'd lived in.

The question fell from my lips without any thought.

"Did Edward ever say where he lived in Alaska?"

"Er ... ," Mike was still focused on the laces, grimacing now as his fingers plucked and tugged "Got it!" He looked up victorious, a boot in each hand and I gave a small smile.

"Sorry, you asked me something," he said as he turned to put the boots on the shelf.

"Um, yeah, I just ... ," I felt edgy now and considered telling Mike it was nothing. I put down my Denali book. picked up one of the others and set it in the rack. "Er, did the Cullens ever say where they lived in Alaska?"

I kept my eyes on the rack as I spoke, spinning it around slowly, trying to sound casual and look busy as I put the books in place. But I could feel that my face was a nice shade of pink.

I waited for Mike's answer, wondering what he'd say. No doubt there'd be some sarcastic or negative comment. He'd never liked Edward.

"Somewhere called Anderson," Mike's voice was quiet and I dropped the book I was holding and looked up at him, shocked.

Anderson. He'd lived in Anderson. I'd just been looking at pictures of Anderson in the book.

"Really?" I whispered. I was still reeling, not just because I had a new piece of information, but because it had come from Mike, of all people, and without a bad word.

He was watching me closely.

"Didn't you know that?" he asked, just like Jessica had.

"It never came up in conversation," I mumbled. "Did he tell _you_?"

Mike shook his head. "No. He was in here one day with Álice and Jasper. They were getting some gear and I just heard them talking. It wasn't long after they'd moved here." He paused. "Why do you want to know?." His eyes narrowed a little now.

"I ... I'm thinking of applying to the University of Alaska." I side-stepped the question and motioned to my bag full of forms and brochures, even though neither of us could see it. "And I just wondered."

"Oh,"Mike nodded. "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't want to risk running into him again after what he did."

And there was the bad word. Mike's mouth was set in a grim line, but the look on my face told him he'd said too much.

"Sorry," he said quickly and he turned back to the box of boots while I turned back to the books.

We worked in silence then, but inside I was singing and shouting.

I knew there was no guarantee that Edward, or any of his family, were in Alaska. But I knew that they thought of the Denali coven as their extended family. And that meant the Denali's would probably know where the Cullens were now.

I kept watching the clock, counting down the minutes until I could get home and work out my next move.

* * *

It was eight o'clock Friday morning and I was almost bouncing with anticipation as I settled into my seat on the plane. In three hours I'd be arriving in Anchorage, Alaska. Then I'd change flights and transfer to Fairbanks. After that I'd take a bus from Fairbanks to Anderson. All up the trip would take me a little more than five hours. I was actually _doing_ something to find Edward.

The previous two days had been busy. I'd used one of the Florida plane tickets and had it re-issued for Fairbanks, Alaska. I'd booked my seat on the bus to Anderson and had reserved two nights at a small lodge there.

I wondered what people did before the internet.

Charlie had been easier than I'd expected because I'd actually started with Renee. I called and told her I was planning on applying to the University of Alaska, Fairbanks Campus. I said I wanted to see what it was like, to see if the weather might be too extreme, experience the travel distances and times. She'd been enthusiastic, happy to support me in anything that looked like I was out of my Edward depression.

Once I had Renee on side, Charlie didn't have much of an arguement. He thought it seemed a little extreme, though, and offered to come with me, but I convinced him I needed to do this on my own. After all, he wouldn't be travelling back and forth with me if I _did_ end up going to college there. He finally agreed, a little begrudgingly and I promised I'd be back by Sunday afternoon and I'd keep my phone on at all times.

I felt bad about lying to my parents, but I comforted myself that the University of Alaska really was one of my applications and the travel and weather information would be useful.

So as the plane taxied down the Seattle runway I took a deep breath and tried to relax. I opened the book on my lap, my favourite e.m. forster novel. I smiled ss I turned to the first page, but instead of reading I was remembering.

I was lying on my bed, my leg in plaster, when Charlie appeared in my doorway

"Um, Bells?"

I looked up from _Wuthering Heights._

"Hi, Dad."

"Edward is here to see you."

As my face lit up my father gave just the slightest roll of his eyes. A second later Edward appeared, grinning at me over Charlie's shoulder.

"Hi!" I smiled and pushed myself further up the bed and sitting straighter.

"Hi," Edward said.

Charlie stepped back stiffly and Edward eased past him and came into the room. He stood by the bed and picked up my hand to hold in his. His other hand held onto a backpack slung over his shoulder. We were just staring at each other when I realised my Dad was still standing in the doorway. My gaze flicked to him. He was frowning but then faked an embarrassed cough.

"An hour, Bella. You still need your rest."

"Sure, Dad."

"Edward?"

"One hour, Chief Swan," he said politely, almost formally, as he turned to face my father.

Charlie gave a rough nod and walked out of the room ... he left the door open as he went.

I began to giggle. "Back so soon?" I quirked an eyebrow and Edward put his finger to his lips.

"Ssh," he whispered, smiling.

I'd been home from Phoenix for forty eight hours and Charlie didn't know that for forty two of those hours Edward had been in my room.

"What's in the backpack?"

He sat down on the end of the bed and pulled the bag into his lap.

"Now you're home I thought you might want something to keep you occupied while you're convalescing." He frowned then, his mood seemed to darken and he stared down at his hands as they began to claw into fists. He'd been up and down like this, to varying degrees, ever since he'd saved me from James two weeks before. Sometimes he would rant and rage, full of guilt and sometimes he'd become dark and quiet and loath himself silently ... like now.

I nudged his leg with my good foot. He didn't respond and I wondered if he felt it. I did it again and watched as his lips slowly turned up into a smile.

"I want to see what's in the bag," I said and his mood lifted again as he gently placed the backpack on my lap.

I undid the zipper and reached inside.

"Books!" I pulled the bag open wider. There must have been a dozen of them. I could feel Edward's eyes on me.

"I know you've read and re-read your current collection ... ,"

His eyes moved to my shelves which groaned under the weight of Austen and Shakespeare, Bronte and du Marier and the odd paperback thriller. "I thought you might like to read something fresh."

I began pulling the books out ...

Oliver Twist, Tess of d'Ubervilles, The Great Gatsby, the first Harry Potter, the second Harry Potter, The Chamomile Lawn, Jonathan Livingstone Seagull ...

"Edward, I ... ,"

"I've not bought them," he said quickly, rushing the words, his eyebrows coming together. "I know you don't like me spending money on you." I sensed just the slightest bit of exasperation in his voice. Then he pointed to the reference sticker on the spine of HG Wells' _The Invisible Man._

"I've borrowed them from the library in Port Angeles," he said quietly. "When we've talked about books before these were the ones you mentioned that you wanted to read."

"Edward, I ... ," I didn't know what to say. "Thank you. Thank you so much." I looked up and saw his smile, brilliant and warm. Then I started laughing as tears pricked at my eyes.

"But I don't speed read like a vampire. I can't read all these before they're due back."

He shrugged, still smiling. "You don't have to read them all. I just wanted you to have a selection to choose from. And if you do want to read them all I can always re-borrow."

My tears started to fall and his smile faltered a little.

"I'm happy," I clarified and his smile returned to its brilliance. I patted the space next to me and he crawled over the quilt eagerly and settled in beside me, putting his arm around me and pulling me into his side.

"But I haven't heard of this one." I picked up _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ and Edward smirked a little, taking the book out of my hand.

"I know science fiction isn't your thing ... but this is different. Very funny. It started as a radio show in Britain in the Eighties." He flipped through the pages. "I just thought you might like to try it." He put the book down and I smiled.

"Expanding my horizons, are you?"

"Something like that." Slowly he bent his head and brushed his lips softly over mine. My heart began to speed up and he pulled back, chuckling.

"Will you read to me?" I asked suddenly.

He seemed surprised at first, then his expression softened, radiating deep happiness. .

"Yes," he whispered, and then he looked at the pile of books. "Which one?"

"You choose."

He paused for a moment, frowning, obviously putting a great deal of thought into his task. Then he picked up a volume that was laying next to my foot. His fingers caressed softly over my toes which were exposed and sticking out from the ends of the plaster. I wiggled them slightly at his touch and then snuggled deeper into him.

"Comfy?" he asked with a grin and I nodded, chuckling a little.

"What?"

"It's just funny, hearing you say _comfy."_

He laughed too, and kissed the top of my head as he opened the book.

"Ready?"

I nodded and he began.

" _'The Signoria had no business to do it,' said Miss Bartlett. 'No business at all.'_ "

I closed my eyes and got lost in his voice as he took me to Florence, and the Pension Bertolini ... and a room with a view.

--------------

It was mid afternoon when I finally got into my room in the lodge. The weather was beyond cold and I turned on the heat and wrapped myself in the gaudy orange extra blanket that lay folded on the end of the bed. Outside my window the snow was reflecting a small amount of weak sunlight that had worked its way through the cloud cover.

Now that I was here, I wasn't sure what to do. I was booked on the early bus back to Fairbanks on Sunday morning so I'd be home in time for dinner Sunday night. That really only left one full day, and maybe a few hours this afternoon. I thought I had been so organised and planned my trip so well, but I realised now that in my excitement I hadn't thought beyond the _getting here_ part.

I didn't know the names of any of the Denali vampires and I looked out my window at the view. But the vast expanse of snow and distant trees were intimidating and I turned away, wondering if I was actually going to find them. I couldn't just wander through hundreds of miles of winter wilderness.

And if I did find them, how would they react to me? A human girl turning up on their doorstep unannounced ... I imagined it wasn't something that happened often. I tugged the blanket around me tighter and frowned at the moose that stared out of the picture on the wood-panelled wall. What if they turned me away? I'd have to be prepared for that, I supposed and I sighed. But still, I had to find them first.

I decided I'd start with Edward's photo.

If he'd lived here then someone was bound to recognise him. And if they recognised him, they might know the other vampires too and hopefully that would lead me to the Denali coven.

So I threw off the blanket, hurried downstairs and showed his photo to the receptionist.

"No, sorry. He's a handsome boy, though," she smiled at me and I agreed with her. "Try Phil Gillespie at the post office," she said. "If your friend used to live here then he's probably posted mail sometime, Phil might know him."

But Phil didn't know him.

No-one knew him.

It was like Edward hadn't existed. I went to every business, every shop, I even stopped a woman on the street. No-one recognised him. And I was met with blank looks whenever I tried to describe any of the other Cullens.

I trudged back to the lodge a little after four thirty and told myself tomorrow was another day ... this wasn't over yet, something could still turn up. I wasn't sure I believed myself, though.

On Saturday I took a bus to the next nearest town and tried my luck there.

No luck.

So on Sunday morning I was stomping my feet and flapping my arms against the cold as I waited outside the post office for the bus that would take me back to Fairbanks and the plane that would take me home. I felt like crying but I'd cried so hard the night before I had no tears left.

The trip had been a failure and I should never really have expected anything else. I'd been foolish and hadn't thought things through properly.

I'd rushed off here on the say-so of Mike Newton. Maybe the Cullens hadn't lived in Anderson at all. They hadn't actually told him that directly. And maybe Mike heard wrong, or maybe Edward, Alice and Jasper had been talking about something else.

I should send Mike the bill for my flight and accommodation.

I kicked at a rock on the footpath, sending it skidding out onto the road. I was angry with myself, I was angry with Mike and I was angry with Edward again.

I pulled his photo out of my pocket. It was getting limp now, and the corners were starting to curl.

"It would have made life a lot easier, Edward, if you'd just kept your phone connected," I growled. "Would it have been so bad if I'd called you? Would it? And why didn't you ever tell me where you lived when you were here? Okay, so I didn't ask, but that doesn't matter, you should have told me, you should have .... ,"

But I stopped ranting when a car I recognised better than my own face came around the corner and pulled into the gas station across the street. The photo fell through my fingers as the passenger door of the silver Volvo opened and a woman stepped out.

She was tall and beautiful and she was wearing Edward's jacket.

**A/N: Big warm thanks for all the reviews, they just blow me away. If I've been slow to reply, I'm sorry ... this chapter took more time and was more difficult to write than I anticipated.**


	4. Chapter 4: Therapy with the Vampire

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

He'd moved on.

The pain of that realisation sucked the breath from my body and left me feeling colder than the ice at the sides of the road.

Time, life, everything froze as my reality telescoped down to the beautiful woman who had just stepped out of Edward's car.

This was worse than the day he left me. I'd been letting myself feel hope, feel love again, and now ...

The woman walked the few steps to the pump with a grace that could only mean vampire. Her blonde hair fell, long and straight, from beneath the small fur hat that framed her beautiful face with the striking golden eyes.

Of course he'd moved on. I'd been foolish to think otherwise. How could I ever have competed with ... _that. _I was surprised he ever looked at me at all.

I'd just been a distraction, a novelty. He'd told me that but for the past few days I'd been stupid enough to believe otherwise. Now, the discovery of my birthday gifts took on a different meaning - maybe it had just been easier to leave them under the floor boards. Like sweeping rubbish under the rug.

And now he had someone new to distract him. And she was wearing his jacket. The black one . The one he always kept in the car for me, in case I ever felt cold. He would kiss my forehead as he'd drape it around me. The sleeves were long and he would smile as he'd fold the cuffs up, two turns each, so my hands could be free.

And that small memory hit me like a wrecking ball and told me I was wrong. It screamed that I was jumping to conclusions - what was happening right across the street was_ not_ what it looked like.

My frozen heart started to thaw again. The breath returned to my body.

I watched the woman put the hose in the tank and I knew then that Edward wasn't even in the car!

He would never let a woman get out and pump gas.

A dozen different feelings tore through me then and I couldn't work out if I was happy or disappointed or relieved that he wasn't there. Suddenly I was trembling and my eyes had filled. The tears stung on my cheeks as a bitter wind came from nowhere and tossed at my scarf and my hair.

The vampire turned sharply and her eyes met mine, direct and full. Her nostrils flared slightly and her eyes stayed on me as her lips began to move. A second later the driver's window began to move down. Another woman, also beyond beautiful, looked across the road at me. Her eyes fixed on mine as her nostrils flared too and then she opened the door and began walking towards me.

She was tall as well, her hair wavier, strawberry blonde, and it tumbled around the shoulders of her red, woollen coat. The other vampire followed.

They stood in front of me, heads cocked slightly, eyes inquisitive ... the style and movement of their mannerisms were not quite human and singled them out as different. I was used to that from the Cullens, but somehow it seemed different from these women. I felt small and inadequate and just a little bit nervous.

I wasn't sure why they'd approached me like this. They couldn't know who I was. This was my opportunity to ask about Edward, this was what I'd been hoping for, but my mouth had gone dry and now I wasn't sure how to start or what to say.

The strawberry blonde vampire's lips turned up into a curious sort of smile. Her eyes ran over me, from top to bottom, twice. It was appraisal, pure and simple, and it made me uncomfortable.

"You're Bella," she told me.

I didn't know what I'd been expecting, but I didn't think this was it. Were they gifted, like Alice and Edward? I'd thought I might have to explain who I was.

"We recognised your scent," the other one explained, obviously my question was written on my face. "It was all through the car when we got it."

When they got it?

"I ... yes, I'm Bella ... hello."

But then the strawberry blonde leant in close. Her eyes narrowed, I could feel her breath on my face and a shiver of fear ran through me as she hissed.

"What did you do to Edward Cullen?"

Her question shocked me and her tone was so venomous, so accusing, my mouth fell open and I recoiled.

"Wh ... what did ... what did I _do_?"

She closed her lips but continued to stare at me. This definitely hadn't been in my list of likely scenarios.

"I didn't ... I didn't _do_ anything." I looked from one to the other, shocked, upset, trying to understand. "I'm trying to _find_ him!"

The strawberry blonde vampire pulled back slightly, her eyes still boring into me.

Her companion stared at me too, her beautiful face cold and hard with an anger I didn't understand. I took another, instinctive step back, the hairs on my body all starting to stand up. If I'd been any other human I would have been falling over myself to get away.

But I wasn't any other human, I told myself. So I took a shaky breath and moved a small step towards them.

"I didn't do anything to Edward." I said again. "He left me."

Their heads turned sharply to look at each other.

"He left you?" The vampire in the jacket sounded skeptical.

"Yes, he did." It was so hard saying those words.

But those words had an effect and the vampires' expressions changed, becoming puzzled now. The one in the jacket looked around. There was no-one on the street but she lowered her voice anyway.

"I think perhaps we should move somewhere less out in the open. You are waiting for a bus, yes?"

Her demeanour was so different now.

"I was on my way to the airport."

She nodded. "We'll talk in the car while we drive you."

What?

"No, wait ... ," I flung out a hand, imploring her to stop.

Two days of nothing and now things were happening too fast. I'd only just found what I was looking for but I was effectively being escorted off the premises before I had a chance to do anything about it. _Bella has lef the building._

"Please wait. Isn't Edward here?"

"No," she answered abruptly and turned to cross the road, going into the service office to pay for the gas.

He wasn't here? But the car, and his jacket ...

My eyes travelled to the Volvo, shiny and silver as usual, sitting by the petrol pump.

I realised I hadn't even been asked if I'd like to go with them, I was just expected to follow. I wondered briefly at the wisdom of getting into a car with two vampires I didn't know, but I was eager for information so I started to cross the road behind her. The strawberry blonde was beside me.

"So you're Bella Swan." Her eyes swept over me again. "Hmph," she shrugged in a dismissive sort of way that made me feel equally irritated and awkward.

"You know what we are," she said suddenly. "And yet you would get in a car with us just like this?" She seemed amused now and I was annoyed that she had so accurately read the concern on my face.

I squared my shoulders. "Are you going to hurt me?"

Her amusement increased. "No."

I nodded and kept walking. "Then I have nothing to worry about."

She arched that eyebrow again and I rolled my eyes.

"I've met scarier vampires than you," I whispered.

Her mouth popped open a little and she began to laugh. "Yes, we know you have. Laurent told us."

"Laurent?" I'd forgotten that he had come to find the Denali coven after he left James and Victoria. The vampire nodded and indicated the car.

"Get in, we'll explain. By the way, my name is Tanya. My sister is Kate."

I hesitated as I reached for the door handle of the Volvo. So many memories. I bit my lip and thought I might start crying, especially when it became clear I would be riding in the back. I'd never been in the back seat before and it felt like I'd been demoted somehow. It was a stupid thing to think, but that's how it was.

I slid into the leather seats. The car was cold, his scent wasn't here anymore. His CDs weren't in the console. There was no sign of him left.

Tanya took the driver's seat again. Kate took what used to be my seat.

I felt like a visitor in my own home and bit my lip a little harder.

Kate turned around, stripping off the jacket and her little fur hat as Tanya pulled out onto the road.

Kate leaned over and put the jacket and the hat on the seat beside me. I reached out and brushed my fingers over the sleeve.

"You're from the Denali coven?" I smiled, trying to smooth things over a little. If I was going to have any sort of future with Edward I didn't want to get off on the wrong foot with his extended family.

"Yes, we are," Kate answered. "The Cullens have spoken of us?"

"A little," I said and she nodded.

"We've lived together with the Cullens a few times over the years. We think of ourselves as cousins." She smiled back at me.

"It's not just the two of you, is it?" I'd had the impression there were more.

"No, there is also Irina, Eleazar and Carmen."

I nodded and began to relax a little. Kate seemed okay, but Tanya was definitely prickly. "No-one here seemed to know who Edward or the Cullens were?" I left my question hanging.

"You're being very thorough," Kate seemed amused. "We come to Anderson for supplies, the Cullens used to go to Healy, it's much further away. We split it up that way because if we all used the same town we would draw more attention ... such a _large_ group of, er, _unusual_ people." She laughed a little and so did Tanya. Then Kate turned back to me and the subject and mood had changed sharply in a way that could only mean a vampire was leading the conversation. Her voice was brisk, business-like.

"Bella, we'll tell you what we know. Then you tell us what you know. Maybe we can put the pieces together and work out what's happened."

"Then you don't know where he is?"

"No. And neither do you, am I right?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't."

But I'd assumed they _would_ know and I could feel the disappointment rising. I couldn't see how we could help each other.

Tanya had hit the isolated countryside out of town and now the scenery was flying past in a blur. I gripped the seat and gasped as the car glided across ice and snow far faster than was humanly safe. I'd thought it was just Edward who drove like a maniac, but maybe it was all vampires.

"Did Edward teach you to drive?" I gasped again as the car slid back to the left.

"Yes!" They said in unison and grinned at each other.

"What?" My eyes were wide, my comment hadn't been serious.

"Many years ago. In his Roadster. He's very good," Kate said.

"Yes, on winding lonely roads at night, he is ... very good." The way Tanya smirked made me uncomfortable. It was already clear that she was very protective of Edward and her comment just now, the way she said it, made me wonder how close they'd been. What had he meant to her, or she to him? My stomach started to knot and I wondered if Tanya was a rival I never knew about. It seemed like she wanted me to think so.

"Will you start, Bella? Tell us why you're here?" Kate was still leaning over the back of her seat and I noticed neither of them wore seatbelts.

"Okay," I took a shaky breath. I wasn't normally the sort of person to share personal stuff, and this was going to hurt, reliving the pain of his leaving. But if it was going to help me find Edward, I'd do it.

"I guess it started with my birthday."

I told them about the party I hadn't wanted, the paper cut, Jasper's attack and Carlisle stitching up my arm. How Edward became distant and withdrawn. How two days later he'd hidden my birthday presents under my floor and then walked with me into the woods to break up with me. And how I'd seen or heard nothing since ... until I found the presents.

I let out a long breath as I finished.

"And now I'm trying to find him."

I watched Kate and Tanya, they were looking at each other, sharing some silent communication it seemed. Then Kate turned away to the window.

"Jasper has always struggled," she said quietly.

Tanya turned to look at me over her shoulder.

"And that didn't frighten you off?"

"No. Not at all."

She turned back to the road.

"Then I don't know if you're very brave or very foolish."

Her comment irritated me, but I chose to ignore it. But she wasn't finished yet.

"Bella, do you understand what Edward is capable of? Do you know he's killed humans in the past?"

"Yes, he's told me."

"Details?"

I was feeling uncomfortable now. I didn't think Edward would like her talking about this with me. And I wasn't sure what this had to do with where he was now or how to find him.

"Not specifics, just that they were murderers and rapists, the lowest of the low."

She nodded.

"I don't suppose you've ever seen him hunt?"

"No."

She nodded again.

"I've seen him bring down mountain lions, even grizzly bears, with just one hand. He has very good wrist action, he can snap a neck with just a single flex." She lifted a hand and demonstrated. I scowled and turned away. Was _she_ trying to frighten me off.

"I'm not surprised," I said. "He's very strong, I know that. But he's also very gentle."

Her eyes shot back to mine and she studied me for a moment.

"Yes, he is."

There was silence in the car. Outside the landscape was speeding past and I realised we'd probably be at the airport very soon.

"So, will you tell me what you know?" I addressed myself to Kate and she shared a quick look with Tanya before she turned back to speak to me.

"Edward arrived here, unannounced in September. He was ... well, he wasn't exactly himself."

"He was shattered," Tanya interjected, her voice hard.

"Shattered?" I mouthed the word as I looked down at my hand, resting on the sleeve of the jacket. I made a fist, scrunching up the fabric, as if I was giving his hand a squeeze. Oh Edward.

"We knew about you from Laurent, of course," Kate continued. "The _Cullens' pet_, he called you, but we realised then that you must have been the reason Edward had come here in March."

"March?" My eyes widened as I realised. The week he'd disappeared, just after that first biology lesson. He'd come here? My eyes shot to Tanya.

"Why did he come here then?"

"He was upset about something," Tanya said. I noticed she was using only two fingers to guide the steering wheel, much the same way Edward did. He _had_ taught her. A spike of jealousy shot through me. "He wouldn't tell us what was wrong then, either. I asked him if it was a woman, he said not how I meant it."

She shrugged and I wondered how she _had_ meant it, then decided I didn't want to know. "Then, when Laurent arrived here, he told us about _you_. We were surprised, of course ... Edward had always been so ... ," she waved an elegant hand, trying to find the right word. "So self-sufficient We knew then he must have fallen very hard." Her voice took on a different tone now, softer, sad, and I dropped my head because I could feel tears stinging. Then Tanya sighed. "He doesn't give his heart easily, that one."

I licked my lips and tried to find my voice. I plucked at the sleeve of the jacket.

"What happened when he came in September? What did he say?" My voice was just a whisper.

"Nothing," Kate shrugged. "He just arrived and said the family had had to leave Forks suddenly. We thought immediately that they'd been exposed somehow but he said no, that wasn't the reason. Of course we asked what had happened and he said ... he said he couldn't talk about it." Kate's voice dropped lower. "I asked if it was to do with Bella and ... he just, I'd never seen him so ..... ," she didn't finish but she didn't need to. I could imagine. "He just nodded, and said he had to get away. We assumed _you'd_ left _him_."

My heart was breaking all over again and I understood Tanya's anger now. Sort of.

"Edward said he wanted to speak to Laurent, but Laurent was out hunting, alone," Kate continued. "Edward went to find him, we still don't know why, because Laurent says he never saw him. Anyway, when Edward came back a little later he apologised for being so unsociable, grabbed a backpack from the trunk and told us we could keep the car. Then he just ... ran."

These people really cared about Edward, I could see that. But it seemed strange that these strong, beautiful supernatural predators had seen me, a plain, weak human, as the villain. That Edward might need protecting from me. I started to wonder if maybe they knew more than they were letting on.

"If you knew where he was would you tell me?"

There was a beat of silence before Kate answered. "We don't know where he is, so it doesn't matter."

Her answer was pretty much what I'd expected.

"What about the Cullens?" I whispered "You've heard from them, haven't you? Can you tell me where they are?"

"We received a letter from Carlisle a couple of days later," Kate said. "It just told us they were relocating and they would contact us and explain when they were resettled. That's the last we heard."

"But it's been three months?" My head shot up. "You're like their family, surely they would have ... ,"

But Kate was smiling, shaking her head, her pale, blonde hair swaying softly around her perfect cheekbones.

"We're not humans, Bella. We don't need to communicate every day or week. Contact two or three times a year is what we call a close relationship."

"Oh."

"We don't know where any of them are," she went on. "Although Rosalie and Emmett are overdue for another wedding. We might get an invitation, soon." She smiled at her sister.

"Why didn't Carlisle just call you? Why did he write?"

"We don't have a telephone," Tanya replied.

My mouth popped open and she turned over her shoulder again to look at me.

"We're not as modern as the Cullens," she said and her golden eyes set square on mine, intense and deep. "We've lived a thousand years, we're in no hurry for new technology, considering we've been so long without it." She turned back to the road.

A thousand years. My stomach flip flopped. The Cullens were barely a blip on the radar in comparison. A thousand years ... I couldn't even imagine.

"So you see, Bella," Kate was smiling at me. "Waiting six months or a year to hear from the Cullens is like you waiting maybe a day. It doesn't seem such a long time."

I shifted in my seat and stared out the window, but we were moving so fast now I couldn't make out the view.

A thousand years.

I pulled off my beanie and dragged my hair behind my ears as I moved on, back to my reason for coming here.

"Do you know where Edward could be?" I asked. "Places he might go? I figure I can cross off anywhere warm and sunny, but does he have a favourite city or ... I don't know?" I hated asking these questions, especially in front of Tanya. It just made me realise how little I knew about him.

Tanya's lips turned up into a small smile.

"You can eliminate anywhere sunny, but Edward likes warmth." Then her smile widened and she turned to her sister. "Remember the hot springs?"

Kate laughed and nodded her head.

"What hot springs?" I looked from one to the other.

"Here in Denali," said Kate. "Our home is in the middle of the park, in very dense forest. There are some hot springs about a mile from the house and Edward went there often. He liked to be alone, to enjoy the peace and quiet and the warmth."

"I'd offer to keep him company," Tanya smiled and she smoothed a hand over her glossy curls. "But he always declined."

"Not that you didn't try, anyway," Kate smirked and Tanya laughed again.

"Only a couple of times. He always heard me coming and was out and dressed before I got there." She cocked an eyebrow at her sister. "Although there was one time I almost caught him. I'd kept my footsteps and mind as silent as could be. He was just pulling his sweater over his head when I found him, and his jeans weren't quite zipped up all the way, and his hair was all wet and dripping." She licked her lips and I didn't like it. "And he just smiled at me and said, 'not silent enough, Tanya_'._"

She laughed again and her eyes were bright at the memory. I hated the thought that she'd probably seen more of Edward than I had, but I blushed at the image her description created.

"That must be part of what he sees in you, Bella." She turned to look at me over the seat and she smiled as though she'd just come to some great conclusion. "Your warmth."

My warmth.

A slew of memories raced through my mind.

I thought of that first day in the meadow, how he enjoyed the sun. How much he had always enjoyed my touch. _So warm_, he would say, every time my fingers met his skin.

"But I'm sure that's not all he liked about you," she mused. "He could have had physical warmth from any human girl. I know, I've seen many of them try, but none succeeded ... until you." She cocked her head slightly, studying me again like an exhibit in a museum. Then suddenly she turned back to the road. "But back to your question about where he'd go ... he liked Paris. But then, I don't really think he's gone off to enjoy himself."

Silence fell then, each of us lost in our thoughts, it seemed. I shifted in my seat, absorbing everything they'd said. Hot springs, Paris, warmth. I noticed there was a scratch on the polished wood of the dashboard and frowned. Edward wouldn't be happy about that.

"Bella," Tanya broke the silence, and I was surprised at how soft and gentle her voice was now. "Bella, when Edward told you he was leaving, what did you say?"

I didn't really want to go through this again.

"I ... nothing."

"Why?"

"Does it matter? It's ... personal."

"It might matter. It would have mattered to Edward."

Yes, it would have mattered to Edward, I knew that.

I looked down at my shoes.

"You accepted his words straight away, didn't you?"

What was this? Therapy with the vampire?.

I gave a sigh. "I never understood why he was with me, so it made more sense for him to leave. I'm not beautiful like him, I can't do the things he likes to do." I rushed the words and took a deep breath now. "I realise now, though, how much that would have hurt him, the way I believed him so quickly."

And now I was blushing, embarrassed and angry with myself for revealing all that to two people I barely knew. Especially when one of them was Tanya.

I thought I saw her give a slight nod of her head before she spoke again.

"But _he_ thought you were beautiful? Even if you didn't?"

Her words were simple but somehow they hurt.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Did he ever talk about changing you?" Kate asked suddenly. She exchanged a quick look with Tanya.

"I wanted him to," I answered. "I kept asking, but he wouldn't."

"Why not?" Tanya asked. "It would have made things a lot easier for him." Her voice was still kind.

"He didn't want to risk my soul." I plucked at the sleeve again, harder this time.

Kate smiled at her sister. "So very Edward." Then she laughed again and Tanya looked at her smiling.

"You're thinking of the debates?" she asked and Kate nodded before turning to look at me.

"Edward and Carlisle used to debate the matter of the soul. They'd go at it for hours, quoting scripture, philosophy. Edward would pace, he'd wave his hands around while he'd put his point forth, demanding proof otherwise, then Carlisle would give a very calm counter argument." She was smiling at what was obviously a fond memory. "Of course, Carlisle believes we have souls, Edward ... well, he's not quite so certain."

"I know," I said, not wanting it to look like I knew nothing about him. "I believe he has a soul, but he doesn't."

"But he'd doesn't _want_ to believe that." Tanya looked over at me. "He _wants_ to believe he has a soul. And that is a difference there."

I bristled against what seemed like point scoring, like she was implying she knew Edward better than I did. Then I realised she probably did in some ways and I was glad when Kate spoke again.

"What did he give you for your birthday?"

Oh.

"He ... I didn't want anything."

She raised an eyebrow. "He didn't give you a gift?"

"He wanted to, but I wouldn't let him. He was enough of a gift for me, just him."

She smiled softly. "He would have liked to get you something. Edward has a very generous nature, especially with people he cares about."

I didn't want to explain any further, about how unbalanced it would have made everything. They wouldn't understand and I'd already revealed too much.

"Take the jacket," Kate said suddenly, reaching over and picking it up as the airport loomed into view. "We found it in the car after he left. If you want it ... ," she held it out to me. "I know you wore it often."

"My scent?"

She nodded and I took it gingerly.

"Thank you."

I put it to my face and inhaled, but it didn't smell like him anymore.

Kate smiled. "We think that's why he left the car behind," she said. "Your scent was everywhere ... we don't think he could bear it."

A small sob started to build in my throat and I swallowed it down, hard. I wouldn't cry here.

"Are you going to keep looking for him, Bella?" Tanya asked as she pulled into a parking bay near the terminal.

"Yes, of course." I looked up, surprised that she would even ask. "If it takes me forever. I know he loves me, I know what leaving has done to him, because I know what it did to me."

She smiled at me and it was a little bit sad.

"Bella, I'm going to ask you not to."

What?

"Not look for him?"

"That's right."

"Why would you say that?" How could she even think I wouldn't look for him, after everything I'd told them.

Her eyes were still gentle, her voice was kind but there was a slight steeliness in her tone and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

"Because he's made his decision. And I know it hurt you and it sounds like the poor boy went about it entirely the wrong way, but he did it for the right reasons. You're not safe in our world."

I shook my head. "No. No."

But Tanya hadn't finished.

"Bella, this has torn him apart and I don't want to see him hurt anymore."

"I would never hurt him!"

"You would never mean to, I can see that ... but do you really think you can love him properly, the way he needs to be loved?"

I sucked in a quick breath, dropping my eyes and blushing fiercely at what I thought she meant.

"Because I'm not a vampire?" I whispered.

"No. Because you let yourself get in the way." Her tone was very matter-of-fact, as though she'd just told me it was raining, or the sky was blue. "Let him get over this," she added more gently.

"But he won't get over _this_!" I snapped. "You might have known a lot about him before but you don't know what he's like now ... with me. He _won't_ get over this! If you knew him properly you would realise that!"

She blinked, surprised, and something I couldn't fathom flickered across her features.

I needed to get out. I didn't want to listen to anything else Tanya had to say. I opened the door and stumbled out onto the concrete and Kate caught me by the elbow. I hadn't seen her get out of the car.

"Thanks," I muttered and grabbed my backpack and Edward's jacket. I stood up straight and squared my shoulders.

"And thank you for telling me what you know," I said and I tried to smile because Kate had been kind, but disappointment was starting to sink in now as I realised I wasn't really any closer to finding him.

"And please, if Edward contacts you, please let him know I'm looking for him."

I looked between them both - Kate standing by the car, Tanya in the drivers seat, looking away. "It's important he knows that I understand why he left. At least let him know that. Please."

Kate didn't respond, she just watched me with her golden eyes, and I didn't know if that meant she would tell him, or she wouldn't.

"Goodbye, Bella," she smiled after a moment. "It was good to meet you."

I gave a small smile back.

As I walked past the car towards the terminal the driver's window came down and Tanya delivered her parting line. Strangely, it sounded almost like a pleas.

"Bella, if you _do_ find him, _please, let him love you._"

* * *

The seats in the plane weren't nearly as comfortable as the Volvo. I sat in the worn velour seat, still hugging Edward's jacket and rested my cheek against the window, trying to work out if the trip had been a waste or not. I'd found out nothing concrete - I just had to hope that if Edward _did_ make contact with the Deanli's, or when the Cullens did, Kate or Tanya would pass my message on. Perhaps the last hour would make up for the failure of the last two days.

But Tanya's parting comments were still niggling at me. I felt unsettled. She was obviously jealous, that much was clear. From the start she'd tried to make it look like there'd been more between her and Edward than there actually was, but her words kept going around in my head.

The in-flight movie started, a comedy about a man who couldn't lie, and I tried to lose myself in it.

The last time I'd seen a movie had been with Edward, in Seattle in July. An Italian film about a musician in turmoil.

Edward had hesitated as we'd entered the almost empty cinema, holding my hand and trying to decide where to sit. After a moment he walked a couple of steps towards the back, then hesitated again. I waited but he didn't move.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" He looked at me quickly and even in the dark I could tell he was a little anxious and unsure. A smirk crossed my lips as I thought I realised what was going on.

I reached up on my toes and he bent his head so I could whisper in his ear, blushing as I did so.

"Are you thinking about sitting in the back row so you can make out with me?"

His whole body stiffened, then relaxed as he tilted his head to look at me.

"Yes," he said quickly. "Would that be wrong? Tell me if .... ,"

I didn't tell him anything, but I tightened my grip on his hand and headed for the back row, towing him behind me. I turned around and in the dark his anxiety had been replaced with the most smug, crooked smile I'd ever seen.

We never saw past the opening credits.

"Would you like some refreshments?" The stewardess was leaning over me, her professional, friendly smile gleaming.

"Do you have coke?"

She nodded and took a small can and a glass from the trolley.

I watched the dark liquid fizz and bubble and hiss in the glass. Tanya obviously had feelings for Edward, she might have caught him half undressed by a hot spring, but he clearly didn't return those feelings and she'd never made out with him in the back row at the movies.

I smiled and lifted the glass to my lips.

* * *

I was exhausted when I reached my truck in the long-stay car park at Seattle airport. The cabin smelt damp inside and I wrinkled my nose as I slid into the seat and dumped my backpack beside me.

I unzipped the front pocket and started rummaging for the ticket that would let me out of the gates. I pushed aside my book, my wallet, and then came across the baseball cap I'd bought Charlie as a gift. It was dark green with the Alaska Seawolves Hockey Team logo on it. I'd seen it in the airport shop and thought he'd like it. I stuck it on my head as I kept looking for the ticket ... it had to be there somewhere. And it was, tucked inside the _Welcome to Anderson_ brochure I'd picked up from my room in the lodge. I couldn't remember why I'd wanted to keep it. It wasn't like I wanted a souvenir.

I put Charlie's cap back in the bag and started the ignition. I knew he'd bluster when I gave it to him, he'd tell me I shouldn't have bothered, but that didn't matter ... I just wanted to buy it because I knew he'd like it, and because he's my Dad.

I slammed on the brakes and the whole truck shuddered and rocked.

Oh no ...

No!

I gripped the steering wheel and pressed my forehead hard against it, not caring that it could leave a mark.

I felt sick at the sudden thought that, in some ways, Tanya might have been right.

I turned my head slightly to look again at Charlie's cap, sticking out from my bag.

I wouldn't let Edward have the joy of giving. I had rejected that generous part of his nature.

Over and over again

Because I'd been too caught up in my own insecurities.

I'd let myself get in the way.

I lifted my head and let it drop again, banging it against the steering wheel as my mind kept working, pulling out more insecurities and throwing them at me.

The birthday party!

I'd complained and sulked about my birthday party because I would rather be a vampire than turn eighteen. The Cullens had wanted to show me that I was part of their family, even as a human, and I would have thrown that back at them. Edward had had to beg me to _please_ be nice about it.

I groaned and turned my head to the side, staring at the wing mirror through the window while fat tears rolled over my cheeks.

And all the compliments he had given me. Telling me I was beautiful. And I'd scoffed and rolled my eyes and denied ... treating his words, his love, like they meant nothing.

I dragged a hand across my face, sniffing, and lifted my head slowly, letting it fall back against the seat.

And I would have let him risk his soul to change me. I'd never really thought that maybe he was trying save _both_ of us.

_Let him love you._

Tanya's words came back to me and I hated it. But I _had _let myself get in the way. Me and my insecurities.

A car horn blasted and I realised I was blocking the lane. I wiped my eyes quickly and began moving forward towards the gates, my mind still racing.

I'd never accepted Edward for who he was.

I didn't mean the vampire, I accepted and embraced that part of him ... literally.

I hadn't accepted _Edward - _his generosity, his words, his beliefs.

I fumbled with the ticket and my money, sniffing and snuffling as I paid the parking attendant at the gate. Then I pulled out into the traffic, taking deep, slow breaths.

When I found Edward I was going to throw my arms around him, and hug him, and never let him go. I'd let him love me. He could buy me presents, tell me I was beautiful, and I'd never ask him to change me again.

Because I realised as I headed towards home, that I'd rather have eighty years with Edward, than spend eternity with him thinking he'd jeapordised his soul, or mine.

I knew now, I would _die_ for Edward Cullen.

Charlie was on the living room floor when I walked in the door.

"Bells!" He grinned and stood up, coming to give me a loose sort of hug. "How was Alaska?"

"Fine. Cold."

"The college?"

"Mm? Oh, not what I was expecting. I think I can cross Fairbanks off my list. Hey, what's happening here?" Quick subject change.

The living room cabinet had been moved a couple of feet along the wall. It's doors were open and the floor was scattered with its contents.

"Ah, well, Jake came over to paint the ceiling and he had to move the cabinet out of the way." He frowned and rubbed his hand over his face. "Moved it himself, don't know how, though. It's heavy."

The cabinet was long and low, made of a dark, heavy wood. It had belonged to my great grandma Swan.

I looked up at the half painted ceiling and Charlie followed my eyes.

"Jake couldn't finish," he said. "He came down with the stomach flu this afternoon."

"Oh no, poor Jake!" I'd had stomach flu before, it wasn't fun.

"Yeah, he didn't look too good. Anyway, I tried to move the cabinet back into place but I've had to make it lighter first. Still can't work out how Jake managed to do it full."

I looked at the fancy dinner set that had never been used, the unopened boxes of wine glasses, the crystal bowls and vases and the silver platters. All presents from my parents' wedding. Renee hadn't wanted them and Charlie couldn't bear to part with them.

"Do you want a hand?" I dropped my backpack by the sofa and started moving across the room. "We can move it back and then I can repack it for you." I needed a distraction, something to keep my mind off things, just for a little while. My heart needed a break.

"I don't think so Bella," Charlie rubbed his hand over his chin. "It's still pretty heavy, even empty. I don't want you hurting yourself."

I shrugged. "Every bit helps though, right?"

He considered for a moment. "Okay, you grab that end and be careful."

I rolled my eyes and walked to where he pointed just as the phone started ringing.

"Hang on." Charlie headed for the kitchen.

It was a work call from the sound of it, he could be a while, so I sat down and started looking at the neglected wedding presents.

The dinner set was white with a delicate silver band around the edges of the plates and the bowls. Some of the crystal was awful, like the chunky vase with the heavy criss-cross pattern. But other pieces were beautiful, like the finely etched candle holders.

There was an glossy orange bull, made of china, set on a black wooden base and I wondered why someone had ever thought that was a good idea. One of the bull's horns had broken off, and his tail too. There was abright orange fragment caught in the carpet so he must have broken when the cabinet was moved. I picked up the missing piece of tail but I couldn't find his shiny black horn. I ran my hand underneath the cabinet, closing my eyes as I felt where the carpet was still thick and unflattened. I didn't find the horn, but I did find something else.

My fingers closed around the small square object and I pulled it out. I sat back on my heels and slowly opened my hand.

Sitting in my palm was a small, pale blue box marked _Tiffany_ _& Co._

**A/N: Thanks for reading, and thank you to everyone who's reviewed. Your comments make me laugh and smile and dance and sing :)**


	5. Chapter 5: Serious Intentions

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Looooong chapter, lots happens. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

If it hadn't been for the three pine needles stuck beneath its delicate white ribbon I might have thought the Tiffany box had been stored in the cabinet with the orange bull and the dinner set for the past twenty years.

But there _were_ pine needles and so I knew this small box had been under my floor with the CD and the photo and the plane tickets. I knew it had fallen through the hole in the ceiling and been pushed astray, underneath the cabinet, in the commotion with the Christmas tree.

I stood up slowly and picked my way through the scattered wedding presents. My heart was beating a steady rhythm as I walked past Charlie, still on the kitchen phone. I pointed wordlessly towards the stairs, letting him know I was going up to my room. He nodded. We'd re-pack the cabinet later.

My heart continued with its even beat. I wasn't allowing myself to think just yet about what this box could mean or what was inside. I reached the top of the stairs and walked into my room, shutting the door behind me.

I took a deep breath, sat on my bed and folded my legs beneath me. I set the box on the quilt and started at it.

A Tiffany box.

What had he done?

I remembered the morning of my birthday, he stood waiting for me in the school car park. He'd kept one hand balled up in the pocket of his jeans as his other hand had reached out to take mine.

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?" he'd asked, smiling down at me.

"Yes. That is correct." And at my answer he'd taken the hand from his pocket and stroked a finger along my jaw.

"Just checking," he'd smiled. "You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."

A knot of pain twisted inside me as I stared now at the box on the quilt. He'd had this in his pocket that morning. This was my birthday gift.

I lifted the box into my hand and tugged gently at the ribbon - it came undone easily. Then I put my thumb and forefinger either side of the lid and lifted.

"Oh! Oh ... ,"

It was beautiful.

I lifted it out of the silk lining and held it, turning my palm slowly back and forth so I could admire it fully.

It was a locket. A cameo locket, depicting a swan, seemingly in moonlight.

I traced a finger over the delicate carving that was set on a background of black over gold.. He'd _chosen_ this _for me_, and suddenly my heart felt too big for my chest.

The swan's wings were raised, curving elegantly upward so the wing tips came to a point, touching above the graceful sway of the swan's neck and head, making the locket itself shaped like a tear. The colouring was exquisite. At their tips, the wings were a rich blue, but the colour slowly faded, moving delicately into paler blues and silvery moonlit hues, and then finally into the soft white of the swan's body. Against the background of black the whole effect was simple, stunning elegance.

"So beautiful."

My finger touched at the tiny catch on the side. I pressed gently. There was a tiny click and I took a breath as I opened it and looked inside.

"Oh .... Edward."

My hand flew to my mouth as the significance of what I saw crashed over me. My eyes filled and I blinked back the tears as I remembered.

"Mm, need more popcorn." I picked the bowl off the floor as the commercial break started and tried to disentangle myself from Edward's arms, but we were half lying on Charlie's sofa and it wasn't easy.

"Do you really need more?" His nose nuzzled my neck and he didn't loosen his hold on me, his arms staying firm around my waist.

"Yes," I giggled.

He sighed and let me go.

"I could do it for you," he said suddenly, sitting up, eyes hopeful and eager as I headed for the kitchen.

"After last time, Edward? I don't think so."

I turned back to look at him and I had to laugh. He was scowling and his lips were pursed into the most gorgeous pout. His scowl deepened but a second later his face broke into a broad grin as he began laughing too.

I had discovered something just two nights earlier ... Edward Cullen couldn't make popcorn.

He had insisted I stay on the sofa while he got my snack for me, but he'd put too many kernels in the machine and popcorn had exploded all over the kitchen - on top of the refrigerator, behind the door, down the back of the stove. He'd cleaned up the mess with vampire speed and efficiency and tried again, but he'd put too much butter in the next batch and I hadn't been able to eat it. So now he was banned from the popcorn machine.

I was still giggling as I pulled out the bag of kernels.

"You could teach me," he called as I filled the machine. "I want to learn how to cook."

"Why? You don't eat."

He appeared in the doorway suddenly, his head cocked to one side, frowning slightly, as if the answer was obvious.

"So I can cook for _you_."

I smiled and he came into the room then, standing behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist as the corn started popping.

"You don't need to cook for me." I stroked my hands over his.

"But I'd like to," he whispered. His arms squeezed gently and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.

I turned in his arms and he lowered his face, slowly, and kissed me, just as the popping accelerated ... along with my heart.

His lips were gentle, just ghosting over mine, almost teasing, but his hands were firmer as they moved up and down my back. I wound my hands into his hair, loving the feel of its silk, just loving the feel of him.

"You taste like hot buttered popcorn," he said suddenly, smiling against my lips.

"Hm? What?" My eyes fluttered open, wondering why the kissing had stopped. He was watching me, running his tongue over his lips.

"You taste like hot buttered popcorn," he said again and his tongue made another sweep.

"Oh. Right." I was a little taken aback by his comment, but then I giggled at the frown that was starting to appear on his face. "And? Is it so bad?" I asked.

He licked his lips again, then pulled his bottom one between his teeth as he stared down at me, eyes darkening.

"I think I could come back for seconds." He gave me his half smile and my heart took off again. He laughed softly then he relaxed his hold a little.

"I think it's all popped."

"Hm?"

"Your popcorn."

"Oh. Yeah." I took a deep breath and moved out of his arms, going to the machine and turning it off.

He leant against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, one corner of his mouth turned up in a satisfied smirk, completely distracting me as I tried to think what to do next.

"You go sit down," I said, trying to calm my breathing. "Tell me what's happening with the movie."

He rolled his eyes. "It's _Sense and Sensibility_, Bella. You know the story off by heart."

"I know the book, I haven't seen the movie. Now go."

He turned then, shaking his head and slouching back into the living room, muttering something under his breath while I was still trying to catch mine.

"Marianne is telling Elinor about Willoughby's attentions," he called a moment later.

"Uh huh." I opened the refrigerator and grabbed the butter. "And?"

"Now Marianne is letting Willoughby snip off a lock of her hair. Very significant."

I finished stirring in the butter, licked my fingers and headed back to the living room. Edward was reclining against the arm of the sofa, legs stretched along its length. He reached out his arms and pulled me down to curl up in his lap, making sure the afghan rug was between us to keep me from getting cold.

"Better now?" he smirked as I shoved a handful of popcorn into my mouth and I nodded. On the screen Willoughby was returning the gift of Marianne's lock of hair and she was distraught.

"Why is it so significant?"

"What?"

"Giving a lock of hair to someone. You said it was very significant." I'd read enough to know it was the thing to do back then, but Edward's comment interested me. "Wasn't it just another token of affection? Like embroidery samples or pressed flowers?"

I was watching his profile. He twisted his lips and tilted his head to the side as he considered his answer.

"Mm, not exactly. It was more than a token of affection. At least it was in my time."

"People did it then, too?"

He nodded. "Yes. Locks of hair and photos."

"Photos?"

I twisted a little, turning enough so I could look up into his face better.

He nodded again and smiled down at me, giving me a gentle squeeze with his arms.

"Obviously the gesture has gone out of fashion now but giving or requesting a lock of hair had deep meaning."

I shoved some especially buttery pieces of popcorn in my mouth and he wrinkled his nose.

"It tastes better than it smells," he said. "But that's only because I tasted it on you."

"It smells fantastic, Edward." He rolled his eyes and I laughed. "So what does it really mean then? The hair?"

He let his head drift to his other shoulder and he smiled softly, focusing on his hand as he lifted it, trailing it through my own hair. He twisted his finger, curling some strands around his finger, looping them gently over and over again.

"Well, when it was given between a man and a woman, a lock of hair was a declaration of deep love," he said softly and his eyes matched his voice. "It said your intentions were serious, it was a way of offering yourself." He smiled. "It usually held some sort of promise for the future."

His own hair had fallen over his forehead, dusting into his amber eyes. I reached up and pushed it gently out of the way, and he brushed his lips across my wrist as it moved past his face - I gasped softly and his eyes were deep as they met mine.

"That's why it's so significant," he whispered. Then his face shifted into a soft frown and his eyes were searching. His fingers were still in my hair, his other hand clasped around my wrist. It felt like there was electricity humming through me as he continued to stare into my eyes, almost like he'd never seen me before.

"Edward? What ... ?"

"Sssh."

Slowly, he brought his face forward, our eyes still locked, our lips barely touching as he loosened my hair and cradled my head in his palm. Then his mouth was on mine, soft, tender, but becoming more intense as I responded. And this kiss felt different ... I couldn't say how, it just was. I wound my arms around his neck as he pulled me closer.

"Bella," he sighed against my lips, and then suddenly he let me go, sitting me neatly beside him on the sofa, a small space between us where he held my hand sedately. He ran his other hand through his hair, twice, as he composed his features.

"What?" I blinked a couple of times. I didn't want to be _here_, I wanted to be_ there_, in his lap. What happened? Had it been too much?

"Charlie," Edward nodded towards the door and I saw headlights flash through the windows.

"Oh. Right." I said and took a deep breath.

I could feel my skin was flushed and my head was still back in that kiss as my Dad walked in. He said a quick greeting, asked what we were watching and then headed for the kitchen where I'd left his dinner waiting in the oven.

Edward and I pretended to focus on the television, but the electricity was still humming between us.

"So, um, it was like a promise?" I said, watching Marianne confront Willoughby at a ball.

I turned to look at Edward. He was staring at me. My breath caught as he slowly lowered his face, his eyes still holding mine as he whispered against my lips.

"Yes."

"Oh, Edward ... ," I stared down at the locket, looking at the small lock of hair set in the right hand side. It was pressed beneath the glass, like a wave of glossy, bronze silk. I breathed in a long, heavy breath.

Then I bit my lip hard as my eyes fell to the other half of the locket and I stared down at the sepia tones of a century ago, at the face of human Edward.

He wasn't so different, he had been beautiful then, too. Perhaps his features weren't quite as defined, his jaw was a little softer, so were his cheekbones, but he was still very recognisable as Edward Cullen ... or Masen as he would have been then. His hair was slick, smoothed back from his forehead in the style of the day, and his nose was a little crooked, angling very slightly to the left, as though it had been broken at some stage.

This gift was so ... personal, so intimate. Here in this locket, the two parts of him had come together ... _for me_. A declaration of his deepest love.

I stared at the locket for a long time, touching my finger to his face as tears trekked slowly down my own. After a while I unclasped the fine, gold chain and secured it around my neck, wishing it was his hands doing this. The locket felt smooth and solid and cold against my skin - like him, and I knew I would never take it off.

I picked up the empty box and the lid. There was something sticking out from beneath the corner of the silk and I pulled out a small, printed card discreetly displaying the Tiffany logo.

_"Bella"_

_Original design E Cullen 2005_

_Crafted by Tiffany & Co. 2005_

I started sobbing and didn't stop until I fell asleep.

------------------

It was dark when I woke and Charlie was tapping lightly on my door.

"Bells?" The door opened a crack and I sat up. I felt woozy, like my head was too heavy and I rubbed at my swollen eyes as Charlie's face appeared around the door. "I thought you were probably tired after your trip. I've made dinner, if you're interested ... it's not fancy, but, well it's downstairs if you want some."

I breathed in a long shaky breath, pushing down all the emotions that were trying to resurface now I was awake. I'd deal with them later.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll be right down."

Dinner mightn't have been fancy, but it was perfect. Sitting with my Dad, eating tinned tomato soup alongside grilled cheese on toast, felt normal and comforting and I needed that after everything that had happened in the past couple of days ... in the past couple of hours.

Our dinner conversation was quiet. Charlie's new cap had replaced his old one on the hat rack in the hall and I told him some vagaries about Alaska and said I'd focus on my other college applications instead of Fairbanks.

He mentioned he mightn't be around much for the next couple of days - some snow hikers had gone missing in the woods and he'd be involved in the search. I said that was fine, I'd probably be spending lots of time at the Forks library anyway, trying to get through the assignments that were still waiting for my attention.

"I thought you didn't like the library here," he said, surprised.

I shrugged as I took a mouthful of cheese on toast. "It's really improved lately. Lots more books, our whole senior curriculum is covered now."

"So no more treks into Port Angeles or Seattle just to study, huh?"

I shook my head. "No more."

And I thought how pleased Edward would be about that. He'd always hated me driving my truck anywhere out of town. Whenever I needed the library, he always insisted on driving me ... not that I really minded.

After dinner Charlie settled in for an evening of television and I headed back upstairs. I noticed as I passed the living room that the cabinet was back in place, the presents all re-packed.

The Tiffany box was on the bedside table where I'd left it. I sat on my bed and picked it up, the ribbon was loosely curled up inside it now.

He would have tied that ribbon. He had probably sat at the desk in his room, smiling as his long, elegant fingers tied the delicate white ribbon into a perfect bow. That image brought fresh tears with it.

I wondered what I would have done if he'd actually given it to me. I felt sick at the thought that I would have probably refused and handed it back to him unopened.

I opened the drawer of my bedside table and set the little box in there, next to Edward's CD and the one remaining plane ticket. I closed the drawer and thought about what this gift meant, the message behind it. _Serious intentions, a promise for the future._

He'd never talked about forever, not like I had, but now his gift was talking for him.

Edward had seen a future for us.

At that thought my heart felt like it was being torn apart, pulled between joy and grief. We'd lost so much, _he'd_ lost so much.

I looked at the calendar on the wall. It was January eighth, there were still about two weeks until my Vogue magazine would be despatched to Alice. That meant probably another three weeks until she'd get it.

Too long.

I moved to the desk, sat down and started up the computer. When it was ready I typed _how to hack_ into the search engine.

---------------

It was fourth period history. I took my seat and focused on the door, waiting for Callum McLeod. I was nervous, fidgety, but I was resolved.

The night before I'd tried to teach myself how to hack into computers, but even the _how to_ sites for beginners had been a mystery.

I'd given up at midnight, deciding I would need help, even if it made me look like a pathetic stalker again. Edward was worth a little loss of dignity. I just hoped I wouldn't have to go into too many details.

Now people were filing in, taking their seats and I was chewing my lip, my leg jiggling up and down, tapping a disjointed rhythm on the floor.

A moment later Callum appeared. He smiled widely as he took his seat.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"How was Alaska?"

"Really cold."

"Colder than Forks?" He raised an eyebrow in mock disbelief.

"Um, yeah."

He snickered a little. "Not possible."

I smiled and shrugged.

"So, did you like the Fairbanks campus?"

"Um, not really the place for me, I think."

He smiled again and then flipped open his text book. He pulled out some loose pages of notes and handed them to me.

"Assignment due next week," he said. "You weren't here on Friday when it was handed out so I grabbed you a copy."

"Oh, thanks."

"Sure."

Then he turned to the back of his book and, as usual, there was a computer magazine tucked inside. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief - this would be my opening.

I took a couple of steadying breaths, feeling like I did that morning in the post office when I asked Mrs Morgan for help.

Stalker Bella was back.

I looked at the title of the article Callum was reading.

"Viruses," I said and he looked up at me. I tried to remember things I'd read on the internet the night before. "I read somewhere that there are more anti-virus programs now than actual viruses."

"Yeah, pretty much," Callum smiled. "But this article's about how most anti-virus software is obsolete almost before it's released."

He smiled and looked back at his magazine. I took a deep breath, my fingers curling around the locket as I spoke.

"Um, Callum ... ," He looked up again, eyes interested, curious, waiting for me to continue and I was trying to find a way to link the virus conversation to hacking, trying to make it seamless and smooth.

"Do you know much about hacking?"

I cringed internally and started chewing my lip - so much for seamless. But Callum's eyes brightened and a faint smile formed on his lips.

"I know a bit. Why do you ask?"

I wondered if he could hear the blood pounding through my body. My hands were fidgeting in my lap.

"Do you ever do it? Hack, I mean."

"Sometimes," he smiled, shifting in his seat and turning towards me more. "I write a lot of code and I like to experiment, see if my codes can let me into different systems. It's a challenge."

His clear, blue eyes were gleaming now.

"And it's not technically illegal, is it?" This was important. I'd break a hundred laws to find Edward, but I wouldn't ask someone else to do that.

"Hacking? No." He shook his head. "There's no real problem with just getting into a system. It's cracking that'll send you to jail."

"And that's when you change or steal information, right?" I had learned something else from my internet trawl the night before.

"Yeah, that's right." He cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowing slightly now. "Why?"

I cleared my throat softly and sat on my hands to stop the fidgeting.

"I'm ... I'm curious about it and I tried looking up _how to hack_ sites on the internet but they ... ,"

He was shaking his head.

"No. They won't help you, not if you don't already have a basic knowledge of code and programming."

"Um, yeah, I worked that out pretty quickly." I smiled a bit, remembering my complete bamboozlement at the _Hacking for Beginners_ website.

Callum was still looking at me, obviously assuming there was more to come.

"Is there something you want to know?" he asked kindly after a moment when I didn't say anything else. I took a breath and spoke in a fast whisper before I could change my mind.

"Is it possible to find out someone's cell phone number using a computer?"

He stared at me for a moment, a flicker of surprise crossing his features and I held my breath. Inside, it felt like my stomach was twisted in knots, waiting for the questions about who and why and what happened. Or maybe he'd just stand up and point and yell _Stalker! Stalker! _

I dropped my eyes, focusing on my textbook, my hands in my lap now, twisting again ... and I waited.

After a moment Callum answered.

"Yes. It's possible."

I let out my breath, the relief almost hurt as I took a tentative look at Callum. He was still watching me, eyes curious. "It would mean hacking into the service provider's data base."

He studied me for a moment, searching, and I felt myself redden. He opened his mouth to say something more but Mr Maxwell came into the room and called the class to order.

I looked back down at my book, turning quickly to the chapter on World War II as the teacher instructed. Callum focused on his book too and I was wondering if I'd missed my moment when a piece of paper slid across my page.

..._ What do you need? ..._

My head snapped up and Callum was smiling. Quickly I wrote an answer and pushed it back.

_... I need to contact someone but I've lost their phone number ..._

He frowned a little as he read then bent his head close to mine so he could whisper.

"Is it Edward?"

My eyes widened in surprise, but before I could say anything he motioned his head towards Jessica who sat two rows in front.

"Oh." Of course. My lips thinned as I wondered what sort of spin she'd put on her version of events.

Callum started scribbling again.

... _She talks. A lot. Bad break-up? ..._

I swallowed and took a deep breath, nodding as I stared at the words on the paper. Then it disappeared, returning again just a few seconds later.

... _Love sucks ..._

His comment surprised me, but I nodded, yes.

The note was gone again. From the corner of my eye I could see Callum's hand moving over the paper.

..._ I'll need his full name, any previous cell numbers, the name of his phone company ..._

My heart felt like it was doing handstands. He was actually going to help me! And he wasn't doing the pity face and he wasn't accusing me of stalking! And he didn't want to know the gory details!Actually, it seemed a bit too good to be true. I looked up at him, shock written all over my face.

"Thank you," I mouthed and he smiled.

I grabbed the paper and began writing.

... _Edward Anthony Cullen or Edward Anthony Masen ... don't know which phone company, sorry, he could even be overseas ... _

Then I added Edward's old cell number, the one that he'd had disconnected.

"Two names?" Callum whispered. He didn't seem to think it odd that I didn't know where Edward had gone.

"Adopted name, birth name." I pointed at Cullen and Masen.

He nodded and started writing again.

_... If he's overseas it could be difficult. I'll see what I can come up with ..._

Then Mr Maxwell asked the class to work in pairs, summarising the causes of the second world war. The sound of whispered conversations filled the room.

"You don't know how much I appreciate this," I said. And then, because I was so grateful the words just kept tumbling out of my mouth. "I mean, I know you hardly know me, and there's no reason for you to help me like this and ... I just really, really appreciate it."

Callum shrugged. "Just glad to help," he smiled, but then his smile faded and he looked a little guilty.

"Actually, to be honest, you seem really nice and I _do_ want to help you, I do, but really ... ," he paused and shrugged one shoulder. "Really I'm just kind of excited for any opportunity to do some real hacking for once."

He stopped and pointed his pen at the textbook, as if we were discussing the politics of 1939.

"Like I said, I write lots of code and I experiment with hacking into systems, just to see if I can get in, but it's all sort of aimless. But this ... ," now he tapped his pen on the piece of paper where we'd had our scribbled conversation. "This gives me the chance to put everything into practice _for real_." His eyes were bright again. "So thank _you_."

I wasn't sure what to say to that.

"You're welcome?"

He pocketed the piece of paper with Edward's information on it.

"I'll work on it tonight, if we're lucky I'll have something for you tomorrow."

Tomorrow .....

-----------------

But we weren't lucky and it wasn't tomorrow. Or the next day. And while I waited I worked on my assignments, I wrote essays for college applications and I did Callum's biology homework to make up for the time he was spending on hacking. And I tried not to hope.

But on Thursday morning Callum was waiting for me in the car park when I drove into school. He was grinning and gave me the two thumbs up signal. I almost fell out of my truck in my hurry to get to him.

"I have to talk to you," he whispered and grabbed my elbow, steering me towards the nearest building and into an empty classroom.

"I've found something," he grinned as he closed the door behind him.

My mouth had gone completely dry and my voice was just a squeak.

"His phone number?"

But Callum shook his head.

"No. Sit down, I'll explain."

I pulled out a seat ... not his phone number. Then what?

Callum perched on the edge of the desk opposite.

"I've been using his old cell number as the starting point. I figured if I can trace that and get into the service provider I could see when he cancelled it and whether there was a new cell number on the account."

I nodded, that made sense.

"I've been trying for the past two nights and finally, last night I got in."

He grinned at me and began talking quickly, his excitement bubbling over. "I couldn't believe it. The encryption was so tight, and I was starting to think I couldn't break through the scripting and then suddenly I was in!"

I hadn't understood any of that, but I nodded, sitting on my hands, so far on the edge of my seat I almost overbalanced. I shuffled back a little.

"What did you find?"

"He cancelled his cell number on September fifteenth."

September fifteenth, the day he left me. My throat tightened but I nodded for him to continue. "But he didn't set up a new number, at least, not with that company."

"Oh." My hope and excitement flickered and faded away and it obviously showed in my face.

"No, no, it's okay. Now that I know more about what I'm doing, I can try going into other phone companies and see if I can find something there, or .... ,"

He was grinning again.

"Or?"

He took a deep breath and his eyes were shining now, the blue brighter than I'd seen before.

"When I found his old cell phone account I could see all his details. His Forks address, the date he set the account up, the details of his plan and ... his credit card number."

His voice was triumphant, he was obviously very excited about this, but I was confused.

"I don't understand?" I whispered and he rolled his eyes.

"There are dozens of phone companies and I could spend days, weeks, trying to find which one he's using. And if he _has _gone overseas then it'll probably be impossible. But if I have his credit card number I can try and track him down that way ... I can see on his bank statement which phone company he's using."

"Oh!" My hand flew to my mouth. "Can you do that, though?"

He shrugged. "I can try. I haven't tried getting into a bank before, it could take a little while but I think it'll be quicker than just going through all the phone companies. And we can probably even work out where he's living from the transaction records."

I had to think about this for a moment. It was so tempting, but would I want Callum seeing Edward's credit card details? It was a huge invasion of his privacy, there might even be things there that could raise suspicions. And this was seriously getting into real stalker territory, and I was sure banks wouldn't look at hacking as innocently as the hackers did.

But I needed to find Edward. Not just for me, for _him._

I swallowed hard.

"Can we try a few phone companies first? Just to see?"

Callum's face fell, his disappointment was clear.

"Okay, if you want. But it'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack."

"I know. I just ... I don't want to do the credit card thing. Not yet anyway."

Callum shrugged again and pushed off the desk. "Sure. If that's what you want. I'll try a couple tonight." He started to yawn and I grabbed his hand, feeling guilty about all the hours he was putting into this, even if he was having fun with it.

"No, not tonight. Sleep tonight."

He smiled. "Maybe."

"Promise me," I said, tugging on his hand as if that would make him agree. He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I promise." I let his hand go and we started walking towards the door. "Are you going to Angela's tomorrow?" he asked.

"Angela's?"

"Her movie night?"

Oh, I'd forgotten.

"Should be good," Callum went on. "I like Alfred Hitchcock."

"I haven't seen much of his stuff," I said as he opened the door for me.

"But you've seen _Psycho,_ right?"

I shook my head.

"You haven't seen _Psycho_? Oh, Bella, you don't know what you've been missing."

"Mm? Suspense and stylized violence?"

Callum considered for a moment then laughed. "Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. So are you going to go?"

"Yeah, I'll go. If you promise to get some sleep."

-----------

Friday dragged and I was restless.

Callum's chemistry class was on a field trip so there were no hacking updates, although I didn't expect anything anyway - he'd promised me he would sleep instead.

Mrs Barrett set a massive English assignment and I headed to the Forks Library with Jess after school to get a head start on it. Hopefully Samuel Taylor Coleridge and his _stately pleasure dome_ would distract me for a while.

"So, he's using nature to mirror his emotions, right?" Jess looked up from her notes and I nodded.

I looked back down at my book. I needed a thunderstorm to mirror my emotions, maybe a tornado. My hand went to the locket, touching it gently, and I wondered when the sun would come out again.

"Actually, Jess, I think I'm done for now." I stood up and started gathering my books together. "I'll see you at Angela's tonight."

She gave me a puzzled smile as I slung my bag over my shoulder and left.

A moment later I drove my truck out of the car park, turned to the left and headed out of town ... towards the Cullen house.

I didn't know why I was going, I didn't know what I expected to find. It was unlikely they'd left any clues behind ... I supposed it just made me feel like I was _doing_ something, leaving no stone unturned.

It had been three months since I'd been there and the driveway entrance was so overgrown I almost missed it. The track seemed rougher than I remembered it, and wilder. A couple of times I wondered if maybe I had turned at the wrong place but then a flash of white through the trees told me the house was just around the next bend.

I didn't bother to get out of the car. It was clear as I drove up by the front porch that there was nothing here.

The windows were covered with the metal shutters so I couldn't peek inside. The front door was barred with a metal grill - I'd never seen that before and for some reason it sent a chill through me.

This wasn't the home I remembered and it hurt to see the place like this.  
It was just a cold, empty building now. The front steps were covered in dead leaves and puddles of melting snow - Alice had danced over those steps.

The wide porch was hung with cobwebs, the paint was starting to peel off the posts - Edward and I had sat out one summer evening and played cards until it was too dark for me to see anymore. It had been a long time since anyone had played games with him, he'd told me with a grin - his mind reading wasn't a problem when he played with me.

But now the house almost seemed creepy, standing abandoned and deserted deep in the fading light of the silent woods, like something out of a horror movie.

I wished I hadn't come. I turned around quickly and headed back to town.

My little detour meant I was late starting dinner, not that Charlie minded, but it was almost eight o'clock when I arrived at Angela's - nearly half an hour later than expected.

"Here she is," Mike grinned at me as I walked in.

The living room was full. Angela was kneeling on the floor, ready to start the first movie.

"Hi Bella," she smiled warmly and I took a seat on the sofa between Eric and Jessica. Callum and Ben were lounging on the floor, deep in discussion about something. Lauren flicked me a weak smile which I returned, just as weakly.

"Are we still waiting for Tyler?" Eric asked.

"No, he's sick," Lauren answered sourly. "He came down with stomach flu this afternoon."

There was a general groan of sympathy from the room.

"That's too bad," Mike said and Lauren nodded.

"I know. We were supposed to be going out tomorrow night. Still, it might just be a twenty four hour thing."

I reached over to the coffee table and took a handful of popcorn.

"My friend Jake came down with it last Sunday and he's still sick," I said. Lauren stared at me as if I'd spoken in a foreign language. "Um, I spoke to his Dad yesterday and he said he wasn't well enough to come to the phone."

Lauren glared at me now.

"But Tyler's case might be different," I mumbled, and shoved the popcorn in my mouth just as Angela turned off the lights and the credits began to roll.

We started with _Rear Window._ Grace Kelly was beautiful, James Stewart was clever and we were on the edge of our seats for the next hour and fifty two minutes. We'd all gasp and cringe and hold our breath at the same time and when the movie ended and the credits rolled we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"That was great," Jess giggled. "I thought my heart was going to give out when Thorwald was coming up the stairs." She clutched at her chest, her eyes on Callum.

"Okay, what will we have next?" Angela picked up two discs. "_The Birds_ or _Psycho?_"

"_Psycho_!" Callum called from the floor. "Bella's never seen it."

"Neither have I!" Jess cried and reached out for more popcorn. "Oh, bowl's empty."

"I'll get more," Angela put the disc down and started to stand.

"I'll get it," Callum said suddenly and shot to his feet, grabbing the empty bowl. "Help me, Bella? He gave me a pointed look.

"Um, okay," I muttered. I could feel Jessica's glare and Lauren's speculative smirk as I followed Callum to the kitchen.

"That's going to start gossip," I frowned as the kitchen door swung shut behind me, but Callum didn't seem interested.

"Don't worry about it. Listen, I've found something."

Oh! Jess and Lauren were forgotten. My breathing sped up a little and I ran a hand through my hair, my scalp was prickling with anticipation.

"What?" I whispered as Callum poured kernels into the machine.

"I managed to get into three phone companies last night, _before_ I went to sleep," he rolled his eyes at me. "Now that I know what I'm doing it's a lot easier. But there was no new record of Edward Cullen or Masen in any of them."

"Okay." Where was this going?

Callum turned the machine on and pulled me to the far side of the kitchen, away from the noise. He seemed nervous now as he looked at me.

"Bella, I know you asked me not to, but earlier tonight I hacked into Edward's bank account."

My mouth dropped open. "Callum! No!" I hadn't wanted him to do that, I'd expressly asked him not to! But another part of my brain was desperate to find out what he'd seen.

"It's okay," he said quickly. "I didn't do a very good job at it, every system has its own protection, and the bank's is really sophisticated, but I used what I'd learned from getting into the phone companies and it let me in a little way."

"A little way?"

He nodded. "Most of the information was scrambled, but I could see _some_ of his records, just fragments. Not really enough to tell me anything solid, just enough to throw a few clues out there."

Clues? "Like what?"

"Well, he spent a heap of money in Seattle on September eighteenth, but I can't see the vendor's name, or what he bought."

Seattle, four days after he left me.

"How much?" I whispered.

"Seventy eight thousand dollars."

My mouth dropped open again, almost unhinging this time.

"Seventy eight thou ... ," I couldn't even finish the words. Callum was nodding.

"Yeah. You didn't mention he was rich. He could probably buy his own phone company." But his joke fell flat when I just kept staring at him.

Seventy eight thousand dollars. What on earth ... ?

"A car," I said suddenly. "He needed a new car." He'd left his in Denali.

"Yeah? Okay." Callum seemed uncertain "It's just ... that doesn't make sense with the other thing I saw."

My eyes shot up to him. "What else?"

"I think it was a plane ticket. It was bought over the counter at JFK on September twentieth."

A plane ticket out of New York?

"Going where?"

"I don't know. It was just fragments again."

"How much was the ticket?"

Another shrug. "Couldn't see. There's no pattern to the fragments, they're just random."

I nodded and Callum walked over to the popcorn machine and turned it off. He stirred in the butter while I stood, staring at the patterned tiles on the floor.

Why would he buy a car and then fly somewhere two days later? Unless he only bought the car to drive to JFK, he liked to drive, but why wouldn't he just fly?

"Callum, could you see a flight from Seattle to New York?"

He shook his head. "No. That doesn't mean there wasn't one, though." He picked up the bowl. "Like I said, I'm only seeing fragments. I can keep trying though. Do you want me to?"

Did I want him to?

"I don't want you to get into trouble."

"I'm only skimming the surface," he said. "And I'm not making any changes. If I think there's a danger I'll stop."

We stared at each other for a moment.

"Think about it," he said and then walked through the door back into the living room.

My mind was racing. Do I ask him to keep looking? It didn't feel right, but if it helped me find Edward ...

"Argh!" I tugged at my hair, torn about what to do.

"Bella?" Angela called and her voice startled me. I took a couple of quick breaths. I'd have to think about this later.

"I'm coming."

Everyone was resttled, the popcorn bowl was on the coffee table and Jess grabbed a handful.

"Mm, this is great, Callum," she mumbled and tried to smile but with her mouth full her lips just pulled into a tight grimace.

Mike was looking through the DVD collection under the television.

"Hey, is this that disc you're doing for graduation?" he asked, pulling out a plain case.

"Um, yeah." Angela seemed a bit shy.

"Can we look?" Mike asked.

"It's not finished yet."

"Oh, come on!" Lauren said. "Lets have a look. We can give you a review."

Angela considered for a moment. Her eyes flickered to me and immediately I understood.

There were pictures of Edward on there. I debated for a second ... was I strong enough?

Mm, not at the moment, no.

I stood up.

"I'll just go to the bathroom," I mumbled and headed towards the hall.

I gave them ten minutes, that was probably long enough. When I opened the bathroom door all seemed quiet. The door from the hall into the living room had been pulled to, leaving it open just a crack. As I got closer I could hear whispered voices and I stopped when I heard Lauren's.

"I'd forgotten how good looking he was."

I peeked through the gap in the door and gasped.

On Angela's huge flat screen was a photo of Edward and Alice.

They were at a picnic table, it looked like it was in the park near the school. Alice was standing, obviously dusting something off the sleeve of her coat. Edward sat on the table, his feet resting on the bench seat, looking over his shoulder towards the camera with vivid amber eyes and a slight scowl on his features.

"That was the school gala day in 2004. It was supposed to be a candid shot, but somehow I think they knew," Angela said hesitantly.

My breath had caught in my throat.

It hurt to see Alice, my best friend, her face bright and beautiful - I missed her so much.

And Edward ...

Oh.

He was stunning. Even scowling, he was stunning.

And he'd been mine.

I let myself absorb the image on the screen.

"So that's Edward Cullen?" I heard Callum ask and somebody said yes.

Then the image changed and there was a photo of Mike throwing a snowball at Ben.

They both looked younger, different hair cuts.

"That was the day of the snow storm and it was so bad in the afternoon they couldn't even send us home, remember?" Mike laughed.

"These are great Angela. I didn't realize you'd been taking pictures for the last four years!" Jess bubbled. "Is this going to be shown at graduation?"

Angela nodded and the picture changed again. A group at a football game, cheering and leaping.

"When we beat Port Angeles," Eric said.

Another picture. Jessica and Lauren posing with a car in the school parking lot. Jess squealed.

"My first car!"

"It's the same car you have now," Lauren drawled and rolled her eyes. Jess just shrugged.

Then another picture. A concert in the hall. More sports events. And then Edward again. He was standing at the back of a group in a place I didn't recognize. He looked so bored. So ... unhappy?

"The field trip to Seattle!" Eric called out.

"He hardly ever smiled, did he," Jess sounded thoughtful.

"Who?" Ben mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn.

"Edward Cullen. Emmett and Alice seemed happier. But Edward and Rosalie and Jasper, hardly ever smiled."

"He started smiling when Bella arrived." Eric said.

"Creepy smiles, though." Mike was scowling.

"He changed so much when he started going out with Bella," Angela said. "He was so happy."

The boys were rolling their eyes now and Angela continued.

"He didn't seem as ... intimidating is the wrong word." She frowned and stared at the floor, her mind searching. "I don't know what the word is, but he didn't seem so .... ,"

"Arrogant?" Lauren raised a challenging eyebrow.

"No, I wasn't going to say that."

"Why not? That's what he was. Arrogant."

"I think he was just really shy. And sort of lost," Angela said quietly.

Lauren held out her hand and began inspecting her fingernails closely, her lips forming a thin, hard line.

"Do you remember their first day?" Jess' eyes were wide.

"That was the day Edward gave you the brush off, wasn't it?" Lauren smirked without looking away from her hand.

"It wasn't a brush off. He was just being polite." Jess sounded adamant and Lauren snorted.

"What did he say?" Angela asked and Jess shrugged.

"I was just trying to be welcoming. I asked him if he needed someone to show him around and he just said he didn't want to impose on my time." She shrugged. "Something like that. See, polite. He was always a gentleman."

Eric gave a laugh. "Not always," he said.

What? My head came away from the door frame real fast and I peeked back through the gap in the door.

"Why? What do you mean?" Jess was full of curiosity now.

"Remember we went bowling in Port Angeles last summer?"

I was nodding though no-one could see. My cast hadn't been off for long and Edward had been worried about me. He'd searched every ball in the alley to find the lightest one.

"Yeah, well, every time Bella got up to bowl, he was checking out her behind."

What? No. I rolled my eyes but could feel myself blushing. Edward wouldn't do that. He was too ... _Edward_. Not that I would mind. My blush deepened as I realised I kind of liked the idea that he would want to check out my behind, but I knew Eric was mistaken.

"Yeah, I noticed that too."

Angela's words floored me.

From Eric the comment meant nothing, but Angela gave the words credibility. I leant closer in case I missed anything. She was giggling.

"It was so sweet. She'd stand up and walk to the line and he'd shift seats so he was right behind her. And he'd watch her and he'd get this little smile on his face. Once he even started biting his lip. It was so sweet."

I felt warm all over and my heart was somersaulting. If only I'd known at the time. Then I remembered, later that night in my room, our kissing had been a little more intense than usual. His hands had held me tighter and he'd actually moaned when I'd kissed his neck. He hadn't done that before. I blushed now as I remembered the sound of it.

"I think he caught me watching him, though," Eric added suddenly. "He turned around and glared at me. I don't know how he knew, because I was sort of behind him."

"He looked up at me once, too," said Angela. "But he just kind of ducked his head and looked a bit embarrassed."

"So he wasn't Mr Perfect," Mike sounded smug and Jess gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

"_Anyway_," she said. "As I was saying before, remember the reaction they got their first day? How everyone was like ... wow!" She gave a tiny giggle.

"It wasn't just the first day they got that reaction, though," said Angela with a smile.

"It went on for two years," Jess laughed fully then her face became more serious. "They weren't the sort of people you ever really got used to, were they?"

Everybody shook their heads.

"I never understood the attraction with Bella."

Lauren's words were like a wrecking ball through my chest, probably because I'd never really understood it either.

"I dunno, Bella's cute," Mike mumbled. Jessica stiffened slightly and Lauren turned away with a dismissive half shrug.

"You used to think he was gay, Mike, remember?" she said.

I almost choked. I was two seconds from storming into the room and telling Lauren exactly how wrong she was, but I stopped when Ben asked Mike why he thought that.

Mike shrugged.

"I don't know, probably because he had every girl in the school after him and he didn't show any interest in anyone."

"Until Bella." Angela said firmly.

There was silence as more photos flicked by ... Halloween, prom, Spring dances, and then there was one of Edward and me together.

I was surprised they didn't all hear my gasp from behind the door.

I was sitting on a bench in the school grounds, my head buried in a book, concentration written all over my face. Edward sat beside me, close, one arm stretched along the back of the bench, his other hand reaching across to tuck my hair over my shoulder. He was watching me as I read and the look on his face was ... breathtaking.

I'd never known that Angela had taken that picture.

The love that was written across his features, the devotion, was so deep, so beautiful, it almost hurt to look at it.

There was silence in the living room. I was sure they could probably hear my heart pounding, wanting to jump out of my chest and run to wherever Edward was ... because that's where it belonged.

The screen went black, the slideshow was finished.

"Is Bella alright? She's been gone a long time?" Jess looked nervously toward the door where I was hiding.

I dashed away the tears on my cheeks and walked back into the room.

"Bella," Angela smiled. "We're just ready to start _Psycho_."

"Um, actually, I think I might go home. I've got a headache."

Lauren had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. Jess flushed pink and Angela was instantly concerned. The boys all seemed to look anywhere else but at me ¼ thankfully. Except Callum, whose expression was puzzled.

"Are you okay?" Angela stood up.

"Yeah, fine. Just really tired."

She walked over to me and whispered.

"I'm sorry if ... ,"

"No, it's okay. I'm just tired."

I grabbed my coat quickly, waved good bye and headed out the door before the tears started.

Charlie wasn't in when I got home, there was a note stuck to the railing of the stairs.

_I've had to go into work, back later._

I wondered if they'd found the missing snow hikers.

I trudged up the stairs and went to lean out my window, thinking of everything I'd seen and heard tonight.

"Where are you?" I whispered, rubbing my fingers over the scuff marks on the sill and staring at the stars. Was it night where he was now? Were we under the same moon?

I sighed and flopped onto the bed. I could feel the locket, resting heavily over my heart, the coldness of its precious metal warmed by my skin.

I wouldn't sleep, I knew that. This would be another night lying awake wondering, trying to put pieces together, trying to gather clues.

I sat up suddenly and grabbed my bag, searching through the pockets until I found my Edward list. I stretched out along my quilt as I made some new notes at the bottom.

_... purchase in Seattle, $78,000, September 9.18.05, car???_

_... plane ticket, JFK, 20.9.05, destination ???_

I chewed on my pen. It was possible he wasn't even in Seattle on the eighteenth. He might have bought whatever it was over the phone, or the internet. And in that case, _what_ did he buy? And should I really ask Callum to keep trawling Edward's credit card details?

I groaned and rolled onto my back. More clues just meant more questions. Ugh!

I stared at the ceiling for a while, then I rolled on my side, tucking my legs up and hugging them. My hand was clasped around my locket.

A car came down the street and stopped nearby. I could tell from the sound of the engine it wasn't Charlie's cruiser - I decided it was probably the neighbours.

There was the sound of a door slamming and then footsteps - they sounded like they were coming up the front path. I sat up and listened. After a moment of silence there was a loud knock on the front door. My heart froze for a second.

Edward? Alice?

No, unlikely. My heart started beating again and I looked out the window. The car was in darkness, parked under the shadows of the trees across the street and I couldn't make it out clearly. There was another knock, louder this time, but the porch roof obscured my view.

Suddenly I felt nervous. I grabbed my cell phone and walked slowly down the stairs as the knocking continued. They were persistent, whoever they were. I was glad I hadn't stayed to watch _Psycho_.

I stood at the foot of the stairs, trying to decide what to do. I lifted the corner of the white gauzy curtain that covered the narrow panel of glass beside the front door. The porch light wasn't on, it was difficult to see in the shadows. I was about to back away from the door and call my Dad when whoever it was stepped back, away from the porch and into the moonlight, giving me a clear view of their face, just as the kitchen phone started ringing.

"Callum!" I opened the front door, relieved. "Come in, I just have to get the phone."

It was probably Charlie, reporting in. I hurried along the hall and heard the front door close behind me as I skidded into the kitchen. I bumped into the door frame as I grabbed the phone, just in time to hear the click at the other end as whoever it was hung up.

"Missed it," I hissed then turned around and walked back into the hall.

Callum was standing near the stairs and I smiled, curious, wondering why he was here.

"Was _Psycho_ too much for you," I joked but then stopped as I took in his expression. "Callum, what's wrong?"

His entire posture screamed _defense. _Arms folded across his chest, hands balled into fists. But his face seemed confused and ... frightened?

"Callum?"

There was the slightest tremor in my voice and I took a step back. What was going on? I clutched my cell phone tightly.

"What's wrong?" I said again, and Callum's eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong?" his tone was incredulous as he repeated my words and suddenly he let out a breath. His posture changed as he pulled both hands through his hair and shook his head. "What's wrong? Bella, you didn't tell me Edward was a vampire."

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read and has left me a review. I read them all and am slowly getting around to responding. Thanks again :)**

**Car park dialogue from **_**Twilight**_** by Stephenie Meyer.**


	6. Chapter 6: Gothic Romance

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Note: There are descriptions of violence in this chapter.**

**_____________________________________________________________________________**

Callum McLeod had just become the most dangerous thing in my world ... in _Edward's_ world.

His words were ricocheting in my head. My body was ice, my heart was cold. Shock and disbelief were fighting with panic, and sweat was beading at the back of my neck.

But stronger than the fear and the panic was the fierce, overwhelming need to protect Edward.

I didn't know what had tipped Callum off, or what he wanted to do with this knowledge, but knowing that I'd given him Edward's human name and enough details that he could track him down made me feel sick.

Callum was staring at me, wary and expectant.

I took a deep breath and the air made a rasping sound as I pulled it from deep within my lungs.

"Vampires don't exist, Callum." I was surprised at how confident I sounded, the derision in my voice was clear. The need to keep Edward safe had made me a good actress for the first time in my life.

"I know you didn't expect this," Callum said slowly, watching me carefully. "ButI didn't expect what I saw in Angela's slide show, either."

The photos.

"What exactly did you see?" I asked and dropped my eyes now, not wanting to look at him, not wanting to give anything away. So I stared at the wall where there was a small crack in the paint.

Callum sighed, he sounded tired now and from the corner of my eye I could see he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck as he looked around him, as if the answer to my question could be found in Charlie's living room, or the hall.

"Do you have a computer?" he asked suddenly.

My eyes came back up as I stared at him, dumbfounded. "What ... why?"

"There's something you have to see, before you make any more decisions about finding him." There was a flicker of fear in his eyes and I didn't think it was possible for me to feel any colder, but I did.

"Will you let me show you? Please?" He held out an imploring hand. "You probably won't believe me unless you see it."

I swallowed. I wanted to tell him he was crazy and to go away. I just wanted this whole conversation to stop, but that couldn't happen. I needed to do some major damage control and to do that I needed to know exactly what Callum knew, and what he was planning to do.

"Um, computer .... ," I bit my lip. There was no way I was taking him to my room so that just left Charlie's old computer in the room he called a study but was really full of boxes of fishing equipment and other stuff he'd had to shift out of my bedroom to make way for me.

"You know this all sounds completely crazy," I said. "I mean, _vampires_? Come on, Callum ... ."

And suddenly, Callum's face changed and his expression softened.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, Bella," he said gently. "I promise." Then he gave a weak laugh. "If I told this to anyone else but you they really would think I was crazy." But his laugh faded quickly. "Trust me, Bella ... I _won't _be talking about this to anyone."

His words were soft but the conviction in his tone and his eyes surprised me ... I thought I might believe him.

I took a long, steady breath and eased away from the wall. My legs felt shaky and I walked slowly towards the door opposite the stairs. The shock was starting to fade but the panic was still there, coiled tight, just under the surface, waiting to strike. My hands were shaking so hard I could barely turn the doorknob.

"Wow, this must be five or six years old," Callum commented on the computer as we walked into the room.

"My dad's not really into technology that much," I mumbled. The machine sat on an old desk Charlie had brought home from the station. Callum pulled out the vinyl office chair and sat down.

"Okay, this might be a bit slow," he said as he flicked the _on_ button. I sank into the old, orange velour bean bag and watched.

"So what are you showing me?" I asked as his fingers moved over the keys.

"My father's files," he answered.

"Your ... your father's files? Isn't he an archaeologist?"

"Yeah, he is, but his hobby is myths and superstitions."

And then I remembered, the conversation the week before in history - he'd said his father had written a book.

"Oh." I pulled my knees up, hugging them and the bean bag rustled softly as I sank deeper.

"He's got dozens of old reports, eye witness accounts ... it's all taken years of research, trawling police files, hospital records, tracing urban myths, looking for patterns, making connections. Here."

A list of folders appeared on the screen.

_Big Foot (North America)_

_Vampires_

_Werewolves_

_Yeti (Himalayan)_

Callum stopped typing and sat back in the chair. He rubbed his hands along his thighs and suddenly he seemed nervous. He wasn't looking at me.

"Bella, this isn't going to be nice, but you need to know what you're dealing with." He lifted his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Then he clicked on the vampire folder.

The gasp that filled the room came from me as I stared at the ink sketch displayed on the screen.

Edward.

And he was scowling, his expression dark, eyebrows slanting sharply, exactly how he was in Angela's photo, the one of him with Alice.

I scrambled, trying to get out of the bean bag but I was only using one hand to push myself up because the other was clamped firmly over my mouth. I was vaguely aware of Callum helping me, pulling me gently and then I was sitting in the office chair.

"It's him, isn't it?" he said gently.

"What is this?" I whispered.

"This is a police sketch based on an eyewitness account from 1928."

Oh. 1928.

His rebellious period.

I shut my eyes and swallowed. I didn't know if I wanted to go any further with this. I was pretty sure Edward wouldn't want me to know.

"Who has access to this?" I asked suddenly, sharply, and it was a moment before Callum answered. He seemed slightly taken aback.

"Just my dad. And me, I guess. But he doesn't even know I hack in here sometimes." I nodded, staring again at the dark lines and curves that made up the face of Edward Cullen. I was aware that I'd just confirmed Callum's theory for him.

"Bella," Callum's voice was gentle. "I don't know what Edward has told you, but I think you need to read this. The first part are my dad's notes. After that it's the transcript of the police interview."

I debated for a moment, but then decided I had to know exactly how much Callum and his father knew.

_**Vigilante Vampire???**_

_From 1927 to 1931 anecdotal evidence points to a vampire operating as a vigilante across the north-east of the US and parts of Canada. There are 17 accounts of women being rescued from assaults by a mystery man and though the accounts vary, analysis of police reports show there are a number of factors common to each case._

_- sudden appearance, no-one sees him approach_

_- tall and young - late teens, early twenties_

_- very strong_

_- used no weapons_

_- he rarely spoke, only sometimes to tell the victim she was safe, or to tell her to run_

_- four women mention red eyes. This was written off as hysteria by doctors and police, supposedly brought on by the stress of the attack_

_- in five accounts his eyes are described as very dark or black_

My heart was hammering, it felt like it was in my throat and I couldn't swallow. I tried to remember what Edward had told me about his time away from Carlisle, but my mind was suddenly blank. I shook my head a little, trying to clear my thoughts. My fingers trembled as I moved the mouse and scanned more of Professor McLeod's notes.

The first recorded incident was Martha Lawrence in Brooklyn in 1927. A man had followed her down an empty street as she walked home one night after dark.

I thought of that night in Port Angeles when I'd been followed and I shivered now as I read.

Martha's description said he was average height, thickset and she noticed he carried a rolled up newspaper under his arm. She thought about crossing the street to get away from him, but she noticed another, taller man on the opposite pavement, keeping pace with her. Though he wasn't looking, Martha had the feeling he was watching her and she was scared the two men were working together.

Another shiver of cold ripped through me as I remembered my own experience, and how I'd been herded down a side street.

Martha kept walking straight ahead, moving faster. The footsteps behind her quickened too and then suddenly they stopped. She turned and the street was empty. Both men were gone, no sign of them anywhere. But on the ground was the newspaper, and there was an iron bar sticking out the end of it.

My stomach rolled with revulsion.

"She was so lucky Edward was there," I whispered and thought about how it felt that night in Port Angeles when he'd saved me. "It was him across the street, wasn't it?"

Callum was frowning at me, he seemed confused, but he nodded.

"Yeah, it's pretty certain that was him."

I turned back to the screen.

There were fifteen more, similar stories - women rescued from alleys, from empty streets, one from an open field and a few even saved in their own homes. Some in daylight, but mostly after dark, action was always swift and mostly silent.

"All these women would have died." I murmured as I read over their names again. And I knew these seventeen were only the tip of the iceberg.

But then I came to the official police statement from Louisa Albert in Brooklyn in 1928 ... and I wasn't quite prepared for that. I realised pretty quickly this was what Callum had been talking about.

Louisa had been dragged into an alley by a man with a knife who smashed her head against the brick wall while he cut at her clothing. He stopped when another man appeared beside them suddenly.

... _He was just there, like some guardian angel. He was tall and he grabbed the other man by the shoulder and made him cry out and crumple in pain. I thought I heard his bones cracking. I was too scared to move and suddenly the tall man looked right at me and he was so young and his eyes were so dark, like they were black. And he said 'run home now', very quietly. So I started running. I was so relieved but still so frightened and I stumbled at the entrance of the alley and as I fell I looked up and saw the tall man let go of the other man's shoulder. He put his hand around his neck instead and lifted him up like he was no more than a kitten. And my mind was just blank, like I couldn't understand what I was seeing. The man was kicking and struggling but the other was completely still, just standing, holding him like he was nothing. Then he turned his wrist and there was a loud crack and the man fell limp like a rag doll. I screamed and shut my eyes. When I opened them the alley was empty, both men were gone, I couldn't think how because they hadn't passed by me and my eyes had only been closed for a second. And the walls of the alley were tall, three floors, and there were no other exits or places to hide. Then I heard a sound from the roof above, and a man's shoe fell down into the alley. I started screaming again until some people from the houses nearby came and found me._

The statement ended there.

I pushed back a little from the desk, aware of Callum's eyes on me.

_He has very good wrist action... _

Tanya's words came back to me and I shuddered.

In my mind I could see him breaking that man's neck. He'd probably drained him on the rooftop while the body was still warm. I shuddered again.

"Bella?" Callum's voice gently brought me back. "Bella, I'm sorry, but I ... I didn't know how much he told you and ... ,"

"I already knew about this," I cut in, staring down at my hands.

"You ... you _knew_?"

I nodded and glanced up at Callum who was clearly surprised. "He told me."

"Did he really?"

"Yes."

"Oh." He seemed at a loss now. "And ... it doesn't bother you?"

"No. It's not who he is."

Callum's eyes snapped wide.

"_Not who he is?" _He shook his head and stood up, throwing off the bean bag much more easily than I had. He stood over me, waving his hand towards the computer screen.

"Bella, he's a vampire, a predator, a parasite, _that's_ who he is! He kills people! He could kill _you_!"

"No!" I stood up too, so fast that the chair rolled back over the floor and hit the book case. "He doesn't kill people, he's not a parasite, and he would_ never, ever_ hurt me!"

Callum gave a sharp laugh and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Did you actually read that police report?" he sounded incredulous and he stabbed a finger at the screen.

"Yes!" I snapped. "I read it, did you?"

My question surprised him. "What do you mean? Of course I've read it."

"Then you know all those women _lived_ because of Edward. They probably grew old and had children and grandchildren ... because of Edward. The men he killed were evil, _they_ were the predators, not Edward!"

Callum floundered for a moment, his mouth opening and closing a couple of times, while I stared at him, seething.

"Okay, I see your point," he said more calmly. "I can see why you look at it that way, but these are just the ones we know about Bella. He's probably killed thousands of _innocent_ people."

I shook my head. "No. He never killed an innocent person. He's not dangerous."

Callum's mouth dropped open, his shock undisguised, and I rolled my eyes at myself.

"I mean, yes, he _is_ dangerous, but he chooses not to be, if that makes sense."

"No! It doesn't make sense." Callum grimaced. "He's really done a job on you, hasn't he?"

I blanched at his words.

"What? No! He's ... ,"

"He's a killer, Bella!" Callum cut me off. "I mean, he obviously has incredible control, to mix with humans and go to school, but he _will_ end up killing you!"

"He. Would. Never. Hurt. Me!"

I wanted to smash something. I balled my hands into tight, painful fists as my eyes began to sting, angry tears building up behind them. I tried to blink them away but they slid, slow and unbidden, over my cheeks. I dashed them away quickly with the back of my hand.

"He's _saved_ me! More than once."

"Saved you?" Callum was all skepticism and that made my tears, and my words, flow faster.

"Yes! He ... he stopped a van from crushing me ... I would have died. And one night in Port Angeles he saved me from a group of men like the ones in those reports ... ," I flung my hand towards the computer. "Except he didn't kill them, even though he wanted to. Instead he drove me home and made sure I was safe." I took a deep breath and swallowed, trying to calm myself. "Edward, his whole family, they're good and kind," I sniffed. "I mean ... Esme grows _roses_, for goodness sake!"

For a second Callum seemed stunned. Then he dropped his head back on his shoulders and groaned. It was a moment before he straightened up and stepped over to the computer.

He grabbed the mouse and clicked a couple of times.

"Have you ever seen what vampire teeth can do, Bella?"

And suddenly there was a photo on the screen, gruesome even in black and white. My eyes snapped shut and I turned away quickly.

"Norway, 1941," Callum said. "That man was found with his throat ripped open. No two neat little holes in his neck ... _ripped open_. And no blood anywhere, not in his body, not on the ground around him, or on his clothes or his skin. That's what vampire teeth do!"

"I know what they can do!" I spat. I jerked up the sleeve of my sweater, curled my hand into a fist and thrust my wrist towards him, letting him see the scar that James had left me.

"A vampire did that. He was sadistic and cruel and he tried to kill me. First he stomped on my leg and snapped it. Then he threw me into a wall and it split my head open and broke my ribs. And after that he tore a hole in my wrist with his_ teeth_!"

My arm was shaking as I held it out. In the sudden silence of the room I could hear the blood pumping in my ears and my breath coming hard and fast. Callum's eyes were huge as they stared at the silver crescent on my skin.

He reached out a hesitant finger. "Did he ... did Edward ... ?" he asked softly as he touched the scar.

"Edward saved me." My voice was firm and strong. "He pulled James off me and then he held me while he sucked the venom out of my blood."

Callum's eyes snapped up to mine. "He sucked it out? Then, you're saying he drank your blood and he stopped?"

I nodded slowly as I dropped my arm again. "He _stopped_."

More tears leaked from my eyes, rolling silently over my cheeks.

Callum took a clumsy step backwards and sank awkwardly into the bean bag, his knees coming up almost higher than his head. He was frowning, thoughtful, and I kept talking.

"While Edward was sucking out the venom his father, Carlisle, was bandaging my head, trying to stop the bleeding. And he splinted my leg while Edward's brothers and sister pulled James apart and burned the pieces of his body."

Callum looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I pulled the chair back into place at the desk and sat down, watching him. He seemed lost now.

"The Cullens respect human life," I continued. "They've all made a conscious choice only to feed on animals." I smiled a little. "They call themselves vegetarians."

"Vegetarians?"

I nodded.

"But obviously it hasn't always been that way for Edward," he challenged.

"Obviously," I admitted and Callum seemed a little surprised by my concession. "Edward killed hundreds of people in those four years ... and they were all evil. All like the men in your father's notes."

Callum opened his mouth, hesitated, then spoke. "Why did he stop?"

"Because his conscience wouldn't let him do it anymore. He couldn't stand taking any more human life, no matter how justified it might have seemed. He hasn't killed since."

Callum's expression was unreadable now and I wondered what he was thinking.

"How can you be so sure?" he asked. "He might have just told you that."

I smiled. "His eyes."

Callum started to laugh and the action pushed him further into his seat. "What, you think you can see his goodness in his _eyes_?" He shook his head as he pushed against the bean bag, wriggling until he was back on a more even level. "This isn't a romance novel, Bella."

The corner of my mouth twitched just slightly. If this was a romance novel, then we were definitely looking at the Gothic genre.

"His eyes aren't red," I said simply and Callum raised a questioning eyebrow. "When vampires drink human blood, their eyes turn red. If they drink from animals their eyes are more golden in colour. So that's how I know."

There was silence as Callum processed this new piece of information. The only sound was the gentle rustling of the beans as they tried to claim him again. I watched and waited, I knew there'd more questions.

"You said his _family_ before. Do they all drink from animals?"

"Yes."

He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it.

"It started with Carlisle," I said. "He's never taken a human life. Actually, he became a doctor so he could help people. He's the most compassionate person I know."

"A doctor?"

I nodded and Callum let out a long breath.

"Who's Esme?"

"She's Carlisle's wife. She's like a mother to the others, she keeps them in line."

I smiled, Callum didn't comment, but his brow furrowed slightly.

"James?"

"A nomad, wandering through."

He nodded, staring into space now. I felt wary, not sure what where this was all going to go.

"So, why did Edward leave?" he asked after another moment. His head was cocked to one side, curious, not challenging.

I swallowed hard. This probably wasn't the time to mention Jasper's slip-up.

"He wanted me to have a chance at a normal, all-human life."

"Oh." He seemed surprised by my answer and his eyes drifted back to my wrist. He nodded slightly.

"Did you ever think he might be right?"

I rolled my eyes. I should introduce Callum to Tanya.

"It wasn't right, not for either of us."

"So, if you find him and he still thinks you're better off without him, what will you do? I mean, the reasons he left are still there, right?"

I closed my eyes and my mouth went dry. I couldn't even imagine it.

"I suppose I'd have to respect that."

It sounded good and noble, but I wondered what I _would_ do if Edward was stubborn and still insisted on staying away for the sake of my safety. Then I decided I wouldn't think about that, not now.

"I just ... I need him to know that I understand why he left. We didn't finish well and I need to fix that." At least I could let him know I had his gift, that I knew he loved me. It was important he knew that I understood the truth. My hand travelled to the locket around my neck.

There was silence in the room for a while, punctuated only by the soft rustle of the bean bag as Callum shifted occasionally. I pulled my knees up under my chin, hugging them to myself tight. I moved from side to side a little, making the seat swivel back and forth gently. It felt comforting somehow.

"I came here tonight to tell you I couldn't help you anymore," Callum broke the silence and I stopped swivelling. His eyes were very earnest, his expression completely open and honest. "And to hopefully convince you not to keep looking for him."

I nodded. I had already assumed this was how things were going to end.

"But you're going to keep looking, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes."

He sighed heavily and leant back, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Okay," he sighed and it was muffled through his fingers.

"Okay ... what?"

He struggled to sit up again and when he did he fixed his eyes on mine.

"Okay, I'll help you find him."

That really threw me.

"Um, why?"

He shrugged. "Truthfully? I'm not sure. I think ... I feel like I need to look out for you. It seems like you get yourself into trouble pretty easily, or trouble finds you. I can just imagine what will happen to you if you go searching for a vampire."

Callum was smiling a little and I studied him, chewing my lip, thinking.

"Actually, Callum ... I don't think I want you to help me."

Now _he_ was thrown. His eyebrows almost left his face.

"Um, why?"

I took a deep breath and dropped my feet back onto the floor. As much as I needed to find Edward, right now the need to protect him was greater.

"Well, you already know a lot, _too much_ ... I don't know who you might tell. I've already put the Cullens at enough risk."

Callum's face fell and he looked hurt.

"I told you I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Yes, I know, but ... ," I felt awkward now and dropped my eyes. There was a small rip in the vinyl seat and a started picking at it. "Your ... your dad would probably be really interested in all this and I don't want Edward to be a chapter in his next book." A frightening thought came to me suddenly and I looked up quickly.

"He's not ... ," I looked at the computer screen. "Is he ... ?"

Callum understood straight away. "Nothing from those files is in his book, Bella. The book's just about the history of myths, how they work in modern times."

"Oh. Good."

"And I won't be telling him about Edward or his, um, family," Callum said softly and he looked away towards the door. "Dad's not really into the vampire thing anymore."

His statement seemed loaded somehow and I wondered if he'd tell me more, or if I'd have to ask. I waited and a moment later Callum started talking.

"Dad had a student called Alex about six years ago." He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.. "Alex was into the whole mythology thing too, but way more than my dad. Dad just likes to research, but Alex liked to _experience. _He was obsessed with vampires and when there were some suspicious disappearances and savaged bodies turning up around Saskatchewan he went to check it out. Dad didn't know until he got a call one night. Alex was really excited and said he was onto something. Dad told him to drop it and come home but Alex just said he'd call again in a couple of days." Callum started picking at the bean bag, his fingers pinching the velour while he stared at them.

"Did he call?"

"Nope." Callum shook his head, eyes still on his fingers. "Police found his body a couple of days later. Looked like he'd been savaged by an animal."

He lifted his eyes to mine and I didn't know what to say.

"So, Dad's gone cold on the whole vampire thing. He got rid of a lot of his notes and stuff and he hasn't updated this for years now." He pointed at the screen. "And he'd kill me if he knew I was doing this. So no, I won't be telling him. Or anyone else."

He gave me a slight smile. Then he stood up and walked to the computer. He stood as he clicked and typed and a moment later the screen went black.

"What did you do?"

He took a deep breath as he straightened up. "I just deleted the Vigilante Vampire."

My mouth popped open in surprise. I stared at Callum, his face was open and honest and I smiled.

"Thank you," I whispered.

------------

After Callum left I dragged myself upstairs, exhausted. I flopped on the bed and yawned.

I wantéd to drift into a deep, dreamless sleep and while my body was willing my mind wouldn't let me. It kept reliving the last two hours, over and over again.

My heart felt like it was only just starting to return to its normal rhythm. It had been racing ever since Callum's car pulled up out the front of the house.

His revelation had been such a shock, and then the fear that he would expose Edward had consumed me. I should probably check in the mirror for grey hairs.

Callum, his father, the Vigilante Vampire, Martha and Louisa, Alex ... it was all on a loop in my head.

We'd agreed that Callum would keep helping me search. He said it would probably be easier now, because I wouldn't have to worry about him finding anything suspicious and I supposed that was true.

"And it gives me a few different angles to try," he'd said. "They probably own more than one house ... I can see what turns up. There might be a rotation to where they live and we can check that out."

I knew they'd lived in Forks before, so that wasn't such a bad idea.

And I told him about the Vogue magazine. He'd been impressed and I'd blushed and he'd wondered how secure the Vogue data base was ... now it was next on his list to hack.

I reached over to the bedside table and took the photo of Edward and me out of the drawer. In the soft glow of the lamp I studied his face. Reading about his past had been confronting but it didn't change anything, I still loved him, I still knew he'd never hurt me ... although maybe I could see things from his side a bit more clearly now.

"Okay," I murmured as I looked at him. "You _really_ are very dangerous, I know. But I always did know ... I guess I just never told you."

And I hadn't.

I'd always trusted Edward, I knew he would never hurt me and he had proved my trust was justified over and over again. But he'd been so cautious, and I'd been so desperate to let him know I wasn't afraid ... maybe I'd just seemed reckless.

He'd tell me I was breakable, delicate and fragile, and I'd always respond the same way ...

_You won't hurt me. I know you won't hurt me._

To him it probably seemed like I was shoving my fingers in my ears and yelling _Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah._

I sighed and touched my fingers to his face.

"If I had told you that I knew you could hurt me, but I trusted you not to, would it have made a difference?"

It probably would have. So I made a mental note to add it to my list of things I'd tell him when I found him.

I turned onto my side and stared out the window, clutching the photo. Under my sweater I could feel Edward's locket resting against my skin. I stared at my hands in the dark and thought of his, and I smiled as I remembered just how gentle they could be.

I woke to an unfamiliar sensation. Normally I was stirred gently into consciousness by a whispered _good morning_ in my ear, followed by a trail of soft kisses over my shoulder. But this morning, as my eyes fluttered open, I knew I wasn't in Edward's arms. I could feel his weight on the end of my bed and his hands, surprisingly warm, stroking over my leg.

I looked up and saw him sitting, head bent, hair falling in his eyes as his hands massaged and kneaded. My leg was peppered with tiny scars and one long one where the pin had been inserted into the shattered bone. It was paler than the other leg, and a little thinner because my cast had only come off the day before.

Edward's lips curved into a smile and he spoke without looking up.

"Good morning."

"Um, hi."

His touch felt wonderful. I could almost feel the strength returning to the weakened muscles.

"What are you doing?" I sat up a little more.

"I'm using massage to get the blood flowing and to work the muscles." Then he looked up sharply, eyes worried, and pulled his hands away. "Am I pressing too hard?"

"No," I said and nudged him with my knee. "It feels good. Will you keep going?"

I blushed a little. I was just glad to have his hands on any part of me - he'd been so overly cautious since James' attack.

He smiled and resumed, running his thumbs up my calf muscle and back down, then dragging the flat of his fingers firmly along the sides, coming back to my calf again, kneading now with his knuckles.

"Your hands feel warm," I murmured, wondering how that was.

"Good. Warm is what I was aiming for." I waited for him to explain but he didn't and I frowned.

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't ask a question."

I rolled my eyes. "It's too early in the morning for conversation with a pedantic vampire." I flopped back on my pillows and he laughed.

"I ran my hands under the hot tap for a while. I hoped it would be enough."

"Mm, it feels wonderful." I sighed and stretched, closing my eyes and raising my arms up above my head, pressing my hands flat against the headboard. When I looked up again Edward was grinning, his amber eyes smiling at me while his hands worked their magic. Then he lifted my leg, supporting it while he bent my knee and gently pushed my toes back towards my head. I felt the muscles pull and stretch and I winced a little. Edward stopped immediately.

"Too much?"

"No, it's just feels a bit stiff."

He nodded and repeated the move, but so carefully this time that I barely felt a thing. Then he supported my ankle carefully while he rotated my foot around in circles.

"Your muscles will need a bit of encouragement to move smoothly again."

I chuckled darkly. "Yeah, like I've ever been a smooth mover."

Edward lowered his head again and I could see a smile stealing over his lips.

"Oh, I don't know," he murmured softly and just the way he said it made me blush right down to the toes he was holding.

He lowered my leg back onto the bed.

"Wriggle your toes for me?"

I wriggled and he nodded.

"Good." He gave my big toe a playful tug then ran his thumb nail along the sole of my foot. It tickled and I gasped, jerking my leg back and giggling.

Edward grinned. "Your reflexes are good, too. But you'll need to do your exercises morning and night to build the strength back up." He was still studying my leg.

"Yes, Dr Cullen," I smirked. I'd been through all this at the hospital the day before when Carlisle had removed the cast.

"And try to remember to take it easy for the next couple of days at least." He looked up at me now. "And don't use the stairs on your own."

I rolled my eyes.

"Edward it's fine. I managed the stairs with that huge cast on."

His face became serious as he leant forward, placing his hands flat on the mattress, either side of my hips.

"You are not to use the stairs alone, not yet." His voice was low.

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. He sat back sharply, clearly exasperated and pulled a hand through his hair.

"Bella, the cast gave your leg a level of support it doesn't have now. The muscles are weak, and stairs have never been your strong point."

I continued to glare at him, refusing to give in. He sighed, dropped his hand from his head and leant forward again, slowly, eyes softer this time. He looked at me through his lashes.

"Please, for me? Don't use the stairs unless I'm here to help you. Or Charlie. Just for a couple of days."

I narrowed my eyes.

"Don't dazzle me Edward."

He smirked a little, then leant in and kissed me softly on the lips. My eyes closed as warmth hummed through me and I lifted my hands, tangling them in his hair as our lips moved together. He moved closer, running his fingers along my jaw as his lips moved down onto my throat. I turned my head, exposing more of my neck to him and his fingers twined with mine as he kissed right over the pulse point that was hammering beneath my skin. Then he pulled away, slowly, nuzzling me softly with his nose.

"No stairs," he whispered and I rolled my eyes again.

"You don't play fair," I scowled.

"I never said I did."

He looked back down at my leg, stroking his fingers over the scars. I hadn't really studied them closely yet, but now as I focused on them they looked ugly and I felt self conscious. I was glad at least that Alice had insisted on shaving my legs when I got back from the hospital. Edward's finger touched the largest scar, still deep pink and jagged, just underneath my knee cap. He was frowning and seemed deep in thought as his finger grazed across it.

I shifted, feeling shy now, and I tugged the blanket back over me. Edward lifted his face and looked at me, curious.

I shrugged a shoulder. "I guess they'll fade, won't they? It won't always look like that."

He blinked a couple of times, almost as though he hadn't understood what I'd said. Then a look of incredible tenderness crossed his features. Slowly he lifted my leg. Bending his head his lips made a slow trail over my skin, placing a gentle kiss on each scar. My heart hammered and my breath caught in my throat. Edward smiled.

"Breathe, Bella," his lips whispered against my skin and I took a sharp, quick breath.

He continued, making sure every scar and scratch had been attended to, and then he put my leg down and pulled the blanket back over me, tucking it in around my hips.

I smiled and he came to curl up beside me. I wrapped my arms around him and he rested his head between my neck and my shoulder. We stayed that way for a while, just quiet and Edward traced circles and lines over my arm that was draped across his chest.

"Charlie's going to wake up soon," he said softly after a while and I nodded.

My dad had been going in to work late so he could get my breakfast in the mornings and make sure I was okay before he left. I'd told him it wasn't necessary, but he insisted. Luckily he couldn't do much damage to a pop tart.

"You'll have to leave."

"For a while," he murmured and I nodded. I kissed the top of his head and he nuzzled in closer to me. He breathed deeply, kissing along my shoulder, and then he sighed.

"It's time."

I heard the creak of Charlie's bed from the next room. Edward gave me a quick kiss and was out the window before I had a chance to say good bye. A moment later there was a tap on the door.

"Bells?"

"Come in, Dad."

The door cracked open and Charlie peeked in.

"You okay?" He asked that every morning.

"Yep, I'm fine.""Good. I'll just get you some breakfast then."

"Actually, Dad, I can do that. Carlisle said I have to start moving around more now, get my leg working again."

It was true, Carlisle had said that, but Charlie seemed to hesitate.

"Okay then, but let me help you down the stairs."

I groaned silently. What was it with men and stairs?

I was fed and Charlie had gone to work after helping me back upstairs so I could take a shower. Now I lay on my bed, reading one of the books Edward had borrowed from the library for me. I was intrigued by the going-on at the _Jamaica Inn_, when my stomach rumbled. The clock said it was ten forty five, but my stomach said it was lunch time. Looked like the pop tarts weren't enough.

I bit my lip and wondered how long Edward was going to be, and then I felt annoyed with myself.

I was hungry and I was perfectly capable of getting myself some lunch. So I got up and walked to the top of the stairs. I was still getting used to the feel of walking around without the cast that had been my constant companion for the past six weeks, but I grabbed hold of the banister and told myself that if stairs were really a problem then Carlisle would have said so. And really, holding onto the bannister wasn't that much different than holding onto a person. Or a vampire. I snickered a little and took a tentative first step.

Fine. No problem.

I took another step. And another.

I didn't know what he was so worried about.

I stared down at my feet, watching their placement carefully.

Another step. Another. I grinned as I thought of Edward's face when he'd see me at the kitchen table, eating early lunch without any drama or fuss. He'd be cranky, but he'd see I was right.

Another step ... wobble. I waited a moment and steadied myself again.

Another step. And another. And ...

"What are you doing?"

My heart almost crashed through my ribs and I gasped.

"Edward!"

He was standing at the foot of the stairs, and he was glaring at me with eyes like fire.

I was in big trouble.

He took two slow steps towards me and I shrank back a little. I felt like a child, caught doing something wrong.

Except I wasn't a child, and I only wanted to come downstairs and get something to eat. I pulled my shoulders back and stuck out my chin, but I kept a firm grip on the bannister.

"I'm hungry. I'm going to get some lunch."

He stared at me for a second. "Did you not understand what I said earlier?" He sounded incredulous now.

"I understood. But I was hungry. And look, I've made it almost halfway without any problem." I grinned, bright and happy but Edward continued to glare, continued to seethe. I could feel his frustration and anger from where I stood.

I let out a sharp breath. This was ridiculous.

"Edward, I'm not incompetent or incapable, I ... ,"  
"No, you're not those things!" he snapped sharply, surprising me. "I've _never_ said you were. But you are getting over a serious injury and you're intelligent enough to understand that you still need to be careful."

"I _am _careful," I snapped back. "You need to stop treating me like a child!"

"Then stop acting like one!"

I gasped, stung by his words. But then mine had probably stung him too.

"Carlisle never said anything about stairs when he took the cast off yesterday," I growled.

"He told you to be careful ... it was implied."

His eyes were blazing, he was furious and he took another step towards me.

I held up my hand to stop him and surprisingly, he stopped.

"What?" he snapped.

"What are you going to do? Throw me over your shoulder and carry me to the kitchen?"

"If I have to."

I let go of the bannister, carefully, and folded my arms across my chest.

"I'm coming down these stairs. On. My. Own."

"No. You're. Not." He spoke through his teeth and his jaw was so hard, so sharp I was sure you could cut glass on it.

"And you think you can stop me?" I spat and he looked as if I'd just said the world was flat ... and really, that statement would probably have made more sense.

His mouth was open, eyes full of disbelief. Then his lips closed and I thought there was just the hint of a twitch at the corners.

"I think I stand a fair chance of stopping you," he said and his eyes weren't so hard now.

But I kept glaring at him ... smug, self-righteous vampire. I took a step to the right and he shifted so he was in line with me. I saw his hands move slightly, as though he were getting ready to catch me. I shifted to the left and he followed, blocking me again where he stood, four steps below me.

"Just because you _can,_ Edward, doesn't mean you _should_."

I shut my eyes and stiffened, preparing to be picked up and carted down the stairs like a naughty child.

But nothing happened.

I waited ... and still nothing happened.

After a moment I cracked open an eye and Edward was standing on the step just below me. And he was offering me his arm.

"Bella, may I help you down the stairs?"

His eyes had returned to their amber colour, and his face was gentle, the hard, angry lines soft now. He gave me an apologetic smile and I smiled back, surprised.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

I tucked my hand inside his elbow.

"Me too," I said, and he held me securely as we walked slowly down the stairs together.

He let go of me when we got to the bottom and I walked into the kitchen and made myself some lunch while he sat at the table, watching me.

"Want some?" I held out my sandwich and grinned. Edward rolled his eyes and leant forward, lifting the top slice of bread.

"You've got chicken in there. I'm a vegetarian, remember?"  
He quirked an eyebrow and sat back in his chair while I chuckled.

Then he reached over the table and held my free hand in his, rubbing his thumb over my skin. My fingers squeezed his in answer and he smiled.

"Would you like to go for a walk this afternoon?" he asked suddenly.

"A walk?" My eyes lit up. Apart from prom I'd barely been anywhere since I'd got back from Phoenix.

"Just a short one," Edward clarified quickly. "Don't get too excited."

"I won't. Where will we go?"

He shrugged. "We could go to Port Angeles for ice cream. Walk along the water and look at the boats."

"Oh, I'd love that."

He grinned. "Me too."

I finished up quickly and, surprisingly, Edward didn't jump up to help me wash my plate or wipe over the table. He even kept his hands behind his back as we walked from the kitchen back to the stairs.

"I'll just go get my jacket and bag," I said and half expected him to tell me to stay where I was, he'd get them for me. In fact, he opened his mouth, clearly about to speak, then closed it. He swallowed and nodded.

Then he held out his arm again for me to hold and I lifted my foot to place on the bottom step. As I looked up, suddenly the staircase seemed a little daunting. Coming down had actually been an effort, and if I was going to be walking at Port Angeles, maybe I should conserve a little energy.

I bit my lip as I thought. Edward was still beside me, his arm ready and waiting.

I turned to him. "Edward ... ?"

Immediately he understood. He bent and scooped me carefully into his arms and started striding up the stairs, two at a time.

"Thanks," I said, and nuzzled my cheek against his chest.

His arms flexed, just enough to give me a gentle squeeze as he kissed the top of my head.

"Any time," he said.

I yawned again and smiled, letting that memory wrap around me, warmer than any blanket. Edward was the gentlest person I knew.

--------------------

Charlie was already in the kitchen, in his uniform, when I came downstairs the next morning.

"Hi, Dad." He had dark circles under his eyes and looked tired as he drank his coffee.

"Hey, Bells. Did you have a good time at Angela's?"

"Yeah, great." It seemed so long ago now. "So what's up? Did you find the hikers?"

I put some bread in the toaster as Charlie frowned and rubbed his chin.

"No. But it looks like someone else has gone missing out towards Port Angeles. A car ran off the road last night but we haven't found anyone."

I frowned. "That doesn't sound good."

"No, it doesn't.." He rubbed his chin again. "Well, I'd better get back out there. We've got extra personnel coming from Seattle this morning."

He stood up and put his cup in the sink. "What are you doing today?"

"Um, library I think ... we've got a big English assignment. And the cupboards are pretty bare so I'll do some groceries, too."

I didn't mention that I would be checking in with Callum after dinner to see if there was any stalking progress.

"Listen, Bells," Charlie started frowning. "I don't want you driving to Port Angeles on your own for a while, not until we know what's going on, okay?"

It seemed like a bit of an over-reaction but I nodded, glad again that the Forks library had finally got its act together.

"Well, I'd better get going," Charlie said. "Not sure when I'll be home." He headed for the door.

"I'll keep dinner for you," I said and he smiled.

"Thanks, Bella."

---------------

It was still kind of early when I got to the library. There were only a couple of people browsing the racks and the Librarian, Erin, was unstacking a box of books at the front desk.

"Hi Bella," she said as I walked past and I smiled back.

"Hi."

I easily found the books I needed and made myself comfortable at one of the study tables where I wrote notes about metaphysical poetry and analysed imagery. It was hard to focus, Edward was never far from my mind and now the night before and Callum's news kept pushing their way in, too.

After an hour or so I sat back and stretched. I chewed on the end of my pen and watched as Erin brought a tall, circular stand out from the storeroom. She began stacking books on the wire racks and when it was full she added a laminated sign to the top.

New York Times

Top Ten Best Sellers

I smiled in surprise as I stood up and walked over. I'd always loved checking out the New York Times best seller list.

"This is interesting," I said and Erin nodded, smiling.

"We'll be updating it every month," she said.

I reached out and picked up one particular book that I'd been wanting to read.

"Are these ready to borrow?"

"Sure," Erin answered as she picked up the empty box from the counter. "I catalogued them yesterday. Let me just move this and I'll sign it out for you."

She moved the box to the shelf on the wall behind her and took the book from my hand. She started processing my loan and my eyes wandered to the empty box. According to the label the books had been delivered from _Thorndyke's Bookshop and Library Suppliers_ in Seattle. Beneath the Thorndyke's name was an order reference.

"Here you go, Bella. Bella? Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yes. Thanks." I took the book from Erin and headed back to the desk slowly, thinking. I put the book in my bag but I didn't sit down again, instead I started looking through the racks.

A knot started in the pit of my stomach and my mouth went dry. My eyes darted along the shelves. I knew our senior year curriculum was covered here now, but as I looked I realised it was covered so _perfectly_, every single book on the reading list, every science topic, every history unit - it was all here, dozens of books covering every aspect of every subject.

"So I won't have to drive too far to study ... ," I murmured.

I moved into other aisles. Every Jane Austen, every Bronte, all of them new.

My heart stopped when I saw not one copy of _Wuthering Heights_, but four.

I walked back to Erin at the counter, my blood pounding in my ears.

"Um, Erin?"

"Yes?" she smiled, looking up.

"All these new books," I waved my hand vaguely in the direction of the racks. "I was just wondering, um where did they come from?"

"It's great, isn't it?" she grinned, looking beyond me to the rows and rows of books. "It was an anonymous donation."

The knot in my stomach tightened even more and my leg started jiggling where I stood.

"Anonymous?"

Erin nodded. "I know, it's a bit strange, isn't it? she chuckled. "Like something out of a mystery novel."

"Er, yeah."

I stared around me. "Um, when did they arrive?"

"Mm, the first lot, the main order, came in around September, October ... can't remember exactly when. And then we get a new order every month, whatever's latest on the Best Seller list." She pointed to the circular rack she'd just filled.

I pulled my hand through my hair, dragging it behind my ears.

"A donation like that would cost a lot of money."

I wondered if Erin would hear my voice over the sound of my heart ... it's wild beat was filling the room.

"Huge amount of money," Erin said. "The consignment note on the first order came to seventy eight thousand dollars."

My eyes fluttered a little.

Seventy eight thousand dollars.

The mystery amount on Edward's credit card.

"That's really generous." My voice was tight.

"I really wish I knew who it was," Erin sighed. "I'd love to say thank you."

I knew who it was. My eyes travelled to the empty _Thorndyke's_ box on the shelf and I stared again at the Order Reference on the label ...

1901.1987

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. I love hearing what people think (opinion seems divided on Callum), and I try to answer them all ... I'm ****slowly catching up.**


	7. Chapter 7: Sentimental Vampire

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Edward had re-stocked the Forks Public Library.

For me.

He'd spent an insane amount of money just so I didn't have to drive out of town to study.

Three months ago I would have been furious with him.

But not now.

Tears pooled and stung, flooding my vision as I gathered up my books, hurried out of the Library, almost fell over on the icy surface of the car park and finally clambered into my truck. And all the time the same thought ran through my head - he hadn't really left me.

Even in his absence he was trying to keep me safe. I could almost feel his arms around me, holding me close to him, like I was the most precious thing in the world - because that's just what this gesture was telling me.

The drivers' seat squeaked as I settled in roughly and dumped my bag beside me. I started the engine, pumping the gas pedal too quickly and the truck protested as it lurched out of the car park so I could point it towards Seattle.

The address for Thorndykes was scribbled on a scrap of paper in my pocket. I hadn't bothered writing down the order reference, that was burnt into my brain ...

1901.1987

His birth year. My birth year.

"Sentimental vampire," I muttered and brushed some tears off my cheeks.

It started raining lightly as I passed the sign that told me I was now leaving rubber strips scraped across the glass, spreading the rain around, and it struck me that I was doing exactly the thing Edward had spent seventy eight thousand dollars trying to stop. I was driving my truck out of town.

My foot eased up on the gas and I thought about what I was doing. The rain beat down heavily now, drumming on the roof of the cabin, and the truck shook and jerked as I hit a pothole in the road. A new rattle started under the hood and I wondered if maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Maybe I should just go home and call _Thorndykes_, ask my questions over the phone from the safety of my bedroom. But while my brain was rationalising, my heart was telling me the truth ... I just wanted to be somewhere he had been, stand in the same space, look at the same books, touch the same doorhandle.

I pressed my foot down on the gas pedal again and the engine whined as the tyres slid across the road. I eased back again, quickly, and looked at the clock in the dashboard ... at this rate I wouldn't make it to Seattle until after closing time. I let out a heavy sigh as I turned the truck around and headed back to Forks. Suddenly I wished I'd accepted the sporty little Audi coupe that Edward was always offering me.

....

I was curled up on Edward's black leather sofa. He sat beside me, his arm around my waist, tucking me into his side.

"Well, what do you think?" He asked softly and I could hear him smiling.

"Um, it looks good," I nodded, looking up from the glossy brochure in my hands.

"Only good?" His eyebrows went up as his smile turned down.

"Um, nice. It looks really ... nice."

Oops. I could see that was the wrong thing to say.

"Nice?" he scowled. "That's worse than _good_."

I put the brochure down beside me and shifted onto my knees so I could wrap my arms around his neck. His hands fell lightly to my hips and his scowl softened as my intention became clear. He tilted his head slightly, letting me in so I could kiss him under the ear. His fingers gripped me just a little tighter as my lips met his skin, then they eased up as I pulled back again.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not into cars as much as you are ... but you know that."

He was smiling now, eyes gentle.

"I know." He bent his head, rubbing his nose along my jaw. "But I love you anyway."

"Oh!" I gave a small, indignant gasp and Edward chuckled. He kissed me quickly and then readjusted us so I was sitting in his lap.

"So would you like to go?" he asked. "We don't have to if ... ,"

I pressed my finger to his lips.

"I would go anywhere with you, Edward Cullen." His amber eyes, happy and warm, melted into mine as he offered me that crooked smile. "Even to the Seattle Motor Show," I added and he laughed, rumpling his hand through my hair as he picked up the brochure again, holding it so we could both look at it.

"So this car, this ... ," I began.

"Lotus," he said softly. "It's a Lotus Alisa."

"This Lotus Alisa ... it'll be on display at the motor show?"

"Yes."

"Are you thinking of buying one?"

"No. This particular model isn't for sale yet, not until next year. This will be like the unveiling for the US market."

"And that's exciting, right?"

"Yes, it is."

He was grinning now and I smiled as I shook my head. He was such a boy.

"Okay. When is the show?"

"First weekend in October."

"About a month away, then."

I felt him nod, his chin was resting on my shoulder now, his lips blowing cool air against my neck. I giggled and nudged him with my head and he nudged me back.

"Audi will have a display there, too," he said very casually. "Their latest coupe is very ... ,"

"No, Edward." My voice was firm and when I turned to look at him he was all wide-eyed innocence.

"I was only making conversation," he said, but there was a smirk struggling to get out, I could almost see it, I could certainly feel it. I narrowed my eyes slightly.

"We've had this discussion before. No sporty little Audi's ... my truck will do just fine, thank you."

"For now," he muttered softly. I narrowed my eyes further, I could hardly see now and I think Edward realised because he started to laugh. I humphed a bit but decided to ignore him as I turned to look back at the brochure again and tried to feel some enthusiasm.

The car was sleek and shiny and silver. It was low to the ground and looked like something from the future. I hated to think how hard it would be to get in and out of the thing. And I hated to think how much it would cost.

And that made me wonder ... his Volvo, the Vanquish, both expensive cars and I knew he'd had others in the past.

I shifted slightly so I could look at him.

"Edward, do the sales people take you seriously when you buy your cars?"

"They take my money seriously," he murmured and he seemed more interested in running his nose in circles over the crook of my neck. I gasped, smiling, and jerked away from his tickles. He sat up a little and readjusted me in his lap, cocking his head to one side, curious now.

"Why do you ask?"

My eyes ran over him, appreciating, but speculating, too.

"I wonder if when they first see you, they think you're just a kid who likes to look at expensive cars."

"I _am_ a kid who likes to look at expensive cars," he grinned. "As you'll find out when we go to the motor show next month."

Some hair fell over his forehead and into his eyes. He pushed it back, still grinning. I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do," he smiled and then leant back against the arm of the sofa, bending one arm behind his head while the other draped over me as he pulled me along with him.

"It's all in how you dress, the posture, the attitude you present to people. When you see me like this," he nodded down at himself. "In jeans and a t-shirt and my hair all over the place I look seventeen."

I nodded, yes he did.

"But if I dress differently and change my posture I could be twenty or twenty one."

I remembered the night of the prom, when he'd worn a tuxedo, and I started to blush. He'd looked gorgeous, and yes, he'd looked older.

"It's important for us to evolve if we're going to stay in one place any length of time. It's also important to seem older in certain situations. Like buying an expensive car." He smiled again.

"I guess that makes sense. So what's your age range?"

He considered for a moment. "I can comfortably play sixteen to twenty one. I can manage twenty five at a push."

"Twenty five!" My eyes snapped wide, surprised. "How do you manage to look twenty five? And when?"

"When I go to buy expensive cars," he chuckled and I gave him a playful whack on the arm. When I winced he grabbed my fingers and kissed them quickly.

"Don't," he murmured. "You'll hurt yourself." He kissed them again, looking at me through his lashes. For a moment I forgot what we were talking about.

"Um ... mm, how do you make yourself look twenty five?"

He shrugged a shoulder, taking my sore fingers and twining them gently with his.

"Attitude mostly, but a suit and a pair of glasses usually help."

"Glasses?" This was new. "Really? Glasses?"

Edward nodded, starting to smile now, obviously amused by my surprise. "Sometimes," he said. "It all depends."

"Do you have any here? Can I see?"

Now_ he_ looked surprised.

"Please?"

He seemed hesitant. "What's wrong? Do you look super dorky or something?" As if that was even possible.

He laughed. "I don't know, maybe I do."

I shook my head. "No, you wouldn't. And anyway, Alice wouldn't let you out of the house if you did."

"That's true," he smiled. He eased himself away from me, stood up and walked to the chest of drawers beside the door. He opened the top drawer, reached in and then turned back to face me.

"Don't laugh," he murmured in mock seriousness as he lifted the pair of glasses he held in his hands and set them on his face.

They were simple, silver rectangular frames and while it did give him a different sort of look, he still appeared seventeen.

I chewed on my lip, studying him, smiling.

"You look like the intellectual type now."

He snorted and ruined the whole effect. Then he pushed the glasses down low on his nose and looked at me over the top of them, his face serious as he arched a perfect eyebrow.

I laughed and his lips cracked into a wide smile.

"You won't really get the full effect without the right clothes," he said, pushing his hair back from his face. "Or the attitude."

"Will you show me?"

At first I thought he wasn't going to because he didn't move or say anything, but suddenly ... he was different. His posture had changed, but I couldn't pinpoint how. Maybe it was the set of his shoulders or the tilt of his head. His expression was new, his face seeming older now somehow.

I gasped softly, it was unsettling, watching him change like that and he definitely didn't look seventeen.

"Wow," I whispered.

"Wow?" Even the tone of his voice was different. He stared at me over the top of his glasses.

"Is that a good wow?"

"Um, yeah. Just ... wow. How do you do that?"

He shrugged and his whole demeanour shifted again, back to teenage Edward. "It's all part of the act." He took the glasses off and put them back in the drawer.

"Is it hard to keep that up? You know, play twenty five for any length of time?"

He shook his head as he walked back to me.

"Not really. I've had over a hundred years of, well, not exactly _life_ experience, but experience, I suppose. In my mind I'm not a teenager. It's actually harder to play seventeen a lot of the time."

Uneasiness started to prickle as his words sunk in ... an act. I bit my lip as he sat down beside me.

"Who are you when we're together?" I whispered.

Amber eyes darted to mine. "I'm me," he said quickly, bemused. "It's so easy to be myself with you, Bella, I thought you knew that." He took my hand in his. "I'm just ... me." He gave me a crooked, almost apologetic smile as he shrugged and squeezed my fingers.

And I _did _know that. I remembered him telling me that night in Port Angeles when he saved me. He could be himself with me. My uneasiness faded away and I smiled.

His leg rested alongside mine and he let go of my hand and looked down, reaching out a single, long finger to trace patterns over my knee, watching, concentrating on the invisible spirals that he was drawing. He seemed thoughtful now.

"It's just that my body and mind don't always match up," he murmured softly, almost to himself.

His finger continued to move, the swirls and spirals becoming more elaborate and slowly his finger moved a little higher up my leg, away from my knee and towards my thigh. "And sometimes ... ," he whispered. "... they match up perfectly." He looked up at me through dark lashes and a flash of heat scorched through me, making my cheeks burn and my heart race. I buried my teeth in my bottom lip.

Edward withdrew his hand quickly and instead rubbed it roughly, back and forth, over his own leg as he looked away out the window. "Sometimes it can be very confusing," he murmured and he grabbed his knee and pulled his leg up to rest under his chin, hugging it there.

"But I'm very limited if I play twenty five," he continued and sounded very matter-of-fact now. "I can never play it for long. It's easier for the others, they were older when ... ," he paused shrugging, staring at the floor. "There are certain impracticalities to being changed at seventeen."

I thought over his words, perhaps seeing a glimpse of the maddening frustration he must feel at times, always being treated like an adolescent, being forced to act like one. I shifted, pressing closer to him, reaching out to stroke my fingers over the back of his neck. His eyes fluttered a little then closed.

"That feels good," he whispered, smiling softly, and we were quiet for a while.

Then suddenly his eyes opened, his smile widened and his mood took a complete shift as he looked up at me.

"So will you come with me to the motor show?"

He seemed excited again as he pulled me back into his lap and I laughed.

"Actually, you really are seventeen, aren't you, Edward?"

"Sometimes," he buried his lips against my neck and I could feel him smiling. "Will you come?"

I pulled back and kissed him lightly.

"I told you, Edward, I'd go anywhere with you."

A week later he was gone.

....

I crashed into my room, dumped my bag on my bed and looked up the number for _Thorndykes _in Seattle. Five minutes later I was speaking with Angus Fowler, the Manager, asking him about order 1901.1987 for the Forks Public Library from the previous September.

"Margot Howard would have been the manager then." His voice was soft, gentle. "She left just before Christmas and I've only been here a week, but I can look in the system and see what's there."

I felt a flicker of relief at being spared the privacy policy spiel.

I fidgeted with the things on my desk while I waited, shifting the pencil tin back and forth, pushing up and down on the handle of the hole punch.

"Wow!" Angus' exclamation came down the phone suddenly, surprising me. I knocked the hole punch on the floor and confetti spilled everywhere but I barely noticed.

"That was some order. Actually ... ," he paused and I held my breath. "Actually, it wasn't even a formal order, it was a cash sale."

Cash?

"I thought it was credit card?" Maybe I'd been wrong about that.

"Yes, it was paid by credit card, I just meant it wasn't invoiced, it was paid in full at the time, just like a cash sale. The only instructions were to deliver it to the Forks Public Library."

"Oh, okay. Um, is there any information about the person who placed the order? Maybe, um, a contact number?" I was trying not to sound obvious, or desperate.

"It doesn't look like it. Technically. we wouldn't need it with a straight sale, although with something this size I would have thought .... ," he trailed off. "I'm surprised Margot didn't insist on more information."

I wasn't surprised. I looked down at my feet, feeling the disappointment start to burn through me. Of course Margot didn't insist, Edward would have been very persuasive ... _dazzlingly so._

"A receipt was issued," Angus continued. "But it seems like it was just the standard credit card receipt. It looks like Margot _did_ ask the customer for a reference, but that's all."

I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight.

"And that's the 1901.1987, right?"

"Yes, that's right. So I can't even tell you the name, sorry. It's just the reference number and the delivery address."

I sighed heavily.

"Actually ... ," Angus said and then paused. I realised I was holding my breath again and my hand was clamped tight around the pencil tin. "Actually, there might be something in the file notes. Do you want to wait for a moment while I check?"

"Yes! I mean, yes ... please."

I could hear the tap of a keyboard. My leg jiggled up and down nervously and I let go of the pencil tin to trace jerky, zig-zag patterns in the dust on the top of my desk.

"Mm, lots of notes." Angus murmured and my heart did a skip and a jump. "It says the customer came in with a copy of the state high school senior year curriculum and a list of supplementary texts."

My eyes closed.

He'd had a list.

For some reason that image, of Edward with his list, asking for it to be filled, made me want to cry. I bit my lip as I tried to focus on what else Angus was saying. His voice had taken the slight sing-song rhythm of someone reading in point form.

"Er, order was put together while the customer waited ... customer checked and approved the order ...," I smiled a little at that ... so Edward. "... customer would call in a week to check order had been delivered ... and then there's an instruction to supply the latest books from the Best Seller list every month."

I opened my eyes. "But there are still no customer details?"

"No, sorry."

I nodded, feeling the deep disappointment return and begin its slow burn through me ... but a moment later it was gone as a new idea began to shape itself, pouring water on the disappointment and letting hope flicker again.

"How are the best sellers being paid for? That would be a different amount every month, wouldn't it?"

"Good question, just a sec ... ,"

I listened as Angus tapped and clicked.

"The invoice for each month's order is sent to a legal firm in Chicago. They're also the contact for any other correspondence."

A legal firm. I remembered Edward saying something about lawyers once. I tried to grasp the conversation as it danced around the edge of my memory, but it was too insubstantial and it slipped away.

"Does it say which legal firm?" Please don't pull the privacy policy out now ... _please._

"Jackson Finch Kinkade," Angus replied and the breath I'd been holding came out in a rush. "I have the address and phone number if you'd like them."

"Yes please." My heart was pounding as I grabbed a pen and wrote down the details.

The call ended with me thanking Angus profusely and him chuckling and telling me to have a nice day. Then I sat staring at the address and phone number scribbled on the notepad in front of me.

_Yesss!_

At last I had a concrete point of contact.

It wasn't Edward's phonenumber, but these were his lawyers, they would know how to contact him. He was just one step away. And while I wasn't so naive as to think they'd just freely give me details, I was fairly certain they'd be obliged to pass messages or correspondence on to their client.

My hand shook slightly as I punched the numbers into my phone. It was Saturday, so I wasn't surprised when I heard a recorded message giving me the office hours, 8.30am to 5.30pm, Monday to Friday. Chicago was two hours ahead of Forks so I knew what I'd be doing at 6.30 on Monday morning. I wondered how I was going to wait that long.

I set the phone down and Googled Jackson Finch Kinkade. Their website was sleek and modern but told me they'd been in business in Chicago since 1903. They also had several offices scattered across the country, including Seattle, and I wondered why Edward would have chosen the Chicago office.

"Oh!" Of course. I shook my head at my own stupidity. He'd been born in Chicago, so maybe this had been the firm his family used, and then curiosity flamed through me as I remembered his father had been a lawyer, and I wondered if perhaps Edward Masen Snr had worked for this firm. I would ask Edward when I found him.

I flopped back on the bed and thought for a while as I grinned and hugged myself. Should I write a letter for the lawyers to forward to him? Or would a simple message be better ... _please contact Bella Swan urgently._ That would be sure to get his attention, but he might worry that something was wrong. I shook my head, no, I didn't want him to worry, much better to go with a letter.

I sat up quickly, grabbed the notepad and pen off the desk and then lay back on my bed,on my stomach, propped up on my elbows. I chewed on the end of the pen.

_... Dear Edward, ..._

How should I start? Maybe I should open with a quote from Shakespeare, or _Wuthering Heights_. Or maybe just keep it simple. _I love you. I miss you. I found my presents. I know you love me, too. _

"Argh!" I rolled onto my back. I didn't want to write a love letter ... well, yes I did, but this had to be something more than that.

I knew there was a possibility Edward wouldn't come back to me, even if I tracked him down. It was possible he'd insist on staying away, putting my perceived safety ahead of his heart. But even if he did stay away, he needed to know that I knew the truth about why he left. No ... more than that ... he needed to know I _understood, _and that was the difference.

But the feelings ran too deep and no matter how I tried I couldn't find the right words_._

The right words .... or ....

"Oh!"

Suddenly I was struck with an idea that was so right, so perfect, that my whole body just froze for a second, my breath stopped and my heart stilled as I let it sink in.

And then I acted.

I scrambled off the bed, banging my leg on the desk, barely even noticing as I grabbed my Edward list from the pocket of my bag, the list I'd started the night I found my birthday gifts. And then I started rummaging through the mess in the bottom of my closet.

"Where is it?" I mumbled, pushing aside shoes, a box of stuff still unpacked from Phoenix, and the plastic bag that held the car stereo Emmett and Rosalie had given me for my birthday. I'd wrenched it out of the dashboard not long after they'd left Forks ... I wondered if it was too damaged now to put back in. But I'd think about that later.

My cell phone started ringing and I ignored it, letting it go to messages.

"Come on," I hissed, shoving my way through more stuff. How many pairs of shoes did I have? It seemed almost as bad as Alice. Though mine were mostly sneakers or boots, not designer pumps or strappy little slingbacks with tall, spiky heels of death.

And then I found the fancy pink and silver shoe box that held the prom shoes Alice had bought me. I opened it and lifted the shoes out. I'd only worn one that night and I looked at the slight scuffing on its sole. The other was still pristine. I shook my head - it still amazed me I didn't break the other leg that night, wearing a shoe like that. But then Edward would never have let something like that happen.

The phone rang again and I sighed heavily as I snatched it off the desk.

"Callum?"

"Yeah, hi," he yawned, his voice full of sleep. "You're answering this time."

I sat back in the shoe puddle I'd created. "Are you still in bed?"

"No. No, I've been ... actually, yeah."

A wave of guilt washed over me. "Were you up all night hacking?"

"Not all night," he yawned again.

"Callum, please don't ... ,"

"Stop it, Swan."

Swan?

"If I wasn't hacking for you I'd have been up hacking something else anyway." He yawned again and then there was silence and I bit my lip nervously. After the revelations of the night before I felt a bit awkward now.

"So listen," Callum continued after a moment. "Do you still want me to help you find Edward?"

I wondered if maybe he was having second thoughts.

"Do you still _want_ to help me?"

He chuckled. "That's not answering my question. But, yeah, I do. Like I said ... I think you need someone looking out for you. Someone who knows the risks."

"The Cullens are not a risk, Callum."  
"I know _they_ mightn't be, but others are."  
"Others?"

He started mumbling through a yawn. "I don't know where you're going to go looking or who you'll come across, and I don't just mean vampires," he said vaguely and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not stupid."

"I know," he said quickly. "But you love him and sometimes that makes people do stupid things."

I opened my mouth to disagree, then shut it. He was right. I _had_ done some potentially stupid things since I'd fallen in love with Edward. Including wearing killer shoes ... or _shoe._ I looked at the offending article in my hand and then shoved it back in its box and then back into the closet as Callum continued.

"Anyway, you were pretty shocked last night, I thought you might feel differently this morning, that's all. Just checking."

I did feel different. I felt hopeful and happy as my eyes slid to the address for Jackson Finch Kinkade on the notepad. I debated for a moment whether to tell Callum about the books, and Thorndykes and the lawyers, but decided not too. It felt too personal. But I should tell him something, he was going to so much trouble for me after all.

"Um, I should tell you, I'm going to ask his lawyers if they have any details for him."

There, that wasn't revealing too much.

"He has lawyers?"

"Yeah."

"Um, okay. That's ... surprising. But they probably won't tell you."

"No, but they might pass a message on."

"Good thinking. So, I know I was going to check in later today," he said. "But I found something last night. It's not big. I tried Vogue and they're locked down tight so I'm still trying, but I managed to get into Tiffany."

"Tiffany?" I'd only mentioned the catalogue in passing, I hadn't expected him to go down that path.

"Yeah. I found E Cullen at the Forks address, but it was an Emmett Cullen, not Edward."

"Emmett?" I squeaked. "_Really?"_

Then I thought of Rosalie and some of the lovely pieces of jewellery she had and it made sense.

"Does that help at all?" Callum asked.

"Um, it answers a question, but ... ," I could hear the rustle of what was probably bedclothes.

"But it doesn't help you find Edward. No problem, we'll keep going. I might need to ask you some questions though, is that okay?"

"Um ... I don't know, it depends what you ask. I kind of feel like I've already said too much." I could hear the guilt in my voice as I spoke and Callum understood.

"That's cool, it might just take longer, that's all." Then he sighed and his voice was gentle when he spoke again. "But, Bella, you do realise that I already worked out Edward was a vampire without you telling me?"

"I ... I guess so."

"And so far, all you've told me is that a vampire called James tried to kill you, Carlisle's a doctor, Esme grows roses and they all feed on animals. Apart from the bit about James I could have found out the rest from almost anyone in town."

"I gave you his human name," I whispered.

"Yeah, well, okay, but that doesn't really tell me that much. I'd like to try a different angle though ... if Carlisle's a doctor he'd have to be registered with a medical board, maybe the AMA, so I thought I'd try those sites, too." He hesitated slightly. "Is that okay? I know you weren't happy about the credit card thing .... ," he trailed off and I smiled.

"Thanks for asking. I guess if it's just an address ... ,"

"Sure."

I scrambled up off the floor and sat on the bed, crossing my legs under me.

"Does it seem like a huge coincidence to you that, knowing what you know about vampires, you've ended up here, searching for one?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I know what you mean, but there's really a logical link to Forks ... my great grandfather grew up here."

I wasn't expecting that.

"Really?"

"Yeah. My great grandfather, Joseph, was born in Forks and my great grandmother was born in La Push. That's how my dad got interested in myths and things."

I shook my head, not understanding. "How does that follow?"

"You know the native tribe in La Push, the Quileutes? They have legends about humans that turn into wolves and fight vampires."

My mouth opened a little in surprise as I remembered the story Jacob had told me on First Beach almost a year ago, and the treaty between the Quileutes and the Cullens.

"Um, I have a friend in La Push," I said. "He's told me those stories."

"Yeah? Well, Joseph was friends with some of the Quileute kids when he was growing up and he heard the stories from them. Anyway, when my dad was a kid, Joseph would tell him the stories, and that's what got him interested in myths and legends."

"So did your dad grow up here, too?"  
"No. Joseph and Annie moved away when they got married."

I thought about that.

"So, that means you're part Quileute?"

"Tiny bit," he said.

He was so blonde, his eyes were so blue, it was hard to believe.

"But your aunt lives here?"

"Only the last few years. She came to check the place out once when she was tracing the family tree and she liked it. When she got divorced she decided to move here." Then he laughed. "Can you imagine someone moving to Forks willingly?"

I smiled as I thought of my original reluctance. You couldn't drag me away now.

Callum yawned again.

"Think I'll go get some breakfast," he said sleepily and I laughed as I looked at the clock.

"Callum, it's almost lunchtime."

"Lunch then. What are you doing today?"

"Actually, I need to do grocery shopping. What about you?"

"Dunno yet, it's still early."

I snorted. "Yeah, right," I said and he laughed.

"Have fun doing the groceries, Swan." And he hung up.

The Thriftway was almost empty when I got there. I'd decided to get the groceries out of the way before I started on my message to Edward. I wanted to be able to concentrate, uninterrupted, making sure I got it just right.

I pushed the trolley along the aisle, the basket slowly filling as I did a week's worth of shopping. I pulled my jacket tighter around me as I headed into the frozen food aisle. Funny how I never really noticed the cold of Edward's skin, but the handle of the glass fronted refrigerator sent a quick shiver through me.

I grabbed a packet of frozen peas and then smiled as my eyes fell on the ice cream tubs.

We walked along the pier in Port Angeles, holding hands as we watched the boats bobbing up and down on the water. The day was warm, the cloud cover holding in the temperature from the sunny day before.

"This is nice," I sighed and Edward let go of my hand, instead wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Yes, it is," he whispered and I felt his lips in my hair. "How's your leg feeling?"

"Good. Maybe a bit tired." My cast had only come off the day before.

"We should head back to the car ... I can carry you." And he started shifting, ready to lift me up.

"No!" I laughed. "No, I'm not ready to go yet. And I don't want you to carry me." He straightened again. "And anyway, you promised me ice cream."

His face creased into a brilliant smile. "What flavour?"

"Mm, choc mint?"

"Choc mint it is."

We walked to a seat that overlooked the water and I sat while Edward jogged, at human pace, across the park to the nearby row of shops. I liked watching Edward jog. He was only in a t-shirt and jeans and I could see the flex and roll of the muscles in his back and shoulders, the fluid motion of his legs as he moved. I could just imagine what he looked like when he was chasing down his prey.

The park was busy and he dodged neatly around some boys kicking a ball. One of the boys kicked too hard and the ball flew through the air, over the heads of his friends, directly towards Edward, who caught it easily and tossed it back, smiling, not once breaking his stride.

Mmm ...

He crossed the road and disappeared into the Port Angeles Ice Creamery. A moment later he came out, an ice-cream in one hand and a bunch of napkins in the other, grinning as though he were about to present me with the crown jewels.

"It seems to drip," he said, handing me the cone and offering me the napkins.

I ran my tongue around the base, catching the drips before they ran too far down the cone.

"Mm, yum. Thank you." I looked up at Edward sitting beside me and his eyes had darkened slightly and his jaw was tight. He swallowed once and then settled further back on the bench, shifting his gaze away from me and out over the water.

"It tastes good?" he asked.

"Yes. Do you want some."

He smirked and shook his head. "No, but thanks for the offer."

"If you change your mind, just let me know."

It was delicious and I realised it was the first ice cream I'd had since I'd moved to Forks.

Edward seemed very quiet, his arms resting along the back of the bench as he stared at the view in front of us. After a moment a wide, happy smile crossed his lips.

I nudged him. "What?" I asked when he turned to look at me and he just shrugged, still smiling.

"I'm sitting here, in a park, looking at the view with my girlfriend and she's eating the ice cream I've bought her." He shrugged again. "I'm just happy."

And he was, it was written all over his face.

Despite the warm memory the cold from the refrigerator seemed to stay with me as I moved into the next aisle. I shrugged my jacket closer around me, then froze as an icy breath ghosted over the back of my neck. My mouth went dry, my heart raced, but I couldn't move as even icier fingers came from behind me and circled the wrist of my hand that rested on the trolley handle. The shaking started as I turned and looked up into the blood red eyes of Victoria.

"Hello, Bella," she snarled.

**A/N: Huge thanks for all the reviews and recommendations! I'm sorry I've fallen behind in replying, I'm trying to catch up - please know I read and appreciate every one. Thank you.**


	8. Chapter 8: The Gift Box

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Huge thank you to Edward'sEternal for all her help and random facts.**

My body, my mind, were in lock-down.

I couldn't move, I couldn't speak.

I could barely breathe.

I felt the bite of Victoria's fingernails on my skin as she tightened her icy grip on my wrist. I grimaced and my knees buckled with pain as I felt the bones squeezing together inside my arm.

"Surprised to see me?" Her voice, all whisper and hiss, cut through me like broken glass.

My eyes shot past her, past the display of cat food tins that obscured us, trying to see down the aisle to the cash register. Over the pounding of my heart I could just hear Mandy's voice, talking to a customer as she rang up a sale.

"Don't worry, I ate before I got here," Victoria smirked, and my eyes slid back to her.

"You probably thought I'd gone for good," she said. "But I've been biding my time, waiting for my chance." She leant in closer, the chill of her breath washing over me and I turned my face away.

"I'm going to kill you, Bella." I could_ feel_ her eyes on me. "Not right now though, not here ... all the fun is in the waiting ... well, maybe not _all_ the fun. But you'll never know when I'm going to pop up again will you ... or _where_." Her vivid eyes darted around the aisle, making her point for her ... if she could corner me here, in a grocery store of all places, she could get me anywhere.

"School," she said in a sing-song voice. "Home, the camping store, the library ... the supermarket."

Her fingers squeezed tighter, the pain shooting up my arm into my shoulder, taking my breath away. Then she reached into the trolley with her free hand, picked up the packet of frozen peas and dropped them on the floor. The packet split open and the peas spilled, rolling everywhere as her hand moved to my neck.

"Just one quick twist and everyone will think Bella slipped in the frozen food aisle and broke her neck."

She stared down at the peas then back up at me and the sick pleasure in her eyes made my stomach turn.

"It makes for such delicious torture, knowing that you'll be waiting for it."

My skin was trying to crawl off my bones; my body was cold and shaking. I knew it was futile but I tried to twist out of her grip - she held tighter, pain shooting through my arm as she looked down. Suddenly her hold relaxed slightly and I heard her sharp, quick intake of breath as her eyes found the scar her mate had left me. Slowly, she lifted her hand and traced a finger over the silver crescent and, strangely, her touch was gentle.

She seemed transfixed, then she lifted her eyes and they sparked and gleamed with a new evil.

"Where is Edward?"

Of course she would know the Cullens had gone. I was ready to tell her that Edward wasn't far, that he visited often, and if she hurt me he'd find out and come after her. But something in her eyes stopped me ... suddenly I had the feeling that wasn't going to frighten her off. Instead, I thought maybe that was exactly what she wanted.

I found my voice.

"I don't know where he is." And my voice only cracked a little.

She eyed me for a few seconds then grinned.

"Maybe he's still enjoying the sun," she muttered and tossed her head back. "Change of plan," she declared. "Now I think I'll rip your arm off, just here " She dragged her fingernail in a line across my skin, just above the scar and it felt like I'd been burned. "I'll do it just before I kill you. And then I'll send your hand to Edward."

My eyes bulged as my stomach clenched and rolled at the thought. It would kill him.

"No!" I choked out and tried to pull away.

"I'll package it up, with a bow on top, and when he lifts the lid ... and sees James' mark ... " Her excitement was sickening, terrifying, her eyes were on fire and she ran her finger nail over the invisible line again. "And then James will have his revenge, and so will I ... mate for mate."

And suddenly my fear was replaced with panic and anger. "No! You ... no!"

"Sssh," Victoria put a finger to my lips and I turned away sharply from her touch. "We don't want attention do we? Imagine how you'd feel if I had to kill the cashier and her customer because of _you_ and your big mouth."

I wanted to rip her head off. A violent anger flamed through me, my hands balled into fists and she laughed.

"He'll come for me of course," she went on. "And I want him to. He'll want revenge, regardless of how you die, but this way will be so much sweeter. Yes, this is a much better plan."

Choking sobs stuck in my throat and I knew she was right. Her sick gift would make him come after her, he'd fight her, he could die ... and I couldn't let that happen.

"He won't come. He doesn't love me anymore, he told me." My words tumbled over each other in my rush to get them out.

Then Victoria let go of my wrist, throwing my hand back at me so it smacked into my chest, hard, like a punch, knocking the air out of me.

"Of course he'll come back. You're his mate, you always will be." She leaned in close again. "There will never be anyone else." And suddenly I wasn't sure if she was speaking about Edward or herself and James.

"It shouldn't take me long to find him ... James taught me well. I should start looking for the perfect box to send my gift in."

Then her head snapped sharply towards the front of the store and then she turned back to me again.

"Cavalry's here," she snorted and she was gone before I even saw her move.

o0o

I crashed through the front door, bolting it behind me ... as if that would make a difference.

Somehow I'd made my way to the check out, paid Mandy for the groceries and stumbled out to my truck.

My phone had rung twice as I'd driven home. Each time the caller ID had told me it was Callum and each time I'd ignored the call. I'd have to talk to him at some point, but first I needed time to think.

I headed for the kitchen, dumped the groceries on the counter, pulled out a chair and sank down at the table. I leant forward, folded my arms on the Formica woodgrain and rested my head on them.

I hadn't thought about Victoria for months. She'd run off after James' death and the Cullens had believed she wouldn't come back. I guess we'd all underestimated her.

And now my mind raced now as I tried to work out what to do.

Do I try to find Edward before she did? But what would I say? _Victoria is looking for you ... whatever happens, promise me you won't chase her._

Yeah, that would work. He'd be here on the next plane to check on me and then he'd hunt her down and she'd...

No, I wouldn't think about that. I _couldn't_ think about that.

I let out a long, tired breath and looked out the window. She'd been watching me, she could be watching, listening, _now. _I shivered. So, no, I wouldn't try to contact him ... if I did, she would know.

And that meant that for as long as she was after me I couldn't look for him.

I loved him ... and I'd have to let him go.

Despite my resolve a single sob escaped me and my heart twisted and splintered and tore. Was this something like the way he felt when he said goodbye?

I felt like I was losing him all over again, I could feel myself descending into despair, dark and empty and hollow and it took everything in me to stop it.

I took a breath and forced myself to refocus my thoughts.

Do I run away? Move somewhere sunny? Charlie would worry but at least he'd be safer with me gone.

Could I ask the Denali's for help? I lifted my head as that thought sparked others ... if I asked them to change me, then I'd be a match for Victoria, I could keep Edward safe ... was this something I should consider? Because I knew Victoria wouldn't give up until I was dead.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, startling me, and I grabbed at it roughly.

Callum.

My eyes squeezed shut. Suddenly I felt so incredibly tired.

Did Victoria know about Callum? If she'd been watching me then she probably did. I should warn him, tell him to go back to California. Or to his father. I knew his father's dig was in a dangerous part of the Middle East, but right now it was probably safer than Forks.

A wave of guilt rolled over me. I should never have got him involved in this. I took a deep breath as I pressed the talk button.

"Callum,"

"Are you playing hard to get today, Swan?" he joked, sounding excited.

"No, I, Callum I have to... ," I started but he cut me off.

"Listen, Bella, I think I've found him!"

I felt like my tattered heart had been ripped out of my chest and the pieces stomped on and burned.

Why now?

"Bella? Did you hear me?"

"Get rid of it," I choked out. "Whatever it is, delete it." I hurried over to the window and looked out towards the woods that bordered onto Charlie's backyard. Was Victoria out there now, listening? My body started shaking again.

"Are you serious? What ... I ... what's changed since this morning?"

"This morning I didn't... " There was movement in the trees. Something in the shadows ... I saw the leaves ripple and wave.

"Callum I have to go," I whispered softly.

"Bella? What's... ,"

I ended the call.

Despite the fractured state of my heart it still managed to pound and thump hard against my ribs.

The shadows moved again and a dark shape pushed its way through the trees and towards the house.

"Jacob!"

The relief made me feel weak as he loped across the lawn and I opened the door.

"Hey, Bella, you okay?" he asked as he came up the back steps.

"I ... yes ... ," I paused as the relief faded. "Jake you have to go!" I looked beyond him to the woods ... he couldn't stay here, it wasn't safe.

"I just came about the ceiling," he said and gently pushed past me into the kitchen.

"Ceiling?"

"Yeah, I never got around to finishing painting it for Charlie."

He seemed awkward today, not his usually smiley self, his voice was tight, clipped even. And he was only wearing a pair of denim cut-offs, his feet were bare and it was, like, three degrees outside. These thoughts flickered through my mind and any other time I would have wondered why, but not today - I didn't have the mental space for it.

"Now's not a good time, Jake."

"Okay, it can wait until later, I guess," he gave me a quick smile. "Hey, green apples."

He picked one out of the fruit bowl and started munching as he pulled out a chair and sat down.

"Um, Jake... ,"

But he began talking, telling me about the car he was rebuilding, the fishing trip Billy was planning with Charlie and though his conversation was light and happy, all the time he seemed on edge, eyes darting to the windows, head cocked slightly as though her were listening out for something. His behaviour only made me more nervous and agitated as my eyes darted everywhere too, my ears pricked for any sound. He wasn't safe here, I had to get him out.

"Jacob," I held up a hand and interrupted him as he reached for a third apple.

"Sorry," he said, misunderstanding and withdrawing his hand. "You'll have none left."

I shook my head. "No, it's not the apples, it's just... ," There's a vicious, sadistic vampire afer me and I don't want you to get caught in the cross fire. "I have a lot of schoolwork I should probably be doing, so... ,"

I was interrupted when someone started banging on the front door.

"Hang on a sec," I muttered and walked down the hall slowly. It was unlikely that Victoria had suddenly developed manners and was knocking, but then again, she was all about the element of surprise. I pulled back the curtain that covered the narrow window beside the front door.

I should have known.

"Callum," I opened the door wide.

"Are you okay?" His face was anxious, worry written across his features and instantly I felt guilty.

"Er, I'm fine, and I do need to talk to you, but not right now." I looked over my shoulder towards the kitchen where I'd left Jake. "And not here. Can I call you in a little while?"

His eyes narrowed.

"Bella, something's going on."

"Yes, there is, but you can't be here right now ... I'll call you later." Callum opened his mouth to say something else but then his eyes shot past me. I turned and saw Jacob leaning against the wall of the hall, arms folded across his chest.

Callum was puzzled, confused, his eyes moving from me to Jake and back to me again.

"Later? Okay?" I said quietly.

"Okay. I'll go." Callum's gaze returned to Jake whose face was blank, impassive. "But you'll call me later?"

"Yes." I rolled my eyes. At this rate frustration would get me before Victoria did.

"Or I'll call you if you don't."

"I know you will."

I started to close the door but suddenly Jake's arm shot passed me, grabbed Callum by the shoulder and pulled him inside.

"Hey!" Callum shouted and twisted out of Jake's grip and Jake slammed the door shut behind him.

"What's going ... Jake?" His hands were trembling.

"Get upstairs," he hissed, teeth clenched in his suddenly angry face.

"No! Jake what's wrong?" I was scared, but now I was also worried for my friend. The trembling was getting stronger, graduating to a shake that rocked his whole body now.

"Bella ... ," Callum's voice was low, laced with warning as he tried to pull me away. Suddenly Jake shot past us and ran back through the kitchen.

"JAKE!"

I tore after him, shocked, bewildered, and then skidded to a stop, slamming into the kitchen table and knocking the air out of myself as I watched Jacob seemingly explode and vanish and an enormous wolf crashed through Charlie's back door and out into the yard.

"What the ... what _was_ _that_?" Callum gasped and Victoria's last words came back to me, falling into place with Jake's old, scary stories.

I picked up a shred of denim that had landed on the table in front of me.

"I think ... that was the Cavalry."

0o0

I was under house arrest by order of a pack of werewolves.

Moonlight washed over me as I lay on my bed and stared out the window. I knew that somewhere out there an enormous wolf called Jacob was patrolling with Embry, keeping watch on the house. Further out of town Quil and Seth were watching Callum's place. And scattered through the woods were Sam, Paul, Jared and Leah - all these people I'd met on New Year's Eve - all wolves.

Charlie was snoring safely in his room next door. He'd been able to come home to a quiet house, a warm dinner and a basketball game and I was grateful for that.

And hopefully Victoria was still far away, deep in the woods near the Canadian border, where she'd been chased this afternoon after Jake smelt her approaching the house.

I should feel safe and protected.

But I didn't.

Because Edward wasn't protected.

She could be searching for him now.

I rolled onto my back and sighed.

If the wolves could kill Victoria before she killed me, then Edward would be safe, and I could start searching for him again, but until then...

I closed my eyes and thought over the last few hours.

Not long after Jacob had disappeared out the back door as a wolf, he'd turned up at the front door as a human ... with Sam Uley and Embry Call in tow. Then while Jake and Embry fixed Charlie's door Callum and I had sat with Sam and we cautiously traded information.

I talked about James and about Victoria and her sick plan for revenge. Callum had stared at me, ashen faced and I'd realised I hadn't got around to telling him about that yet.

"So that's why... ?" He let out a sharp breath. "Okay, I get it now."

"Do you think that's why she came here this afternoon?" I'd asked Sam. "To look for information about Edward?"

"It's possible," he'd answered, shrugging. "If finding him is the first step in her plan."

I'd shuddered, my body turning to ice at the thought of her in my house, in my room.

"Good thing Jake was here then," I'd said quietly.

"He was just supposed to be baby sitting," Sam said. "This Victoria has been casing Forks for about a week now but she keeps running off before we can catch her. We didn't know why she kept coming back but today we tracked her scent into town and I saw your truck at the Thriftway ... I wondered if you were the connection."

I felt myself blush and looked down. Yep, I was the connection.

"She ran off again before we got close enough, but I sent Jacob to watch you while we chased her."

"Thank you," I'd smiled and Sam cracked a weak smile back.

"Do you hear from the Cullens at all?"

"No." I didn't elaborate on my search for Edward. "But I know they would appreciate everything you're doing, and if they were here ... ,"

"We're not doing this for the Cullens." Embry appeared in the doorway, his dark eyes glaring, challenging.

"Embry ... ," Sam's voice was low and I swallowed as the tension in the room thickened.

"At least we can kill the red headed leech." Embry added, looking at Sam and my mouth dropped open, shocked.

"Stop it!" Jake was beside Embry, scowling. "Just leave it."

Embry had turned back into the kitchen and Sam had followed. I heard them walk through the back door.

"Um, sorry about that," Jake had said, looking awkward.

"The Cullens aren't like Victoria," I'd spat and Jake had frowned.

"Maybe, but it's the whole mortal enemies thing, Bella." He'd shrugged and given me an apologetic smile. "This is just the way it is."

Then Sam had returned

"So! The Quileute legends are all true then?" Callum had been mostly quiet, but he'd piped up suddenly, changing the subject. He'd been eager and excited as he'd launched into the story of his ancestry.

The atmosphere in the room lightened, Sam and Jake listened closely and smiled when Callum wondered if he'd be turning into a wolf any time soon. He'd been disappointed when Sam said he thought the link was too distant to trigger what he called _the wolf gene._

"Damn. All the risk and none of the fun," Callum had scowled.

And now I rolled off my bed and walked to the desk. On the wall above it the map of the world looked pale and washed out in the silver light. Slowly I reached up and pulled out the push pins I'd placed in Alaska and Seattle and New York.

No clues.

I opened the desk drawer and pulled out the email from Vogue, confirming my gift subscription for Alice Cullen and tore it into tiny pieces.

No clues.

Then I picked up my notepad with the details for Jackson Finch Kinkade written on the top sheet. I ripped the page off and shredded it. Then I went downstairs, grabbed the matches and burnt the pieces in the kitchen sink, along with the email.

No clues.

If Victoria _did_ get in here I wasn't going to make finding Edward any easier for her.

I stood alone, in the kitchen, in the dark and watched the orange flames blacken, burn and consume my closest links to Edward. Silent tears stained my cheeks.

It felt like I was cutting him off and I inhaled sharply against the pain. But I told myself it wasn't like that really ... it was nothing symbolic, just pieces of paper. If I survived this, I'd try again.

I rinsed the sink clean and went back upstairs.

My phone vibrated just as I lay back on the bed. No prizes for guessing who this would be ... and I was right.

"Yes Callum?"

"I've deleted everything from my computer."

Oh.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem. I can always get it back again when ... you know, _after._"

I smiled to myself. "Okay."

"But do you want me to tell you what I found today?"

"Um ... I don't know." My eyes shot to the window again.

"She can't hear us, Bella. She's hundreds of miles away now."

I was chewing my lip. Of course I was dying to know, but Victoria was slippery ... what if she'd already come back again, what if she wasn't close enough for the wolves to sense, but was closer than we thought, watching and listening? I knew that was probably a long shot, but was it worth risking Edward?

"Not now," I said, nearly choking on the words as my hand closed around my locket. "Like you said ... _after._"

"Okay, I understand." He yawned.

"You'd better get some sleep. And no hacking tonight."

The dark circles under his eyes almost rivalled Edward's when he was thirsty.

"I'm okay."

"Callum, I'm really sorry you're all mixed up in this. Maybe you should go home, or to your Dad? It might be safer."

He chuckled. "And miss the excitement? No way."

I shook my head ... I just didn't understand.

o0o

The days that followed were tense and anxious.

Now that the wolves knew the whole story Sam said it would be easier to come up with a strategy to bring Victoria down. But Victoria became unnervingly quiet.

I spent Sunday at La Push with Callum. On Monday I knew that a wolfish guard was in the woods behind the school, and on Tuesday afternoon they secretly surrounded Newton's store while I worked. On Wednesday they staked out the Library after school as I tried to study.

I had no appetite, sleeping was impossible. My nerves were raw, stretched to breaking, I was teary and snappy and jumpy as I worried and waited ... waited for something to happen. And finally, on Thursday, it did.

I came home from school and my prom shoes were sitting neatly in the middle of my bed.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up and my eyes slid to the closet where the door was ajar, just slightly. I swallowed, heart pounding ... she'd been here. But she wasn't here now; I knew that because the wolves had followed me home and they hadn't busted down any doors yet to get in here.

So I opened the closet door. Fast. A quick, sharp yank on the handle and...

Nothing.

Everything was the same as it had always been ... except for the screwed up ball of tissue paper that had been tucked neatly into one of the Garfield slippers Renee had bought me. It was pale blue tissue paper and I remembered it had been wrapped around the prom shoes in their box.

The shoe box.

The _pretty,_ pink and silver shoe box.

I tore everything out of my closet, not caring where it landed, as I hunted and searched, scrambling desperately on hands and knees. But it wasn't there.

A shattered cry rose in my throat and my blood turned to ice.

Victoria had found her pretty box.

She'd found Edward.

0o0

The next twenty four hours were surreal.

With the tissue paper bunched up in my hand I had raced downstairs to the back door and flung it open wide.

"Jake?" I'd hissed frantically and a moment later he and Leah had come out of the woods in human form. A quick inspection of the house revealed that Victoria had been in my room a few hours earlier, while I was at school. Sam was consulted immediately, phone calls were made, flights booked and just three hours later I was telling Charlie that I really needed to see Renee and was flying out to Jacksonville the next day.

"Girl stuff," I'd told him and he'd blushed and muttered and I knew he'd probably agree to anything when I trotted out that phrase.

And now Jake was driving me to the airport ... in silence. There was only the sound of the car engine and my teeth chewing through my nails.

Jake was obviously pre-occupied and anxious to get back to Forks. I was too consumed by terror and guilt to make conversation ... terrified for Edward, for the wolves, for Callum and Charlie and me. Guilty about the risks everyone was facing _because_ of me. At that moment it seemed like a good idea to become a hermit ... my danger magnet was drawing too many people in along with me.

"Don't worry, Bella," Jake gave me a smile as my flight was called. "We're closing in fast ... we're going to circle them, up near the border."

We were walking towards the departure gates, but at his words I stopped.

"Them?" Jake's smile fell. "There's more?"

Jake looked around him and pulled a large hand through his hair.

"I meant _her._ We'll get _her_."

"No ... you didn't." I swallowed hard and shut my eyes. "How many?"

He let out a long, defeated breath. "Just one more," he said, and suddenly I knew.

"Have you seen this one?"

He nodded. "Last night."

"Dreadlocks, right?"

Jake frowned. "You know him?"

I nodded. "Laurent."

Kate and Tanya said Edward had gone to see Laurent when he was in Denali. Laurent had told them he never saw Edward, but what if he had?

"Oh my ... ," I swayed where I stood and felt sick

"Bella?" Jake helped me to a chair.

What if Edward had set out to find Victoria from the start? He'd gone to Laurent for information, but Laurent was still siding with Victoria ... he probably sent Edward on a wild goose chase, and then told Victoria I was unprotected.

"Bella? Bella?"

E_dward was actively looking for her_.

I should have realised, of course that's what he'd do! He'd do anything to keep me safe ... even if it meant a fight to the death.

"You have to stop them," I gasped as I grabbed Jake's arm and he held mine, keeping me steady.

"We will. We outnumber them, four to one, they don't have a chance." I'd nodded dumbly as I heard my flight called again. "It'll be alright, Bella."

"You have to get her ... and him, both of them." The panic in my voice was clear. "_You have to."_

"Geez, Bella, don't worry. We'll get them and then you'll be safe again." Of course he didn't understand - it wasn't me I was worried about.

"I wish I could do something ... ,"

"No! Best thing you can do is go to Jacksonville. If you stay in Forks it just means less of us to fight because someone would have to keep watch on you."

He stared at me, dark eyes boring into mine.

"I know," I whispered.

"We'll call you as soon as it's over. When are you coming back?"

"I've got a booking for Monday morning, but it's a changeable fare ... in case I need longer."

Then he grinned the warm, happy grin I remembered from Christmas and New Year's. "Nah, I'm guessing you'll probably hear from us before you go to bed tonight, and you'll be back hom by Sunday lunchtime."

I managed a smile.

"Please be careful."

"Yes, you told us all a hundred times before you left." He rolled his eyes. "This is what we do, Bella, remember?"

I threw my arms around Jake and hugged him. He seemed a little surprised, but hugged me back awkwardly, making clumsy pats on my back.

"Bella," he asked suddenly and he sounded hesitant. "I ... did you know what Edward was when you started dating?"

I pulled back, frowning as I nodded.

"Of course I knew."

"And that didn't freak you out?"

"No. Never."

He grimaced slightly and shook his head as we heard the final call for my flight.

"Okay. Now you've really gotta go and so do I."

He stood, helped me to my feet and handed me my bag.

"Thanks Jake,"

"Yeah, no problem," he smiled and I'd turned to walk through the gates.

0o0

The Jacksonville sun shone down on me as I slid into the passenger seat.

"It's so great to have you here, honey." Renee hadn't stopped grinning since I'd stepped off the plane and she'd wrapped me in a huge hug. I'd almost cried, the warmth and comfort was what I so desperately needed, but now I felt guilty that I was sort of here under false pretenses.

I tried to listen to her stream of consciousness as she pointed out various landmarks and talked about the weather but my mind was back in Forks. I wondered what was happening, if they'd caught Victoria yet, or Laurent.

I wondered where Edward was. Hopefully far away, still on a wild goose chase. He was so good at everything I closed my eyes and prayed that tracking was the one thing he was bad at.

"Bella, Bella?"

"Sorry, Mom miles away."

"I could tell," she frowned. "Is everything okay? You look so tired."

"I've just been studying hard. What were you saying?" It didn't take much to distract Renee.

"Well, just that there's so much we can do this weekend. There's an antiques fair on tomorrow that we could go to."

"New hobby?" I recognised the spark of excitement in her voice.

"Yes," she beamed. "It's so interesting. Phil bought me an antique planter pot for Christmas and that's what's started me off. Well, we thought it was a planter pot ... turned out to be a _chamber_ pot, but never mind, the Ficus still looks good in it."

I smiled. "The antiques fair sounds great, Mom."

She smiled at me again, then looked back at the road as she turned a corner.

"Aaaand here we are!" She pulled into the driveway of a salmon pink two storey house with an arched front portico.

"This is nice, Mom." I smiled at the potted cactus by the front door; she'd brought it from Phoenix. She didn't answer straight away as she usually did. She was watching something in the rear vision mirror. I turned around to look out the back window but saw nothing out of place, just a car driving slowly along the street.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she said and looked back at me, smiling some more. She reached up and touched my cheek. "It's so good to have you here."

Renee's kitchen skills had improved without me around to do the cooking. We had a big dinner, home made lasagne with salad and garlic bread, and then she had a full breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast ready for me when I got up the next morning. I truly wished I could be more relaxed, could enjoy this more, but my mind was always on Edward and Forks.

"You still look tired," Renee said as I sat down at the kitchen table. "Was the bed not comfortable? Do you need an extra pillow?"

"No, I just didn't get much sleep new surroundings, you know." And the fact that I'd been awake all night waiting for a phone call that hadn't come.

"Here, eat something, you're too thin." She brushed my hair out of my face and then piled my plate high. I thought how funny it was that she'd turned into a mother _after _I'd left home.

Maybe the antiques fair wasn't such a good idea. Everything seemed to be from the Edwardian period and just seeing that word, over and over, was slowly chipping away at me.

Renee flitted about, jumping from one stand to the next. There didn't seem to be any pattern or theme to her interest everything was up for grabs, it was hard to keep up with her.

"Look, Bella a warming pan for a bed, early 1800s," she read from the label.

"What would you do with it?"

Renee shrugged. "Hang it up somewhere? It could be a wall feature, a conversation piece."

"I guess."

"Ooh, look rolling pins! Come on!"

She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards another stand.

"Mom, don't let me keep you back. I'm happy to just wander why don't we meet up at the coffee stand in half an hour?"

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay then," she grinned and disappeared into the crowd.

I wandered aimlessly along the rows of tables, wondering how I was going to keep myself together, my every thought focused on the stupid, self-sacrificing vampire with the hero complex. I shuddered at the thought of him finding Victoria. Then I wondered how the wolves were doing and I shuddered again, worried for them despite all Jake's bluster.

As I walked I told myself over and over that the wolves would get Victoria before Edward knew she'd found me. It became a mantra. Maybe if I said it enough it would be true – a positive affirmation, Renee always said they worked.

My eyes began to sting with tears. I blinked them back quickly, took a deep breath and made myself focus on something else.

I looked at the stall in front of me. Gas bicycle lamps, collectible coins, toothpaste tins, art deco tea sets ... and then my eyes fell on something that made me smile my first real smile in days and I remembered the little antique shop in Seattle.

I was crouched down, looking in a glass case at a collection of ornate brushes and combs of ivory and whalebone and mirrors backed with intricate hand painted pictures or delicately embroidered silks - they were a long way from the plastic comb and mirror set shoved in the pocket of my bag.

I straightened up and on top of the counter was a small, leather case, lined with faded pale blue satin. Nestled inside was a curious looking instrument. It was a little longer than my hand and hade two mother of pearl handles, slightly longer and thicker than my thumbs. The handles were joined together by a loop of flat, silver metal, making the whole thing sort of key-hole shaped. I picked it up and turned it over in my hand.

Edward had been looking at an old model train and now he moved behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder as I ran my finger over the cold metal loop.

"It's a tongue scraper," he said and I dropped it straight away. Quickly, his hand shot out and snatched it before it hit the glass counter top.

"Are you serious? A _tongue_ scraper?"

He nodded, smirking as he carefully replaced the offending object back in its box. "You loop the metal bit around the back of your tongue and then drag it down using the handles."

"Eeuw."

Edward chuckled.

Then I noticed the small card beside the box - _Dental hygiene kit for home use, 1910._

"Did you have one of these?" I whispered.

"Not that I remember," he whispered back, his amber eyes dancing with amusement.

"Why would someone buy that? Surely not to use, I mean, if that's been in someone else's mouth, scraped someone else's tongue eeuw." I shuddered.

Edward laughed again and followed me, catching my hand in his as I walked to the other side of the shop. In the corner was a strange looking chair and I stopped to puzzle over it.

The square, padded seat was backless and set low to the ground with a rack beneath it. Centered behind the seat was a carved wooden post, shoulder height, with what looked like a broad wooden coat hanger at the top. Below the hanger, attached to the post, was a small wooden drawer with a railing beneath it.

"You probably know what this is," I said, looking at Edward and he smiled.

"My father had one. It's a valet stand. "

My eyes widened, surprised, it was so rare he mentioned anything from his human time, but I supposed in a shop like this he was surrounded with reminders.

"You sit on the seat while you take off your shoes," he continued. "Or put them on."

"Oh, so that's a shoe rack underneath?"

He nodded. "And then you drape your suit coat over here," he pointed to the hanger part. "And hang your tie over this." He touched the railing. "And in the drawer you'd put any spare coins, a watch, wallet, whatever was in your pockets, things like that."

"Was your father's like this?"

He screwed up his face in concentration. "Similar, I think. I don't remember the details of the stand, but I remember when he came home he'd hang up his coat and empty his pockets. He had a silver cigarette case that had been his fathers, and the pocket watch my mother gave him on their wedding day. They were special things and he'd always put them away in the drawer before he'd do anything else. Sometimes he gave me the spare pennies." His voice had become very soft and I squeezed his hand. He looked down at me, smiling as he squeezed back.

"You remember all that?"

He nodded. "That memory's quite clear."

I squeezed his hand again.

"So your father smoked?"

"It was the thing to do back then, no-one knew how dangerous it was."

"Did you smoke?"

A corner of his mouth twitched and then turned up in a smile.

"I probably tried it. Most kids do, don't they?"

"I didn't."

He laughed.

"Yes, but then, you're not most kids, are you?"

He bent down and kissed me quickly.

"Can I help you with that?" The woman's voice broke through my memory as she looked at the object in my hand. She was friendly, smiling and waiting for an answer.

"I think so, yes." I pulled out my wallet and handed over my credit card. I'd never given Edward a gift - this would be the first. And it was perfect.

"Is it for someone special?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm sure they'll love it."

"He will."

My eyes stung again as I wondered if I'd ever have the chance to give it to him.

o0o

Callum called at eight fifteen on Sunday morning.

I could hear the excitement, and the relief, in his voice as he told me it was over.

Victoria was dead, Laurent too.

He didn't have a lot of details, he said, but Jake or Sam would fill me in when I got home.

The relief rocked through me, making me shake as I sat on the edge of my bed and the weight and worry and pain of the past week fell away.

"Is everyone okay?"

"Yeah, no casualties," he said. "Everyone's fine."

I nodded, tears filling my eyes so my vision blurred. I didn't bother wiping them away.

Edward was safe.

"Anyway, I'm going to get some sleep now," Callum yawned. "Haven't had much the last couple of nights."

"Oh, wait, before you go ... ," My stomach tightened with anticipation. "Where's Edward?"

Silence.

"Callum?"

It was safe now, he could tell me, but something in his hesitation troubled me.

"Callum?"

"Brazil," he said suddenly.

"Brazil?" No, that couldn't be right. It was sunny in Brazil, very sunny.

"Oh!"

_Maybe he's still enjoying the sun_.

Victoria's words echoed through my memory. She must have led him to South America.

"How did you find out? Do you know which part?"

"No, it's a big place, sorry. Um, can we ... I really want to get some sleep now. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

And the line went dead.

I stared at the phone in my hand and wondered if I should be worried by Callum's sudden cut-off. But then, he had hardly slept and I was tense and probably over-reacting.

I set my phone down on the bedside table and hugged myself.

Edward was safe.

Callum and the wolves were safe, Charlie too.

And Edward was in Brazil.

I wiped my hand over my face and laid back on the bed. And I cried.

It was a while, but finally I sniffed my last and the tears slowed and stopped. The shaking gradually subsided, the heaviness in my chest faded, leaving me with a lightness now that made me feel giddy.

I turned my pillow over, enjoying the freshness of the dry side. Then I took some deep breaths ... and I started planning.

When I got back to Forks I was going to find out exactly what happened with Victoria and Laurent. Then I'd ask Callum to give me all the details about his Brazilian discovery. I wondered how much a plane fare was. Did I need a visa? And of course I could still contact Jackson, Finch, Kincade. And the Vogue magazine should be already in transit now ... for the first time in ages I felt hopeful and even a little bit positive - and those feelings felt new and strange.

I heard Renee clanging around in the kitchen. I sat up, dried my face and went downstairs to join her.

"You look happy this morning, honey!" She seemed a little taken aback. "Did you sleep better last night."

"Mm, yes," I lied. I couldn't exactly tell her the truth about my sunny mood. "Here, let me help. What are we having?"

"I thought I'd do waffles this morning. And ham and eggs."

I grabbed a pan and started greasing it. As my hands worked my brain plotted.

I started humming as I cracked eggs into the pan and after a moment I realised Renee had stopped talking and was just staring at me.

"What's wrong, Mom?"

"Nothing. I just ... it's good to see you happy."

Was I happy? Mm, I was close, and getting closer.

I smiled back at Renee and she was frowning, thoughtful.

"Mom?"

"I wish I could have been there for you when Edward left," she said quietly.

"Oh. Um, that's okay, Mom." I hadn't expected that. My sunny mood clouded over just a little.

"I'm so sorry."

"Mom, it's okay, er, there wasn't a lot you could have done. And the calls and the care package were good."

She nodded, giving me a weak smile.

"Did you ever hear from him again?" The clouds were getting thicker.

"No." Not directly, but he bought me a library full of books.

"Well, I suppose ... he just wasn't the one for you, then. And it's good you're over him now ... and so much happier."

"Can you pass the spatula? I need to flip the eggs."

In true Renee style, she wasn't deterred by my attempt at subject change.

"It's a good thing you didn't get too serious."

"Mm. I should have used more butter, the eggs are sticking. You should get non-stick pans."

"I mean, it didn't get too serious, did it? Not that I'd have a problem with it, you're old enough, you're sensible, as long as you used protection and ... ,"

"Mom!" I turned sharply, spatula fisted in my hand.

"What?" she looked at me, genuinely shocked that I would be, well ... shocked.

"I really don't want to discuss this, Mom."

"There's no need to be embarrassed, Bella, it's perfectly ... ,"

"It wasn't like that!" I snapped. "_Edward_ ... wasn't like that. He was a gentleman."

Renee snorted. "He might have been a gentleman, honey, but he was still a man."

I folded my arms tightly across my chest and the spatula smacked me on the chin.

"I'm not discussing this with you." I rubbed butter and eggy bits off my face.

"I'm just saying ... ,"

"No, Mom! I told you, Edward wasn't like that."

"Okay," she said and put her hands up in surrender. "I stand corrected." And she pulled the ham steaks out of the fridge while I went back to my eggs.

_... I may not be human, but I am a man_.

How was it that my mother managed to echo the words Edward said to me almost a year ago?

And how had I forgotten he'd said them?

His touch, our kisses, had always been so tender, so loving, so _careful_. I knew he loved me, that was without question, but I'd always thought he didn't feel _that way_ about me.

But maybe he had.

He'd watched my backside when we'd gone bowling.

The way he'd looked when I'd licked the ice cream cone in the park at Port Angeles.

He'd seemed flustered that day in his room when he'd sat next to me, trailed his fingers towards my thigh and told me sometimes his mind and his seventeen year old body matched up perfectly.

Suddenly these things took on a different, deeper meaning and I blushed as I remembered that day in the meadow.

The grass was long and soft. The sun was shining and the sky was blue for once. My tank top and shorts were letting me soak up the warmth.

Edward had spread a blanket and we lay on our backs, looking up at the sky, finding shapes in the clouds.

"I can see a dragon."

"Where?"

"There."

Edward lifted his arm and pointed at a fluffy, white clump of cumulus but my attention was stuck on his skin sparking like diamonds inthe sun. "Can you see it? Bella?"

I dragged my eyes away and followed his finger.

"Mm, looks more like a lizard to me."

"Lizards don't breathe fire."

"It's breathing fire?" I squinted as he dropped his hand. "Nope, can't see the fire breathing."

"Right there." He moved closer, rolling slightly onto his side, face close to mine as he pointed again. "Just follow the line of my finger."

Suddenly his lips touched me softly on my jaw and I shivered. He chuckled softly.

"See? It's just above the violin."

And then I burst out laughing and Edward dropped his hand.

"A dragon and a violin? Why do I only see boring things like saucepans and old boots." I thought of the shapes I'd pointed out a few moments ago.

"They're not boring," Edward smiled at me

"Yeah, right," I scoffed.

"You saw a peacock before."

I shrugged a shoulder. "I guess so."

"And it looked like a turkey to me."

I laughed, surprised.

"A turkey? Really? My beautiful peacock?"

He nodded, his crooked grin lighting up his face as he lay on his side, looking at me.

I laughed again and he pulled me into his arms, holding me against him. He was in a t-shirt and the sun had warmed his skin. I ran my fingers over the bit of bicep that was exposed below his sleeve. His muscles were toned, defined and very hard and I made another appreciative sweep.

"Oh!" I pulled my hand back sharply and started giggling. He'd flexed his arm slightly, making the muscle contract and roll under the skin as I'd touched. I looked up and he was smiling shyly.

I felt myself blushing and my embarrassment took my gaze from his and instead I found myself looking back at his arm ... and smiling when he flexed again. And again.

Tentatively I pushed his sleeve up further. It wasn't often I got to see his bare arms and if he was going to let me touch and look I was going to make the most of it.

His skin was so smooth and right now it was shooting diamonds of light in every direction - beautiful. I traced the contours, feeling the swells and hollows and the hardness of him beneath my fingers. I glanced up and his eyes were locked on me, intense, fascinated, watching my every move. I smiled and he smiled back, the crooked one. Then he bent his arm at the elbow, body builder style, curled his hand into a fist and began flexing over and over, making it appear as if his bicep was jumping up and down.

"You're showing off now," I laughed and pulled my hand away as he nodded, grinning.

"Is it working?" He flexed faster. "Are you suitably impressed?"

"Yes!" I laughed. "I'm impressed."

He grinned wider. Then he brought his arm back down, curling it around me.

"I'm glad," he whispered and he ran his nose over my jaw before he pressed his lips softly against mine.

"I'm impressed with this, too," I whispered against his lips and I felt him smile. His hands roamed over my back, one of them moving into my hair, cradling my head as he moved his kisses to my throat.

I sighed, arching my neck and slowly trailing my fingers along his arms, higher, underneath the sleeves of his t-shirt up and around and over his shoulders. They were powerful, strong, and my brain, befuddled by the sensation of his lips on my skin, threw me a new idea. I started to giggle as I wondered.

"What?" he whispered against my throat.

"Are you ticklish?"

He pulled away and looked up at me, blinking.

"I don't know. No-one's ever tried."

"Really? Never? Not even Emmett, just to torture you?" It seemed like the sort of thing he'd do.

Edward raised an eyebrow, giving me his _are you serious_ face.

"Bella, Emmett _thumps_. Or _pounds._"

"Oh."

"Not that he often gets the chance," he added smugly and I laughed.

"Well, can I try? Tickling you, I mean. Not thumping."

I sat up and he seemed uncertain for a moment, no doubt assessing the risks to my safety if he jerked or twitched, but then he tentatively lifted his arm a little, giving me access.

I could feel his nervous eyes on me, this was obviously so new for him, for both of us.

My fingers started just above his elbow, inching higher, under his sleeve until I could feel the softness of his hair dusting over my fingers. My heart and stomach tightened, somehow this felt so intimate and I hadn't expected it to.

"I don't sweat," he said quickly and I smiled.

My fingers grazed over the pit of his arm gently, it was smooth like everywhere else, then I dug in and tickled. Hard.

Nothing.

I pulled back then tried again, even harder this time.

He just sat and watched me, his face curious.

I pulled my hand away, defeated, and his eyes stayed on me as he lowered his arm.

"I guess not," he said.

"No, guess not."

"It felt nice though," he smiled shyly.

"Really?" I wrinkled my nose. "It's not supposed to."

He chuckled softly. "I just think any touch from you would feel … nice." He tucked some hair back behind my ear. "Are you ticklish?"

My blush answered before I did.

"You are!"

"Not telling."

"Oh, I don't think you need to _tell_ me, Bella." He grazed my burning cheek with the backs of two icy fingers. Then he ran his fingers down my neck, across my shoulder, along my arm to my wrist and then back up again. He stopped, just above my elbow as he held my gaze.

"My turn?"

My heart was pounding, wondering what this would be like, as I slowly nodded. He seemed a little nervous, but then he grinned wickedly, eyes gleaming. He lunged forward, sliding his hand swiftly up to my armpit, my tank top leaving him unrestricted access.

I squealed and kicked and through the sounds of my own laughter I could hear his. Then his other hand joined in under the other arm. His fingers didn't bring the unpleasant, probing, digging tickling I'd known from childhood friends. No, his fingers danced over my skin, light and fast ... a delicious sensation that made me giggle and squirm. Then he sped up his ministrations.

I clamped my arms down tight, laughing louder, trying to still his fingers, as I rolled and kicked and bucked. He was relentless, his fingers, his hands … they felt like they were everywhere as we rolled, all arms and legs and laughter, until suddenly he was on top of me.

And then everything stopped.

And something changed.

Edward's breathing was hard, heavy and so was mine. There was an electricity, a burn, running through me. I swallowed and he did too. His hair was falling over his face, but through the strands I could see his eyes, dark and fiery and locked on mine. His expression was new, it excited me, but I wasn't sure what it meant. His hands had shifted with all our movement and were spread across my ribs now. One of his legs was between mine and he held himself over me, not touching, except for his hands. He swallowed again and I could see a subtle tremor running through his arms and shoulders.

"Too much?" I asked, breathless and unsure. He didn't respond right away, but after a beat or two he closed his eyes and nodded.

Very slowly, carefully, he eased himself away and lay down on his back next to me. He bent one arm over his face and reached for my hand with the other.

"I'm sorry," he said and he managed a smile even though his bottom lip was clamped firmly between his teeth.

"Should I move away?" He usually needed some distance between us when my scent became too much for him. But he said nothing, though he let his hand answer for him as his fingers tightened around mine.

We were silent and as I felt my own heart and breathing slow I watched him. The rise and fall of his chest gradually calmed, becoming steadier and even, his throat stilled and he stopped biting his lip. After a moment he sighed, took his arm away from his face and looked up at the clouds again.

"There's a cat." He pointed to the sky. His other hand lifted mine to his lips and he kept his eye on the clouds as he kissed my knuckles one by one.

But I wasn't looking at the sky, I was looking at Edward.

"I love you," I whispered.

He turned to face me and the emotion in his eyes stopped my breath.

"And I love you," he whispered back, then he pulled me to him and buried his face in my hair. "You have no idea."

But maybe now I did.

"Bella! You're burning the eggs!"

"Oh, sorry Mom!"

I took the pan off the heat and slid the eggs onto a plate. They were just a little crispy around the edge.

"You alright, honey? You look a little flushed."

"I was just standing too close to the stove. Actually ... ," I looked down at my sweats. "I think I'll go and get dressed."

Up in my room I sat on the bed and thought - it wasn't just _blood_ lust he felt.

_... I am a man._

The blush raged over my body.

I grabbed the photo from my bag. It was dog eared now, and creased and bent. I smoothed it out and looked at him.

"Just wait until I find you, Edward Cullen, and when I do ... ," I smiled. "You have no idea."

**A/N: I've had a few questions about how many chapters this story will be. Right now we're more than half way through, but I'm not sure exactly how many more chapters there will be - at the moment my guess is four. **

**Thank you to everyone who's reading and writing me reviews. They're appreciated more than I can say and I'm still trying to catch up with responses, sorry if I haven't got to yours yet.**


	9. Chapter 9: Bandage

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you Edward'sEternal and CalliopesPoem for legal advice.**

**Long chapter, lots happens, here we go ...**

On Monday morning I left the clear blue of Jacksonville and returned to the hazy grey of Forks. And my mood shifted with the weather.

My relief over the end of Victoria and Laurent had faded and now I was anxious again, wondering over Callum's evasive conversation and why he didn't answer my calls anymore. I'd tried five times since Sunday morning.

And Edward in Brazil? I bit my nails down to the skin as urgency replaced excitement. Brazil was _big - _how would I find him there?What exactly had Callum found? I needed the full story.

Jacob met me at the airport and that surprised me - I was expecting Charlie.

His smile was friendly, if slightly subdued. It wasn't the broad beam I was used to. I wrapped him in a hug and he patted me awkwardly, just like before.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Thank you."

He pulled back and smiled wider. "No need for thanks. Here, I'll take that." He grabbed my bag and I fell in step beside him.

"I thought Charlie was picking me up." I asked as I hurried along. It was an effort to keep up; Jake's strides were worth two of mine.

"He was. But I had to come in to Port Angeles anyway so I said I'd get you ... save Charlie taking the time off work."

"He's okay, then?"

Jake chuckled. "Billy's kept him at La Push nearly all weekend." He fixed his soft eyes on me and dropped his voice as some people passed by us. "I told you we'd keep him safe."

More people moved past and I decided this was a conversation better saved for the car. The terminal doors opened and the bitter chill of Port Angeles in January hit me. I noticed Jake was wearing jeans and a light jacket, probably just for appearance sake - apparently he was a toasty 108 degrees these days. I shivered in my jacket and realised I hadn't felt truly warm since Edward had left. And then I smiled at that irony - Edward's body was like ice, but somehow I always felt warm when he would wrap his arms around me.

I climbed into the VW Rabbit gratefully and Jake turned up the heat straight away.

"It shouldn't take too long," he muttered.

I clicked my seatbelt in place and held my hands out towards the air vent.

"So, tell me what hap ...,"

"We just have to get Seth," Jake cut me off. "We're picking up some fishing equipment for Dad and Harry. He's waiting at the store with the gear."

"Oh, okay."

Was Jake trying to hedge? I'd thought now that we were in the car I'd be hearing all about Victoria's demise. He looked over his shoulder as he backed out of the parking space.

"So what happened?" I tried again. "With Victoria and Laurent, give me the details."

I watched Jake closely. At first he made no move to answer or even acknowledge that he'd heard me. His eyes were on the gear stick as he moved into first and it wasn't until we were moving forward, headed towards the exit, that he spoke.

"Didn't Callum tell you?" He kept his eyes straight ahead.

"Well, he said he didn't have details, just that everyone was alright, and Victoria and Laurent were dead."

"Yeah, that's about it."

He turned right and headed into town. There was a furniture truck in front, crawling along slowly, and Jake changed down a couple of gears before he spoke again.

"After you left for your mom's Billy invited Charlie for a weekend of tv sport. Leah was patrolling around La Push and around Callum's house and the rest of us took off into the woods to track the red-headed leech and her friend. We circled them and just kept moving in, pulling the circle tighter until we jumped them."

He frowned at the furniture truck.

"Too slow," he muttered and sped up, swerving onto the wrong side of the road and overtaking.

"Jake!" I gasped and clung on to the seat, hard.

"I'm just driving ... relax, Bella." He fell back to normal speed, well and truly in front of the truck now.

I shook my head at him. Why did everyone drive like a maniac?

"Is everything okay with Callum?" I asked as I peeled my fingers off the vinyl. "I haven't been able to get hold of him."

Jake smirked and looked away out the side window.

"Callum's fine. He's, uh ... he's probably at La Push right now." I could hear amusement in his voice and that puzzled me.

"Why do you say it like that?" And he was smirking now, clearly enjoying some private joke.

"Jake, what? Oh! Is he...?"

My hand flew to my mouth and I whispered through my fingers.

"Is Callum a werewolf?"

Jacob threw his head back, his large frame shaking with laughter that rocked the tiny car. I watched, confused.

"No, no he isn't," he said eventually.

"But something's up with him isn't it?"

Jacob started chuckling again. "Yeah, something's up."

"He's not hurt?"

"Nah, he's just ... I should probably let him tell you."

"Tell me what? Jacob, what is going on? Tell me right now!" I brought my hand down in a whack on his arm and discovered he was almost as hard as Edward.

"Ow!" I grabbed my hand back, fast.

"You okay?"

"No. Yes. I mean ... you're like a rock."

"Yeah. Is anything broken?"

"I don't think so." I wiggled my fingers and Jake nodded approvingly.

"You'll be alright," he said and turned back to the road while I tucked my hand under my arm.

"So, about Callum?" I wasn't going to be deterred and Jake shook his head, chuckling some more.

"You don't give up, do you?"

"Nope. And if you want to save yourself from another whack on the arm ... I still have one good hand, you know." I waved it around and Jake laughed.

"Okay. Well...," he was smirking again. "You remember the imprinting thing?"

I had learned a lot about the wolves over the past week. Some things from observation, some things from explanation. The fast healing, the mind reading. the non-aging.

And the imprinting.

The Sunday before Jake had used words like soul-mate, destiny and fate as he'd explained what happens when a werewolf locks eyes with their perfect match. We had been in Sam and Emily's kitchen at the time and their devotion to each other had been so deep, so intense, it was almost tangible.

"I remember. What about it?"

He turned to me and smiled.

"Callum and Leah."

I took a moment to process.

And another moment...and then

"No! Really? She imprinted on him?"

Jake nodded. "It's been pretty intense, on top of everything else that was going on."

"Holy crow, that's just ...!"

Jake was nodding, grinning.

"Happened when she turned up at his place to patrol."

"Was she a wolf?"

"No, she arrived human."

Wow.

"So, Callum's bit of Quileute DNA? Is that part of it? I asked.

"Might be," Jake shrugged. "Sam thinks so."

I shook my head, trying to get this all clear.

"Okay, so, has Callum imprinted on Leah, too? Does it go both ways?"

"Well, they're a perfect match, so why wouldn't he want to be with her?"

"I suppose so."

"Yeah, so I think he'll be spending a lot of time at the Res."

"What do the other wolves think about it?"

Jake shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Everyone knows how this works. Callum's one of us now." He paused a moment then smiled. "Although Sam is_ really_ happy for her. He'd never forgiven himself for leaving Leah when he imprinted on Emily."

I stared at the broken lock on the glove compartment, letting this all sink in.

Was that why Callum had been so strange on the phone, because he'd been distracted by this new development? A small smile crept across my lips.

Then I wondered if this would affect how much help he would give me to find Edward. Jake had just said Callum was one of them, now - it was unlikely the tribe would be happy about him actively hunting for a vampire. And he'd want to spend all his time with Leah anyway. I felt my cheeks flaming, embarrassed that I could be so selfish.

My heart sank a little and I took a quick breath and decided not to think about that right now. Instead I tried to get myself back on track.

"He sounded strange on the phone," I murmured. "And I'd thought it would be you or Sam who would call me."

Jake shrugged.

"We wanted you to know straight away that Victoria was dead, but we were all busy disposing of bodies and ... things, so Leah asked Callum to call you."

But if Leah was still back in Forks when...

"Oh, the mind reading thing?" I knew it could work for hundreds of miles.

Jake nodded.

"Did you burn the bodies?"

"Yeah," he said absently and leant forward, peering through the fog of the window. "There's Seth."

Seth was coming towards us; a long parcel tucked under one arm, a smaller, square package tucked under the other.

He grinned as he climbed into the back seat and I had the feeling that the little car could burst at the seams at any moment.

"Hey, Bella," he grinned and I tried to lean over and give him a hug - it was too awkward but he got the idea.

"Thanks for everything," I said.

"No need for thanks." He echoed Jake's words from before. He twisted, turning to grab the seat belt and winced slightly as he did so. He rubbed his hand over his side.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure," he smiled at me but my eyes scanned him carefully as Jake started the engine. He appeared fine, as he'd said, but the right side of his sweater was caught up a little with the seat belt, exposing a narrow strip of bandage.

"What happened?" I pointed at his middle.

He shot a look at Jake - it was quick, but I caught it.

"Just some cracked ribs, that's all."

"Oh, Seth!" Guilt rolled through me and my eyes filled. "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Really, it's fine. Really." I could see my attention was making him uncomfortable, but I felt so bad.

"But, you shouldn't have ...,"

"He should have stayed where he was," Jake interrupted sternly.

"Yeah, yeah, I've been told already," Seth shot back.

"I'm so sorry," I said again and Seth rolled his eyes as he smiled.

"Bella, really, I'm fine. Look ... "

He lifted his sweater so now I could clearly see the bandage that wound around his torso. He knocked his fist gently against his side, grinning. "See? And you know we heal real fast."

"Er, mm, yes, I know."

My answer was an absent-minded mumble because, while I was still concerned about Seth, something new had taken my attention. My eyes studied his bandaged ribs.

"This can probably come off tomorrow," he said brightly and flicked his fingers against the metal end of the bandage clasp before he dropped his sweater back down again, adjusting it so the bandage was covered completely.

I faced the front again, thinking hard, as Jake pulled out onto the road.

Seth had been bandaged carefully. Very carefully. The rows of gauze all perfectly even, perfectly spaced as they wound around his body. The bandage end was folded over, not once, but twice, and tucked up neatly under the clasp.

"He was here, wasn't he?"

My voice was flat, empty, my body was suddenly like ice and my question was met with awkward silence.

"Wasn't he?" I repeated, sharper this time. "Edward was here. He killed Victoria, didn't he?"

I stared at Jake. His voice was gentle but it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

"He didn't want you to know."

I felt like I was being crushed from the inside out. I pulled my knees up, hugging myself, taking big gulps of air, trying to calm the tearing emotions that I couldn't even describe.

He'd been here ... and I'd been on the other side of the country.

And then I was seized with panic and my words tumbled out as my head whipped up to look at Jacob.

"Is he alright? Was he hurt? Did she hurt him?"

Jake's face was anxious as he turned to me.

"No, he wasn't hurt. Bella, are you okay? Calm down."

My eyes fluttered closed with relief as Jacob rested a comforting hand on my shoulder. Edward wasn't hurt. Then my eyes snapped open again and my words were tumbling once more as hope, bright and burning, roared through me.

"Where did he go? Is he still in Forks? Is he nearby?" I was peering out the windows, eyes straining, darting from one side of the road to the other as if Edward would suddenly step out of the trees.

"No, he's not here. We'd know if he was ... we'd pick up his scent."

Disappointment crashed over me like a wave.

I pulled my legs back up and hugged my knees again, chewing hard on my lip, trying not to cry because I knew if I started I wouldn't stop.

He'd been here. _Here!_ And no-one had told me. Suddenly, I was angry and I spun back to face Jacob.

"Why didn't you tell me! Why didn't _somebody tell me!"_

I was yelling, my voice bouncing around the enclosed space. Seth winced and Jake scowled.

"I told you, he said he didn't want you to know."

"Oh, right! Of course!" I threw my hands in the air. "And since when do you do what a vampire tells you, huh?"

I brought my hands down, slapping my palms hard against the seat and Jake jumped where he sat.

"You sent me away! You and Sam ... he was here and ... and YOU SENT ME AWAY!"

"NO!" Jake yelled back, eyes glaring now as he stared at me. "That was _his_ idea!"

And that pulled me up.

"Whose idea?" My voice was small now.

"Cullen's," Jake snapped. Then he let out a long sigh. "Sam wanted you at La Push where you could be protected, but Cullen didn't want you anywhere near there, and he didn't want you in Forks. He said if we put you on the plane he'd make sure you were looked after in Jacksonville."

"Then ... he was here while_ I _was still here."

The tears started leaking. I pushed myself back into the seat, hugged my knees tight again and wondered if my heart was going to handle this.

Part of me was hurt, so hurt - Edward had sent me away. He'd been so close and he hadn't wanted to see me. But another part of me, the stronger part, knew it wasn't like that. He loved me, he'd been keeping me safe, protecting me the way he thought was best. But that thought brought its own pain with it.

"But he didn't follow me to Jacksonville, did he?" I mumbled. "He was here, so how ... oh ...,"

I remembered ... something had caught Renee's attention when we pulled into the driveway of her house. That car, driving slowly down the street ... had it followed us from the airport? Had it been Alice?

The thought that I'd been so close, _so close, _and _twice_, was painful. I gasped a few breaths and tightened my hold. The circulation in my legs was starting to shut off.

"Is this why Callum was so strange on the phone? Did he know too? Wait!" My head shot up again. "Did Callum see him? Did he talk to him?" _Did he tell him I was looking for him?_ _Did Edward see it in his thoughts?_

"No. Cullen never went into Forks." Jake was staring at me, confusion all over his face. "Bella, why are you so ... the guy _hurt you_! He left you in the woods, why would you care...,"

"He didn't leave me in the woods!" I snapped. _"I _did that, it was me ... I got lost trying to find him! I'm still trying to find him." I buried my head in my hands and my voice was muffled. "And he left because he loves me! To keep me safe! That's why he came back for Victoria." I could feel the tears coming dangerously close to the surface. "He _still_ loves me."

There was silence then as the car bounced over the road towards Forks. I brought my hands away from my face and wrapped them around myself again because at that moment it was the only thing holding me together.

But my eyes were dry and my gaze was even as I looked now at Jacob. My voice was clear and steady and when I spoke it wasn't a request.

"Tell me everything."

"Bella, I don't know." There was genuine concern in Jake's voice. "Do you really ...,"

"Everything," I repeated through clenched teeth. "Every. Single. Detail."

The tension in the tiny car was thick. My eyes were unmoving as I watched Jake flick a quick look at Seth. A moment later he pulled over at the side of the road.

He let out a sharp breath and turned his head to look at me. He kept his hands on the steering wheel.

"How did you figure it out? How'd you know he was here?"

My eyes closed quickly as I remembered back to Phoenix, after James' attack.

I was in the hospital and the nurse had ushered Edward out of the room while she checked my blood pressure and replaced the drip in the back of my hand. She was in a rush and she put the needle in awkwardly. It was uncomfortable, poking me, and her bandage to hold it in place was too tight. When she left the room Edward came back in before the door had even swung shut. It only took a second for him to realize my discomfort. He sat on the bed and took my hand in his.

Without a word he undid the nurse's clumsy bandage, readjusted the needle, and then wound the bandage back on again, around my hand and up my wrist. His long fingers moved with ease and confidence. The rows of bandage were even and perfectly spaced and he tucked the raw end under two times before he replaced the clasp.

"Did you learn that at medical school?"

He nodded. "First year basics." My fingers were poking out of the gauze and he lifted them to his lips, kissing each one.

"Feel better?" he smiled softly, his other hand gently stroked my cheek. I leant into his touch.

"Mmm, much better."

I could feel Jake's eyes still on me.

"It was the bandage," I whispered. He frowned and I knew he didn't understand but I wasn't up to explaining at that moment. Instead I opened my eyes and looked at him, imploring.

"Please, tell me?"

He exchanged another look with Seth who was very quiet. Then Jake let his head flop back against the head rest and he ran his hands over his face.

"Okay." He took a deep breath and fixed his gaze out the window at the rain that had started to fall. It hammered on the roof and ran in rivers down the glass.

"First, we don't know what made him come back, or how he knew the other bloodsuckers were here ... Sam just picked up his scent while he was patrolling. It was Thursday, in the woods deep north of here." He stopped and frowned. "I guessing you know Cullen can read minds?"

I gave a small nod.

"Thought so. It freaked us all out a bit. Anyway, about the same time Sam came across Cullen, you got home and discovered the red-headed leech had been in your room. Leah stayed with you while I phased and took off to tell Sam."

"I remember."

"Well, Cullen was there when Sam got the news." Jake tapped his temple and I understood – the mind reading. "That's when Cullen said you had to go to Jacksonville."

I closed my eyes and let my mind absorb every picture that Jake's words painted.

"Sam said we would take care of things and he reminded Cullen about the treaty line, but Cullen said he didn't give a སྩ. ," Jake stopped himself. "He, uh, said he didn't care about the treaty line. It got pretty heated."

I could imagine.

"So what happened?" I whispered.

"Basically, we spent two days trying to bring the leeches down. The second one, the one with the dreadlocks, he turned up that night and that made it harder because we had to split up too. Quil and Embry and Seth were tracking _him_. I went with Sam and Jared and Paul, tracking _her._ She'd gone way up north, towards the border."

"Where was Edward?" I whispered.

"He was on _her,_ all the time. He's fast, but she's slippery. He could read her plans in her mind, though, but just when we'd think we had her, she'd disappear again. Cullen would change course and we'd go with him."

"So, on Friday when you drove me to the airport, you'd seen Edward."

"Um ... yeah."

I sighed. I just didn't have the energy to think how I felt about that right now - I'd deal with it later. At least Jake sounded apologetic.

"Go on," I said.

"Well, she U-turned and came back down. She crossed over the treaty line once and Cullen just barreled straight over it after her. Paul got angry and went for him but Cullen just veered out of the way."

I cringed. "Paul didn't hurt him?"

"No. Paul didn't have a chance of catching him. And Sam said to leave it. He said Cullen wasn't the biggest threat, we had to focus on the redhead."

I nodded, watching him closely now with my teeth buried in my bottom lip.

"So while this was happening Quil and Embry and Seth were after the other leech and he started heading back towards Forks. Leah could hear what was happening," he tapped his temple again. "She moved forward, trying to block him and he changed course. They saw him change direction in her thoughts and were able to head him off."

"We brought him down in a clearing not that far from here," Seth piped up and he sounded so proud of himself.

"Thank you," I whispered, truly grateful. I looked at him and he was smiling, a young, sweet smile and suddenly I felt a hundred years old.

"They make purple smoke when they burn, did you know that?" he added.

I shook my head, no, I didn't know.

I turned back to Jake as he continued.

"After dread lock dude was dead Quil, Embry and Seth came back and joined us. The redhead was zigzagging all over the place east, west, sometimes back towards Forks. Sam and Cullen started working together then, planning, but Cullen insisted he had to be the one to bring her down."

Oh, Edward. My heart twisted and tore for him.

"We all spread out in a big V shape and sort of herded her up north, away from town. It took a while but we were moving in tighter on her, narrowing the V, but then she broke through the line somehow like I said, she's slippery. We chased her east, but as we got closer she headed north again, up past Makah country, to the cliffs over the coast."

He paused and his brow came down in a frown.

"What?"

"The chase finished on a cliff top, over the ocean. She'd stopped running and ... it was weird."

Weird?

"How?"

"Her and Cullen ... they were sort of circling each other. It was like watching a dance, the way they were weaving and moving around. Cullen would lunge and she'd duck out of the way. Then she'd lunge and he'd sidestep. She tried to jump him but he did this sort of back flip over the top of her. Sometimes she'd laugh and he'd snap and snarl."

"She was taunting him," I whispered. She was probably showing him her plans for me, my hand in the prom shoe box. Oh, Edward what that must have done to him.

"We thought this had to be it. She was surrounded, we were moving in tighter and we were expecting Cullen to just take her down any second, but ...," he paused and took a deep breath. "He let out this _roar._" He shook his head at the memory. "I've never heard anything like it ... it was just ...," he shook his head again. "I don't know ... and for a second she actually looked scared. Then she laughed and ran towards the edge of the cliff. She jumped off and he just followed right behind her."

"He jumped off a cliff!" I felt sick.

Jake nodded.

"Oh!" Edward! I clutched myself tighter.

"He was okay. We were still on the top, watching, getting ready to go down. There were rocks and boulders at the bottom and she picked up one of the boulders and threw it at him. He just flicked it away, like it was nothing, but while that was happening Seth got eager and he jumped before Sam gave the order. He landed okay, but the redhead turned on him. She picked him up and threw him into the wall of the cliff.

I turned to Seth and he was shrugging like it was no big deal as Jake continued.

"Then she ran into the water and he followed."

"Into the water?"

"Yeah. And they were under for a while, I guess vampires don't need to breathe, do they?"

I shook my head.

"We didn't know what was going on. We couldn't see anything, not a ripple on the surface, nothing. Quil and Embry stayed with Seth while the rest of us went up and down the beach, looking and watching, and then after ... I don't know how long, Cullen just walks out of the water, like nothing's happened, except, uh... ,"

Jake was watching me carefully while Seth stifled a snicker.

"Tell me ..." I whispered.

Jake waited another beat before he spoke.

"He came out of the water, and he was carrying her head by the hair. Just her head, nothing else."

"Oh ...," My stomach rolled and squeezed.

"I guess he ... ," Jake made a quick, twist and jerk motion with his hands.

"He has very good wrist action," I murmured, swallowing hard. "But he wasn't hurt?"

"No. He just walked up the beach, silent, no expression on his face, nothing, and he threw her head on the sand like he was dumping a bag of rubbish. Then he turned around and went back in the water. When he came out again he was dragging the rest of her. He dumped that on the sand too and thenསྩ ," he stopped and pulled both hands through his hair. "Well, there wasn't a lot of her left to burn."

"He _shredded_ her," Seth added with a dark chuckle and Jake shot him a look.

"She didn't need to know that," he snapped.

"Sorry," Seth ducked his head, contrite. "But she wanted details."

"It's ... it's okay," I stammered.

Silence fell and I closed my eyes again and wondered what Edward had felt as he stood on that beach and destroyed Victoria.

"How did he seem?" I asked when I thought I could trust my voice.

Jake didn't answer right away and I opened my eyes to look at him. His lips were thinned in concentration and his brow was furrowed.

"I thought ...," he said slowly, considering. "... The whole time we were chasing her he was angry, just _angry_. But then, after she was dead ... I thought he would have been happier. But he wasn't. He wasn't angry anymore, he just seemed, I don't know." He pulled his hand through his hair. "He watched the flames and it was like he'd lost instead of won."

I didn't think my heart was going to survive; the pain that tore through me was pure and sharp. I took a couple of breaths, needing to focus on something else, fast, or the pain would pull me under.

"And he helped you?" My voice broke as I looked at Seth and he nodded.

"My bones were already starting to heal but they were healing wrong. They had to be straightened and Edward did that, right there on the beach." He frowned and rubbed his hands over his sides. "It hurt, though."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be," he smiled. "It's all good. Sam let Edward come back to La Push so he could bandage me properly. He said plaster would be no use at the rate I was healing and I'd probably be back to normal in about forty eight hours anyway ...," he tapped his side again. "And I think he was right."

I managed a weak smile.

"He trained to be a doctor, you know," I said softly. "He has very gentle hands."

No-one said anything. The rain continued to beat down on the roof of the car.

"Did he mention me at all?"

"Not really." Jake's voice was gentle. "Only when he was talking to Sam about Jacksonville, but even then ," he paused and I looked up.

"Go on."

His eyes were cautious, careful. "Bella, I don't think ...,"

"Go on ... please."

Jake waited another moment, still watching me. Then he took a breath and spoke.

"Even then he wouldn't say your name. And if anyone else did ... he sort of winced, like it hurt him."

My breath shuddered through my body. I knew how he felt. For so long I hadn't been able to say or hear his name either.

"How did he look?" I wanted every crumb of information. "What colour were his eyes?"

"Black." Seth broke in. "And it looked like he hadn't slept in forever, except he wouldn't have, would he? 'Cause they don't sleep, do they?"

"No," I answered. "They don't."

I wondered how long it had been since he'd hunted.

"Did he say where he was going? Did he have a bag or anything? A car?" The urgency in my voice was clear.

"No. No bag, no car. He just kind of ... walked away." Jake said.

"Walked away?"

Jake nodded slowly. "We were at Harry and Sue's house and after Cullen finished bandaging Seth he just headed for the door. We didn't know what his plans were; if he was going to hang around to see you or move back to Forks permanently, so Sam said, '_Where are you going now?' _and Cullen just shrugged and said, '_Away_'_._ Then he just put his head down and walked."

The hole in my chest cracked wide open as the rain beat harder on the roof.

Away.

He'd put his head down and walked away.

"And when was that?"

"Yesterday morning."

I nodded.

"Can you take me home now, please?"

"Sure." Jake faced the front, but before he started the engine he reached over one large hand and rested it on my shoulder. He gave a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sorry, Bella." And then he started the engine.

I closed the door behind me as Jake and Seth drove away up the street. Somewhere in amongst the anxiety and the anguish and the tears that were falling freely now over my cheeks determination was burning, fierce and strong.

I was going to find Edward.

In two minutes I was on the phone with his lawyers, Jackson Finch Kinkade while I dried my face with my sleeve.

And two minutes later I hung up.

The Associate I'd spoken with was cool, polite, but ultimately unhelpful.

"We receive letters for our clients every day. And we open them all. If you want us to forward something unopened you need to tell us why, and even then we might discuss it with the client first ... not everyone wants to be contacted."

I was back to square one. Completely.

The tears came again, slowly at first, then faster and then I was lying on my bed, sobbing into the pillow and fisting the quilt.

Knowing I'd been so close, that Edward had _come back,_ and gone away again ... _knowing how badly he was hurting_ ... I'd managed to survive my own pain for the past three months, but I didn't know how I was going to survive Edward's.

When my tears slowed and I couldn't cry any more I sat up and put my head in my hands.

I felt defeated. Wrung out and empty. But the pain still gnawed. And I knew it wouldn't go away until I'd found him.

I moved to the window and trailed my fingers over his scuff marks on the sill as I looked out. Had he really gone, like Jake said?

"Are you out there?" I asked softly into the mist. "Can you hear me? I know Jake said they can't smell your scent anymore, but maybe you're still here." I was quiet, listening.

"You saved me again ... thank you. I wish I could have been here. I wish it had been you who told me Victoria was dead. I wish I could have held you when it was over ... and I could have saved _you_." I wrapped my arms around myself. "I know this sounds crazy, but I've been listening to you since you've been gone ... listening more clearly." I swallowed and a new, single tear slid down my cheek. "I've been listening to you in my memories, and through your gifts, and in the things you've done ... the library books. I've been hearing the things you said, and the things you didn't say." A second tear joined the first. "You don't need to hurt anymore. Please come back."

I closed my eyes, willing him to appear suddenly in the tree outside my window ... and I remembered an afternoon in August. He'd been away for two days and a night, hunting with his brothers. He'd called me on his way home and asked me to meet him at his place. My truck bumped along the driveway and as I got nearer the house I could see flashes of colour and movement through the trees. I grinned. He was racing me. I pulled up in front of the house and my door was opened and I was out of my seat and in Edward's arms before I'd even turned off the engine.

"Hello!" I laughed and his nose was in my hair, nuzzling my neck as his arms pressed me tight against him.

"Hello," he murmured and then his lips were on mine, hard and smooth and urgent. I pulled my hands through his hair and his lips moved to my jaw, caressing my skin as they moved to my neck. He sighed and his whisper was so soft I thought perhaps I wasn't meant to hear it.

"_Now_ I'm home."

I opened my eyes and stared out the window.

"Home," I whispered. "Please come home."

It was very still outside, just the faintest breeze now after the rain. I waited, hoping that somehow he was here, and he'd heard me. I stayed there at the window, watching for him, listening. As fresh rain clouds gathered I knew...

Edward was gone.

I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. I could feel myself starting to unravel again. My mind was besieged with images of a black-eyed Edward, alone, hurting and broken and it was taking all my energy to keep myself together.

I took a few deep breaths and wondered where to go from here.

My Vogue magazine was still out there somewhere. Had it been Alice in that car in Jacksonville? I started to think that even if she did get the magazine she wouldn't call me.

I curled up on the bed and watched the curtain swaying softly in the breeze.

I had the sickening feeling Edward was slipping further and further away.

I wrapped my arms around myself and remembered how Edward would hug me, right here, in this bed.

And I remembered how I'd hug him. He'd told me once, as he curled around me, nuzzling my neck, that he'd never been really held before ... until I did.

"Sometimes it's hard, being the odd man out in a house full of happy couples," he'd told me. "When it got too much I'd go away for a while."

"Where did you go?"

"Different places, depending on where we lived at the time. Rosalie and Emmett were the worst. I went away a lot during their first years together."

"Did you stay in hotels?"

He'd chuckled. "I don't need hotels. I'd just disappear for a few weeks, go into the wilderness, find a cave somewhere and enjoy the peace ... where the only thoughts I'd hear were mine."

For the last few weeks I'd thought he might be with his family, but now I knew that wouldn't be the case. He wouldn't be returning to them now … there were too many happy couples.

The wind picked up, the curtains blew in and I shivered, but I didn't move to shut the window. I just pulled the quilt over me.

He was going away, and he was going away on his own.

My breathing shuddered a little. We'd been so happy. _He'd_ been so happy.

His family would tease him sometimes about his girlfriend and he'd smile, shy and, well, _happy_.

I screwed my eyes shut.

Alaska, Canada. Tanya said he liked Paris – but he'd never mentioned Paris to me. When had he been there?

Rochester, Ithaca, Chicago. It was all spinning in my head.

New York, London. I'd been over all this a thousand times. There was nothing new.

"Where are you?" I muttered as I opened my eyes and stared at the map on the wall. The last time I'd stared at the map was the day after I'd found my birthday gifts. And I knew so much more about him now.

I took a breath. I tried to block out the emotion and just think logically, think of the Edward I knew _now._

I knew he would want to be alone, away from the thoughts of others. But somehow I _knew_ he could never be too far away - he just didn't work that way. And he wasn't going to try and start over; he wasn't going to move on.

So he wasn't in a major city, or even a small town. He was probably on the same continent as me and he'd need a decent food supply.

My eyes fell on Canada, the Northwest Territories, and I began to wonder.

I'd studied the region when I was back in Phoenix. Dense, isolated uninhabited forests, populated with caribou, bears, mountain lions and arctic wolves. Should that be my starting point? But the area was huge, vast, and remote. The longer I stared at the map the more impossible it seemed. I would never find him there. Where would I start?

Probably with snow shoes.

There was knocking on the front door and I groaned. From the window I could see an orange VW beetle parked out front.

Callum.

I didn't know if I was ready to see him. Or anybody. I had so much to think about right now. But he kept knocking and I knew he wouldn't give up ... it wasn't his style.

I rolled my eyes and headed downstairs.

Callum nearly knocked me over as I opened the door.

"Bella," he grabbed me in a quick, surprise hug and then let go, talking fast, his words tumbling over themselves as his blue eyes gleamed and he almost fell over his feet. "Listen, I know I owe you apologies and explanations and everything and we can do all that later, but right now Edward Cullen is booked on a five o'clock flight out of Seattle for Chicago."

I could barely take in what he was saying. Callum's eyes, his whole face, were lit up, waiting eagerly for my reaction.

I barely raised an eyebrow.

"Um, what?"

He rolled his eyes.

"He's in Seattle, waiting to fly to Chicago."

"Chicago?"

"Yeah."

"Callum, how…I don't understand."

I heard his words, but they weren't making sense. Did he really know where Edward was?

"Look," he said suddenly and I realized only now that he had his laptop slung over his shoulder. He strode into the living room, pulling me with him and slid onto his knees at the coffee table. A moment later I was staring over his shoulder, my mouth open as I looked at Edward Cullen's travel history for the past twelve months.

There were the flights last Spring to Phoenix, and back home again. More recently he'd been to Chicago, New Mexico, Brazil, Vancouver and now, this afternoon, back to Chicago again.

"How?" I whispered. I leant closer and gently touched the screen where it said his name, as if that could bring me closer somehow.

"His credit card is a Platinum VIP card and that gives him access to VIP lounges in airports, stuff like that. I figured he'd use it. He wouldn't want to queue with humans and sit in coach."

I tried to keep up as Callum explained about firewalls and backdoors and using Edward's VIP number to hack into the VIP travel section of the credit card company's data base.

"Turns out it doesn't have the same level of protections as the rest of the system," he grinned.

"So, this is real?"

Callum nodded.

"Seattle at five o'clock?"

He nodded again and pulled a piece of paper from his pocket.

"I printed out the details for you."

My hands shook as I took the paper and studied it. Then I looked back at the screen. Then at Callum.

Five minutes later I was in my truck, on my way to Sea-Tac and wondering what I was going to tell Charlie.

It was almost one o'clock. I could just make this. I'd find Edward at the airport, or I'd have him paged if he was already in the VIP lounge. My passport was in my bag and if I had to get on the flight too, I would.

My excitement was brewing and building and I knew if I gave it a free reign I'd be a quaking, shaking mess. I took some deep breaths and tried to keep myself calm … I had a long drive ahead.

The rain was falling again, steadily getting harder as my truck whined under its effort to help me make a three hour deadline.

I tried to think what I would say when I saw him. Would I just let him see me? Would I run to him? I laughed. I didn't think I'd be able to _stop_ myself running to him. I looked at the clock in the dashboard … only a few more hours. Excitement burned and raged through me and my heart was doing a happy dance in my chest. No, more than a happy dance, it was doing double backflips with a half twist.

The wipers on the glass were having trouble keeping up with the downpour, the road was awash and I had to drop my speed.

Only ninety minutes into the drive I realized I wasn't going to get there.

Panic started building, but I had a back up plan and my hands shook as I pulled my phone from my pocket, along with the print out of Edward's flight details. In the bottom corner was the phone number for the VIP lounge in Seattle.

My fingers stabbed at the numbers on the keypad and my heart was in my throat as Caroline, the VIP lounge receptionist, answered my call.

"Can I speak with Mr. Edward Cullen, please? He's on the five o'clock flight to Chicago."

"Certainly ma'am, just one moment."

Oh dear Lord, I was going to talk to him. I was actually going to talk to him.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes?"

"Sorry ma'am, Mr. Cullen changed flights. He's not in the lounge."

"What?"

"Mr. Cullen changed flights, ma'am. I'm sorry."

"But…when? He's supposed to be flying to Chicago. Where's he going now?"

Don't do this to me. So help me Edward, if I lose you _again_ then when I _do_ finally find you I'm going to …

"Ma'am?"

"Yes."

"I'm afraid I can't give out that information, but I can have a message left for him to call you. He'll be paged when he lands. Would that help you?"

"Um, no. No, wait, I mean yes. Yes. Um, can you tell him that I need…,"

"I can only do a name and number ma'am, that's all."

"Oh, okay." I nodded to myself and gave her my name and cell number.

"I know you can't tell me where," I tried to keep my voice steady now. "But can you tell me _when_? So I can anticipate the call." There, that sounded logical.

"He'll be landing in about three hours ma'am."

Three hours.

I thanked Caroline, hung up, and immediately dialed Callum.

"He changed flights," I almost shouted down the phone. "Where is he now?"

"Bella, what's happened?" I could hear his concern.

"I've turned around and I'm driving back to Forks. Edward changed flights, he's already gone, I need to know where."

There was a pause, I heard rustling, a bang, a swear word and then the clicking of a keyboard.

"Give me ten minutes, I'll call you back." Then the line went dead.

I was numb, just driving, not letting myself think. When the phone rang eight minutes later I snatched it up.

"Bella, he's on an international flight to Yellowknife. He flew out of Seattle at one o'clock."

I pulled over and let my head fall onto the steering wheel.

"Bella? Are you there?"

"I'm here. You said Yellowknife, didn't you?"

"Yeah. It's in Canada."

I winced.

"I know where it is." I'd just been staring at it on the map in my room a couple of hours before. He was headed for the Northwest Territories.

He was going to disappear.

"Thanks Callum."

"Bella? Do you …"

"I'll call you later." He was still talking as I pressed the _end call _button.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there while the rain pelted down. I was numb. Just numb.

I should never have let myself hope.

Eventually the leather seats started to feel damp and cold and as the rain eased I started the engine and drove back to Forks.

At least I wouldn't have to explain anything to Charlie.

Snow was starting to fall as I pulled up outside the house and went inside. I looked around, not knowing what to do now. I could only wait for the phone to ring. He'd be landing in a little less than two hours.

The house was cold. Or maybe it was just me. The fireplace hadn't been used for a long time, Charlie preferred the more instant heat of the furnace, but right now I needed something to do. So I decided to build a fire.

There was a small pile of wood, kept dry under the eaves at the side of the house and I went outside and gathered up the logs in my arms and brought them inside.

Charlie had taught me how to light a fire when I was small, so it didn't take long for the flames to catch and the logs to blaze.

I sat staring at the flames, watching them flicker and dance over the logs. I could feel the heat on my skin, but I still felt cold.

My phone was beside me, agonisingly silent as first one hour dragged by and then another and another. He would have landed. He would have my message.

But the phone didn't ring.

He wasn't going to call.

I didn't cry, I didn't think, I couldn't even feel.

I was nothing.

Empty.

Hollow.

He was gone.

My eyes stayed dry as I sat hugging my knees in front of the fire. I told myself there would be a way back from this … I just didn't know what that way was at the moment, but I'd find one.

I'd find _him._

One of the logs collapsed and rolled and I picked up the poker to push it back into the flames. Slowly, the first tear of what would be many rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away but a second one followed. I stuck out my tongue to catch it on the way down.

My lips felt dry and I realized I was thirsty. I stumbled to my feet and headed for the kitchen.

The water splashed into the glass and I took a long swallow. My face felt flushed now from the fire and I pressed the cold glass against my forehead, then my cheek. It felt like _him_ and another tear rolled over my skin.

From the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of movement in the backyard through the filter of the filmy curtains.

I grimaced. It was probably Callum coming to check on me. Or Jacob. I thought about creeping out of sight and just ignoring whoever it was and I started moving back towards the hallway, then stopped. My truck was out the front, so it was obvious I was here. And my friends were persistent.

It was probably better to get this over with.

I sniffed back the threatening tears, blinking hard, as I turned back to the door.

I opened it wide, ready to say I was fine, but I stopped.

It wasn't Jake.

Or Callum.

Standing at the edge of the woods, in the softly falling snow, was Edward Cullen.

**A/N: Huge thank you to everyone who's reading and reviewing and recommending this story - I appreciate it more than I can say.**


	10. Chapter 10: Very Good Wrist Action

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infirngement is intended.**

**Huge thanks to EdwardsEternal.**

**This chapter is looooong. I was going to cut it and make it two, but I really wanted all these events together. Might be a good time to get a cup of tea or a glass of wine.**

Everything in my world telescoped down to the solitary figure standing at the edge of the woods. Nothing else existed.

There was no snow, no light, no air, no sound.

There was only Edward Cullen.

And I was numb.

Thought and reason had left me and I couldn't feel my body anymore. I grabbed the doorpost for support as I stared.

Was he really here?

Or had I finally lost my mind and this was just an hallucination? Or maybe I was dreaming. Either way I didn't care. I'd stay crazy or asleep forever if I could just keep looking at the vision in front of me.

Edward.

But my heart lurched as I realised the brittle shell he had become.

His shoulders rolled forward, hunched and sagging, with his hands thrust deep in the front pockets of his jeans. His head hung as though it were too heavy to hold up. His jacket was soaked from the rain and his hair hung, wet and tangled, over his forehead.

And his eyes ...

They were haunted and hollow, dark and deep with pain that was emphasised by the heavy purple shadows underneath. But those same eyes were consuming me, drinking me in as though he were parched dry and I was his last drop of water.

He was so still, his manner guarded, wary and on alert. I was too scared to move or speak, afraid that any sound or movement might send him running.

Was he really here?

Had he come back to me?

Or was this just a final goodbye? Maybe he was going to ask me not to look for him anymore. The fault line in my heart rippled and strained. I gripped the door post harder.

And now my mind raced with all the things that I had planned to tell him, all the speeches I'd rehearsed ...

_Tell him! _My mind screamed at me._ Tell him!_

But the words wouldn't come. My voice wouldn't work.

Then my eyes widened and my heart took off when Edward moved. He pulled his hands from his pockets and took a slow step towards me, then another. He was so tentative, clearly gauging my reaction.

My heart was hammering now, throwing itself against my ribs and pummeling, trying to break out so it could run to him ... like _I _should be doing. I wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him and give him the comfort he so obviously needed.

But I couldn't move.

I was so scared.

Because if this wasn't real, if he'd only come back to say goodbye, I didn't think I could bear it. And right now, as we stood staring at each other across the yard, I could convince myself he had come back to me. It was safer just to live in this still and silent moment.

But then that wouldn't ease his pain.

He had to know I understood, even if this was goodbye.

A tear fell, unbidden, down my cheek, just one, single tear, and suddenly Edward's breath shuddered in his chest and he dropped to his knees, head bowed.

I gasped, shocked, not understanding what was happening, and then a second later it hit me.

He was _begging_ my forgiveness.

"No!" I choked out. I didn't want him on his knees like that. But at that single word he closed his eyes and winced, turning his face away like he'd been slapped. And I realised he'd misunderstood - he thought I was saying no to _him._

I searched frantically for the words ... but the feelings ran too deep and now the words didn't seem enough, they wouldn't come.

So I did the only thing I could think of that would make him understand.

I tore off my jacket and dropped it on the ground.

My breathing was ragged and rough and my body trembled.

Edward's head began to lift. He dragged his eyes from the ground, bringing them up slowly, almost reluctantly, until they fell on the locket sitting against my chest.

His eyes shot open wide and I heard his sharp gasp.

The cameo swan was moving up and down, fast and jerky with my shaky breaths. I swallowed hard as Edward stared. Then his gaze moved to my face, disbelief and wonder written in his eyes.

And hope.

This wasn't goodbye.

Suddenly Charlie's yard felt as big as a football field.

And I was running.

With every step I took Edward's eyes were on me. His chest was moving fast, his breaths matching my own. He stood up, almost scrambling to his feet and I heard him gasp again as I threw myself at him. He caught me, his strong arms engulfing me, and I started sobbing as he crushed me to his chest.

This was _Edward. _

His chest heaved and shook as he held me and I tried to get closer. He understood and lifted me so my feet dangled above the ground and my body pressed harder against his as we clutched at each other.

And now my blood was on fire, burning and scorching as it pounded and charged through my veins.

"Bella," he breathed and I heard his agony and joy come together in my name.

"You came back," I whispered between sobs, my face pressed into his shoulder. "You came back."

The last three months came down to this moment, this _second. _All that mattered now was..._now._

Edward shifted and my feet touched the ground again. His hands moved to my face, his palms on my cheeks and he touched his forehead to mine. He closed his eyes and his thumbs stroked across my cheekbones. He was shaking and I brought my hands up to cover his and a sweet, agonised smile stole across his lips.

"Bella."

I gulped and sniffed and turned my face to kiss his palm. He gasped when my lips met his skin and his eyes opened, the black pools burning bright.

He moved smoothly then, taking his hands from my face and opening his jacket. He closed it around me, bringing me in out of the snow, cocooning me.

He kept one arm around me, locking me against him. The hand of his other arm was in my hair, cradling my head as it rested against his chest.

My eyes closed and I breathed him in and a slow smile crept across my lips.

He was here. He was really here.

The cold, bone-deep ache that had been with me since September was gone.

"I lied," Edward choked out suddenly and my eyes shot open.

I titled my face to look up at his. The joy of a few moments ago had faded from his eyes, it just echoed around the edges now. Instead the pain was there, sharp and vivid as he watched me.

"I lied to you when I said ... ,"

I quickly put my finger to his lips.

"Sssh, not now."

He blinked a couple of times.

"Later," I said and he nodded slowly. Some snowflakes landed on my upturned face and he brushed them away.

"You should go inside," he said.

I nestled my head back against his chest.

"Only if you come too."

I felt his chin move in a nod against the top of my head and I smiled.

Slowly he unwound himself and his hand slid down my arm, keeping contact until his fingers twined with mine. Then he smiled softly and pulled me with him, walking backwards towards the woods. I wondered why until I saw a dark grey backpack sitting at the foot of a tree.

His eyes never left me as he picked it up and slung it over his shoulder. Then I squeezed his hand and led him back to the house.

I was so glad I'd decided to light the fire. It was dark now and the room was warm, bathed in the comforting glow of the flames. We stood, holding hands, unable to take our eyes off each other. The atmosphere was charged, humming with anticipation and hope. I tugged Edward towards the sofa but he hesitated.

"I'm wet," he said softly.

"Oh." Of course he was.

"And so are you," he smiled weakly.

I looked down at myself and realised he was right. Stupid snow.

I didn't really care. I didn't want to leave him to go and get changed, but now that he'd mentioned it my skin was raised in goosebumps. I started to shiver and I knew that would bother him.

"I'll be right back," I said firmly and he nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said.

I squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. Then I squeezed again. And it was me who let go first.

He was so cold. The rain and snow had chilled his skin to arctic temperatures and as I left the room I was planning. I grabbed the afghan off the back of the sofa and detoured quickly to the laundry room. I threw the rug in the dryer and turned it on - hopefully it wouldn't be in there long enough to shrink.

Then I flew up the stairs and stripped off, grabbing some comfy old sweat pants and a warm sweater.

I had an arm and my head stuck in the sweater and one leg in my sweat pants while I sort of stumble-hopped around the room, trying to get the other leg in the hole. I fell against the desk and my cd player crashed onto the floor.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's anxious voice and smiled.

"I'm fine!" I called back as my head finally poked through the neck hole and pulled on the other pants leg.

My hair was damp but I wasn't going to waste time drying it now. I opened the door and hurried down the stairs.

In the laundry room I pulled the afghan from the dryer and held it against my cheek. Mmm, toasty warm. Then I tripped on it as I carried it back into the living room.

Edward was still standing where I'd left him in front of the fire, but I noticed he'd changed clothes as well and he was holding his hands out to the fire in a gesture that was so human ... and my heart tightened.

Edward liked the warmth.

He dropped his hands and smiled shyly as I walked towards him, my eyes taking in the fresh jeans and the black sweater with the sleeves pushed up revealing the sculpted muscles of his forearms.

His feet were bare.

He motioned his head towards the backpack sitting against the coffee table.

"It's a prop really. It looks suspicious if I travel without any luggage, but now it's come in useful."

He shrugged lightly.

He wasn't so hunched now and he didn't look so lost or broken, but his eyes still swam with loss and remorse and uncertainty.

I held out my hand and he took it shyly. I began to pull him back towards the sofa, just as my phone rang.

It vibrated across the coffee table and I reached down and pressed _cancel_ without even looking at the caller ID. I knew who it would be - and he had apalling timing.

I turned back to the sofa and sat at the end, angling myself into the corner. I tugged on Edward's hand, making it clear I wanted him to come and curl up with me.

He seemed hesitant, his eyes asking _are you sure?_ Then he shook his head and let go of my hand. My heart reacted and he heard it.

"I want to," he said quickly. "But, ...Bella, I don't expect ... ," He pulled both hands through his hair and his face twisted. "I was so wrong. And I am more sorry than I can ever tell you."

I bit my lip, trying to stop the fresh tears that were threatening.

"Will you sit with me?" I asked softly.

There was a moment of stillness, and then he came. He sat beside me, leaving a small space, and leant forward. He rested his elbows on his thighs and put his head in his hands and his words poured out so fast I could barely keep up.

"I didn't know what to do, it all seemed so hopeless. And I thought if I left then you would be safe ... from me, and the danger you put yourself in every time we were together." He pulled his hands away and looked at me and the pain in his face was rough and raw and heartbreaking.

"I thought lying would be the only way you would let me go, if you thought I didn't want you anymore ... ,"

His voice cracked on those last words and his face crumpled. Deep in my chest my heart splintered and tore.

"Edward, no ... ,"

He shook his head asking me to let him continue.

"Regardless of my intentions, I was arrogant and cruel. I won't ask your forgiveness, what I did was unforgivable, but if you let me I'll spend the rest of forever trying to...,"

"Edward." Now I _was_ going to cut him off.

His hands were clenched into fists on his knees, the knuckles straining against the skin, and I grabbed one. He wouldn't open his fingers but I held on anyway. He was staring at me, anxious and uncertain and I stroked my thumb over the back of his hand, trying to soothe him. He'd beaten himself up enough.

"Edward, I'll tell you what I understand and you tell me if I'm wrong...you sacrificed your own happiness, your own _life_ really, to keep me safe. Because you love me."

He was completely lost. He stared at me, confused, surprised, as though he hadn't understood what I said.

Then he nodded.

"I have always loved you," he whispered and I smiled

"I know. And I love you."

A small smile spread across his lips but his body, his fist, stayed rigid.

"You told me once, in the cafeteria, that you'd hurt yourself to keep from hurting me."

"You remember that?"

I nodded and felt his fist loosen. I gave his hand an encouraging squeeze and slowly he twined his fingers with mine.

"And I know you've always loved me because you told me every day that we were together, and not just with words."

"But you believed the lie," he whispered. "You believed it so easily. I could see it in your face, I shattered your belief in me, and in yourself. I could see it, I could hear it in your heartbeat." His voice wavered and I squeezed his hand again, holding on tightly. "And when I walked away you called out to me...I could hear you ...,"

He let go of me and buried his head back in his hands. He was shaking again.

"It was like all the light and air had been sucked out of the world and replaced with pure pain." I reached across and took his hands in both of mine.

"Edward, stop." He looked up at me sharply. "It broke my heart, but I remembered the truth, and now _I understand_."

It was so important that he got this.

"I didn't like what you did, but I understand why you did it."

He stared at me, searching. I let go one of his hands and lifted my fingers to his face. I traced the shadows under his eyes.

"And I understand exactly what this has done to you, because I know what it's done to me."

His face crumpled again.

"But you came back," I whispered, smiling.

"I hurt you."

"You hurt yourself, too."

His eyes squeezed shut and he shook his head.

"Bella, I've come back, but ... ," He opened his eyes, they were searching again, apprehensive and anxious.

"Will you still have me?"

Now he was blurry through my tears and I rubbed the wetness away quickly.

"Yes."

"Bella." Edward exhaled sharply and then he gathered me into his lap. I pulled the afghan over us, it was still warm from the dryer, and tucked it in around us both as I held him against me.

His body shuddered a little at my touch and he tensed. Then finally he let go and allowed himself to melt into me. He settled me closer, his arms wrapped around me, his head buried in the crook of my neck while I gave him the warmth from my body.

He let out a long breath and I used every ounce of my strength, holding him until the muscles in my arms burned. And even then I didn't let go.

We stayed like that, warm and quiet under the rug, watching the flames dance and weave. Edward's breathing was slow, its rhythm calm and steady now. Sometimes his hands would rub over my back, my arms. His fingers caressed my cheeks, stroked my jaw and trailed over my neck - like he was discovering me again. Or perhaps he was just making sure I was really here.

While I held him my eyes took in his every detail. Every line and angle of his beautiful face. The curve of his lips. How his hair curled around his ear and kicked up a little at the back of his neck. The faint blue veins inside his forearms. All these little things that were so familiar, but seemed so new.

The fingernails on his right hand were chipped and broken and I wondered how that happened because his nails were like steel. My thoughts floated to Victoria and what happened under the sea off the cliffs. I felt myself tensing and I pushed the thought away quickly.

After a while Edward's fingers ghosted over to the locket on my chest. He touched it, his index finger carefully tracing the upswept wing of the swan.

"It's beautiful," I whispered. "Thank you."

He shook his head a little, dismissing my thanks I supposed. Then he lifted his face. At this angle, in the firelight, the purple shadows under his eyes seemed darker and deeper. And the pain still echoed.

"I have no right coming here and asking you to take me back." he whispered. "I know that. I was standing in the woods, trying to work up the courage to knock, and then when you opened the door...I was sure you were going to send me away, I was waiting for it, it was no more than I deserve, but when I saw this... ,"

His eyes drifted down to the locket and then back up to me. And now he was smiling, and the wonder in his eyes was beautiful to see.

"How?"

I smiled too. "The Christmas tree was too big and it went through the ceiling. All my birthday gifts fell down."

His eyes widened, surprised.

"But this got knocked under the cupboard," I said, touching the locket. "I found it about two weeks later."

He didn't say anything, but his eyes dropped to watch his finger play over the swan again.

"You designed it for me."

"For your birthday," he whispered.

"But I said I didn't want gifts. I'm so sorry."

His eyes came back to mine and he stared, puzzled.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I didn't understand."

He was still confused and I took a deep breath, ready to explain.

"You wanted to give me things because you love me, and you're generous and kind and that's part of who you are. But I didn't get that. I was too busy thinking I wasn't good enough." I dropped my eyes. "I made it all about me. And I wouldn't let you be you."

His fingers moved from the swan to my chin and he tilted my face up. Some silent tears had started and he brushed them away.

"Don't cry." His voice was so gentle, concerned. "I wanted the locket to make you happy."

"It did," I sniffed, and now I buried my head against _his_ neck as I started to cry. "It does."

Soon Edward's skin was slick with my tears and my words were pouring out like his had before. His hands rubbed slowly over my back as I blubbered.

"And what you put inside it...you were giving me _you._ _All_ of you, human, vampire...and you cut that piece off your hair... and it won't grow back and...it's, it's perfect, I love it. Thank you."

"You're very welcome." I could hear his smile.

I pulled back, wiping my sleeve over my face. Then I reached around to unclasp the locket from my neck.

"I've worn it ever since I found it. But now I'd really like _you_ to put it on me."

His eyes lit up and I could see my request had effected him. He nodded and took the locket from my hand. He studied it for a moment, opened it up and looked inside. Then he smiled again as he closed it.

He lifted the chain and I held back my hair as his hands reached around my neck. A second later I felt his fingers trail over my skin as he brought his hands down over my neck and shoulders. My locket was in place.

Edward pulled back a little to see and an expression of such tenderness crossed his face.

"It looks beautiful on you," he said softly and lifted his eyes to mine. "I knew it would."

Then he drew me in close again and I talked some more.

"When I found the other things I couldn't work out why you'd left them there. It didn't make sense at first, and that's when I remembered what you said in the cafeteria and I knew. I knew you still loved me."

His arms tightened and flexed around me.

"I have always loved you," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back. "But then I was angry with you. So angry."

I felt him nodding.

"So you should have been. You should still be angry with me now. I don't deserve the reception you've given me... ,"I cut him off quickly.

"No, I was angry because I knew what you'd done to _yourself_, to _us_. I knew then you weren't off looking for new distractions, you weren't dancing in a Conga line ... ,"

"A Conga line?"

"It was New Years," I waved a dismissive hand and kept going. "I tried calling you but you'd disconnected your phone and that made me even angrier."

I sat up straight, took Edward's face between my hands, stared him in the eye and even I was surprised by how firm my voice was.

"Next time there's a problem, you'll talk to me about it, okay? I'm not four years old, I don't need you to make my decisions for me. We're in this together, Edward. Have you got that?"

He was nodding enthusiastically.

"Together," he echoed my words.

I dropped my hands from his face but his eyes stayed fixed on mine as he spoke and his voice was rich with conviction.

"I'll never leave you again," he said. "I was foolish to ever think I could. Even if you were to change your mind and send me away...I would go, but I would never be far." His long fingers came up to gently stroke my face. "I can't be without you Bella, you are all there is for me. You are everything."

First one tear trekked down my cheek, then another.

"I've been looking for you," I said softly.

His face creased into a frown.

"Looking for me?"

I nodded and realised I was biting my lip. Then Edward's expression melted into a smile so surprised and happy, that my heart flip-flopped in my chest.

"You were trying to find me?"

Why did he sound so surprised?

"Yes. I knew we belonged together, but I also knew how much you'd be hurting, and I had to stop that."

He exhaled sharply and pulled me closer.

"I really don't deserve you," he murmured and I felt his lips on the shell of my ear. I leant into him, letting my heart sing with the closeness of him, his touch.

"Where did you look?" he whispered and I let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Everywhere."

And suddenly composed, comforting, understanding Bella was a blubbering mess. The pain of the last three months was finally finding a release in the only place it could...Edward's arms.

I curled into him and let it all out while he held me.

All the sadness, fear and frustration.

The anger.

The exhaustion of searching, the agony of dead-ends and near-misses.

It all came out in dark, damp patches on Edward's sweater.

He stroked my hair, he kissed my temple. He made soothing sssh sounds and rocked me gently. Sometimes he'd murmur that he was sorry, other times he'd whisper that he loved me. I clung to him, and finally, as my tears slowed I lifted my head and looked into his eyes.

"I missed you."

A smile ghosted across Edward's lips. "I missed you, too."

His thumb wiped away the last of the wetness from my cheeks.

"But I know I was part of the problem, too," I sniffed.

"You?"

"Me." I sat up a little straighter so I could look at him properly. "I let myself get in the way."

Edward's eyes narrowed.

"I don't think I understand."

"I didn't really listen to you. I didn't understand what you needed."

"What I needed? Bella, _you_ are what I needed...what I _need_."

He still seemed confused and I realised I wasn't making much sense.

"Okay. Um, sometimes you treated me like a four year old, but sometimes I acted like a four year old."

I watched for Edward's response.

There was just the slightest arching of an eyebrow and I started chewing on my lip.

"You were always so worried about us being together, worried that you'd hurt me, and I was always so desperate to show you _I wasn't_ worried, but instead I probably just seemed reckless. Like I didn't really grasp the situation."

The eyebrow arched a little higher and I took a deep breath.

"Edward, I realise you are very dangerous. You could break my bones, you could drain me. You told me these things and I just blew them off. I was trying to make you see that it didn't matter."

"Bella, I ... ,"

I held up my hand to stop him. He closed his lips and nodded.

"I know the risks, but I also trust you, and you've proven my trust, over and over again. I say that you won't hurt me, not because I don't understand, but because I trust you not to."

Edward was watching me closely as I lifted his right hand, turned it over and kissed his palm. His breathing hitched and then he gently took my hand and brought it to his face, inhaling deeply at my wrist. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"The burn has never been less significant, or more welcome," he said and his eyes opened again. "It tells me you're really here, with me." He kissed my wrist and then wrapped his arms around me.

He smiled and pushed my hair over my shoulder. Then his eyes flicked towards the window.

"Charlie's coming," he said.

"Charlie!" I'd completely forgotten about my dad. Shouldn't he have been home before now? How late was it?

Slowly, with a kiss on my forehead, Edward uncurled himself from me and stood.

"And I shouldn't be here when he arrives," he said quietly.

"No! You're not leaving?" Panic surged through me so hard that my head span as I stood up.

"Ssh," he cupped my face with his palm. "I won't be far."

"I don't want you to go."

"Neither do I." He smiled and his eyes moved towards the ceiling then back down to me. "Shall I wait in your room?"

I nodded eagerly. "Yes."

He smiled wider, and then we both turned to the window as the headlights lit up the room. Edward reached for his backpack and took my hand.

"I'll be upstairs," he whispered and disappeared just as Charlie opened the door. I headed for the kitchen, wondering what I could throw together fast for dinner.

"Bella? That you?"

I rolled my eyes as I heard him hang up his gun. "Yeah, it's me, Dad." Who else?

"Sorry I'm late. You got my note?"

Note?

In the fruit bowl, propped up by a banana, was a piece of paper bearing Charlie's writing.

_... Working late, home about 7.30, I'll bring pizza_

I grabbed it quickly and shoved it in my pocket, relieved as the smell of a Tomato Special ushered him into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'm just getting the plates out."

He set the pizza boxes on the table.

"How was Jacksonville?"

"Good, fine. Mom says hi."

"Oh, mm. You lit the fire?"

"Yeah, just for a change."

"It's warmed the place up pretty good."

"Yeah."

We sat and ate. I asked about his weekend and he told me about his marathon of sport with Billy. I smiled and nodded.

Then we lapsed into our usual, comfortable silence. But my whole body was tingling, hyper aware of the vampire that was on the floor above us.

"You look like you've been crying," Charlie said suddenly.

"Just reading a sad book."

"Oh," he nodded and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Well, it's Monday...,"

He didn't say anything else but I knew Monday night meant Fishing Channel night.

He pushed back from the table and carried our plates to the sink.

Pizza meant there was basically no washing up and it only took a minute for me to wash and Charlie to dry and then he was tuning into the fishing channel and I was back upstairs before the bait had even hit the water.

It was dark in my room and at first I couldn't see him, but then I caught the movement of the rocking chair.

"I'm here," he said softly.

I went to him and he opened his arms. I climbed into his lap and curled up - my favourite place to be. It reminded me of that first morning when he had stayed.

His arms wound around me as he rocked us both and I felt his lips press tenderly on the top of my head. Then he let out a long sigh that sounded almost contented.

"I'll have to speak to your father at some point." Contentment gave way to resignation.

"I guess so." That wouldn't be a conversation to look forward to. I'd have to prepare Charlie for that, pave the way a little bit.

"And I think your cd player is beyond repair." I looked over his shoulder and saw that he'd set it back on the desk. The lid was broken off and it had cracked open along the join at the side. "I tried it, but it won't work," he said and I shrugged, tucking myself back into him. I hadn't used it since he'd left.

"Doesn't matter," I murmured. "I haven't used it for months."

I felt his fingers under my chin, gently lifting my face so he could see. He studied me for a moment and I saw understanding in his eyes.

I nestled back against him.

"There are still things we should talk about," Edward whispered.

"I know. There's a lot I have to tell you. And I have questions."

"I have things to tell you, too," Edward said. "And questions."

His hand was resting on my knee and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

"But we don't have to do it all right now," he said. "We have lots of time."

He said _we._ _We_ have lots of time.

My heart did a little dance.

"Unless you _want_ to talk right now," he said.

I was starting to feel tired, but I wasn't ready for sleep yet.

"Tell me about your family."

"My family," he sighed and shook his head, smiling. "My family is going to be ecstatic and relieved when I tell them about this."

I started to laugh.

"I'm surprised you haven't heard from Alice already," I said. "Where is she? Are they all together?"

I really missed my friend. I missed all of them and I hoped I could see them soon.

"I'm surprised too. Maybe Alice is giving us some space. Although that's never been her style."

"No," I laughed again. "It hasn't."

Edward smiled and ran his fingers along my jaw. The tip of his thumb just softly nudged my bottom lip.

"It's so wonderful to see you smile and hear you laugh ... you have no idea." Then he moved his hand to take hold of mine. "But to answer your question, my family is all together in Ithaca now. Carlisle and Esme have been there since they left Forks but Rosalie and Emmett were in Europe for a while and Alice and Jasper spent some time away in Canada."

Canada.

That would explain the overseas address for the Vogue magazine.

I stroked his hand, feeling the bumps of his knuckles under the smoothness of his skin. I ran my finger over the jagged edge of his broken fingernails. I watched as he curled his fingers slowly, tucking them into his palm, away from view.

I looked up and he was studying me, eyes wary again, cautious.

"I came back last week," he said slowly. "I've been tracking Victoria since I left you. It was me who sent you to Jacksonville."

He seemed nervous now, watching for my reaction, so I smiled.

"I know."

Now he was surprised.

"Jacob told you." It wasn't a question and there was an edge to his voice.

"Not exactly. I worked it out when I saw Seth's bandages."

A beat of silence.

"From the bandages?"

"I recognised your style."

Another beat.

"I have a style?"

"You do. And then I forced Jake to tell me what happened."

"Oh." I wasn't sure if he felt relieved or let down. "I was going to tell you myself."

I ran my fingers over the crease that had formed between his eyebrows, smoothing it away.

"You just did." I smiled again and he relaxed a little.

"And thank you. For saving me. Again."

"My pleasure," he said.

I studied him for a moment. The memory of that hollow victory was reflected in his eyes and I remembered what Jake had told me.

"But it wasn't a pleasure, was it?"

He was still for a moment, then he shook his head. "No. I mean, yes, I wanted her dead, I was glad to do what I did, but afterwards...," He leant his head against the back of the chair and closed his eyes. "After I left you in September I started tracking Victoria. I'd never tracked before, I wasn't very good and I followed a few false trails. I was wretched but I felt at least I still had a purpose in your life, even if you didn't know it. But then, when I realised she'd come back here ... ,"

He stopped talking. His head bowed and his body tensed. I felt a subtle tremor run through him and instantly tightened my hold. He leant his head against my shoulder. There was obviously something going on here but I had the feeling he wasn't ready to talk about it. Not yet. That was okay, we had time, we'd get to it one day.

After a moment he lifted his head and kept talking.

"I insisted you go to Jacksonville, I didn't want you anywhere near Victoria, and...I asked Alice to go too. To watch you, just in case. I made her promise not to make contact."

He studied me carefully, his jaw tense, but I just nodded. It was just as I'd thought. He relaxed a little and continued when he saw that I wasn't upset by this new revelation.

"After Victoria was dead, and you were safe, all my purpose in your life was gone. I realised it really was goodbye."

His voice sounded so sad now, so far away, it was like he'd got lost again. I squeezed my arms tight around him, letting him know I was here. He took a breath and when he spoke his voice was stronger.

"After I left Forks again I booked a flight from Seattle to Chicago. I was going to tie up a few loose ends there and then disappear. I sat in the airport lounge, my flight was still hours away, but I had nothing else to do." He shrugged, it was almost like he was talking to himself now.

"Since September I'd been battling with the overwhelming _need _to come back to you, but as I sat and waited for my flight I didn't know if I could actually go through with my plan. The longer I waited... ," he trailed off and I leant in and kissed him under his ear. He smiled a little.

"I cancelled Chicago and decided to just go straight to Canada...there's a dense area of remote forest there that I was planning to inhabit for the next few decades."

"Oh, Edward." I stroked the back of his neck with my fingers. I knew he liked that and I smiled when he sighed and his eyes closed.

"I booked the new flight, it was much earlier and I thought that was good, no more waiting. I forced myself to board the plane, I even took my seat, but just before they shut the doors I knew there was no way I could leave you so permanently. Just the thought of it brought actual, physical pain," he paused. "So I stood up and walked back to the flight attendant and told her I had to get off."

His last sentence was so straightforward and matter-of-fact, it made me laugh, and that puzzled him.

"Just like that?" I said. "You just got up and said you had to get off the plane."

And now Edward's mood swung. His lips curved into a smile and he started to chuckle.

"Just like that," he said.

"And she let you get off?"

"After a moment of indecision, yes."

"Did you dazzle her?"

"No," he scoffed. "I gave her my vampire stare. You know, the one that doesn't work on you."

I laughed again. "Oh, that one."

"Yes," he nuzzled me with his nose. His voice was muffled slightly as he spoke.

"When I got off the plane I started running. And I didn't stop until I got here."

My heart did another backflip.

He ran. He ran back to me through the rain and the snow.

And he hadn't gone to Yellowknife, he hadn't got my message.

He was coming back anyway.

That made everything seem even sweeter, somehow.

"Looks like we've been trying to find our way back to each other," I said softly and he smiled.

"But you still haven't told me where you looked for me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Where do I start? You didn't make it easy."

He grimaced. "I guess that was part of my plan."

"Mm, the whole 'not existing' thing."

He nodded and his eyes showed his regret.

"Except you were everywhere, Edward. Your scuff marks are on my window sill."

His head lifted and turned towards the window.

"And you took great chunks out of the underside of the biology desk. I could feel your finger grooves in the wood."

His eyes widened.

"Yes, I know now what you were doing in that first lesson."

He looked a bit embarrassed.

"And of course, the locket ... ." I lifted my hand and touched it gently and Edward smiled. Then he took my hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart.

"It doesn't beat," he said. "But I feel you in here."

Tears stung at the backs of my eyes and I bit my lip hard. He pulled me in close, kissing away the one tear that managed to escape.

"Will you tell me?" he whispered.

So I introduced Edward to Stalker Bella. I started with the post office and Mrs Morgan and scolded him for the lack of a forwarding address. Then I moved on to Mrs Morgan's lack of discretion and the returned Vogue Magazine. And that led me to the gift subscription I sent Alice.

"It's probably still in transit," I yawned. Suddenly I was overwhelmingly tired. "Especially if she's moved again."

"Bella, you're amazing." Edward was grinning at me now and I shrugged casually, but inside there was a smug warmth radiating through me, making me blush.

"I thought she might see it coming, and call me."

"Not necessarily," Edward said. "It's easy to forget how random Alice's visions are. She doesn't see everything."

"Did you ask her not to look for me?"

There was a beat of silence before Edward nodded. "I did."

"That doesn't stop the visions though, does it?"

"Not if they were coming anyway, no."

"She just wouldn't have been actively watching for me, right?"

"That's right."

I nodded, understanding.

"I bet she peeked sometimes, though," I mumbled through another yawn and Edward gave a wry smile.

"I'm sure she did."

My eyes closed without permission and I forced them open, blinking hard.

"Do you want to sleep now?" Edward asked and I shook my head. I didn't want to miss anything,

"I'll stay. I'll be here when you wake up," he promised.

"But there's still more stuff I have to tell you. And I have more questions." My eyes closed again and this time it was harder to open them.

"Okay," I gave in. "Sleep time for the human." And Edward rumpled my hair as I slid off his lap.

I took my toiletries bag and pyjamas to the bathroom. The hot water felt good on my tense muscles but I didn't linger. Five minutes later I was back in my bedroom.

Edward was still sitting in the rocking chair, but my bed covers had been pulled back. I climbed in and drew the quilt up over me.

"Are you going to sit there all night?" I asked and Edward frowned.

"I didn't want to assume ... ,"

"You can assume, Edward."

I threw back the covers in invitation. I didn't actually see him move but a second later he was there, lying beside me, and we were facing each other as I pulled the quilt back over us. Edward ran his fingers up and down my arm. The sensation was comforting and soothing and I sighed as I sank into the pillow.

He was smiling at me, but I could see in his expression that he'd longed for this, just like I had.

And there were still the shadows.

I lifted my hand and stroked the purple beneath his eyes.

"You need to hunt."

"I'm alright."

"How long has it been?"

He shrugged. "A while."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, you need to hunt. Your thirst must be unbearable by now."

"Not unbearable. There are worse things."

I understood what he meant and gave him a smile.

"But I don't want you to hurt." I touched his face again. "How long would you need?"

He considered for a moment, eyes narrowed.

"If I went into the Park, two hours, maybe less."

"Okay then. Do it tonight."

"I won't leave you, Bella."

"Edward, how long are you planning to wait?"

I listened to myself being all brave and selfless when, really, the thought of him leaving, even for two hours, made me feel sick.

His mouth twisted, he was struggling. And so was I. But I could do this.

"Please, Edward. I want to see your eyes golden again."

Now he rolled his eyes at me and I started to laugh.

"Alright," he said. "But I'll wait until you're asleep."

I nodded.

"And I'll be back before you wake up."

"I know you will."

Hearing me say those words seemed to ease something in him. He gathered me into his arms and I closed my eyes, letting myself drift into sleep while Edward hummed my lullaby.

Butterscotch.

His eyes were warm butterscotch and they were the first thing I saw when I woke up. I touched his face, the purple shadows were gone, his skin had the faint, barely-there flush of a well-fed vampire.

And though I could still see the faint echo of his regret, he was smiling.

So beautiful.

I smiled back.

He was lying down, on his side above the covers, and his hands were clasped between his face and the pillow, as though he'd been sleeping, too.

He took one of his hands from beneath his cheek and reached across to me, pushing my hair back over my shoulder, tucking it away from my face. With the backs of his fingers he gently grazed over my cheek, along my jaw and down to my neck. His eyes followed his fingers and I saw a gentle smile play at the corner of his lips.

"So beautiful," I heard him whisper, almost to himself.

His touch was like electricity on my skin and a warmth started humming through my body. I hadn't felt like this in a while.

Edward's hand moved over my shoulder and down my arm, his eyes still following. He came to my waist and stilled for a moment, hovering and unsure, before hesitantly settling his hand in the curve there. He fitted perfectly and I smiled. His long fingers gave a gentle squeeze.

Then his eyes retraced their path, taking everything in, coming back up my body, over my chest and shoulders to my throat and then stopping at my lips. His eyes stayed there.

Edward's own lips parted, just slightly, and the tip of his tongue made a slow, perhaps subconscious sweep of his bottom lip. Then his eyes came back to mine and I could see he was asking permission. My heart was only a beat or two away from exploding now and I leant in at the same time he did.

His nose stroked mine, caressing, softly nudging as he came closer, letting me know his intention. I could smell the sweet scent of his breath washing over me as my lips sought his.

And then Edward's lips brushed over mine.

Just once.

And it was soft, and tender, and..._bliss_.

We were home.

Edward pulled back, his eyes shining and I knew I had a ridiculous grin on my face. Then his eyes dropped back to my lips and he leant in again.

I wound my fingers in his hair as his arms slowly pulled me closer and I couldn't stop my whimper as his lips caught mine again.

And now the world, everything, was gone. And I was falling, helpless and lost in the exquisite touch of this man's lips.

He poured himself into that kiss...it was all longing and love, hope and promise as his hands clutched me to him. My lips answered his, telling him I loved him, that I had always loved him, and would always love him.

And in response his hold tightened and his lips became more urgent. I wrapped myself around him, the growing heat deep inside spread through my body, making my skin tingle and sing. I was preparing myself for the moment when it became too much and Edward would pull away, but he didn't.

His lips continued to move and mould with mine and I had to pull away first. For air.

"I love you," he breathed.

"Love you, too," I panted and he touched his forehead to mine and we waited while our breathing slowed.

"Good morning?" I said shyly after a while and Edward smiled. A gorgeous, full smile that was completely overwhelming.

"Good morning," he whispered and kissed my forehead.

I stretched and I saw his eyes wander over my body briefly. There was a time when I would have thought I'd imagined that, but now I knew differently. And so did my body, the blush that raged over me was proof.

"What shall we do today?" I asked.

Edward rolled onto his back and tucked his hands under his head.

"I don't know. I'm happy here, but, should you go to school?"

"Argh." I threw my arm over my face. School? Really? It just seemed insignificant right now.

Edward chuckled and gently tugged my arm away.

"Please don't spoil the view," he murmured. "What do _you_ want to do today?"

"Stay here with you."

"Mm, sounds good. And tomorrow too?"

"Yep."

"And the next day? And the day after that?"

"Yes and yes."

He rolled on his side again and twined his fingers with mine.

"And when Charlie gets a call from the school about your persistent non-attendance?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"You think you're clever don't you?"

He shook his head. "I used to think so. But then I met you."

"Hmph." I pulled out of his grasp and rubbed my hands over my face.

School.

I knew I'd have to go back sometime, but not today. And I didn't know yet what Edward's plans were. I knew he was staying, but would he go back to school, too?

"I'm not ready for reality yet," I said, but sat up. "Has Charlie left?"

"About fifteen minutes ago."

I nodded. "What time is it?"

"Ten minutes to eight."

I flopped back down on the pillows.

"Not going," I murmured and snuggled against him. "Today's special."

"Yes, it is," he said softly.

"And it's healthy to ditch sometimes. A vampire I knew told me that once."

"That vampire obviously had a corrupting influence on you."

"Mm, completely."

He chuckled and wrapped one arm around me, holding me close.

"What will you tell Charlie?"

Mm, I didn't like lying to my dad, and it felt like I'd done that a lot lately.

"I'll say I was tired after my trip to Jacksonville and needed a day to recover. It's not a complete lie."

Edward nodded, just as my stomach decided to get in on the act.

He sat up.

"I'll get your breakfast, if you'd like some human time."

I was happy where we were, but he was probably right - I did need a human moment. And I was hungry.

"Okay." I was pouting and he touched my lip with his finger.

"Is it still pop tarts?"

I nodded. He kissed me and was gone.

The mood seemed so different this morning. Lighter, happier. The heaviness of yesterday had fallen away. I wasn't stupid though. I knew there was still a lot of stuff to get through and talk about. And I knew we'd never forget the pain of the last three months, but I was hoping we could build on that now and make it work for us somehow. I grabbed my clothes and headed for the bathroom. Downstairs I could hear the bang of a cupboard door and smiled. My vampire was cooking me breakfast.

Just ten minutes later I was dressed and coming downstairs. As I hit the bottom step I was distracted by the smell of smoke and the sound of my phone ringing.

I did a quick detour to the living room where my cell still sat on the coffee table but it quietened just as I picked it up.

1 missed call.

Callum.

I groaned and put it back on the table, he'd have to wait. I wanted to tell Edward about Callum before I told Callum about Edward.

I turned round and hurried to the kitchen where a smoke cloud was hanging.

"What happened?"

"I think I had the setting up too high," Edward was glaring at the burnt and blackened remains of my breakfast in the sink. It seemed the pop tarts had offended him personally.

"Oh." I covered my mouth, trying not to giggle.

"They were the last ones, sorry," he said. "I could boil you an egg, I think I could manage that."

I laughed out loud now and nudged him out of the way with my hip. He got the idea and stepped aside.

"I'll do it," I said. "You sit down."

But he didn't sit down. First he leant against the counter while I cracked and whisked some eggs in a bowl. I was hungry today, famished, and I wanted a cheese omelet. Then he pulled himself up to sit on the counter top next to me.

"Was it important? The phone call?" he asked.

"Um, it was Callum. He's a friend from school," I said. "I'll tell you about him later." After I've eaten.

I poured the mix into the pan and Edward took the spatula from the utensil rack.

"Let me," he said. He slid the spatula under the omelet smoothly and then flicked it in a move so fast I didn't see it happen. I saw the omelet though. It headed skyward, turning three times, before falling back, perfectly centered, into the pan.

"Where did you learn that?"

"From watching you."

He smiled, eyes dancing.

"Watching me? I can't do..._that_." I twirled my finger in the air then pointed to the pan where my breakfast sat, cooking its underside.

And I tried to think when I'd shown him how to cook an omelet.

"I don't remember... ,"

"Last August. We were going to the meadow and I made you have a big breakfast before we hiked through the woods."

"Oh, right," I grinned now. I remembered the hiking and the meadow and the argument beforehand about me eating enough. I hadn't specifically remembered the omelet though.

"But I wouldn't have flipped it like that."

"No. But the basic principle was there. I just built on that."

"You're just showing off, you mean."

He shrugged and gave me an apologetic half smile.

"I'm trying to make up for the pop tart debacle."

"By impressing me with over the top omelet aerobatics?"

He nodded, smiling, and his hair fell in his eyes.

"Did it work?"

I shook my head and laughed as he pushed back the strands.

"So, from watching me cook one omelet six months ago you learned how to do a ridiculously perfect triple-omelet-flip, but you still burn the pop tarts?"

He shrugged. "I don't understand it either," he said.

I took a step towards him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my head against him.

"Yes, I'm impressed," I whispered.

I felt his lips press against my hair.

"It's burning," he whispered back.

"Oh!"

It was. I grabbed the spatula and scooped the smoking omelet onto the plate while trying to ignore the smug smirk that I could actually _feel_ coming from the vampire beside me.

He was still smiling as he watched me eat, swinging back on his chair, just like normal.

I wondered what he was thinking. If it wasn't cold and winter and snowing maybe we could have hiked to the meadow and talked. I'd eaten an omelet after all.

"Are you sure about missing school today?" Edward asked as I stood to wash up.

"Yep."

He dried and when we were done he followed me into the living room, holding my hand as we went.

"I thought maybe we could just hang out here today and talk," I said. "There's still a lot I have to tell you."

Edward smiled. "We could do that," he said. "Would you like me to light the fire?"

The house still held some residual warmth from the evening before, but it was fading fast. I nodded and Edward disappeared, returning only a second later with an armful of firewood.

He knelt down and started to build. I liked watching his shoulders move as he worked, positioning the wood and the kindling, his confident fingers moving things smoothly into place. I had to drag myself away to go and get the matches from the kitchen.

It only took a few minutes for the blaze to take. We sat on the hearthrug, our backs against the sofa. Edward's arm was around me, my head was on his shoulder.

His feet were bare, I wore thick socks, and he rubbed his foot over mine.

"I spoke to the family last night," he said suddenly and my head shot up. Edward jerked his head out of the way quickly, saving me from a nasty bang on his stone chin.

"What did you tell them?"

His eyes softened, melting into mine as he ran the backs of his fingers over my cheekbone.

"I told them that by some miracle I don't deserve, you had agreed to take me back."

I closed my eyes and shook my head, hugging my arms around him.

"What did they say?"

"There was much excitement," he said with humour and I smiled.

"Will we see them soon?"

I didn't assume they'd just drop everything and come back to Forks. Maybe we could go to Ithaca.

"Soon? Mm, is tomorrow night soon enough?"

"What? Tomorrow? Where? _Here?"_

Edward nodded, grinning.

"They're coming back?"

He nodded again, and the grin got wider.

"To visit...?" I didn't want to assume they'd just drop everything and come back now.

"To stay."

"Oh!" My hand flew to my mouth. They were coming back.

"But, they're all settled in Ithaca."

Edward shook his head and stroked my cheek again. "As Carlisle said, it'll be good to have _all_ the family together again."

I blushed at his meaning and felt my eyes fill.

"They've missed you," he said quietly.

"I've missed them too."

"I know. I'm sorry."

The sadness started creeping back into his eyes and I shook my head.

"So, how's this going to work?" I asked. "Are they just going to..._come back_?"

"Pretty much," Edward smiled. "When Carlisle resigned from the hospital, they told him there'd always be a position for him if things didn't work out in Los Angeles. He's calling them this morning to take them up on that."

I snorted. Los Angeles. My vampires sparkling in the Californian sun.

"And, I guess I'll be re-enrolling at Forks High." He gave an exaggerated eye-roll and sighed in mock exasperation.

"Really?"

"Yep," he grinned. "Alice too."

Alice.

I couldn't wait to see her.

"What about the others?" They'd officially 'graduated' highschool the summer before and were supposed to be away at college.

"They'll be here, but not officially. Just like before."

Wow. This was just...wow.

"And they want to do this?" It just seemed too much. I wondered for a moment about Rosalie, but let it go. "They can really just pick up and move like that? With a day's notice?"

"They do want to do this. Very much. And we have a lot of experience at just picking up and moving." A shadow flickered through his eyes and I knew what he was remembering. I squeezed my arms around him and the shadow faded.

"Is it really that easy?"

"It can be."

This was all so ... _much._ Three months of nothing and now ... everything.

"So it looks like we're graduating together," I giggled and he laughed.

"Looks like it." He lifted an eyebrow. "Will you help me get caught up? I might need special tutoring."

I pretended to consider.

"Mm, maybe. If I have time. But you can also try the Forks Library, it's actually pretty good these days."

I watched for his reaction.

"Oh?" He sounded casual, his expression giving nothing away.

"Yeah. They've got a couple of new books now." I was biting my lip, trying to stop the laugh that was threatening.

But Edward just smiled

"And they have _four_ copies of _Wuthering Heights_."

Now there was a reaction. There was just the faintest flicker in his eyes, the slightest tightening of his jaw.

"Thank you," I whispered. "I know it was you."

His eyebrows went up and now his face registered plenty, but mostly disbelief.

"How did you know?"

"The reference number on the delivery box were our birth years. And then all the extra Heathcliffs kind of clinched it for me."

"Your copy was falling apart and I didn't want you to be without," he said. "I was going to buy you a new one and send it to you, but you'd know it was me, and then I would have broken my promise...,"

"That it would be like you'd never existed?"

He nodded slowly and the haunted look was back in his eyes.

"Oh, Edward."

I climbed into his lap and wrapped myself around him.

"The books...when I realised, it made me feel so..._loved_."

"You are loved," he breathed and his lips caught mine in a kiss that was tender and sweet and I could feel just how loved I was.

He broke away when I needed to breathe and his hands stroked over my shoulders and down my arms.

"I should tell you," I said, still slightly breathless. "I contacted the book suppliers, trying to track you down... ,"

He cocked an eyebrow, amused now.

"Did they put you onto my lawyers?"

I nodded. "But they were no help. Stupid client confidentiality."

Edward chuckled then sighed.

"Bella, if I'd known you were looking for me, my resolve would have dissolved so much faster."

"Really?"

"Really. I was barely hanging on as it was."

He buried his nose in my hair, nuzzling me, and I giggled and squirmed.

"Um, now this ...," I tried to talk as he nuzzled. "This kind of leads me to ... um, the other stuff I need to tell you."

Now he ran his nose over my neck, down to my collarbone, inhaling deeply.

"Mm?"

"I need to tell you about Callum McLeod, um, ahh... ,"

The nuzzling had graduated to lines of little kisses over my neck and throat. Maybe I should just give up and let him go for it. I turned my head and arched my neck to make it easier for him.

"You were going to tell me something," he whispered against me and pulled back slightly. I could still feel his breath on my skin.

"You're seriously making up for lost time now, aren't you?" I laughed and he smiled back, nodding. But then the smile dropped and he was worried.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't assume ... ,"

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, so help me if you apologise for kissing me I...I...well, I don't know what I'll do, but it won't be pretty."

The smile was back. "Alright," he said, and leant in to attack my neck again. I laughed.

"But I really do want to tell you about this...and I can't concentrate with your lips on me like that."

Immediately he stopped.

"I'm listening," he said and gave me his full attention, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Okay. Um, Callum McLeod. It was him on the phone before. And he called last night, too."

Edward was nodding, I could feel his chin digging into my shoulder.

"He kind of has a part in all this. Not the library books, he didn't know about that, but all the searching for you, he's involved with that." My voice was getting softer, I noticed.

Edward lifted his face, cocked his head and frowned.

"Callum McLeod?"

I nodded and started biting my lip.

"Is he the boy that Leah imprinted on?"

That threw me.

"Jake said you didn't meet him."

"I didn't. When I was in La Push bandaging Seth I saw him in Leah's thoughts. And the thoughts of some of the others. I wasn't really concentrating though. I had other things on my mind."

I could imagine.

"Yeah, well, that's Callum. He's been a good friend the last few weeks and ...,"

Edward's attention was suddenly directed towards the window. He did that sharp, quick vampire move that would no doubt unsettle any other human.

"What is it?"

And then I heard it. The familiar dak-dak-dak of a VW beetle. An orange VW beetle no doubt.

Callum.

My eyes closed and my heart picked up. Not now. Not yet. I should have answered his call, I should have realized he'd turn up here if I didn't.

I opened my eyes and could see confusion and surprise on Edward's face. How far away could he read minds? Oh, crap!

I scrambled out of his lap and hurried to the door, opening it just as Callum was about to knock. His hand was still in the air and I talked real fast.

"Hi, Callum. I'm fine, but now isn't a good time."

He dropped his hand and frowned. "The last time you said that there was a werewolf in your kitchen and a vampire stalking your house."

I winced. "Yeah. I know, but this is different, um ... ," The vampire is _in_ the house this time.

"It's cold, can I come in?"

"Er...,"

"Thanks." He didn't wait for me to answer as he came in and stood near the hallstand.

I sighed and shut the door, trying to look past him into the living room.

"I just wanted to know if you're okay. You didn't answer my calls and I've been worried you were going to take off to Yellowknife. Did you know Edward didn't actually fly? I checked and his status had changed to a cancellation."

"Yeah, listen, I... ,"

"I can't see any new flights booked for him, so ... ,"

"I'm here." Edward stood in the living room doorway.

Callum's head whipped round, his eyes shot open and his mouth dropped. I saw him shiver as he took an instinctive step backwards and stumbled into the hall stand.

"Shit," he muttered and I could practically see the hairs standing up all over his body. This was the first vampire he'd ever met, but unlike most humans, Callum knew what he was looking at.

"Callum, this is Edward Cullen." I could hear the strain in my voice. I hadn't wanted things to go like this.

"Edward, this is Callum McLeod."

Edward seemed relaxed enough, if curious. Callum was staring.

"Um ... ," Callum cleared his throat. "Hi, Edward. I've heard a lot about you."

"Hello." Edward was polite and smiled, but I could see he had the mask in place now, his face giving nothing away. But just as I thought that, his expression changed. His face seemed to drain somehow, his lips parted and I heard him gasp. My eyes closed slowly as I groaned. There was one detail about Edward that I hadn't given Callum.

"Callum, he can read your mind."

Callum blanched.

"Oh ... no... ,"

"And I haven't had a chance to tell him anything."

"Oh ...!"

But if Callum's brain worked like his mouth, then Edward was getting everything right now. _Everything._

The hacking, the phone companies, the old phone records, the credit card, the travel history, Chicago, New Mexico, Brazil, the airport lounge ... all the things I was going to explain to him myself.

Now Callum's face had drained.

"Bella didn't tell me what you are," he told Edward quickly. "She never said a word...it was a photo."

Now Edward's jaw dropped. His eyes looked almost frightened and I was surprised when he snarled. Callum started shaking and he backed up against the wall and I wondered what Edward had seen that would make him ...

... oh, Lord...the Vigilante Vampire.

I pulled my hands through my hair. Edward was rigid, a statue, glaring at Callum. Callum stared back, the rabbit to Edward's headlights.

Suddenly, Edward turned away and stared down at the floor. His fists were clenched at his sides.

"Um, I'm sorry. I'd better go." Callum started backing towards the door.

"Wait," Edward said suddenly and Callum froze. Slowly, carefully, Edward turned. His face was smooth now, impassive, but the tension in his jaw and neck told me the effort involved. Edward extended his hand cautiously, letting Callum understand his intention, clearly giving him a choice.

Callum was surprised...and so was I.

"You've been a good friend to Bella, I can see that," Edward's words were strained but sincere. "Thank you. And I apologise for my behaviour just now, that was inexcusable. It won't happen again."

Callum just stared. For a moment I thought he wasn't going to move, but then, tentatively, he took a step forward and shook Edward's hand.

"Wow, cold." Callum smiled awkwardly.

Edward gave a small, apologetic half shrug.

"Yeah, um, no problem with the snarling. And Bella's great, I was glad to help. Glad you two are back together, um ... yeah."

Edward nodded as they dropped hands.

"Um, so you're okay then?" Callum turned to me. The atmosphere had changed. Things were still tense, but the aura of barely controlled panic, from both of them, was gone.

"Never better," I smiled and wrapped my arms around Edward's waist. He pulled me close, settling his arm across my shoulders.

"She'll fill you in later," Edward smiled wryly and Callum winced.

"You got that, did you? Okay, must remember to clear all thoughts." He pressed his fingers to his forehead. "Well, I'll just leave you to it, then. Er, I guess you're not going to school today, Bella?"

"Not today, no."

"Okay. Um, well I'll see you sometime?" He turned back to Edward. "Bye, Edward. Sorry about the, you know ... ," he tapped his temple. "Mind vomit."

Edward smiled. "It's fine."

Callum said one more goodbye and then he was gone. Edward dropped his arm from my shoulder, and the mask from his face. He walked back into the living room and I had the sinking feeling we were back to square one. My eyes started to burn and blur.

"Edward?"

He was standing by the fireplace. His hair hung over his eyes as he stared down at the flames, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

I knew he needed time to process what had happened, so I waited.

He was unnaturally still, unnervingly quiet. I noticed his chest wasn't moving. It was like he'd gone into lock down and I started to wonder exactly what he'd seen in Callum's thoughts.

I sat on the sofa and watched the statue in front of me. Where had he gone, what was he thinking?

If I'd just answered Callum's call I could have spared us all this. I could have eased him into things.

After a while Edward blinked, and I knew he was coming back to me.

I stood up, anxious.

"Which part are you most mad about?"

He stared for a moment as confusion washed over his features. Oh no, he didn't even know where to start. I sucked in a deep breath and braced myself.

"Is it the invasion of your privacy? The hacking into your bank account? Or, um, the exposure, the stuff about you on his dad's computer?"

Oh, it was quite a list and my voice had dropped to a whisper.

The confusion was still clear in Edward's face and I began to wonder. My hand flew to my mouth.

"You did see those things, didn't you?" I panicked. "I mean, we are talking about the same things here, aren't we?"

This really wasn't how I had planned to explain.

A smile ghosted over Edward's lips.

"Well, you seem to be the only one talking, but they are the same things, yes. Callum's thoughts are clear and vivid and very, very detailed."

I groaned. Of course they were. It was probably like watching a dvd with the director's commentary.

... _Now here, Bella is giving me_ _your human name. And now she's telling me all about your family_. _And in this next scene we're discussing your credit card details ..._

Edward cocked his head. "But why would I be mad?"

"You mean you're not?"

He shook his head.

"But, we... ,"

Edward shook his head again, smiling wide now, his eyes bright and brilliant as he took a step towards me.

"Not mad," he said. "I'll tell you what I understand, and you tell me if I'm wrong." He echoed my words from the night before.

"You love me so much that you did everything in your power to find me, even if that meant breaking the law." His voice wavered just a little.

"Hacking's not illegal," I whispered, smiling a little bit. "Cracking is."

"A technicality," he whispered back, and took another step closer.

"But you're right," I said. "What you understand is right."

Edward's eyes were drawing me in, I could feel the pull between us.

"So, no, I'm not mad that you love me that much. I'm not mad that you did everything I would have done if the situation had been reversed and I was looking for you."

The relief was sweet. I could feel my cheeks stretching with my grin.

"And there's something else I understand, and again, tell me if I'm wrong."

I waited and it seemed for a moment that Edward was struggling with his words. He was biting his lip and then he took a deep breath and continued speaking.

"You told Callum to stop looking for me. Twice. When he confronted you about what I am, and again when Victoria came back."

Oh.

He rubbed his hands over his face and I could see he was obviously moved by this. Then he dropped his hands and when he spoke I was surprised by the raw emotion in his voice.

"Bella, I don't know how, but...you love me so much you would let me go if it meant protecting me."

Now the tears were starting again and I nodded.

"Like you did for me," I whispered.

And there it was.

Understanding.

"Bella," Edward breathed.

He took the final two steps across the room, grabbed me and pulled me into his lap as he sank into the sofa. It was so sudden, I squealed and laughed at the same time. Then tucked myself in under his chin.

"There's so much ...," he murmured. "So much ... Bella, last night when you told me you'd been looking for me, it was like my heart started to beat again. I could _feel_ it. Knowing that you would do that for me was...I can't explain. And then, to see it all in Callum's mind." He buried his face in my hair. "I had no idea. I don't deserve... ,"

"Ssh," I cut him off. "Of course you do."

"I've always...I've always thought that you couldn't possibly love me like that. I believed what you felt for me would pale into nothing compared to my feelings for you." He brushed some strands of hair off my face and there was a flicker of sadness in his eyes. "That's why I thought you'd move on."

I rolled my eyes. "Definitely not moving on."

"I know."

He leant in and I felt his lips touch my forehead.

"But I still love you more," he whispered and I laughed.

"Don't start, Cullen."

We sat quietly for a while, just letting all this new information sink in. Edward lounged back on the sofa, bringing me with him so we were almost lying down.

"I'd still like to hear your version, though," he said after a while. "Will you tell me?"

"I will." And I still had to tell him about Alaska and the Denali's, but not right now. My scalp prickled at the thought of Tanya - I didn't want that conversation intruding on things just yet. "I will give you my version, but first can I ask you...you're okay with those computer files and, um, you know?"

"The Vigilante Vampire?"

"Er, yeah."

He closed his eyes and his chest moved with a slow, deep breath.

"Seeing that was a shock," he said slowly. "You could probably tell."

"Mm, just a bit."

Edward snorted. "A bit? I terrified your friend." He shook his head at his behaviour. "My instincts just kicked in and suddenly Callum was a threat and I snarled at him like a, a ...,"

"Vampire?"

He gave a sharp laugh and pulled his hand through his hair. "Like a vampire."

I shrugged. "He can take it."

"I know," Edward sighed. "He's strong."

"But, you're okay?"

He nodded. "But Callum's not a threat. He won't expose us, I could see that clearly, he's not that sort of person. And his relationship with Leah probably binds him to the secret anyway. But the files on the computer...," he paused and looked down to where our hands were clasped together.

"I didn't want you to _know _that part of me."

"Edward, I already knew about that time in your life. You'd told me."

"Yes, but I spared you the details. I didn't want you to know the where and the when and the...the _how._" I felt his hands flex as he kept his eyes on mine, face creased slightly into a grimace. "I could see that you defended me to Callum, but...Bella, were you very shocked?"

I picked up his hands, holding them in mine, stroking his long fingers with my thumbs.

"A lot of people lived because of you," I said. "And you can flip a mean omelet with these things. You have very good wrist action."

He blinked at me. Twice. And suddenly his hands were gone and they were in my hair, holding me while he kissed me hard.

"I love you," he murmured against my lips. "And I'll flip omelets for you whenever you like."

I laughed as his mouth moved down to my throat. He was trying to kiss me but he was laughing too. Eventually he gave up as we tumbled together, rolling from the sofa to the floor, Edward keeping me safe in the cage of his arms. We lay on the hearthrug, in front of the fire and Edward settled his head against my chest while I wiped the happy tears from my cheeks. I was surprised I had any tears left to cry.

The clock on the cabinet said it was only half past nine. Barely past breakfast and already I was exhausted.

"You know what I want to do today?" I asked.

"What?"

"I just want to do something normal. No more drama or tears or shocks. I just want to do something normal and boring. So, so boring."

Edward lifted his head, setting his chin just above my locket, and studied me for a second. His eyes were alight and alive with happiness and...mischief?

"Alright," he said and sat up. Then he stood and grabbed my hand. "Come on then," he pulled me to my feet. "Lets go to my place and pull the dust covers off the furniture."

**A/N: Huge thanks for all the reviews, messages and recommendations. I appreciate them more than I can say.**

**There are only two or three chapters left now - we're getting near the end.**

**If anyone is interested, there is a thread for this story over on the AU forum at Twilighted.**


	11. Chapter 11: Dust Sheets and Drama Queens

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Sorry this chapter took a while. It's another long one. I hope you enjoy :)**

**Thank you EdwardsEternal!**

Edward held my hand tightly as we walked down the icy front path to my truck. I pulled the keys from my pocket and held them out. Edward smiled, surprised.

"You're offering to let me drive?" he asked and I nodded.

"It's easier than having the argument."

"I wasn't going to argue," he smiled and opened the passenger door for me.

He climbed into the drivers' seat but stilled, staring, when he saw the dashboard.

"What happened to your stereo?" He was incredulous as he reached out slowly to trace the deep gouges around the hole where the stereo had been. He gently fingered the wires which hung loose in the otherwise empty space.

My cheeks reddened and I shifted awkwardly in my seat as I remembered what I did to Emmett and Rosalie's birthday gift

"It was about a week after you left. I ...I got angry. At everything. I kind of took it out on the stereo."

Edward's expression clouded and he nodded slowly - he seemed to understand. But now as I looked at the gaping hole, a heaviness settled deep in my stomach.

"They'd be hurt if they knew, wouldn't they?"

Edward nodded, still staring at the place where the stereo wasn't.

"I'll get a replacement," I said.

The corner of his mouth lifted in a sad smile.

"No. I'll buy it," he said softly.

"But I'm the one who destroyed it."

"Because of me."

I was about to protest but his eyes met mine and I could see he wanted to do this.

"Okay. Thank you."

I looked back at the hole. It had been a very fancy stereo.

"I probably couldn't afford a replacement anyway, could I?"

Edward shook his head as backed out of the driveway.

"Probably not."

The tyres crunched over the ground as we drove along the Cullens' driveway. There were advantages to having Edward drive my truck. I could sit right up close to him, curled into his side with his arm around me while his other hand steered. Just two fingers on the steering wheel, as usual. I thought of Tanya's comments about driving lessons and tensed. Edward turned to me.

"You alright?"

I nodded, pushing thoughts of the gorgeous strawberry blonde vampire out of my mind. Not yet - I'd deal with that part of the story later. And I wondered how Edward would react when he found out I'd deliberately gone looking for a vampire coven. Mm, yeah...later.

oo0oo

The house was dark and musty.

The windows were shuttered, the air was still and heavy and the shapes of the sheeted furniture loomed, strange and alien, in the darkness.

I shivered a little as we stood in the doorway and Edward rubbed his hands over my arms, trying to create warmth from the friction.

"Just give me a moment," he murmured and disappeared towards the kitchen.

A second later the metal window shutters began to lift. The glass wall at the back of the house let the light flood in and suddenly the room seemed warmer, the atmosphere more welcoming. I could almost feel the house sigh with relief.

Edward re-appeared, smiling.

"I've turned the thermostat up, too," he said. "The place should start warming up soon."

I nodded and looked around.

"So," I said. "Where do we start?"

Edward strode over to the sofa, grabbed the corner of the dust sheet and flicked it. The sheet lifted gracefully into the air, rising and ballooning and looking like a parachute. Then Edward twisted and jerked his wrist, there was a sound like a whip crack and the sheet flattened and snapped back towards him. Grinning, he caught it and bundled it up.

"Esme hates it when I do that inside," he looked slightly abashed but it didn't stop his smile. "It spreads the dust everywhere."

And he was right. There was a hazy cloud falling slowly to the floor and I could feel my nose twitching.

"But it's fun, right?"

He nodded, still smiling and I smiled back before I started sneezing. His smile faded.

"Sorry, I didn't think...,"

"It's okay," I sniffed and wrinkled my nose. "Really, it is. Come on, lets do the rest."

We spent the next few minutes uncovering the downstairs furniture.

Edward moved swiftly and easily, carefully removing sheets from the dining room furniture. Then he uncovered his piano, the coffee table and the living room cabinet.

And while he did all that I struggled with the two lounge chairs. The covers were awkward and unwieldy.

"These are heavy," I murmured, dragging the first sheet off, surprised by its thickness.

"They need to last a long time," Edward explained as he helped me. "We never know how long we'll be gone. It's usually decades."

We dumped the sheet on the floor and then, while I wasn't really looking, Edward picked up a scatter cushion from the sofa and threw it at me, frisbee style.

The cushion glanced off my shoulder and fell to the floor. I looked up, surprised, and Edward was smirking at me from across the room. My vampire was obviously feeling playful this morning.

Okay then...

"Surely you can do better than that, Cullen." I snarked, dusting off my shoulder. "It barely touched me."

He just shrugged and shoved his hands in his pocket.

I stooped to pick up the cushion and was immediately hit, square on the back of the head, by another.

"Hey!"

He was grinning now and I threw both cushions back at him, hard.

Edward ducked neatly, laughing, as one went completely wide and the other sailed over his head. While he scooped them up from the floor I ran to the other lounge chair, grabbed a new cushion and hurled it across the room at him. He caught it neatly, of course, and then I was squealing as all three cushions came flying at me, hard and fast, one after the other, bouncing off my arms that I'd crossed in front of my face.

"Not fair!" I yelled. "You've got super powers!"

He was chuckling as he came towards me. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bright and playful.

He looked gorgeous.

And he was going down.

The cushions had pooled at my feet and I smiled sweetly as I drew back my foot and kicked at them. Two went nowhere, they just sort of turned over, but the third one, surprisingly, arced through the air and hit Edward right in the stomach.

"Yes!" I punched the air. "Yes!"

Edward was trying not to laugh as he clutched his middle and dropped to his knees, face contorted in mock pain.

"I'm...hit," he gasped and rolled on the floor, holding himself, groaning dramatically.

I rolled my eyes, grinning, and went to him, kneeling by his side and pushing his hair out of his face. He blinked up at me, eyes wide and shining, beaming at me with a smile that would light up Seattle.

"You'll survive," I quipped and rested my hand over his on his stomach.

"Good," he smiled. "Because we've still got more to do."

I smiled back - I had the feeling he wasn't just talking about housework.

Edward bundled up all the dust sheets and carried them outside. He stood on the porch and shook them, one at a time, snapping and cracking, creating dust clouds.

When he was done he brought them inside and began folding them.

I helped, but by the time I'd folded one sheet Edward had a pile of neat, flat rectangles stacked on the coffee table. He gathered them up and took them to store in the linen closet on the first floor landing.

It was obviously a well-rehearsed routine.

"You've done this before."

"A few times," he smirked.

"Do you always leave the furniture behind when you move?"

"Yes." He came down the stairs, two at a time, and I giggled as he caught my hand and pulled me into the dining room with him.

"So, do you buy new furniture wherever you go?"

He let go of my hand and walked over to the low, dark-wood dresser.

"Not exactly. Only if we're moving somewhere new."

He bent down and opened the cupboard underneath.

"The family owns several houses. They're all furnished. The place in Ithaca is just one of them."

He stood up, holding Esme's stunning crystal vase, and he set it in the centre of the table. Esme always had fresh flowers around the place.

"How many houses do you have?"

"Apart from Ithaca we have a house in Denali, one in Rochester and one near Vancouver."

Edward began unstacking the chairs from the corner and setting them around the table. I followed, straightening the chairs as we went.

"And I still own my family home in Chicago."

I stopped and stared at him.

"Really?"

For some reason that surprised me.

"Yes," Edward answered, setting another chair on the floor. "And, er, Esme and Carlisle own an island off South America," he added quietly.

For a second I wondered if I'd heard right, but judging by the wary look on Edward's face, I had.

"An island?"

"Yes."

"A real tropical island?"

"Yes."

"Wow." I let that sink in. "Have you been there?"

"Just twice." He gave me that shy, crooked smile as he leant on the back of a chair. "It's like a private getaway for Esme and Carlisle, not really intended for family holidays." Then he gave just the subtlest arch of his eyebrow.

"Oh." I felt my face flush and warm and I stared down at the oak table.

"That's a lot of real estate," I murmured.

"We have to move around a lot," Edward dragged the final chair over from the corner. "We don't always use _those_ houses, sometimes we just buy and sell as we need to, but it's good to have a familiar place to go, sometimes. Especially if we're making a quick getaway." He gave a wry smile and then looked around. His nose wrinkled and he frowned and I knew what he was thinking - the house still smelt musty.

"Maybe you should open some windows," I said but he seemed uncertain. "I'll be okay," I smiled. "This jacket's really warm."

He rolled his eyes then held up his finger, asking me to wait. Then he disappeared.

A second later he returned holding a purple cashmere blanket and he draped it around me.

"Here." He smoothed it over my shoulders. "If you get cold, tell me," he ordered.

He smiled and moved to the window, opening it wide. Then he walked into the living room and opened the glass doors that led out behind the house, and the windows that faced the front.

I looked around and the house seemed more itself now, with the light coming in and the furniture back in place and fresh air flowing through.

I ran my hand over the table. It was smooth, like glass, but my fingers found a rough spot, just near the edge.

There was a deep scratch marring the highly polished surface - a reminder of that night when the glass plates shattered and broke around me. I ran my fingers back and forth, feeling the rough edges against my skin.

"You were afraid." Edward's voice startled me and I looked up. He was very still, watching me closely from across the room. "I could see it in your face," he said. "I could smell it."

His voice was flat, almost detached. The light, playful mood from earlier had gone.

I swallowed, remembering my disastrous party.

"Yes." I admitted. "I was afraid."

My stomach twisted and I wondered what Edward would say because this was the first time I'd ever acknowledged the fear.

To either of us.

But my admission brought no reaction. Edward didn't speak or move. His face was impassive, but his fingers told the story when I saw them curl into his palms.

I hated that our morning was taking this direction now, but I also knew this was probably a conversation we needed to have.

"When I cut my finger and you were all staring at me…for just a second I thought…," My voice shook slightly as I remembered the eyes of seven vampires as they zeroed in on the blood that had beaded on the tip of my finger. "But then I remembered that you would never let anything happen to me." And those words were stronger.

Edward stayed very still and I wondered what he was thinking. His eyes stayed on mine, intense and deep. And then he shook his head.

"No," he said softly and a tenderness had crept into his words. "I would never let anything happen to you."

I smiled and he took a step towards me. Just one. His hands were loose at his sides as he regarded me carefully. I wondered if he was worried that I was afraid now - I knew the memory had spiked my heart rate a little. My mouth was dry and I licked my lips.

"Even when Jasper came at me, it was so fast I didn't have time to be scared…but I still knew you'd keep me safe."

Edward moved again. Slowly, smoothly, he came to the table, silently pulled out a chair and sat. He folded his arms in front of him, his long fingers clasped together and it reminded of that night in the restaurant in Port Angeles, when he'd saved me and we started to _really_ talk.

I copied him, pulling out the chair opposite. In the silence the chair legs scraped over the floor and I curled one leg under me awkwardly as I sat.

"Everyone was so upset," I went on and Edward listened. "And it was because of me, and I wanted you all to know it was okay...that _I_ was okay. I wasn't angry or scared, and I didn't blame anyone."

"You blamed yourself."

"I did," I sighed. "And I can see now how stupid that must have seemed. But at the time "

"You didn't want anyone to feel bad."

"No."

Edward nodded. His expression gave nothing away.

"Do you still blame yourself?" he asked.

I thought for a moment.

"I did blame myself for a long time. You know, _if I hadn't been so clumsy and got a paper cut then none of this would have happened_...that sort of thing." I tucked my hair behind my ears and then pulled the blanket tight around me. Those feelings still stung.

"I felt frail and weak and unworthy."

I heard Edward's soft gasp and watched his eyes narrow and darken.

"But no, I don't blame myself now," I added quickly. "It wasn't my fault, I realised that a while ago."

There was silence and Edward's eyes were still on me, searching, almost speculative, and with every second that passed my heart beat a little harder. I wondered where this was headed.

"I'd been letting myself hope," he said quietly after a moment, surprising me. His mask faded and he looked sad.

"The summer had been so good, and I started to think that maybe, somehow, things would work out for us, that maybe we could be a part of each other's lives. I wasn't sure how exactly, but I thought it was something we could work on and build together."

"The locket," I whispered and reached up to touch it. Edward nodded.

"It was a way of declaring my intentions, I suppose." He gave me a soft smile. "But I had to find a way of giving it to you that wouldn't be...upsetting."

I felt slightly sick as I imagined what my reaction would have been if he'd pulled out the Tiffany box in the car park of Forks High School.

"And ," he paused. "I still wasn't sure of your feelings. I couldn't really believe you'd want to be with someone like me."

"Edward ... ,"

"But at the party, all that hope vanished." I could hear the defeat in his voice, even now. He looked down at his hands.

"When did you decide to leave?"

He hesitated but lifted his eyes and met mine full on.

"When I carried you into the kitchen so Carlisle could treat you."

I felt that heaviness in my stomach again.

"So soon."

Edward exhaled sharply and shook his head.

"At the time it seemed like the only way," he said. "And I tried to console myself with the thought that you were _so young,_, this was a first love, a crush, and your feelings couldn't have been serious. I knew you'd never actually forget, but I believed you'd get over me." He dropped his eyes. "While I was gone I would imagine your future without me in it...college, career, marriage, children, grandchildren. It was supposed to make me feel better about my decision, thinking of the things I thought I was giving you, but the images tore at me."

His hands clawed into fists.

"I was consumed by jealousy and longing, but I thought it was what was best for you." His fists relaxed and he lifted one hand to pull through his hair. He shrugged a shoulder as he did so.

"Like I said yesterday...arrogant."

"You thought you were doing the right thing," I said. "You were being selfless."

"No," he shook his head firmly. "No. Selfless would have been giving you the opportunity to decide, knowing that you might not choose me."

He leant forward, folding his arms on the table and resting his chin on them. He looked up at me through his lashes and gave me an apologetic smile.

"I should have talked to you. I handled the whole situation appallingly."

I smiled back. "Yeah, it was pretty bad."

He nodded and unfolded his arms, stretching them out and letting his head flop with a heavy thunk on the table as he sighed deeply.

"I know," he muttered into the mahogany. "I know."

I smiled. The cool, speculative, controlled vampire from a few minutes ago was gone. Now he was a teenage boy, riddled with insecurity and angst. How was I ever going to keep up with him?

The teenager lifted his head.

"If we'd talked, maybe we could have worked things out." He pulled his hands through his hair now as he sat up. "If we'd been more honest with each other, instead of me lying to you and thinking I knew best and you saying what you thought I'd want to hear and trying to keep everyone happy."

I smirked. "That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?"

Edward gave a quick, sharp laugh. "Pretty much."

"So if we'd talked, what would you have said?"

He blew out a breath as his eyebrows lifted and he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck.

"With the benefit of hindsight, I would have told you that I love you, but I was scared." His face creased into a frown. "Gut wrenchingly scared."

He stared down at the table.

"And I'd tell you that I would do everything in my power to keep you safe, but there were no guarantees with someone like me. I'd probably suggest we have a break for a couple of days so you could have space to think and consider and …that if you wanted to end things I would understand. But the decision would be yours."

He lifted his eyes and looked at me - deep, dark pools of amber pain.

"What would you have said?" he whispered.

I leant forward, elbows on the table, and cupped my face in my hands.

"Also with the benefit of hindsight, I'd tell you that I love you, but I was scared, too. I'd tell you that I understood there were no guarantees, that had been made clear to me more than once. But there are no guarantees with anything in life. And I'd probably add something about the greater likelihood of getting hit by a bus."

Edward laughed a little and I smiled.

"And I'd tell you I didn't need a couple of days to think. Instead I'd tell you I understood your concerns, and I'd go along with any reasonable precautions that you thought were necessary, as long as we could be together."

"Really?" His eyes glinted and sparked. "You would?"

"I said _reasonable_ precautions, Edward." I rolled my eyes. "Locking me in my room for the next eighty years doesn't count."

I laughed but Edward didn't. Instead he stared at me, blinking a couple of times.

"Eighty years?"

I waved a hand, dismissing his remark. I didn't want to get into that discussion right now.

"It's just an arbitrary number, for the sake of argument."

He frowned and nodded, but I could see something was going on in that massive brain of his.

I took a deep breath and looked around the room. From where I sat I could see into the living area and I saw something I hadn't noticed before.

"Where's the television?"

The space where the huge flatscreen once hung was empty. I could see the plaster was chipped and cracked.

"It broke."

"Broke? How?"

Edward shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I broke it."

My eyes shot open.

"How did you do that? When?"

He exhaled sharply, leant his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands.

"That night, after I drove you home I came back here. Alice and Jasper were still gone, but I told everyone else we were leaving."

He lifted his eyes to look at me and I could see the regret and remorse. "There were arguments," he said simply. "Carlisle tried to understand but he said I was foolish if I thought leaving was the answer. He said it wouldn't work for either of us and that I was underestimating you."

"Hmm."

"I should have listened, I know, but I was unreachable."

He smiled sadly.

"Esme pleaded with me to change my mind. She was, well, not exactly _in tears_, but as good as. Emmett thought I was over-reacting. He said the situation was only as bad as I was planning to make it." He was quiet for a moment, frowning. "Emmett can be very perceptive sometimes," he murmured, almost to himself.

"And Rosalie ... ," he hesitated, frowning again and I could see he was debating with himself. It took him a moment before he continued.

"Rosalie told me I should have left you alone in the first place. She said if I was so bent on playing the tragic hero then I should do it without dragging everyone else along with me. She wanted to know why she should pay for my mistakes."

"Oh." Rosalie obviously wasn't one to hold back.

"She said the whole family was being held hostage by my over-inflated ego and erratic, unstable emotions."

"Ouch."

"It was classic Rosalie," he shrugged. "Although there was some truth in what she said, but I was in no mind to hear it."

He was quiet again as he stared at me and I could see the memory of that night in the tight lines of his face.

"So, what happened with the flatscreen?"

"I ripped it off the wall and tore it in half."

My eyes nearly bulged out of my head.

"Ripped...are you serious?"

He nodded slowly.

"I was angry."

"Because of what they said?"

"No. It was everything."

He sighed and shifted, leaning back against his chair now.

"I knew that I was going to leave, and that I would lie to you, and I despised myself for it. And I despised the world and everything in it and I just I just ," he struggled.

"You destroyed the television set," I finished for him.

Edward nodded slowly. "It sounds stupid and lame when you say it like that," he said and then shrugged. "Probably because it was stupid and lame, but at the time...," he trailed off.

"Emmett was furious," he added absently, staring past me out the window. "He was yelling, calling me a _fucking drama queen_ and demanding to know what the flatscreen had ever done to me."

He winced suddenly and looked back down at the table, frowning now and avoiding my eyes.

"I'm very sorry," he muttered. "I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me."

In truth, I was surprised to hear Edward swear, even if he was only quoting, but I wasn't offended. But now as I watched him I could see he'd added mortification to the pain he was reliving and I decided that enough was enough.

"That's okay," I reached for his hand. "I've heard the word before. I know what a drama queen is."

He looked up sharply, almost startled. I winked at him, and smiled.

For a second I thought my joke had fallen flat. Edward just stared at me as if I'd gone mad. I held my breath. He blinked a couple of times, and then I saw it - a flicker of humour danced across his face. I felt a giggle bubbling up inside me, but I bit my lip, trying to hold it back - I wasn't sure enough yet.

I watched the corner of Edward's mouth twitch and he started to smile. My giggle got bolder and it burst out as Edward began to laugh.

And it was real, full-throated, head-thrown-back, eyes-screwed-shut type laughter.

It was beautiful.

"I thought Emmett...was going to rip...my arms off," he gasped between breaths as I laughed along with him. This felt so good.

"You really...do have a...flair for the dramatic...don't you?" I wheezed.

"Perhaps I do...," Edward's shoulders were full-on shaking now. "But tell me, Bella...what condition...is the car stereo in?"

I nearly fell off my chair as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

But these weren't sad tears, they weren't even happy tears...there wasn't anything happy about pain so bad it brought destruction. I didn't really understand why we were laughing, but this felt good, and maybe we needed the laughter as much as we needed the tears.

"I'll have to replace it," Edward gasped after a moment. "Or Emmett will have my head. Literally."

At that point he actually snorted and that set me off again.

I sat, knees pulled up, hugging myself, trying to stop my ribs from hurting. Edward's elbows were on the table, his head in his hands as his whole body shook.

This went on for a while. Our laughs would escalate, reach a painful peak, then start to die down. We'd sigh, thinking we were done, and then one of us would make eye contact with the other and we'd start again.

"Please stop," I gasped after a while. "Please."

It was such sweet, sweet torture. My ribs ached and burned and my throat hurt. My cheeks stung from the salt, but I felt so much lighter.

"Come on," Edward grinned as I wiped the last of the tears off my face. He stood up and came around to my side of the table, pulling my chair back slightly so I could stand up. He was still chuckling.

"Are we going to buy another flatscreen now?" I giggled.

"Not today," he said, taking my hand and kissing each of my knuckles. "That will need to be a special order. But we can do something about your piece of destruction." He leant down and kissed me softly on the lips. "Lets go to Port Angeles and buy your truck a new stereo."

The stereo was even more expensive than I'd expected but I bit my tongue. Instead I went to look at the novelty gear knobs while Edward discussed installation with the sales clerk and handed over his credit card.

"Do you want to go back home?" he asked, appearing behind me and kissing the top of my head. "Or would you like to get something to eat, it's lunchtime."

I was enjoying being out with him and I wasn't ready to go home, so I voted for food.

"And then I want to show you this new store," I said, cringing at a perspex knob with a tarantula set in it. "It's called _Books, Beans and Beats._ I think you'll really like it and I promised myself that when I found you I'd take you there."

I smiled up at him and as he looked down at me his answering grin was so beautiful, so blinding, it felt like my heart was on fire.

"Sounds good," he whispered softly and kissed the top of my head again. His lips lingered a little longer this time.

Lunch was a quick vegetarian wrap and then we headed for the opposite end of town.

"It's cold," Edward said as we set out. "Do you want me to get the truck?"

"No," I shook my head. "Lets walk."

So we walked. My gloved hand was clasped in Edward's and together they were nestled in the pocket of his jacket. Despite the cold we walked slowly, enjoying being together in this normal, everyday sort of way.

"Boring enough?" he asked suddenly and I laughed.

"Yep."

His hand squeezed around mine and the smile on his face stayed there as we walked from one end of the main street to the other.

Inside _Books, Beans and Beats_ it was warm and I pulled off my scarf and gloves and shoved them in my bag. I took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma of freshly ground coffee.

"Do you like it?" I asked and Edward shrugged.

"I've smelt worse." Then he leant down and nuzzled my neck. "And I've smelt better."

I giggled and swatted him on the shoulder. He grinned and pulled back.

"Come on," he said. "Show me around."

We bypassed the coffee shop and headed for the book section, looking at new releases, browsing through the classics.

We passed the magazine racks on the way to the music section and I explained how I got inspiration for the Vogue subscription from Jessica and her Teen Vogue fascination and Edward laughed. .

He put his arms around me, his hands on the small of my back as he pulled me in close.

"But you weren't satisfied with waiting for the subscription to arrive?"

"No," I shook my head.. "There were too many variables – it could get delayed, or lost in the mail I didn't want all my eggs in one basket." I rested my head against Edward's chest.

"That's why I asked Callum for help," I said shyly. I felt my cheeks redden but Edward's arms squeezed around me and I smiled.

"You were nervous about asking him, I could see it in his thoughts."

"I was. I was terrified he was going to think I was a stalker or a psycho or something," I mumbled into his jacket. "But then I figured you were worth any possible ridicule or restraining orders."

He chuckled again and I felt his cool fingers under my chin. Gently, he tilted my face, bringing his lips down to brush softly over mine. I sighed when he released me.

"We were just looking for your cell number at first," I continued as I snuggled back against him. "I just wanted to call you. That's why I gave him your name, well, _names_, and your old phone number." I sucked in a breath. "I really am sorry about that."

"Don't be." He bent his head to kiss me again.

"Where's your phone?" he whispered against my lips.

I was still a little fuzzy from the kiss and it took me a second to register what he'd said. Then I reached into my pocket and handed him my cell.

Edward punched at the keypad a few times and then held it up for me to see the screen.

_Edward_

_0419 74X 74X_

I bit my lip and nodded, not quite trusting my voice.

He slipped the phone back into my pocket and pulled me into his arms.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"I know," I whispered back as I sniffed against his chest.

We spent the next hour browsing through the music, laughing and teasing about each other's choices and discussing the relevance of bubblegum pop.

"It has no heart or soul," Edward argued. "It's mindless, without any merit."

"I know, I agree with you. to a point. But some of it's okay and I'm just saying it must have _some_ merit or it wouldn't be so popular."

"Lauren Mallory is popular, Bella."

Hmm, he had a point there.

His eyes scanned the song titles on the latest _Number One Hits of Summer _cd he was holding.

"All you need is a few key words like _love,_ and _you,_ and the obligatory _baby_…," he actually shuddered. "Some _ooohs_ and _aaaahs_. Throw in a basic drum beat, some repetitive percussion and out comes the next number one hit." He gave the offending disc a contemptuous look before dropping it back in its slot.

"Edward you're such a music snob."

He shrugged. "I know what I like."

I snickered and wrapped my arms around his waist. I'd missed him.

We finally made our way to the cashier with a courtesy basket full of cd's, making up for the last three months when neither of us could bear to listen to music.

"You've made some really interesting selections, here." The sales clerk smiled and simpered at Edward as she started ringing up the cd's. She was all blonde hair, big eyes and long lashes and seemed completely oblivious to me, standing right in front of her, holding the hand of the man who'd made the interesting selections. I ignored her. I knew this was something I'd have to get used to again.

Edward gave her a bland smile and his fingers tightened around mine.

"Oh, I love this band." She rang up the next cd. "Have you ever seen them play live?"

She leant forward a little. The top buttons of her shirt were open so now she was giving quite the display of cleavage.

I bristled, angry and incredulous. Edward's eyes stayed very deliberately on hers as he wound his arm tightly around me, bringing me into his side.

"No," he said coldly and she was momentarily derailed by his look and his icy tone. After a bit of fluster her eyes slid to me and I glared, staring her down. She straightened up again, turned back to her task and stayed silent.

Edward leant in and kissed my temple.

"I'm sorry," he whispered at my ear and I shrugged.

"It's okay," I whispered back, smiling. Edward studied my face for a second and I could see his relief when he saw that I really was okay. He also seemed a little surprised. I reached up on my toes and he lowered his head, curious, as I whispered.

"She can flirt all she wants...but I know you're mine."

His face broke into a brilliant smile and his eyes lit up with obvious joy at my words.

"Yes," he mouthed. "Yours." Then he leant in close again. "I liked the death-stare," he whispered and his fingers squeezed my waist.

"That'll be two hundred and seventy nine dollars." The sales clerk's voice was sour now.

Edward handed over his card without looking at her and I allowed myself a smug smile as I realised that a few months ago I would have compared myself to the flirtatious blonde and come up wanting.

Not now.

I still didn't think I was beautiful, but it didn't matter. I was what Edward wanted...and I wasn't about to argue with him.

It had started to snow while we were inside.

"Will you wait here while I go and get the truck?" he looked out through the glass front of the shop. "I'll be quick."

I nodded and held the carrier bag while Edward stepped out the door onto the pavement. He stilled for a moment and pulled the collar of his jacket up high around his neck. He grinned and winked at me as he cupped his bare hands to his face and blew into them before rubbing them together briskly and shoving them in his pockets. I knew the action was all for effect and grinned back. Then he turned away and began a human-paced jog down the street towards the truck.

He was only gone a few minutes and then I could hear the rumble of my engine. I stepped through the doors and Edward leapt out of the truck, still grinning. His hair was damp and dusted with snow, just like the day before when he'd appeared in Charlie's back yard. But now his eyes were bright, shining with a happiness that echoed my own as he swept me up and twirled me around before handing me into my seat.

Then strode around to the drivers' side and climbed in.

He'd already turned the heat on and it didn't take too long for the cabin to warm up.

"I think you need new suspension," he said as we began the slow journey home. "And an engine overhaul."

I rolled my eyes and waited for him to criticize and offer to buy me that sporty little Audi he was always talking about, but he didn't.

"Maybe Rosalie could take a look at it for you," he murmured instead as the engine whined and complained.

"Um, maybe."

He let go of my hand so he could tuck me under his arm. He began to sing softly and I closed my eyes, leaning into him, listening, reveling in the warmth and love that came from him. Reveling in his happiness. And mine. I thought again how funny it was that his icy body seemed to emanate such warmth.

"I should speak to Charlie tonight," he said suddenly. My eyes blinked open.

"Er, okay. After dinner? Give me a chance to ease him into things?" My stomach was knotting already at the thought.

Edward's lips pulled tight and he nodded.

I wondered how my dad was going to react and my stomach clenched tighter. Everything was bright and happy right now in our little bubble, here in the cabin of my truck, but there were still some hurdles to jump.

We passed the Forks welcome sign and were about to turn into Charlie's street when Edward tensed.

"What is it?"  
His eyes fluttered closed and a look of defeat crossed his features.  
"Look behind us," he said and I turned. Through the back window I could see Charlie's cruiser.  
"Oh, crap," I muttered and turned back to Edward. This wasn't how I planned things to go. "Did he know? Was he following us?"  
"No," Edward shook his head and I could see the concentration on his face now. "He was heading home early to spend some time with you."  
"Oh." I felt surprised and guilty all at once.  
"And he's wondering who you're with," he added, exhaling sharply and pulling his hand through his hair.  
"There's no way I can disappear now without raising questions," he muttered. He grabbed my hand and squeezed as we stopped out the front of the house. The cruiser pulled into the driveway.  
"Ready?" Edward asked and his eyes had that defeated look again.  
I bit my lip. "No."  
Edward gave me a weak smile. "Me neither."  
Charlie was waiting, curious, as we got out of the truck.  
"Bella? What's …. "  
He stopped then, looking like he'd been punched as his disbelieving eyes travelled over Edward.  
"Chief Swan," Edward said politely and I could hear the nerves in his voice. I reached for his hand. Charlie saw and his face darkened.  
"What's he doing here?" he snapped.  
"Dad, we...," But Charlie didn't give me a chance to finish.  
"What are _you doing here_?" he turned on Edward.  
"Chief Swan, I …. ,"  
"Dad, please …. ,"  
"Get in the house Bella."  
"Dad, no! Can we just…"  
"I said get in the house, Bella! NOW!"  
"No! Dad you can't…""BELLA!"  
"NO!"  
"Did you even go to school today?" Charlie glared at me and suddenly I was stammering.  
"I…no. I didn't…I was going to tell you…I needed…I was tired after Jacksonville."  
"And it had nothing to do with _him_, huh?" He jerked his thumb in Edward's direction.  
"No! Well, yes, but not entirely, I…,"  
"Go inside, Bella! We'll talk about school later."  
"Please, Dad…,"  
"Bella," Edward said softly. "Perhaps you should go inside like your father asks."  
"Don't you tell her what to do!" Charlie shouted and Edward bowed his head. Then Charlie glared at me again.  
"I said go inside, Bella." His voice was quieter this time but he shot another murderous look at Edward.  
My mouth was dry and my throat was tight. My heart pounded and my stomach was a tight ball of anxiety as I turned and dragged myself into the house.

I hurried up to my room and leant out the window, watching down on them below. I caught the brief flicker of Edward's gaze as he noticed me.

"What exactly is going on?" Charlie's voice was low and frightening and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

The remorse was clear in Edward's expression but he squared his shoulders and prepared to speak.

"Chief Swan, my family is returning to Forks. They'll arrive tomorrow, but I've come ahead to see Bella, to ask her forgiveness for leaving the way I did, and to ask if she'll take me back."

There.

He'd laid it all out in one simple sentence.

Charlie was silent, watching Edward closely. My father's face was turning a dangerous shade of red and his fists were clutched at his sides.

"Just like that?" he ground out. "Your family's coming back and you want to pick up where you left off? Like my daughter is some sort of _convenience?_" He spat the words at Edward.

"No, not at all," Edward responded quickly. "Bella is _why _I'm coming back. Being apart didn't work for either of us. But I understand the damage I've done and I know ,"

"Do you?" Charlie snapped.

Edward seemed momentarily surprised and Charlie shook his head.

"You don't understand anything. You know nothing. What are you? Seventeen, eighteen?"

"Eighteen, sir."

"Eighteen, huh?"

"Yes."

"Eighteen." The steel in Charlie's voice was chilling. "Well, Edward, when you have a teenage daughter of your own, and you've listened to her cry and scream in her sleep every night for three months straight, _then_ you come and tell me you understand."

I cringed and dropped my head into my hands. I didn't know what images Edward could see in Charlie's mind but suddenly he took a step back, his face twisted in pain. But Charlie hadn't finished.

"And then you tell me if you'd let the boy who did that to her come back into her life again."

"Dad, stop!" Charlie's head snapped up to look at me.

"I told you to get inside!"

"I am inside! Dad, please stop it. Edward and I are already working all this out. If you let us ,"

"_You're_ working it out? You're not the only one he hurt, Bella!"

Oh.

Charlie's comment pulled me up.

"Dad, I'm sorry."

"Your mother and I have… ," he stopped, trying to hold on to his composure. "We've been out of our minds with worry."

Edward took a deep breath and when he raised his face I saw the grief in his eyes.

"I am so very sorry, Chief Swan."

"Yeah?" Charlie whirled back to Edward. "You should be."

There was silence. Edward's head slumped and he was staring down at the ground now. Charlie was glaring at him and I watched the two of them closely – neither one moved, neither one spoke.

Edward seemed broken, beaten down and my heart twisted and burned for him. But my father was hurt and angry and I couldn't blame him for feeling that way. I was torn and conflicted and didn't know what to do. My fingers clawed at the window sill.

After a moment Charlie let out a sharp breath and rested his hands on his hips. He turned to look up at me and he seemed older somehow. But resigned. We held each other's gaze for a moment.

"I love him, Dad," I said softly.

And suddenly all the air, and all the fight, seemed to go out of Charlie. He bowed his head. Eons passed as I held my breath and then finally my father spoke.

"You'd better come inside," he said to Edward gruffly. "Before Bella falls out the window."

I sat on the stairs trying to listen to the conversation between my father and my boyfriend. I could hear muffled voices coming from the living room and I supposed that was a good thing because it meant no-one was shouting.

Part of me resented being kept out of things, this involved me, too, after all. But part of me also recognized that Charlie needed to do this.

A moment later Edward's shadow moved across the wall of the hall and then he appeared at the foot of the stairs. His face was strained as he walked up the first two steps towards me.

"Your father would like to see us together," he said softly and held out his hand to me.

Charlie was standing by the fireplace, arms crossed tight over his chest as he stared at the carpet. He looked up when we walked in and Edward let go of my hand.

Charlie grimaced and lifted a hand, rubbing his palm along his jaw.

My world had shrunk down to this room, this moment. I stood, anxious and wary, my stomach in tight notes, waiting for my father to speak. I could see he was conflicted and struggling.

"Bella," he started after a moment. "You're eighteen and legally I can't stop you seeing anyone you choose to. And that's unfortunate." His eyes narrowed slightly and he glared at Edward. "But I _can_ control who comes into my house." My throat was dry again. This wasn't going to be good.

"Now Edward here has explained his side of things to me," Charlie continued, folding his arms over his chest again. "It seems he thought he had your best interests at heart, but I've made it clear I didn't like what he did or how he did it." He glowered at Edward. "But he's just about fallen over himself to convince me how much he loves you, and how undeserving he is." Charlie cleared his throat. "And I'd say I have to agree with him on that last part."

The knot in my stomach tightened. My throat got drier.

Charlie rubbed his hand over his face again.

"But you're obviously happy to see him," he said begrudgingly. "You have colour in your cheeks. You haven't looked this good since he left."

I felt Edward wince beside me and reached out to link my fingers with his.

"I am happy. _Really_ happy."

Charlie let out a sigh and nodded. Then he threw his hands up in the air.

"Okay then," he grumbled.

"O...okay? That's it? You're okay with us being together?" I could hear the disbelief in my voice. I took a quick look at Edward.

"No, I'm not okay with it," Charlie snapped. "But I don't want you sneaking around behind my back." He took a deep breath. "Or moving out," he added quietly.

Then Charlie let out a long weary breath. "So, yeah, okay see each other if you have to, but no more missing school." He pointed a finger at me, using it to punctuate his words.

"I won't."

"Not unless you're at death's door, do you hear me?"

Edward flinched at Charlie's choice of words and I squeezed his fingers.

"I hear you, Dad."

"And while you're living here there'll be no visitors after ten o'clock on a school night." He looked pointedly at Edward. "And if you're out you have to be home by ten. Midnight on weekends."

"Okay."

"All your homework has to be up to date."

"Yes."

"Make sure you're getting your college applications in."

"I am."

"And see your other friends, too. Don't just limit yourselves to...each other."

"Um, sure. We can do that."

"Good."

He turned to Edward.

"And if I think you're getting in the way of her schoolwork, I won't be so generous with my hospitality."

"I understand, Chief Swan." Edward's voice was firm and sure.

"Good." Charlie took a step closer, staring Edward straight in the eye. There was just a flicker of sudden apprehension in my father's expression, but then he set his jaw and his eyes hardened as he spoke.

"And while you're understanding things, understand_ this..._if you hurt her again, you're life won't be worth living."

Charlie pulled back slowly.

"I know that," Edward said quietly.

Charlie nodded. Then he picked up the tv remote and I knew we were dismissed.

I grabbed Edward's hand and we headed for the hall. I tried to steer him towards the stairs, and my room, but he resisted and moved instead to the front door.

"I think it's probably best if I leave."

"Are you okay?" I ran my fingers over his cheek.

He nodded and smiled softly. "Yes. You?"

"I'm good, relieved."

Edward nodded.

"You won't be gone long?" I asked.

"Just for a while. I'll be back when Charlie's gone to sleep."

I nodded, my heart already anticipating his absence. I wanted to suggest he just pretend to leave then climb back into my room, but I knew he was right.

"What will you do?"

"I'll install your stereo in the truck, then I'll run home and take the sheets off the upstairs furniture. Make some calls and try and order a replacement flatscreen."

He bent down and kissed me softly.

"It's just a few hours," he whispered.

"I know." But my heart was already anticipating his absence.

He walked back into the living room, said a formal goodnight to my father, and then he was gone.

oo0oo

I climbed upstairs to bed a little after eight o'clock. I'd made dinner and Charlie had actually offered to help. He'd put on the pasta and grated the cheese while I made the sauce for the meat and chopped the vegies. We'd talked a little about general things, the weather, fishing, the new motel being built on the outskirts of town.

We ate quietly, Charlie seemed thoughtful, but he didn't mention Edward and neither did I.

After the washing up was done and the kitchen was cleaned Charlie called Billy to make arrangements for some weekend activity and I headed upstairs.

I sat on my bed and called Angela to find out what I'd missed at school. Two new assignments and a pop quiz, as it turned out.

Then I called Callum - we really needed to talk.

"Swan!" he practically shouted down the phone at me. He was excited and full of questions.

"So how did you end up contacting him?"

"I didn't. He just came back."

I filled him in on Edward's decision to return and Callum was, surprisingly, silent.

"So he was coming back anyway? You could have just sat around doing nothing and still got the same result."

"Um, yeah, looks like it." But really, I wasn't so sure about that. "But listen, thanks for everything you did to help me. I really...,"

"Yeah, it's okay," he cut me off. "But what's with the mind reading thing?" he demanded suddenly. "I can't believe you didn't bother to mention that little bit of information."

I winced. "I know, I'm sorry. I would have got around to it before you met him, I just didn't expect you to turn up like that."

"Yeah, I guess."

There was a beat of silence.

"Apparently your thoughts are very vivid," I said and Callum groaned.

"But Edward's okay with everything, isn't he? He seemed alright when I left yesterday."

"Yeah, he was a bit shocked by the Vigilante Vampire, but he's good." Better than good. "But listen, I want to hear about Leah."

"Leah...," Callum actually sighed and I laughed. "Leah is amazing. The second I saw her...just amazing."

I leant back against the pillows, smiling as Callum talked. He was obviously head over heels.

"And she doesn't mind that you were helping me find Edward? I mean, you know, the whole mortal enemy thing?"

"Yeah, well I think the tribe sees Edward a bit differently since he helped Seth. I don't think they're about to invite him over for Thanksgiving or anything, but he's not the enemy anymore."

That made me smile.

"And they know Edward's back. I didn't say anything, well, just to Leah, but they already knew...the wolves picked up his scent yesterday."

I hadn't really given the pack any thought, but it made sense that they knew.

"Did you know he stinks?" Callum asked.

"What?" Where did that come from?

"I couldn't smell it when I met him, but the wolves all talk about it. It's supposed to be pretty bad."

I rolled my eyes.

"He doesn't _stink_," I said. "He smells beautiful."

Callum snickered. "I'm sure he does. Okay, I gotta go," he said suddenly.

"Is Leah there?"

"Just arrived." I could hear his grin. "You know it's pretty cool having a girlfriend who can climb through your upstairs window."

I laughed. "Say hi for me."

"I will."

"Goodnight Callum."

"G'night Swan."

I hung up, grabbed my toiletries bag and headed for the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later I was sitting in my bed reading.

Or trying to.

I was missing Edward and I kept watching the clock and listening out for Charlie's snores from the next room. But even though I was anxious for Edward's return I was kind of glad to have some time alone to think over the last couple of days.

Edward was back.

He was really back.

And he was staying.

I hugged myself, grinning, as joy bubbled through me. Joy, excitement, anticipation...

My feelings had been all over the place, so many emotions in such a short space of time. And today...my heart felt like it had been strapped to a rocket and sent hurtling through space, unchecked and out of control.

I took a few deep breaths.

He was really back.

And he was different.

He seemed more open, not so closed off. I realised that before I'd often felt distant from him, like sometimes he'd been keeping me at arms length...keeping me from knowing him too closely. But it didn't feel that way now.

He was really back.

And _I _was different.

I thought about Callum's words ...

_You could have just sat around and done nothing and still got the same result._

No, it wouldn't have been the same result, because I wouldn't have been who I was now.

I wondered what Edward would have come back to if I hadn't found my birthday gifts, if I hadn't met Tanya and Kate and Callum. If I hadn't known about the Vigilante Vampire.

I understood more now.

And I wasn't the insecure, weak, fragile little human I once thought I was.

For a moment I wondered if Edward's new openness was as much a reflection of my new confidence as it was his own introspection.

I could almost think our time apart had been a good thing.

Almost.

I looked at the clock again.

Ten fifteen.

From the next room I heard the first snuffle of Charlie's snoring.

A second later Edward climbed through my window.

He appeared with a wary smile and windswept hair falling into his eyes.

"Hi," he whispered and sort of pounced onto the bed.

"Hi," I smiled and reached out for him. "How long have you been out there waiting?"

He cocked his head a little, eyes shining now, obviously glad to see me happy.

"About twenty minutes. How are things?"

"Things are good." I grabbed his hands. "You're like ice. Well, icier than usual."

"Just a minute," he said and disappeared through the door. He returned a moment later and cupped my face with his hands.

I grinned.

"The hot water tap?"

He grinned too and nodded as he climbed back onto the bed beside me. I put my arms around him and he curled into me.

"Furniture uncovered?"

"Yes. And floors vacuumed. Kitchen counters and bathroom surfaces wiped down."

"You vacuumed? And wiped?" I snorted and he looked hurt. He stared up at me with big eyes.

"Why does that surprise you?"

"I…I don't know," I shrugged. "I just can't picture it."

"There are always chores when we move back into a house," he said simply.

I supposed there were.  
"Flatscreen ordered?" I asked.

"Yes. But it's coming from Korea so it won't arrive for another month."

"What will Emmett do?" I smirked and so did Edward.

"He'll have to wait. Or, I could buy a temporary replacement, the quality just won't be the same." He snickered. "The Super Mario Brothers won't be in quite such high definition."

"Poor Emmett," I chuckled.

"Mm, poor Emmett. What are you reading?"

Edward lifted my book.

"_To Kill a Mocking Bird_," I answered, even though he could see the title. "It's on our reading list for English this semester."

"Are you enjoying it?" He flicked through a few pages and put it back down on my lap.

"Yeah, it's really a powerful story."

"It is," he agreed. "I'm glad you're doing your homework."

I rolled my eyes. "You and Charlie, both."

He chuckled. "How is Charlie? You said things were good."

I scrunched up my face and shrugged.

"He was pretty quiet over dinner, but that's normal. He's kind of begrudgingly accepted things, I think."

Edward nodded. "I think that's the best we can hope for right now."

"I suppose so," I yawned.

A heavy tiredness was stealing over me now. I yawned again and Edward took my book and set it on the bedside table. He made sure my bookmark was in place.

My eyes started to close and I wriggled further down on my pillow. Edward pulled the quilt up high around my shoulders before he kicked off his shoes and climbed in with me. I snuggled against him as he reached over me and switched off the lamp.

"I think Charlie gets it, though." I mumbled as Edward gently pulled me closer. His fingers trailed along my arms, his bare toes stroked over my feet. Soft, cool touches that sent warmth singing through my veins. His arms wound around me, holding me close.

"He knows you're going to be around." I sighed sleepily.

"Forever," Edward whispered as his lips brushed over the back of my neck.

The next day dragged.

Edward kissed me goodbye and disappeared through my window just after Charlie woke. My father hung around and only left for work when I left for school and I had the feeling this was how things were going to be for a while.

School seemed to last forever. I collected my missed homework assignments and spent the study period actually studying. I talked to my friends, side-stepped Jessica's invitation to go bowling Friday night, wrote notes, listened to lectures and watched the clock, waiting for three thirty.

Edward was there when I got home. He ran through the woods at the back of the house and was knocking on the back door as I came through the front.

He followed me into the living room. He hugged me, told me the day had been long without me, but insisted I do my homework before we got distracted with anything else.

"No kiss?" I pouted and pulled him down onto the sofa with me. He touched my bottom lip with his thumb.

"Later."

"That's not fair."

He leant in close. Very close. I could feel his breath on my cheek, my jaw, the corner of my mouth. I opened my lips as my eyes fluttered closed.

"Think of it as an incentive," he whispered and shifted, giving me a quick peck on the forehead before he let me go.

I grumbled and glared while he lolled on the sofa, looking up at me through long lashes and holding out my Calculus book.

Hmph. I had to admit, Edward had pretty good bargaining power.

"When does your family arrive?" I grumbled as I took the book.

"Around nine o'clock." He held out a pencil.

"At the airport?"

"No, at home."

I smiled now. "So I'll get an hour with them before I have curfew."

Edward nodded, smiling too. "And if you get your homework finished before Charlie gets home, you'll get me, too."

He winked and I gasped, shocked. Yep, _fantastic_ bargaining power.

He stayed until Charlie got in from work.

Edward was polite but Charlie's greeting was gruff and I wondered how long things would be this way.

I cooked dinner and Charlie offered to help again. While he peeled potatoes he asked about school and I told him about my homework and assignments. He nodded and seemed pleased.

I asked him about his day and he told me a funny story about rescuing a cat stuck up a chimney.

After dinner, when the kitchen was clean and Charlie headed for the living room, I let him know I was going over to the Cullen house. He nodded sharply without looking away from the television.

"Ten o'clock, Bella."

"Yes, dad." I grabbed my jacket and keys.

I was excited as I drove along the Cullens' driveway. I couldn't wait to see his family, I'd missed them so much.

The house looked so different when it appeared through the trees. The curtains were open and the lights were on, making everything look warm and welcoming. Edward had swept down the porch and the steps, the snow and slush had been cleared away - he'd obviously been busy.

He came running down the porch steps and swept me out my truck and into his arms.

"Missed you," he murmured as he peppered kisses over my face and neck and I laughed.

"You only saw me two hours ago."

"Mm hm. Missed you."

I laughed again. "I missed you, too."

He hugged me harder.

"And I was worried," he mumbled into my hair.

"Worried?" I pulled back to see his face. Mm, sheepish Edward.

"I've been worried that your truck was going to break down and you'd be stuck. And it's dark and cold and you'd be alone."

"The truck is fine, Edward."

"Mm, I know. And you have your phone if you need to call me." He sighed. "I'm trying," he whispered.

And that surprised me.

"Trying?"

Come on," he said, suddenly, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the house.

He'd put flowers in the vases and hung the paintings and prints back on the wall. The fancy candles that Alice loved were in place around the room and there was, indeed, a flat screen. The purple cashmere blanket was thrown casually over the arm of the sofa and fire burned in the fireplace.

I sighed...it looked fantastic. It looked like home again.

"You've done a great job, Edward."

"It looks okay. Esme and Alice will probably re-arrange things. No doubt I've put the candles in the wrong order."

He rolled his eyes and I laughed, linking my fingers with his.

"Is that the temporary screen?" I asked.

"Yes."

"That was fast."

He shrugged and I knew he'd probably paid a small fortune to get it delivered here today. I looked around me.

"You don't usually do it all yourself, do you? Setting up the house?"

"No," he laughed and started pulling me towards the stairs. "We all have our jobs. I do dust sheets."

"Yeah, I noticed you seemed quite experienced in that department."

"Just a bit," he snickered. "But I thought, since I'm here, I might as well do it all. Especially as it was because of me that we left in the first place."

We were walking up the stairs towards his bedroom. He pushed open the door. Some of the music we'd bought the day before was playing on his stereo. Its sound was soft and rich, warm and welcoming, and the room looked like he'd never left.

The wide black couch. Books, music, all lined up on their shelves. The old globe of the world still sat on the large, wooden desk with the dark green leather inlay. The battered old silver trophy cup that he used to hold his car keys. The photo of us at prom. The baseball bat leaning against the wall in the corner.

"You really didn't take anything with you," I murmured, more to myself, but Edward answered.

"I left as soon as I said goodbye to you," he said quietly.

The thick gold rug was still on the floor and in a graceful move he folded his legs beneath him and sat down. I went to join him.

"You didn't come back here at all?"

"No." He leant back on his hands and stretched his legs out in front of him. I just got back in the car and drove. I went to Denali, to the other vampire family there. I left the car there." His face creased into a frown. "I should decide what to do about that."

I felt my blood heat as it pushed through my veins. Okay, he'd mentioned Alaska and the Denali's, so I guess this was a good opening to tell bring up my visit with Tanya. I took a breath, here we go ...

"I went to Alaska to look for you."

I picked at the wool pile of the rug. His eyes were this colour sometimes.

"You what?"

I gave a half shrug and then launched into my story.

"I looked up Denali on the internet, but it wasn't a town, it was a national park with lots of towns in it. I didn't know which one you'd lived in, so I asked around at school." I kept my eyes down. "Mike said he heard you and Alice and Jasper talking about Anderson when you were in the store one day. So I decided to try there."

Edward was silent. I hazzarded a look and his eyes had widened. I saw him swallow...twice, and I wondered what he was thinking.

"Um, anyway, I knew you'd lived with another vampire family there and I thought even if you weren't there, they might know where you or your family were. Or how to make contact."

I shrugged. "So I cashed in one of the Florida tickets Carlisle and Esme gave me and I flew to Alaska."

When I looked up Edward's eyes were dark and his skin was paler than usual...almost ashen.

His eyes closed slowly. He spoke through clenched teeth.

"Bella, are you telling me that you deliberately went looking for a coven of vampires?"

"Um, yes?"

He dropped his head into his hands.

"Edward...?"

"Do you realise how _dangerous_ that was?"

Oh no...the calm voice.

He was angry.

"Well, yes...and no."

"Yes _and no?_" His head snapped up."What _were _you thinking? Seriously, tell me Bella, what were you thinking?"

He eyes blazed. His fury was almost palpable.

"It seemed like the best lead I had to find you and I knew they were vegetarians like you. I knew they wouldn't hurt me."

He stood up, moving so fast I didn't really see, and he started pacing. Dragging one hand through his hair, he made imploring, open-palmed gestures with the other.

"You can't know that," he snapped, glaring at me. "They're vegetarians but they're still vampires. And for as long as you are human, my kind will be a risk to you. When I think of what could have happened... "

He was shaking his head now as he paced and I started to feel angry. I wanted to yell and tell him he was over-reacting, nothing did happen. I wanted to tell him I was an adult and if I wanted to go looking for vampires I could. I'd been confident that the Denali vampires wouldn't hurt me and I'd been right.

Well, that's what old Bella would have done. And now, if I was honest, I had to admit Edward was right. What I had done was dangerous.

"I know, I'm..." I started, but stopped, startled, when he whirled around, his eyes huge, almost frightened.

"Do you realise Laurent was still living with them then?" he hissed. "What if he'd found you?"

"I...I'd forgotten about Laurent," I whispered. I'd only remembered when Tanya mentioned him. Geez, what _would _have happened if Laurent had found me?

"You forgot?"

He started pacing again, pulling at his hair. "Dear God, give me strength ...,"

"You won't have any hair left in a minute," I muttered.

He stopped suddenly, looked at me and then slowly pulled his hands away from his head, dropping them to his sides.

"Edward, I'm sorry." I stood up and went to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was rigid, like stone. "Please don't be mad. I realise now it was a stupid, reckless thing to do, but at the time I was just so desperate to find you. I didn't really think about the consequences. And it's done now, I'm here and I'm safe. I won't do something like that again. Promise." I paused a moment. "Reasonable precautions now, remember?"

Slowly his arms curled around me. I looked up and watched the anger slowly fade from his eyes. His jaw relaxed and the tight cords in his neck softened.

"That you would put yourself in such danger, _for me ,_Bella I can't... ," he paused and I felt his body tense again. I ran my fingers over the back of his neck, playing in the hair that curled there, and waited. After a moment he began to relax, I felt the tension leaving him.

"Do you know what it would do to me, if something happened to you?" he asked softly.

"I think I have an idea."

He nodded.

"Will you try to remember that, please?"

"I will. And I don't think I'll be running off to find more vampires anytime soon. Promise."

"Good."

He kissed the top of my head and gently brought us both back down to the floor. He flopped onto his back and kept me tucked tight into his side. His breathing started to calm and I let out a small sigh of relief. That conversation was out of the way now. He'd been angry, he'd had his moment, but he knew now and we were okay.

Next up...Tanya. And a few questions.

"So, what did you think of Anderson?" he asked, his voice coming from somewhere above my head. I watched his throat move as he spoke.

"Freezing," I said. "And no-one had heard of you."

"We actually did any business in Healy. So, did you come home again then?"

"Yeah. I thought the whole trip had been a waste of time, but then while I was waiting to get the bus back to the airport your Volvo pulled up at the gas station." I'd said it all in a bit of a rush, and then waited.

Edward didn't say anything, but he became very still.

Too still.

My heart reacted and I knew he must have heard it because he squeezed his arms around me and kissed the top of my head again. I shifted slightly so I could see his face.

"You actually found them?" he asked quietly.

I nodded. "They drove me to the airport."

"You got in a car with vampires you didn't know?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Bella ...," he closed his eyes and shook his head again. "Who was it? Eleazar? Carmen?"

"Kate and Tanya."

He tensed and I watched his Adam's Apple move rapidly as he swallowed.

"You met Tanya?"

I nodded, my own lip between my teeth.

"Uh huh."

Then Edward took a deep breath, I felt the movement of his chest beneath my cheek, and then the next words out of his mouth surprised me.

"Ask me anything."

"Er, what?"

I sat up and Edward sat up too. His expression was determined and his voice was strong.

"I don't know what she said to you, but I can imagine you have questions and possibly some doubts. So please, ask me anything."

That really threw me.

"I...I don't have doubts, just questions."

He smiled, a flicker of relief in his eyes. We were facing each other, cross legged, and he reached out and picked up my hand. I moved onto my knees, shuffling towards him and he pulled me into his lap.

I felt secure and safe and loved with his arms around me.

"Ask me," he whispered and I felt his lips caress my temple.

I didn't really know where to start, so I began at the beginning.

"They said they didn't know where you were, but I wasn't sure. I thought maybe they did know but they weren't telling me?"

"They didn't know. I didn't tell them anything. But you're right, they probably wouldn't have told you."

I nodded. "I thought so."

I trailed my fingers over his forearm, following the faint blue line of vein beneath his skin, down to the creases of his wrist.

"You have a really long life line." My fingers traced his palm and he chuckled.

"Show me yours," he said and I turned my hand over.

His finger drew over the crease in my skin. It tickled. I noticed the fingernails that had been jagged and broken yesterday were smooth now, their edges rounded and even.

"Well, judging by this," Edward smiled. "You should be safe for a while."

He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my palm.

"Will you tell me more?" he whispered as he linked his fingers through mine.

"Kate was nice. She gave me your jacket."

"Kate is nice," Edward agreed.

"But Tanya... ,"

Edward's arms tightened around me.

"Go on?"

I buried my teeth in my lip.

"It was like she wanted me to think there'd been more between you than there had been." I let out a long breath. "Apparently you are very good on long dark roads at night."

Edward's body froze and, in response, so did I.

"Edward?"

"Mm?"

"Are you okay?" My heart felt like it had stopped.

"I'm fine Bella." He sounded too casual. "I'm just trying to think how to phrase this."

I twisted in his lap. He was smiling but there was a slight tightening around his eyes.

"She said it was a driving lesson," I whispered.

"It _was_ a driving lesson," he said. His head dropped back on his shoulders and I could feel his embarrassment. "She, uh... how do I say this?" He brought his head forward again and he gave me an apologetic smile. "She tried to grab more than just the gear stick."

My eyes shot open and my face was flaming, I could feel my skin tingling.

"She didn't actually ...?"

"No!" Edward was adamant. "No! I'd see her thoughts each time and move out of the way. Didn't stop her from trying though," he frowned. "That was the one and only lesson I gave her."

Jealousy, powerful and raw, surged through me, searing my heart. Part of me hoped I'd get the chance to meet Tanya again, just so I could ... ,

"Bella?"

"Huh? Sorry, what were you saying?"

Edward was staring down at me.

"Are you alright? Your heart is...racing."

"I'm fine." I took a couple of breaths and then my next question came out suddenly, surprising myself as much as Edward.

"Has she seen you naked?"

Edward blanched.

"No! Did she say...oh." He stopped and grimaced. "The hot springs?"

I nodded.

Edward's eyes closed and he bent his head, touching his forehead to mine.

"No, she's not seen me naked." His eyes opened again and stared straight into mine. "She snuck up on me once, but I heard her coming at the last minute. I was already getting dressed when she appeared." He smiled and squeezed his arms around me again. "All the important bits were covered," he said and then looked a bit embarrassed. He ducked his head.

"We met Tanya and her family a long time ago. She expressed some interest, I let her know I didn't return that interest and I think I've been a challenge ever since."

He ran his nose along mine, nuzzling me gently.

"I'm sorry you had to endure her insinuations."

I shrugged. "I knew what she was trying to do. But in a way it kind of gave me a bigger picture of you. They filled in some gaps." I shrugged. " It just irked me, that's all. The way she said things, the way... ." I stopped.

"Bella?"

"It's nothing."

"What?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's stupid."

"Nothing's stupid if it's bothering you. Tell me."

I gave an exaggerated sigh.

"I was annoyed that she'd probably seen _more _of you than I had."

There. I'd said it.

The blush started at my toes and moved like wildfire along my body. I turned my face away so he couldn't see. Had I really just said that?

We were both still, and quiet. The music rose and fell around us.

Then Edward moved, shifting me gently from his lap. I looked at him, curious, and his eyes had darkened a little. Very slowly, he reached behind him and pulled his sweater off over his head.

Oh!

"Now you've seen more," he whispered.

He seemed nervous, uncertain, but he was smiling softly.

I stared, taking in his shoulders, his chest and torso. He was toned, firm and well-defined. Very well-defined. His chest was moving slowly, up and down, with deep breaths.

To put it simply, he was stunning.

I lifted my hand, wanting to touch and not sure whether I should. Edward linked his fingers with mine, his thumb stroking slowly over my wrist. Even more slowly, he pulled my hand towards his chest. Oh! Maybe I _was _allowed to touch! He wet his lips and and I thought he was about to say something, but suddenly he stopped. His head snapped towards the window and he grimaced before letting out a heavy sigh.

"My family's here."

"Oh."

I was disappointed and excited all at once.

"And I should probably be dressed when we greet them." He smiled apologetically.

"Probably."

Edward brought my hand to his lips and I wondered if that had always been his intention all along. He kissed my knuckles and let go of my hand. He picked up his sweater and pulled it swiftly over his head.

He helped me to my feet, which was good, because I was still trying to get my head around the last few minutes. I'd just seen Edward half naked.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Um, I think so." I took a deep breath.

He squeezed my hand and we headed downstairs.

We hit the bottom step just as the front door burst open, and then Edward and I were both engulfed by a small, squealing, spiky-haired vampire.

Alice!

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I appreciate each one and am just blown away by the kind things people have to say. Thank you :)**


	12. Chapter 12: Presents

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you Edward's Eternal!**

Alice had Edward and I clamped in an Emmett-sized bear hug that nearly knocked me off my feet.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she chanted over and over in my ear. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I managed to say despite having the air squeezed out of me, but my eyes stung with tears.

Alice.

Joy and excitement bubbled through me - it was _so good_ to see her. So good.

Except I hadn't really seen her. Not yet.

So far there had just been a blur of colour and movement and now a dark head pressed between Edward and me.

Edward's hand was still clasped around mine while he gave himself up to his sister's hug. He said her name and I could hear the smile in his voice.

Finally I managed to work one arm free and wrapped it around her.

"I've missed you," I choked out and closed my eyes, drinking in the happiness of this moment. I had my best friend back.

"Let her breathe, Alice."

Jasper's voice filtered through and I opened my eyes.

He was standing in the doorway, suitcases and duffle bags at his feet. He looked awkward and uncertain now, so different from the last time I saw him, when his teeth were snapping only inches from my face and his eyes were wild with blood lust.

My stomach lurched and, instinctively, I took a step back. Instantly Edward's hand tightened around mine and he pulled me closer.

Alice stepped away, releasing both Edward and me, slowly. Now I could see her and she looked exactly the same, of course, but I could see in her eyes that the last three months had effected her as well.

"I've missed you, too," she smiled. "So much." Then she squeezed my hand. "We'll talk," she said before letting go and moving to stand beside Jasper. She linked her arm through his and looked up at him, nodding encouragingly.

Jasper seemed nervous now. He met my gaze, smiling cautiously, lips closed. I smiled back. His eyes were the lightest I'd ever seen them - he must have drained a whole herd of deer on the way here.

"Edward…," Jasper acknowledged his brother and Edward smiled back.

"Jasper," he said.

Then Jasper turns his eyes back to me and took a deep breath.

"Bella, if there was anything I could say or do to take back what happened, I would." He straightened up and clasped his hands behind his back. "I know it's not enough, but I _am,_ truly, very sorry."

I opened my mouth to tell him it was fine, okay, no need for apologies, but I stopped. He had tried to kill me after all.

"Thank you, Jasper. And, um, I understand."

His posture changed, relaxing slightly and he smiled again as he gave a nod of his head.

Then he picked up the bags and came further into the room.

"I'll just take these upstairs," he said and Edward stepped aside, moving us away from the stairs to let him pass.

"There he is! Oh, Edward! Carlisle, he's here!"

Esme came through the door, grabbed her son in a fierce hug and Edward let go of my hand so he could hug her in return. He seemed pleased by her affection, if a little embarrassed by the uncharacteristic display.

"You're really here," she said against his chest while he gently patted her back.

She pulled back and took his face between her hands. Her face was stern as some unspoken communication passed between them and then Edward bowed his head.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, obviously chastised, and she pulled him into her arms again.

Behind Esme, Carlisle was beaming.

"Bella," he smiled and reached out, slowly, to briefly touch my cheek. "It's good to see you," he said and there was a world of meaning in his simple words.

"It's good to see you too," I smiled back.

Then Esme let go of Edward and Carlisle stepped forward.

"Son ...," his voice cracked slightly as he and Edward embraced.

I felt myself tearing up as Esme took my hands in her cold ones. She squeezed them gently.

"Bella, dear…," her eyes were so warm and so expressive, and their amber depths told me so much. "We've missed you terribly. All of us." She looked pointedly at Edward as he and Carlisle parted.

"I think she knows I've missed her," Edward reached out, wrapping his arms around me. He leant down and kissed my cheek and I nuzzled against him.

"Where are Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked as he straightened up.

"They're not far behind," Carlisle smiled. "Emmett had to stop for gas. Rosalie stopped with him."

"They're driving? I thought you all flew in." I looked at the faces around the room.

"No," Edward answered. "Everyone drove."

"From Ithaca?" But that was thousands of miles. How did they ... oh. And then I blushed as I realised. They all drove like maniacs and they wouldn't need to stop for food or toilet breaks or sleep. Just gas.

"Oh, of course." I muttered and Edward's arms gave me a little squeeze.

"Where's your Vanquish?" I twisted round so I could see his face.

"Specialist storage garage in Portland," he said and kissed the top of my head. "Maybe we can go and collect it this weekend?" He quirked an eyebrow as he smiled.

"Did you do all this, Edward?" Esme asked, looking around the room.

Edward shrugged as he nodded.

"It looks lovely, thank you." Esme beamed at him but behind her Alice was re-arranging the candles. I looked at Edward and he rolled his eyes.

"Told you," he whispered and I laughed.

"Hey!" Emmett was striding across the room, grinning hugely.

He grabbed his brother in a one-armed hug. Edward responded like-wise.

"Got over your tantrum, then?" Emmett teased. He pulled back and tried to give Edward a playful punch in the arm, but Edward leaned sharply to the left and Emmett missed.

"Too slow," Edward grinned, but while he was grinning Rosalie came from behind and swatted him over the back of the head. I hadn't even seen her come in.

"Ow!" Edward rubbed where she'd hit him.

"You didn't see that coming, did you?" Rosalie snarked.

"You've been practicing," Edward murmured and she shrugged.

"What was that for, anyway?" Edward was glaring but I could see the smile tugging at his lips. And then I saw something I never thought I'd see ... Rosalie Hale, _embarrassed._

"That was for making me miss you," she mumbled. Her eyes had softened and she leaned in to give him a hug. "It's good to see you," she whispered.

Edward smiled as he hugged her back. "Thanks, Rose. You too."

She pulled away quickly, almost as though she didn't want to be caught in such an affectionate display. I was watching her smoothe her hand over her hair when Emmett grabbed me.

"Bella!" His massive arms encircled me, but made barely any contact. "Don't let him pull another stunt like that, okay?"

"I won't," I laughed and he grinned as he let me go.

"Is that the new flatscreen?" he asked Edward.

"Temporary replacement. The real one gets here next month."

Emmett nodded, going over to check out the screen on the wall.

I turned to say something to Edward, but suddenly Rosalie was standing in front of me.

She studied me for a moment and Edward took my hand.

"Hi," she said flatly.

"Um, hi."

I felt nervous now as I stood under her sharp, appraising gaze. I wondered if she was going to say something else, or if she expected me to. Whichever it was, I could tell she hadn't finished yet. I wanted to shrivel up and hide behind Edward, but I didn't.

Instead I stood my ground and kept my eyes on hers. If I was going to be a part of this family then I'd have to get used to Rosalie...and she would have to get used to me. But I took comfort from Edward when his arms curled around my waist and I felt his chest pressed against my back.

"I want my brother to be happy," Rosalie said suddenly. "And if what makes him happy is _you_, then ...I guess I'm glad to see you."

I hadn't known what I was expecting, but it wasn't that.

"Um, th...thanks." I stuttered out, completely floored, but pleased, by her back-handed welcome. Edward's arms flexed around me and I felt his lips in my hair.

Rosalie shrugged an elegant shoulder and wandered away, over to the living room cabinet where she swapped the porcelain bowl with the vase of flowers.

"Interior design obviously isn't your thing," I smirked.

"Obviously," Edward replied.

Jasper had come back downstairs and now the living room was full of chatter as the Cullens began to settle back in.

"It looks like all our family is together again," Carlisle smiled as he and Esme came to stand with Edward and me.

Carlisle's eyes were gentle and kind, but I could see the remnants of the strain of the last three months. He shared a quick look with Edward and then turned his focus to me.

"Bella, you have brought so much to this family," he said softly. "And for us to leave you the way we did, without a word of goodbye, or explanation, was inexcusable. We are, all of us, very sorry for the pain that we've caused you." The blush was raging across my cheeks and I thought I might cry.

They didn't have to do this. I shifted uncomfortably, staring down at my hands linked with Edward's and resting over my waist. He was still behind me and I felt him pull me closer as Carlisle continued.

"You have been extremely gracious, understanding and forgiving. Thank you for welcoming us back so warmly."

I waved a hand, asking him to stop, but still didn't look up. I noticed the room had fallen silent.

"Carlisle's taking too much upon himself and the others," Edward said quietly. He moved so he could stand beside me, but our hands stayed clasped. His amber eyes looked into mine.

"In my family's defense they were all just trying to support me, even though they didn't agree with what I was doing. You already know the clean break was my idea." His fingers clutched tighter around mine. "I'm sorry."

I squeezed his hand, staring down at his fingers and noticing how much longer his were than mine. I took a breath and lifted my face, my eyes finding Carlisle's.

"Thank you," I said and my eyes moved to look at the others. Six pairs of eyes watched me, all various shades of amber and gold. "I just...I'm just so glad everyone's back."

"We're glad to be back," Carlisle smiled.

And suddenly Alice was at my side.

"Will you come and help me unpack, Bella?" she chirped. From the corner of my eye I could see Edward's scowl and Alice rolled her eyes.

"I won't keep her too long, Edward." She held out her hand to me, grinning and I grinned back. I had missed her so much.

"I only have until ten o'clock," I said quickly as I took Alice's hand.

"Curfew," Edward explained when Carlisle looked surprised. "A condition of Charlie letting us see each other again."

Carlisle nodded. "Understandable," he said.

Alice's face creased and I could just see she was plotting.

"No, Alice," I shook my head. "Just let it go. I don't want to ruffle Charlie's feathers any more."

She shrugged as she pulled me towards the stairs.

"I'm just thinking it might be time to introduce Charlie to the sleep-over concept," she mused. "I don't think he'd mind you having a girls night with a friend. Especially if he thinks Edward's away camping."

"Alice, I don't ... ,"

"It's something to think about," she said quickly. "Come on."

Alice's walk-in-closet was almost as big as her bedroom. Jasper had left the bags on the bed and Alice began unzipping them.

I sat on the quilt and watched her busily pulling clothes out, sorting them before putting them away. It felt wonderful being with her again, talking, surrounded by clothes, almost like nothing had changed.

Almost.

"What system are you using?" I asked bemused as she sorted more piles on the bed; skirts, shirts and pants seemingly thrown all together, but not. "I mean, I can see you obviously have a system, I just...can't work it out."

"Fabric type," Alice said simply. "All the cottons together, all the wool, all the silk, you get the idea."

"Uh huh."

"And then by shade within each type, going from lightest to darkest."

She picked up an armful of clothes and carried them into the closet.

I thought about Edward's music collection and how he'd sorted it not by artist, or genre, or even the alphabet, but by year and then personal preference within that year.

Perhaps obscure filing systems were some sort of vampire thing. I wondered how Carlisle filed his patient records.

"Things are good between you and Edward." Alice said suddenly. It wasn't actually a question and she was grinning hugely. My cheeks coloured as I thought of Edward with his shirt off just a little while ago.

"Yeah, things are good," I muttered and I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my lips.

Alice was nodding, smiling too, and suddenly I wondered if perhaps she'd seen his decision to get half naked.

"Alice," I hissed, embarrassed. "Did you see...um... ,"

"Did I see what?"

"Nothing."

I started studying the quilt very closely. The embroidered silk was smooth under my fingers.

"I'm so glad he made the decision to come back." Alice's voice was quiet. "It was killing him, being apart."

She came and sat beside me, her hand lifting to gently rub at the dark circles that were slowly fading beneath my eyes.

"It nearly killed you, too," she said softly.

I looked down at the carpet, where a pile of shoes sat, waiting to be sorted.

"You could see him?"

"Not all the time, I don't see everything. But what I did see…," She shuddered and shook her head.

I shuddered too - I didn't want to think about what she saw.

"He almost turned the car around once," Alice murmured and I wasn't sure I understood.

"He was coming back?"

"After he said goodbye to you in the woods...I had a vision... ," Alice's face crumpled and her voice dropped to a whisper. "I could see him parked at the side of the road, just outside Port Angeles. Then the vision would change and I'd see him driving back to your house. Then I'd see him driving onto the ferry for Canada. Then driving back to Forks again, then onto the ferry...," she rubbed her temples. "It took him hours before he finally forced himself to go."

Oh, Edward.

My eyes stung again and I started chewing on my lip. I had to remind myself that it was okay now, he was just downstairs, happy and smiling.

I looked back down at the shoe pile and poked at a red sling-back with my toe.

"Did you see _me_ at all?" I asked after a moment and Alice heaved a deep sigh.

"In the beginning, yes," she said. "I could see what his leaving had done to you and I...," She stopped and looked down at her lap, composing herself. "I'd call him," she went on. "And I'd try to tell him it wasn't going to work and he'd hang up. He was determined there'd be no interference from any of us. He told me over and over to stop deliberately looking for you. _The best thing we can do is give her the opportunity for a normal life_. It was his mantra."

It was hard, hearing this. Part of me didn't want to know. But part of me knew I needed to.

"After a while he stopped taking my calls. And soon after I stopped getting any real visions of you. It was just flashes here and there."

There was silence, both of us thoughtful as we sat.

Suddenly Alice knelt down on the floor and began sorting her shoes. And there were _a lot_ of shoes.

"Um, by colour?" I asked, getting down to help her.

"Designer."

"Oh."

"You can do Christian Louboutin."

"I can what?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Just look for the red soles." She held up an example.

"Oh, okay." I could do that.

Alice worked quickly and efficiently, pairing up shoes. She kept talking as she did so.

"Around November, even the flashes began to stop. I'd just get the occasional, very fuzzy _blur_."

She stilled, a turquoise sandal dangling elegantly from her hand.

"I didn't know...," she trailed off. After a second she put the sandal down and sat with her back resting against the end of the bed.

"The clearest visions I have are of the people I'm closest too, people I have strong connections with." she said. "When your visions started to fade, I thought maybe it was because we'd lost that connection." Her expression seemed lost, and very sad. "I thought maybe you were moving on after all," she said quietly. "I didn't tell Edward."

She picked up the sandal again and found its mate.

"And then, just after New Years it was like you vanished all together."

"After New Years?"

Alice nodded. "Barely anything at all."

Barely anything?

"I sent you a subscription to Vogue Living. You didn't see me do that?"

Alice dropped a black stiletto as she grinned in surprise.

"Vogue Living? Really? Bella, that's lovely, thank you. But no, I didn't see that." She cocked her head in the particular way that vampires do. "Why did you do that?"

I explained about the bookshop and Jessica and the gift subscription idea.

"Bella, that's brilliant!" Alice enthused.

"Thanks. But while I was organizing the subscription I was giving it all my concentration, hoping to get the message through to you, hoping you'd see me. I was focusing so hard that I didn't even hear Jacob and Sam banging on the front door. They had to call me to get to come down and let them in."

Alice frowned now, her perfect eyebrows coming together.

"Jacob Black? The werewolf?"

"Er, yes."

It felt strange, Alice knowing about Jacob, but of course Edward would have told her when he was making plans for my escape to Florida.

"But Bella, that all makes sense now!" Her eyes were bright with understanding.

"What makes sense?"

"Have you been spending a lot of time with Jacob Black?"  
"Not really. A bit, I guess. Why?"

Alice was nodding to herself.

"I can't see werewolves," she said simply. "I don't know why, but whenever a werewolf comes into the picture, my visions disappear. When Edward came back here to fight Victoria I was so worried. I knew what he was doing, but I couldn't see him, he just vanished and I didn't know why. Later, when he called to say it was all over we put two and two together."

Now_ my_ eyes were wide with understanding.

"Callum," I whispered and Alice was frowning again.

"Who?"  
"Callum McLeod. We started hanging out pretty much just after New Years. He's not a werewolf, but he's part Quileute." Now I knew - that's why Alice wouldn't have seen me looking for Edward - because so much of my search had involved Callum.

"Ahh." Alice sounded all-knowing. "Yes, that does make sense," she muttered. "Edward would have worked that out, he should have told me."

"I think he's probably had other things on his mind."

"Probably," Alice smiled.

"But you didn't see me go to Denali?" Callum hadn't been involved in that.

"Denali? No, were you looking for Edward?"

"Yeah, but I found Tanya." I arched an eyebrow.

"Oops!" Alice giggled, eyes wide, and covered her mouth. "Does Edward know?"

"Yes."

She giggled harder now. "How did he react?"

I thought about this. "Restrained panic, I think is the best way to describe it."

Alice laughed out loud and it was all light and silvery. I had missed that sound.

"I can imagine," she said. "But obviously you've worked out there was never anything between them."

"I know. She wanted me to think so, though."

"Mm, yes, I'm not surprised. She's always had a thing for Edward. It was always one-sided, though." She laughed again. "It was hard for him being in the same room as her sometimes." She tapped her temple and I understood.

"The mind reading?"

Alice nodded and sighed. "He spent a lot of time outside while we lived there."

She leant over and grabbed what looked like a pair of brown riding boots.

"Did you see him decide to come back?" I asked and her answer surprised me.

"Yes."

"Really?"

She nodded and set the boots beside her as she reached for another identical pair in black.

"He called after he killed Victoria. He said you were safe and he was going away for a while." She stood and disappeared into the closet with the two pairs of boots.

"He turned his phone off after that," she continued as she returned. "No-one could reach him."

She sat down again. "Now for the Jimmy Choo's," she muttered and reached out to something that was more strap than shoe.

"Anyway, the next day I had a vision of him standing in Charlie's back yard, hugging you. It was very quick, but it was clear." She smiled. "I thought about calling him, to tell him what I'd seen, but I didn't."

That surprised me, too.

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I knew he wouldn't answer. I was going to leave him a message but then... ," She stopped as she considered for a moment. "Even though I could _see_ the hug I couldn't see _when_ it was going to happen, or _how. _Only that it would. And I couldn't see your faces properly. It could have been a final good-bye hug, for all I knew." She lifted a hand and twisted her finger in her hair, making it spikier in one spot. "So I thought it best not to interfere. If I told him I saw the two of you hugging and he came to see you based on that, and then you told him you didn't want him back and hugged him goodbye...I didn't know what it would have done to him." She gave me a soft smile. "I was almost positive you wouldn't send him away, but I couldn't be sure. I've been a nervous wreck waiting to see what happened."

"Oh, Alice."

I wrapped my arms around her

"I've missed you so much," she whispered as she clutched at me. "So much. And I hated the way we left things,_ hated it. _I'm so sorry. So sorry." Her voice sounded like she was on the verge of tears, and then I was crying the tears she couldn't.

"It hurt," I admitted.

Alice grabbed me tighter, almost too tight.

"We made a terrible mistake," she said. "We just didn't know what to do, there were fights, and Edward was so adamant it was the only way. He was tearing his hair out, _literally_...he was so...so...,"

"I know. He's told me."

She nodded against my shoulder and pulled back, wiping at her eyes. It was an automatic action, she didn't even seem aware of it, and I wondered if it was some left-over human reflex surfacing.

She sighed then.

"I'm so sorry."

I took a deep breath and wiped my face on my sleeve.

"I know. I'm just glad you're back."

"Me too."

I smiled. Her hair had become mussed up on one side as she'd hugged me. Her perfectly styled spikes were looking a little rough.

"You have a hair out of place," I said.

"Really?" she smiled back as her hand went immediately to her head. "Just tell me which one."

"Which _one_? Are you _serious_? You know each individual hair?"

Should this surprise me?

"No," she giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Oh."

And then we were both laughing.

"Lets get on with this," she sighed after a moment and frowned at the shoes.

"I can't find any more red soles." I looked at the six pairs beside me.

"That's fine. You can look for the Manolo's, now."

Manolo's.

I started on my task, picking up shoes and looking inside for the name.

"Are these even shoes?" I picked up a flat piece of leather with what looked like two pieces of long, gold string tied to it.

"Yesss," Alice said in her best _duh_ voice. "They're my gladiator-style summer sandals."

I chuckled and went back to my Manolo mission.

"You knew he sent Jasper and me to watch you in Jacksonville," she said suddenly.

"I knew."

Alice nodded. "Your mother noticed us, didn't she?"

"I think so, yeah."

"Probably a good thing we didn't hire the yellow Porsche, after all."

"Yellow Porsche?"

Her eyes lit up and now she was nodding enthusiastically.

"It was in the lot at the rental car place. It was gorgeous, but Jasper insisted we get that plain black Mazda." She scowled and her perfect lips formed a perfect pout. A second later she was smiling again. "It's okay, though, Edward's promised to get me one for Christmas."

"A black Mazda?"

"Nooo," Alice rolled her eyes. "A yellow Porsche."

I leaned back against the bed, laughing, as Jasper appeared in the doorway.

"I wondered if you needed a hand," he said and Alice waved an airy hand.

"Almost done."

She stood up, gathered some of the piles of clothes that still lay on the bed and carried them into the closet.

Jasper watched her go, then turned to face me. He didn't move from his spot in the doorway, just stood, with his hands clasped behind his back. He smiled but his lips were firmly closed.

"There are two more cases in the car," he broke the silence after a moment and rolled his eyes towards his wife.

"Only two?" I said in mock surprise and Jasper chuckled.

"Only two," he echoed and then his smile faltered and I could see he had something more to say.

"Bella...," he squared his shoulders as he began. "The night of the party, Edward told me you didn't want me to be upset, you didn't blame me."

"I didn't. I don't."

"But you should."

I stood up and pulled my jacket around myself. I wasn't cold, Edward had made sure the house was lovely and warm, but it was something I did when I felt nervous or unsure.

"Jasper, I don't know if anyone is to blame, exactly. I mean, I was a human in a house full of vampires, after all…I guess I knew what could happen."

Jasper bowed his head. He kept his hands behind his back.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way," he said slowly. "And I'm as certain as I can be that there won't be a repeat of that night, but please don't be offended if I keep my distance from you." He gave me a weak smile.

His words surprised me, but they made sense.

"It's not you, it's me," he added and I smiled at his attempt to lighten the topic.

_Reasonable precautions_, I thought to myself.

Jasper's eyes flicked to the closet where I could hear Alice moving around. She was humming quietly. Then his eyes came back to mine.

"Out of all of us, I struggle most with this lifestyle," he continued. "I wasn't _raised_ in the same way my adopted siblings were."

There was an undercurrent to his tone and I wondered what he meant.

"I'll tell you about it some other time," he said quickly. "But the point is, while abstaining is gradually getting easier for me, it's not as easy as it is for the others." He looked down at his feet. "I don't know if I'll ever have Edward's control."

"Jasper, please...I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home."

"Not uncomfortable," he said quickly, lifting his face. "I'd just feel better if I kept my distance…not leave any room for mistakes. But I don't want you to think I don't like you…I do."

"I like you, too."

Now when Jasper smiled he seemed more relaxed. His lips parted and I could see just a small amount of teeth.

"Thank you," he said, smiling a little wider and for the first time I noticed he had dimples.

Alice reappeared from the depths of her closet and went to him, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Unless you want to join in the girl talk …. ," she left the sentence hanging and Jasper grinned at her.

"I guess that's my cue to leave," he said. "Ladies ...," He inclined his head and then left the room.

"I don't want to make things difficult for him …. ," I started and Alice shushed me.

"You're not." She bent down to scoop up some pairs of shoes.

As I watched her a new question started rattling around in my brain but I wasn't sure if I should ask it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"Er, Alice... ," Just breathe, I told myself. "Alice can you see anything of my future now?" In other words, I won't push Edward to change me, but will I ever be like you?

Alice didn't answer straight away. She carried the shoes into the closet and came out again before she spoke.

"It's not clear," she said. "It looks like there are still some decisions you need to make. And before you ask, it's the same for him…his future is blurry, too."

I nodded, not sure how I felt about that.

"It's not an exact science, my visions," Alice said gently and took my hand in hers. "But whatever the two of you decide, it'll be the right decision." Her fingers squeezed mine. "And I'll always be here. I'll never leave you again, Bella. None of us will."

And then Alice gave one of her squeals.

"Ooh, and we've got senior prom this year!" She let go of my hand so she could clap.

I rolled my eyes.

"I am not doing senior prom."

"We'll see. Now, what should I wear to school tomorrow?"

She picked up an angora sweater from the bed and held it in front of herself.

"Too purple?"

There was a knock and Esme was standing at the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering, Bella, if you'd like something to drink? Or eat?"

"Oh, um ... ," That was unexpected. I knew the Cullens kept food here before, for appearances and also to keep my stomach grumbles at bay, but I didn't expect there to be anything now. I wondered for a moment if they realised that food goes off if it's left too long.

"Er, I don't...,"

"It's fresh," Esme seemed to understand. "We stopped on the way home."

"You didn't have to ... ,"

She raised a hand, stopping me. "I know. But we _wanted_ to."

Esme wasn't to be argued with.

"Thank you," I said. "That would be nice."

I turned back to Alice.

"Are you coming, too?"

"Just let me finish this," she said.

There was a sudden blur and before I'd taken two more steps all the clothes and shoes were put away.

"There!" She grinned, triumphant. "Now I can bring in the other three bags."

"Three? Jasper said there were two."

"Ssh," she put her finger to her lips and winked.

Edward was deep in some sort of four-way video game with Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper when I came downstairs, but his eyes locked on mine as soon as I appeared. He smiled, a wide, happy smile and I could feel my cheeks stretching as I grinned back.

"Focus!" Emmett yelled and grabbed at Edward's controller but Edward jerked it out of his reach.

"Damn it, Edward, we're supposed to be a team!"

"I know!" Edward faced the screen again.

"If Rose and Jasper beat us, I swear, I'm gonna... "

"Emmett...," Carlisle warned, but he was smiling.

"I already know who wins," Alice gloated as she sat on the arm of the sofa, next to Jasper. "I could save you all the stress."

Emmett growled at her.

"Oops, result just changed," Alice giggled.

Edward stole another look at me as I followed Esme into the kitchen.

"EDWARD!"

"WHAT? I'M FOCUSED!"

He turned back to the screen and started frantically working the controller.

I chuckled as I took a seat at the kitchen counter.

"This is the happiest I've seen any of them in a long time," Esme smiled. "Would you like coffee, tea or juice?"

She sounded like a flight attendant.

"Juice is good, thanks."

She poured me a glass and it tasted really good. Esme had bought the premium stuff.

"It's only been a few weeks really since Emmett and Rosalie returned from Europe. Even less since Jasper and Alice came back. And of course, Edward...," She frowned as she returned the juice carton to the fridge.

"Did he communicate with you while he was away?"

"Just a couple of phone calls, to let us know he was still…existing. And then his phone call two nights ago, to tell us the big news." Her expression was happier now, her eyes dancing, her smile beaming.

"We were so excited when he said you'd agreed to take him back. I could hear him telling Carlisle how you'd been looking for him. He couldn't believe it, you know."

"Carlisle couldn't?"

"No, Edward." She pulled out a stool and sat down across the counter from me. "He never thought he'd have anyone and the fact that you would go to such lengths to find him…he said, _she was actually looking for me_." Esme shook her head, smiling. "And I told him, _you're worth looking for, Edward_, but he just brushed me off."

"What did he say?"

"He said I have to say things like that." She laughed as she remembered. "You're so good for him, Bella."

"He's good for me, too." I drained the rest of my juice.

"You've changed him so much, brought him to life...maybe you can work on his stubborn streak."

"I think that's fighting an uphill battle," I smirked but Esme's smile faded.

"That night...we tried to convince him that leaving wasn't the answer, but he was beyond reason. He kept saying _I should never have hoped_...,"

She smoothed her hand over her cheek and sighed. "In the end, we agreed to support him. Carlisle pointed out to the others that Edward had packed up and moved for them, without complaint, many times over the years when, er ...," she trailed off but I got the idea. "So we said we would do this for him."

Cheers erupted from the living room. I could hear Emmett's voice shouting,

"YES! YES! YES!"

"Looks like we have a winner," Esme smiled.

A second later Edward bounded into the kitchen, all bright eyes and lopsided smile.

"Here you are," he breathed and grabbed me, lifting me up and swinging me around. Then he buried his face in my hair, his lips ghosting over my neck.

I shivered and let out a giggle and I felt him smile against my skin. Then he took my hand and we walked back into the living room.

I sat beside Edward on the sofa. He picked up my legs and draped them across his lap and his hand rested on my thigh. Every now and then he'd squeeze, or trace lazy spirals down to my knee and back. I wondered if he realised how good it felt.

He was happy, relaxed and laughing and teasing with his family and I couldn't help but smile as I watched him. The perfect curve of his lips, his eyes creased with his laughs. He'd place frequent kisses on my hair, my temple, and his hands kept up their gentle rhythm on my thigh.

I looked around me at his family; Rosalie in the lounge chair, her head nestled against Emmett who was sitting, balanced, on the armrest with his arm around her. Alice was curled up in the other chair and Jasper sat on the floor at her feet. Every now and then they'd share a look and a smile. Esme and Carlisle held hands on the sofa beside us. All happy couples.

Then I looked back at Edward. He seemed such a long way now from the boy who had been alone; the odd man out. Such a long way from the boy who thought he should never have hoped.

Tonight I planned to give him the gift I bought him in Jacksonville, at the antiques fair. It should show him just how hopeful he should be.

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

Edward was smiling. "You were miles away."

"Sorry. What did I miss?"

He chuckled softly. "It's almost ten o'clock."

"Oh?" So soon.

"We have to go."

I didn't want to, but I knew better than to break curfew my first night out.

Edward swung my legs off his lap and stood.

"Will we see you tomorrow?" Esme asked as he pulled me to my feet.

"Er, I don't think so." I pushed my hair out of my eyes as I thought about the next day. "I have work after school and Charlie probably wouldn't be happy about me being out two nights in a row."

"Of course," she smiled. "Well, whenever you can come, we'll be here."

There were goodnights and hugs and then finally Edward ushered me out the door.

"See you at school!" Alice trilled as we walked down the porch steps.

The ground was slushy now, it had rained while we'd been inside, and Edward lifted me into his arms and carried me to the truck.

"You're still working at Newton's?" I saw the fleeting flex of his jaw.

"Uh huh." I buckled my seat belt as he moved around to the driver's side. "You're okay with that, aren't you?" I asked. He turned the key and the engine sputtered to life.

And I waited.

"I'm okay with that," he said finally and headed the truck down the driveway.

Edward was humming as I sat nestled into his side, feeling every bump of the road beneath the tyres. He was right, the truck did need new suspension. In the dim light of the dashboard I could see his perfect profile, his lips curved in a contented smile.

"You're happy," I said softly and he turned his eyes on me.

"I am," he whispered. "Very happy."

"It was great to see everyone. I've missed them."

"Me too."

I nestled closer. I sort of wanted to bring up the fact that he'd taken his sweater off, and ask if maybe that could happen again, but I didn't know how.

"Tonight was good," I said, instead.

"Yes, it was."

His arm was wrapped around me and his fingers moved a little, sliding tentatively from my waist down lower to my hip, and then giving the gentlest of squeezes. Mmmm

Edward was expert at avoiding pot holes but the road still wasn't being kind to my truck. We bounced along, watching the light from the headlights dance all over the road.

"What are you going to do about the Volvo?" I asked.

"The Volvo ….," he sighed. "The Volvo. Hmm, are you very attached to it?"

"Attached?"

My mind started running over all the memories of that car…the first day I saw it in the car park at school; the night in Port Angeles when it appeared out of nowhere and saved me; the first morning he picked me up for school, all the outings over the summer; seeing it drive up to the gas station in Denali; watching two beautiful women step out of it and glare at me; being relegated to the back seat while Tanya drove; hearing Tanya talk about driving lessons, and hot springs, while she steered with two fingers, Edward-style.

"No, not attached. Why?" My voice might have been a bit sharper than I meant it to be.

"Well," Edward answered slowly. "I was thinking I might just leave it where it is and order a new one."

That seemed a bit excessive, effectively giving away a car and then having to buy a new one. But I knew he could afford it, and it also meant he didn't have to go to Denali to collect the car, or Tanya didn't have to bring it here.

"Yeah," I said. "Order a new one."

His head turned and I could see faint surprise in his eyes.

"What colour?" he grinned.

I considered for a moment.

"Mm, silver?" Maybe I _was_ still attached…just a little bit.

-0-

We pulled up out the front of Charlie's right on ten o'clock. Edward said he'd meet me in my room shortly and then disappeared into the darkness. I strained my eyes and ears, trying to work out where he'd gone, but there was nothing.

Charlie was waiting for me when I got inside.

"Right on time," he muttered. "So, did you have a nice time?"

"Yeah, it was good."

He nodded. "Okay. Well, that's…good. The Cullens are all well?"

"They're well."

Charlie nodded again, his brow furrowed slightly. He was trying and I appreciated that.

"How was the game?" I nodded towards the television and his frown deepened.

"We lost," he grumbled.

I wasn't sure who _we_ were, but I commiserated just the same.

"Maybe next time?"

"Hope so, otherwise we'll miss the play-offs." He rested his hands on his hips and looked around the room, as if he was searching for something. Finally, he turned back to me. "

"Well, think I'll head to bed."  
"Me too. G'night, Dad." I smiled and he smiled back. And then I hurried upstairs to the vampire that waited in my room.

My room was in darkness but I could see Edward was sitting on the end of the bed. I switched on the soft light of the bedside lamp and he was smiling, finger pressed to his lips, asking me to be quiet.

"Give him ten minutes," he whispered and inclined his head towards Charlie's room. I nodded and picked up my toiletries bag, holding it up and pointing to it and then towards the bathroom with comical, exaggerated gestures. He rolled his eyes.

"I get the message," he whispered.

The warm water felt good as it danced and splashed over my skin.

I thought of Edward's skin, and how much of it I'd seen tonight.

His broad shoulders, perfect chest ... and right now he was in my bedroom...waiting for me.

I shut off the water and grabbed a towel.

He was lying on my bed, stretched out on his back, arms resting behind his head. He was smiling as he reached out for me. Though I knew he wasn't tired his eyes had a sleepy, half-closed look and his hair was a mess.

Gorgeous.

"You're back" he smiled.

"I am." I knelt on the bed beside him. "What are you looking so pleased about?"

"Lots of things," he answered.

His hands were on my hips and he guided me easily so I was sitting astride his thighs. This was new and his move surprised me. But I liked it. A lot.

He sat up now, too. We were face to face, his eyes were bright now, they'd lost the sleepy look, and he brushed my hair back over my shoulder.

"Um, I have something for you," I murmured quickly - I didn't want to let myself get distracted...just yet.

"Do you?" His breath washed over my skin as he moved in to kiss my neck. His lips made a path from shoulder to jaw.

"Uh...yesss."

He pulled back. "What is it?" He ran his nose along the length of mine.

"Huh? Mm?"

I was distracted and he was smirking now.

"You said you had something for me."

"Oh, right." I swallowed and shook myself a little, trying to clear my head. "It's in here."

I reached over to the bedside table and his hands tightened their grasp, supporting me as I leaned across.

I slid the drawer open and pulled out the neat, brown paper packet and then settled myself astride his legs again. Mmm ...

"Presents," Edward grinned and his face lit up, excited.

"You don't even know what it is, yet," I laughed and he shrugged.

"It's from you, that's all I need to know." His eyes were wide and earnest as he spoke and his simple sentiment moved me. This was the point I had been missing for so long.

I lifted my hand and touched the locket that lay against my chest.

"I understand what this is saying," I fixed my eyes on his. "And now, after yesterday, I understand that you didn't give it to me on my birthday because you weren't sure…about me and whether I would want to be with you." I paraphrased his words from the day before. "But I want you to know that I _am_ sure."

I held out the packet.

"This is for you."

His eyes were curious now as he took it from me.

"Thank you."

I shuffled off his legs and onto the quilt beside him.

I was nervous now. Would he think it was corny, or cheesy? Maybe he just wouldn't like it. My hands were shaking and I sat on them.

Edward was still smiling as he removed the brown paper, and I watched nervously as his smile faded.

Edward's long fingers curled around the flat, blue velvet box and gently passed over the fancy silver catch that had tarnished almost to black.

His eyes flicked to mine and I could see questions there, uncertainty. I smiled and nodded encouragingly, and watched Edward open the box.

His gasp was so soft, I barely heard it, but the reaction in his face, in his eyes, was loud and clear. And it made my heart stutter and soar and sing.

He lifted the pocket watch out of the white satin lining and held it in the palm of his hand. The brown paper fluttered to the floor.

The watch was Edwardian, 1910 according to the tiny date stamped on the back. It had an outer case of silver, etched with a pattern of fine, diagonal cross-hatch and Edward's thumbs moved slowly over the surface, back and forth, as he stared.

"I saw it at an antique fair in Jacksonville," I whispered. "And I remembered you saying your mother gave a pocket watch to your father on their wedding day."

His face came up slowly and I could see him absorbing my words. There were memories and disbelief in his eyes...and hope.

"Yes," his voice cracked.

I inched a little closer and rested my head against his shoulder.

"You said it was special to him."

He nodded, looking down at the watch again, turning it over and running his fingers across the back.

"Very special," he said.

I could see his throat working as he swallowed.

He very gently touched the tiny catch on the side of the watch case. The lid opened and Edward caught his bottom lip with his teeth before he let out a long breath.

"It's you," he whispered and a small smile tugged at his lips.

His fingers traced over the image that had been permanently etched onto the inside of the silver case. "This is beautiful," he breathed.

"I was going to put a photo in it," I explained. "But there was a stand at the fair where they did photo engravings."

Edward was still staring down at my image. It was a head and shoulders portrait and I was smiling softly, my face angled slightly and my eyes cast down. My hair was loose and it hung in soft waves around my face and shoulders, the way Edward liked it. The image was timeless - it could have been 1918 or 2006 or...forever.

"The woman there took my photo and I gave her the watch. Normally it takes a few days but she did me a favour and I picked it up the next afternoon."

Edward's hands were trembling as he ran his fingers over the etching, over the case, over the glass-covered watch-face with its black roman numerals and small window showing the phases of the moon.

I reached over and covered one of his hands with mine.

He looked up. Blazing, amber eyes overwhelmed me and my breathing hitched a little before I spoke. It took me a moment to find my words.

"Edward, I can't tell the future," I began. "But I do know I want to spend it with you, however we can make it work."

Edward didn't speak, he didn't move, but his eyes held hope and possibilities and promise...and joy.

"Thank you," he finally whispered and pulled me back into his arms. "Thank you."

He shifted me so I was sitting astride him again and we wrapped our arms around each other. My cheek rested on the top of his head, his head was nestled against my chest. And I could feel the pocket watch clutched tight in his hand that fisted against my back.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

After a moment he pulled back, picked up the blue velvet box and nestled the watch gently back inside. His fingers made one last sweep of its smooth surface before he closed the lid and set it down on the bedside table.

Then, turning back to me, he cupped my face in his hands.

"You. Are. Everything."

He almost growled the words and his eyes told me everything...how he loved me, how he'd lost me, how he'd never let me go again.

Suddenly his lips were on mine, gentle and soft but with an intensity that was new. And very exciting.

Our mouths moved together, his tongue swept over my bottom lip and then he moved his kisses to my neck.

My head fell back, my eyes closed and I gripped his arms as they curled around me. His tongue was making circles beneath my ear and I moaned. Loudly. In _his_ ear.

"Er, sorry," I mumbled, embarrassed.

"Don't be." His lips were running kisses down to my shoulder now. "I like to hear you."

My eyes snapped open. Had I just heard right?

"You...like to hear me?"

"Yes."

Oh...wow...

"Mm, what else do you like?" I could hear the shake in my voice.

"Do you want me to tell you?"

"Um, yes?"

He lowered his head, kissing across my collar bones and on to my opposite shoulder, up behind my other ear.

"Maybe I could show you."

I thought my heart was going to break through my chest.

"Um, okay…,"

His hand wound around my back, supporting me as he leant in closer. His mouth closed over the skin of my neck, just below my jaw, and he sucked, ever so gently and carefully, but the sensation was still like a bolt of electricity through me.

This was new and … oh… _so good_.

I gasped and groaned, my fingers clawed around his biceps, and his lips curved against me in a smile.

"I've always wanted to do that," he said, pulling back, looking shy and smug at the same time. He trailed a finger across the path his lips had just taken. "I've never trusted myself before."

I was practically panting as I stared at him. Edward's smile faltered slightly and faint doubt crept into his eyes.

"Did you like it?" he asked.

I nodded dumbly.

"I'd like you to do it again."

He smiled, and his eyes gleamed.

"My pleasure," he breathed and leant in again, on the other side.

He took longer this time, but it was still just as gentle and delicate. Hiis lips covered his teeth as he pulled my skin carefully into his mouth.

"Aah, Ed...ward, mmm ..."

I felt Edward's fingers tense against my back and the hum of his moan against my skin was like electricity.

He pulled back, breaths heavy, eyes dark. He swallowed twice as he stared at me and then his lips were back on mine.

I ran my hands along his sides, up and down his ribs as our mouths moved slowly, tasting, savouring each other.

This was all so new, and I was very aware of his thighs between my legs. I tried to be still, but every now and then Edward would shift and I'd have to fight the urge to move against him.

My fingers edged under the hem of his sweater, just a little, and he pulled back from our kiss, nudging my nose with his as he raised his arms in the air

Yes!

I pushed the sweater up eagerly, exposing the pale skin of his torso, chest and shoulders, and then Edward helped me pull it off over his head.

I bit my lip, hard, as I stared, drinking him in.

He took my hand in his, his eyes holding mine, gauging my reaction, and slowly brought it to his chest, laying it over his heart.

He smiled shyly, looking at me through his lashes and the hair that hung tousled over his eyes.

I lifted my other hand, asking permission.

He nodded but seemed just a little nervous.

"Slowly, please."

I smiled, understanding, and carefully ghosted my fingers over his skin as I started to explore.

His jaw was tense as he watched me. His hands rested loosely on my hips as I ran my hand over his sides and caressed the planes and contours of his chest. His skin was smooth and the muscles beneath were hard.

He was beautiful.

So beautiful.

I ran a slow finger down the middle of his chest and my eyes followed its path.

"You have a belly button." I hadn't meant to say it and I blushed at how stupid I sounded. But it just seemed so human.

"Yes," he smiled. "I do."

I giggled a little and he smiled wider, leaning in now to kiss me. His hands came up and wound in my hair, twisting and holding me as his lips moved with mine. My hands roamed over his chest, his shoulders, the broad expanse of his bare back. His lips moved to my throat again as my fingers ran over his arms, feeling the swell of his biceps. I could feel the quiver of his muscles underneath his skin and I realised how new this sensation would be for him.

I rested my palms back on his chest, my movements were a little more confident now, and I made circles with my thumbs, along his shoulders, across his chest, over his nipples.

Edward gasped, jerking back sharply. His chest was moving fast and he smacked his palms flat down on the bed.

"Sorry," I gasped, stunned. It had happened so fast my hands were still in mid-air. "What did I do?"

He looked down at his chest, and then back to me. Slowly, I lowered my hands. I didn't know what was happening - was it too much? Had I done something wrong?

"Did I _hurt_ you?" I asked and suddenly, at the impossibility of my question, his lips quirked up in a smile.

"No," he said. "It felt...good." His smile widened. "_Really _good."

I followed his lead and started smiling too, but stopped when I saw the sudden mortification stealing over his face.

His lip was clamped firmly between his teeth as he very, very carefully put his hands on my hips and eased me off his legs.

Then he pulled up his leg and hugged it to his chest. And suddenly realisation began to dawn through my confusion.

I didn't know where to look, or what to do. Edward was staring out the window now and my face was all shades of red as I focused on the floor. But I was also feeling incredibly smug.

I'd made Edward Cullen_ hard_.

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment.

I lifted my gaze from the floor and looked at his profile in the moonlight.

"Don't be," I said quietly, though I wasn't sure what he was sorry for. For being aroused? For stopping? "It's, um, okay to feel good."

"I know," he said and his answer surprised me. He turned away from the window and smiled at me, making my heart lift.

"I just didn't know it would feel _that _good. No-one's ever touched me there before." He gave me that lopsided smile. "I'm sorry if I startled you."

"It's okay."

We were quiet. He rested his chin on his knee and stared back out the window while_ I_ stared at _him._

"I don't want you to think that I don't... ," he started then stopped. He seemed to be struggling, but then he gave a low chuckle. He tilted his head, turning to look at met me through his lashes.

"I'm not..._uneffected_, by you, Bella."

He gave me a lazy smile and just the subtlest arch of an eyebrow.

I thought my heart was going to give out. It lay in my chest, panting and fanning itself, trying to keep up with the blood that scorched like fire through my veins.

And now I was curious, too.

"Um, mm, does it happen often?" I asked quietly, blushing and staring determinedly at the floor.

"Yes," he sighed.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Oh."

My skin felt hot and tingly and I began picking at the floral pattern on my quilt and talking fast.

"It's just...I've never noticed. I mean, I've worked out that it happens, I know that you have those feelings for me. Well, I haven't always known. I thought for a long time you didn't feel that way, about me." I stopped for breath and Edward spoke.

"I'm sorry I made you think that." His voice was gentle. "It's never been the case."

I smiled down at the quilt, looking at the creases my fingers had made.

"It's okay, I understand now. While you were gone I started looking at things differently, and remembering things, like that day in the meadow when you were tickling me, but, um, it's never been, er, _obvious_."

I'd run out of breath again and had almost picked a hole through the quilt.

"My control is usually better," Edward said. "You caught me off guard tonight."

"Oh." I nodded.

And then Edward gave a nervous sort of laugh.

I turned now to look at him. He was lying on his back, I hadn't even felt the bed shift with his movement. His hands were behind his head and he was staring at the ceiling.

"What's funny?" I asked.

"This conversation."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I never in, well, I was going to say never in a million years, but I guess I should say never in the last hundred years have I thought I would ever tell these things to a lady."

Now I was intrigued.

"Why not?"

"In my time people didn't talk about things like that."

"Married people would have, surely."

He shrugged again.

"Maybe. But sex was still a taboo subject."

Sex.

I'd never heard him say the word before. Geez, it sounded good coming from his lips.

"Do you think we'll ever, er ... I don't mean tonight, or tomorrow, just...one day?"

He turned his head on the pillow to face me. He was smirking now, eyes bright.

"Isabella Swan, that's the second time since I've known you that you've asked me that question."

I giggled and ducked my head.

"You have a one-track mind," he teased.

When he didn't say anything more I looked up and his face had become serious. His eyes burned into mine.

"I want that for us," he whispered and his words, the conviction in his voice, in his eyes, made my breath catch in my throat - _he wanted it. _

"Bella, you've given me a lot to think about tonight and I... ,"

He stopped now and chewed the corner of his lip. His hand reached over and covered mine, his thumb stroking gently over my skin. He sighed softly.

"Would it be okay if I said I think we're getting there?"

A slow grin spread across my face as a matching grin spread across Edward's.

"Yeah," I said. "That would be okay."

Soft moonlight reflected off Edward's bare skin and he reached out to me, pulling me close. My cheek rested against his bare chest and I placed a soft kiss over his heart. He lifted my hand and slowly, deliberately, kissed each of my knuckles, one by one, keeping his eyes on mine the whole time. I felt like I was melting from the inside out.

Then Edward turned my hand over. He uncurled my fingers, opening my hand to him and, still holding my gaze, he slowly lowered his face. His lips touched my palm as his thumb gently stroked along the side of my hand.

I was barely breathing now.

Edward's mouth continued its slow dance. As his lips pressed over the sensitive skin of my wrist...he winked.

Oh, yeah..we were getting there.

ooo0ooo

The school was buzzing with the news that Edward and Alice Cullen were back. Heads turned and jaws dropped. Stares, whispers and gossip followed us as we walked through the corridors towards the office. Edward's arm was draped casually around my shoulders and Alice glided along beside us, smiling.

"You should hear the theories," Edward murmured in my ear.

"Mm, like what?"

"Lets see...Carlisle's been in prison for practicing plastic surgery without a licence but now he's out on parole. Um, we've been in witness protection but whoever we're hiding from is dead now so it's safe to come back, and...," he began to chuckle. "I was addicted to drugs and went away to re-hab so the whole family came along to support me." He shook his head. "Apparently I'm cured now."

I stood just inside the office doors while Edward and Alice filled in their paperwork and I thought about the last time I'd stood here like this. It was just over a year ago and Edward had been trying to transfer out of Biology to get away from me. Now he was trying to get back in.

I could see the conversation between Alice and Edward and Mrs Cope was intense. There was much shaking of heads, Mrs Cope was flushed and fluttery and finally Edward nodded and took the papers she handed him.

He walked over to me and held up his timetable.

"Oh," I said, disappointed. "Do we have _any_ classes together?"

I scanned his schedule quickly as he linked his fingers with mine.

"Calculus," he shrugged apologetically.

"Just that?"

"At the moment." He bent down to kiss my cheek. "I'm working on it," he whispered.

Jessica bailed me up as soon as I walked into first period History.

"Did you know the Cullens were back?"

It wasn't a question, it was an interrogation.

"Yes." I smiled cautiously and took my seat.

"Are you, like, together again?" She sat on the edge of the desk, her piercing gaze going right through me.

"Yes."

"When did they come back?"

"Um, a couple of days ago." Saying 'last night' would sound too suspicious.

"So, was that the first time you saw Edward since he left?"

I rolled my eyes. She was like a dog with a bone.

"I heard from him a few times." It wasn't a complete lie - I thought of my locket and the library books.

"So, what happened?"

"Geez, Jess...what is this?"

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition." Callum grinned as he slid into the seat beside me.

"The Spanish what?" Jess looked at Callum like he'd spoken a foreign language.

"Inquisition. It's Monty Python," he explained.

"Monty?"

"Python. Monty Py...never mind."

I swallowed the laugh that was threatening as Jess turned back to me.

"So, what happened?" she repeated, undeterred.

"I tried," Callum whispered out of the corner of his mouth and I had to bite down on the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing.

"Esme didn't like Los Angeles." I managed to answer. "And being apart wasn't working for Edward or me. He was coming back with or without his family, anyway."

Jess' mood immediately changed. Her face broke out in a smile and her sharp eyes softened.

"Wow," she said after a moment. "He must really like you. I mean really, _really _like you."

And now the surprise in her voice irritated me.

"Did Rosalie and Emmett come back too? And Jasper?"

I could feel my face flushing as I prepared to lie.

"Um, Rosalie and Emmett are still at college, they'll be back for Spring Break. And Jasper's here in Forks. He's deferred college until he and Alice can go together."

"That's so sweet," Jess hugged herself while I looked down at my lap.

"I see Cullen's back."

Mike scowled as he pulled out his chair and sat down at the desk in front.

"Three months in California, he doesn't look like he got much of a tan." He sounded suspicious.

"I guess it's been winter," I murmured.

"So, are you two back together?" He leaned over the back of his chair to stare at me and his voice was heavy with disapproval.

"Yes," I met his gaze steadily. "We are."

"He came back for her," Jess broke in. "I always knew he was romantic."

Mike's eyes almost rolled back in his head as he turned around in his seat, muttering under his breath.

"So, are you going to... ," Jess started again but Callum cut her off.

"Have you started the history assignment, yet, Jess?"

She shrugged. "I've started," she said vaguely, just as the teacher came into the room. Jessica took her seat without turning around once to look at Callum and I was confused by her apparent indifference to him. There hadn't been a single hair flick since he'd arrived.

"You're not her favourite person anymore?" I asked and Callum shook his head.

"Not since she saw Leah kiss me goodbye in the car park this morning," he smirked.

"Ah."

It was lunch before I really got to see Edward or Alice properly again.

We sat at a table with Angela, Jessica, Mike and Tyler.

I thought my friends might feel awkward with Edward and Alice but, thanks to Jessica, the conversation flowed.

She asked questions about Los Angeles and Edward and Alice's vague answers came with polite smiles.

Then the conversation moved on to other things. Mike and Jess were arguing over their shared science project, Angela and Alice were discussing an upcoming art exhibit in Portland and Tyler wanted to visit a club in Seattle that his cousin had told him about.

"We could all go," he said, looking around the table. "We're all over eighteen, now, right?" He looked uncertainly at Edward and Alice who both nodded. When Tyler's attention had moved elsewhere I leant in close to whisper in Edward's ear.

"When did you turn eighteen?"

"I never turned eighteen, Bella."

I scowled. "You know what I mean. You just told Tyler, and you told Charlie the other day. When is your birthday?"

"I don't have one anymore."

"Edward!" I hissed.

Jess looked up quickly, curious. Edward draped his arm around my shoulder and nuzzled my ear and she looked away again.

"June 20th," he whispered.

June.

I'd missed it.

I racked my brain. June. Summer vacation.

"What were we doing on June 20th?"

I knew he'd remember and I hoped it was something nice.

"We were in the meadow," he whispered, nuzzling again. "We were looking for shapes in the clouds. And I discovered how ticklish you are." His fingers played over my shoulder just a little.

"Oh." My face flamed, I could feel it and I looked down at my hands, smiling, as his lips kissed the shell of my ear.

It was something nice.

Lunch was over and everyone started pushing back chairs and standing up. Edward grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. Sticking out of the top were college brochures.

He saw me looking.

"They're from the Counsellor," he said. "Apparently I'm behind in my applications." He was smirking but my mouth had dropped open.

Since he'd been back we'd been in our happy little reunion bubble, and now reality had hit me smack in the face.

"Edward," I took his hand. "What happens after graduation?"

He looked down at me - he wasn't smirking anymore.

"What do you want to happen?"

I rolled my eyes. "I asked you first."

He frowned, his eyes were speculative as they watched me closely.

"Well, that all depends."

"On what?"

He was quite for a moment, still frowning and thoughtful, as the cafeteria emptied around us. Then he shrugged.

"On what we decide," he smiled, suddenly. "Come on, we'll be late for Calculus."

He grabbed my hand and I followed him and his mood swing out the door.

ooo0ooo

The afternoon dragged. When Edward met me after last period he seemed quiet and distracted. Alice did all the talking as they walked with me to my truck.

Rosalie had let them use her shiny, red M3 and it was in the parking bay next to mine. My truck had never looked shabbier.

"Have fun at Newton's," Alice grinned as she opened the car door. "I might come in and buy some camping socks," she winked.

"Please," I said. "It'll break the monotony of unpacking boxes of tent pegs."

Alice laughed as she climbed into the car.

"Will you come and visit me at work?" I turned to Edward. He still seemed miles away.

"Mm, I don't think I can this afternoon," he said and that surprised me. "I've asked Callum if he'd come and meet Carlisle and show him through his father's computer files. He's always interested in any research about our kind."

I could imagine that.

"When did you ask Callum?" Neither of them had mentioned it.

"Just now, in Civics class."

"And he agreed? He's not scared?" I grimaced and bit my lip. "Not that he should be scared of you. I didn't mean... ,"

Edward's lips twitched with a smile. "I know what you mean." He kissed the top of my head. "But no, he's not scared. Wary, but not scared. But he's very curious to see how we live and that curiosity has overridden any human sense of self preservation." He rumpled my hair. "Like someone else I know."

I scowled at him and he laughed.

"But Leah will no doubt come with him."

"Bodyguard," I smirked and Edward smiled.

"Something like that." He pushed my hair back from my face and stroked my cheek. "But I'll see you later tonight?"

"I'll be home by five thirty. Charlie won't be in until six thirty. We'd have an hour to ourselves."

Edward grimaced just slightly. "Actually, I was thinking of later than that. After Charlie's asleep."

"Oh." Really? "Um, okay, sure." Why? The knot in my stomach was trying to make a come back. I pushed it down.

Edward smiled and leant in to kiss me.

"Until tonight," he whispered, and the knot disappeared.

ooo0ooo

Two hours at Newton's felt like two days. Mike was barely talking to me, there were no customers and I had to sort through the camping food and throw out anything that was out of date.

The only bright spark was Alice and her camping socks.

She breezed in and stayed for twenty minutes, chatting and laughing with me while Mike scowled from behind the counter.

She told me that Callum, Carlisle and Edward were deep in discussion when she left and Leah was very tense in the kitchen while Esme tried to offer her cookies and cups of tea.

Then Mike started throwing me dark looks and asked if I'd finished separating the dehydrated curries from the freeze-dried stroganoffs and Alice took that as her cue to leave.

"Do you get a commission on sales?" she asked me as she put five pairs of socks on the counter.

"No."

"Oh. Well, I won't buy The Glacier."

The Glacier?

I looked towards the three thousand dollar tent that was on display in the corner.

"You wouldn't?"

She grinned and held up her fingers. "Two. But if you won't get a commission ... ," she shrugged. "See you tomorrow!"

And she was gone.

ooo0ooo

I hoped Edward might change his mind and come over after work after all, but he didn't. I wondered if my question about life after graduation had unsettled him. So I decided that when he came over I'd just ask him what was wrong. Simple.

I didn't get my chance until almost ten o'clock.

Charlie was snoring in his room and I'd just come out of the shower. My room was dark but in the shadows of the moonlight I could see Edward sitting in the rocking chair.

"Hi," I whispered and he smiled, opening his arms to me. As I climbed into his lap he kissed the top of my head and then rested his cheek there.

"Hi."

I snuggled against him. He seemed content and peaceful, happy.

"How was work?" he asked after a moment.

"Fine. Mike was in a mood."

"Mm, that would be because of me."

"How do you know that? Oh, of course." Mind reading vampire. "But why? Is it because you've come back?" What was it with Mike?

"My sudden return has put a spanner in the works," Edward smirked. "He was going to ask you to go to the movies with him on Saturday…as a couple."

"Oh! Are you serious?"

Edward nodded.

"Then he's delusional."

Edward chuckled.

"I would never have said yes. Even if you weren't here, I wouldn't say yes."  
"I know," Edward smiled and leant down so he could kiss my neck. "Because you love me."

I felt a thrill run through me.

"Yes," I sighed, tilting my head so he could move up behind my ear. "_You._"

"Mmm. Me." He hummed against my skin and it sent a shiver through me. I forgot about something being wrong and instead wondered briefly how far he'd let things go tonight. He was wearing a cotton shirt with buttons - I could get that off easily as long as my fingers didn't shake.

"So you're not jealous then?" I breathed. His sweet breath washed over my skin.

"Insanely," he murmured. "But I know you're mine."

"Yours."

Edward placed one last kiss on my jaw and settled me closer.

"How were things with Callum?" I stroked my fingers along his forearm that was exposed below the rolled up sleeve of his shirt.

"Callum was good. He wasn't wary for too long. He and Carlisle got on well and he's bonded with Emmett over Super Mario."

"What?"

Edward chuckled again. "When we came downstairs from Carlisle's office Emmett was fighting with the game, it wouldn't let him move on to the next level." He shrugged. "Callum made a suggestion and it worked. Emmett was impressed and they spent the next hour playing each other."

"Are you serious? Who won?"

"Callum. But Emmett's challenged him to a re-match."

"I'd like to be there for that. How was Leah with all this?"

"Anxious at first, very wary...but eventually she relaxed enough to ask Callum if he was planning to stay all night." Edward grinned at this. "Callum put down the controller, Emmett laughed and told him he'd better get used to that and Rosalie whacked Emmett over the back of the head."

I was laughing now, and so was Edward.

"Sounds like it all went well, then."

"It did. Professor McLeod has accumulated a lot of information, Callum hadn't even looked through half of it. Looks like Carlisle's going to be busy for a while."

Edward rested his chin on the top of my head then. He became very still and quiet and I wondered where his mind had wandered.

"Are you okay?" I asked and felt him nod in response. It seemed he wasn't going to say anything, but a moment later he spoke.

"I think…I think we need to talk."

My heart reacted immediately.

"Should I be worried?"

Instantly Edward's lips were in my hair, his arms tightening around me.

"No, not at all. At least, I hope not."

"Oh, um, okay."

He lifted me and sat me on the bed. I thought he might join me but he didn't. He stayed in the rocking chair, rested his elbows on his knees and cupped his face in his hands.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. Ever." He smiled, watching me carefully. "And that's what I want to talk to you about."

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who's reading this story, and to everyone who's left me a review or sent me a message! I can't believe it, but this story has cracked 1000 reviews! I'm blown away. Thanks again.**

**At the moment it looks like there will be two more chapters after this one. Maybe three, but more likely two. **


	13. Chapter 13:  Yes!

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Big thank you to Edward's Eternal, my super speedy beta who reads my stuff even when she's sick and should be resting. Muah!**

Edward wanted to talk.

I sat very still.

And waited.

He was smiling but his gaze was guarded. I searched his face for clues but found none. I took a breath, trying to stop the knot that had suddenly developed in the pit of my stomach. My fingers had curled tight against my palms.

I told myself this wasn't like the last time he wanted to talk. He said he wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't leaving - I knew that, I trusted him. And as I realised that truth the knot unraveled and slipped away. My fingers relaxed.

But Edward had noticed my initial unease.

He shifted the rocking chair forward a little and stretched out a hand to take one of mine.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked, watching his thumb as it caressed the back of my hand.

"Us. The future."

The future.

He was still smiling, and that was a good thing, but the knot was threatening again. I could feel it, deep in the pit of my stomach, trying to tie itself into a double clove hitch - or something.

In the past it had always been me that brought up the topic of the future, but even then it hadn't really been the future we talked about.

It had been me asking him to change me and him saying no.

It had been me saying I didn't want to get old while he stayed seventeen and him telling me appearances didn't matter.

It had been me saying I wasn't worried about my soul, without thinking that Edward might want a chance to save his.

I took another deep breath. I'd sort of given up the idea now that he would ever change me. I'd accepted that I was probably staying human and was more than prepared to grow old with him by my side...but part of me still hoped.

"So, what about the future?" I smiled and hoped it looked relaxed.

"First, let me say I'm sorry if my behaviour this afternoon troubled you."

"I thought you were just doing your mood swing thing." I brushed his comment aside casually and Edward smirked.

"How's the whiplash?"

I stretched my neck from side to side. "It's been worse."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry," he said again, through a smile, and he squeezed my hand with his.

"If I seemed distant or moody it's because I was thinking."

"About the future?"

He nodded and I shuffled closer to the edge of the bed.

Edward looked down at my hand, caressing it one last time before letting go. He sat back in the rocking chair and rubbed his hands over his thighs. His face was serious now.

"Bella, you asked me today what happens after graduation."

My heart lurched a little. I nodded, keeping my eyes on his, still looking for clues, still finding none.

"But that's not a question I can answer for the both of us," he said, surprising me. He looked down at his long fingers spread open across his thighs. He seemed nervous now.

"Bella, I realise that during my absence you might have made plans."

Oh! Wasn't quite expecting this.

"And if you have, I don't expect you to change those plans, just because of me. I will go along with whatever you want to do."

I was about to say no, I'd made no plans, except that wouldn't be quite right. As his words sunk in I realised that, in fact, I _had_.

"Bella, will you tell me what _you_ would like to happen after graduation?"

I dropped my gaze to my hands and started picking at my thumbnail while Edward waited patiently.

"While you were gone, I didn't think about the future at all at first." I lifted my eyes and saw him watching me closely, his eyebrows pulled together slightly. He nodded for me to continue.

"Then when I _did_ start thinking about it, it was terrifying. Not just because you weren't in it, but because the thought of just drifting for the rest of my life, waiting, hoping you'd come back...the thought was awful. And I didn't want that." I let out a long breath and tucked my hair behind my ears. My eyes were still cast down, not looking at Edward, but I could feel his tension from where I sat. He didn't say anything; he just waited for me to continue.

I told him about New Year's Eve, about Jake asking me my plans for 2006 and I'd said I was going away to college. It had been a vague plan, but it had been something.

"I knew that even though my life without you would always be just a half life, I still needed to have one. A life, I mean. So I started applying to colleges."

"What would you study?" Edward whispered. His elbows were on his knees, his hands steepled under his chin.

"English literature, teaching maybe?" I shrugged again, looking up.

"Is that what you want to do? Teach?"

"Maybe. Renee's a teacher. But then sometimes I think I'd be happy just working in a bookshop."

"I can see you doing that," Edward smiled softly. "Although you'd want to spend all day reading and not deal with the customers."

"Yeah, probably."

We both laughed a little and the mood lightened.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to _write_ a book." I shrugged. "I guess I'm one for more solitary pursuits."

I shifted, leaning back on my hands now. I still wasn't sure where this was going but it wasn't lost on me that we'd never had this sort of conversation before. Suddenly it became very apparent just how narrow our relationship had been.

"What about you?" I whispered.

"If you decide to college, then I would go too," he said simply, smiling. "If you open a bookshop I'll stack the shelves. If you write a book I'll proof-read your drafts and put in all the commas you've left out."

A chuckle escaped me and he smiled, warm and wide.

"I won't be apart from you again, Bella. Ever."

It seemed pretty clear now that me becoming a vampire wasn't in his plans - well, not right away, at least. But the disappointment wasn't as sharp as it once would have been. Now I just focused on his promise that we would never be apart again.

"What will _you_ study?" I asked, realising I had no idea.

"Maybe music. Or architecture."

"Architecture?"

He nodded. "It's something that's always interest me. And I like creating things," he said softly and smiled. "Tell me where you've applied."

"Chicago, WSU, Seattle and Anchorage."

I blushed a little. I knew he could see the climatic theme going on. The corner of his mouth twitched and then curved in a smile.

"They'd mostly work for me," he said softly. "Although Chicago could be a problem."

"Why?"

"I was there in the seventies." He leaned right back in the chair. "It's probably too soon for me to go back."

"Thirty years?"

"Thirty years isn't long. There could be people still there who would remember me."

"Was that one of your medical degrees?"

"Yes. The second one. The first one was at Harvard."

"Harvard. Wow."

He shrugged like it was nothing.

"Anchorage is very cold,." he frowned suddenly.

"Colder than Anderson, or Fairbanks?" I remembered my trip to Alaska.

"Not particularly. Did you like the weather in Anderson or Fairbanks?"

He was trying to look innocent but I could see the smirk trying to get out. I rolled my eyes.

"Not particularly," I quoted him and the smirk came out to play.

"Then we'll cross Anchorage off the list, too," he said.

"So that leaves us with WSU or Seattle, then?"

Edward nodded slowly and brought his hands up to rest behind his head.

"Are you particularly stuck on those, or would you consider other colleges?"

"I hadn't really thought...I guess I was basing everything around places where it was more likely you might be." I looked down at the floor. "I wasn't going to apply at Hawaii."

Edward chuckled.

"Was there somewhere you had in mind?" I asked and he shrugged when I looked up.

"Not necessarily. Those are fine, but I don't think we should limit ourselves to just two colleges."

And suddenly a new horror loomed up and shook me.

"Edward, what if we don't get in _together_? What if you get accepted to one and I get accepted to the other?"

The knot was back in my stomach and this time it had invited friends.

"There's always a way." He cocked an eyebrow.

"You mean money? You'd bribe your way in?"

"Or yours."

"Mine?"

He leant forward, reaching out and taking my hand again.

"Bella, it is possible that we might not get into the same college - initially. Especially with my applications being so late, and if we're only giving ourselves two choices. That's why I think we should apply to more."

He was right, there were never any guarantees with these things, that's why people applied all over the place. Did Angela say she'd applied to nine different schools? I wondered briefly about the quality of the essays I'd sent in. Seattle had been the one application I'd done before I found Edward's gifts - I hadn't been at my most coherent then.

"But bribery…, I started but Edward shook his head stopping me.

"It probably won't come to that. But if it did, just think of it as a donation towards a new science wing."

"A new…? No. No, I can't let you do that."

"Bella...,"

He slid fluidly from the chair and onto his knees on the floor. Smiling, he cupped my face in his hands.

"If it was within your means, wouldn't you do the same for me, so we could be together?"

And he had me there. Of course I would. I wouldn't think twice.

"Yes," I growled and he chuckled softly. "But I want it to be a new library wing, not the Bella Swan science wing."

He laughed louder.

"Whatever you want, love."

He cocked his head now as he studied me. "And that brings me to the next thing I'd like to talk about."

There was more?

Edward stood gracefully, unfolding himself from the floor in a move so lithe and graceful. Sometimes it was easy to forget he wasn't human and it was little things like that that reminded me.

He sat on the bed, settling himself against the pillows and the headboard. Then he held his arms out.

"Lay with me?" And I didn't need to be asked twice.

I curled up beside him and his arms wound around me.

"This evening I went for a run, that's why I said I couldn't come over after work. You've given me a lot to think about, both last night and today, and I do my best thinking when I'm running."

I didn't actually know that.

"Bella, we've got a plan for college, and that's great. But it's important that before you make a final decision, you know all your options."

"What options?" I lifted my head from his chest to look at him.

He was looking down at me and the column of his throat moved as he swallowed.

"When I said I would go along with whatever you wanted, I meant it."

"I don't…"

"I wasn't planning to have this conversation with you just yet. I've only been back a few days and I thought it was too soon." He twisted a piece of my hair around his finger. "But I think we've covered a lot of ground over the last few days... ,"

I laid back down and nodded against his chest.

"We have." And I felt his arms flex, giving me a little squeeze.

"But now reality has pushed its face up against the window and it's waving college brochures and graduation caps at me."

I snorted a laugh at the image he painted. But Edward wasn't laughing. I could feel tension in his body now as I lay curled up against him.

"What's wrong?"

He didn't answer and I sat up again. His face was worried, eyes apprehensive.

"Edward?"

He let out a sharp breath and started talking fast.

"Bella, do you still want to be vampire? Since I've come back you haven't mentioned it, and the other day you joked about me locking you in your room for the next eighty years and I can't read your mind and I don't know if it's something you still want…or not."

His eyes darted back and forth between mine, anxious, searching.

"I...I _was_ only joking," I stuttered, surprised by his words and the change in his mood.

Edward's eyes closed and he swallowed. It was almost as though he were in pain.

"Bella, please tell me, do you still want to be changed?"

My whole body froze. So was this really an option after all?

He was rigid, like stone, as he watched for my reaction.

"Are you offering?" I whispered, eyes huge.

I was holding my breath. My brain was in lockdown and so was my heart. Hope was rattling its chains, trying to break free but my brain wouldn't let it. Not yet.

Edward shifted, sitting up straighter. He held my hands in his as he watched my face.

"I want forever, Bella. With you."

His eyes were glued on mine and my mouth fell open. The breath I'd been holding came out in a _whoosh_. I felt like a kid who'd been told every day was Christmas; like I'd been handed the moon and the stars and told I could keep them.

Like my vampire boyfriend had just told me he wanted forever.

"You mean, you'll change me?"

"Yes."

His voice was sure and strong and his words were ringing in my ears.

"You _want_ to change me?"

"Yes."

He stared at me, his eyes earnest, serious and clear.

"What made you change your mind?" I was having trouble getting my head around this.

"I realise now that I can't be without you." he said simply. "I was foolish to ever try."

Edward let go of my hands and pulled his fingers through his hair.

"But I also realise that just because I've come to my senses doesn't mean I should expect you to still feel the same. You've not mentioned changing and it could be that you want to stay human now. And I want _that_ for you, too."

"You want that _too?_"

I was confused. Edward sighed heavily and shook his head sharply.

"The emotions are so conflicting," he muttered and rubbed his hands over his face roughly.

"I want you to have light, and warmth. I want you to lie on beaches and soak up the sun. I want you to be able to go wherever you want, whenever you want and not have to wait for darkness or bad weather."

He smiled now and stroked my cheek. "If you want Hawaii, I want you to have Hawaii."

I could feel tears starting. The sincerity and love in his words, his eyes, was overwhelming and so powerful.

"I want you to have human experiences, human _achievements, _because they mean so much more -things you can look back on and be proud of. And I want you to have your parents in your life, and your friends. And children." His eyes darkened with a new emotion. "You don't know how much I wish I could give that to you - children and grandchildren.

"You will give up so much if you choose to be like me. There are things I can give you, but so many things I'll take away."

He closed his eyes.

"But having said all that, what I want most, more than forever, more than your humanity, is for you to have whatever _you_ want."

He ran his thumbs over my cheekbones, brushing away the tears that had started to fall. "And I'll take whatever you'll give me. If it's eighty years, or eternity...I'll love you every day."

His words were like a whirlwind, tearing at my mind and my heart. My brain unlocked the chains and hope sprang free, dancing and singing. He wanted to change me! We could have forever!

"You don't have to decide now, obviously," he smiled gently and licked my tear from his thumb. "I just want you to know your options. I will change you, if that is still what you want."

What I want? Yes! It's what I want - to have you forever. But in amongst all the happy, eternal scenarios that were playing out in fast motion in my mind, another thought was poking me, pushing its way through, making its presence felt.

I opened my mouth to tell Edward _yes, change me,_ but something else came out instead.

"What about your soul?"

Edward blinked at me, obviously taken aback.

"My soul?"

"Yes."

I scrambled onto his lap.

"Edward, I want forever, too. Eighty years isn't enough..."

He started smiling, but his eyes were cautious.

"There's a _but_, isn't there," he said slowly and I grimaced.

"_But_...your soul is too important to risk."

He was frowning now, perplexed. My lips felt dry and I licked them before I continued. I wound my arms around his neck. His hands settled gently on my waist.

"I've thought about this while you were gone," I started. "You think you're damned." I stared into his eyes, right into the soul he thought he didn't have. "But I also know you'd like a shot at redemption and I'm not going to ruin that for you."

"Bella, I…"

I talked over the top of him, fast, worried if I didn't get this out now I might change my mind.

"And I don't want to spend eternity with you feeling guilty because you think you've damned _my_ soul."

His frown deepened. I felt his fingers flex on my waist.

"You told me once you weren't going to let anything keep me out of Heaven; well I'm not going to let anything keep_ you_ out, either. And if you think changing me is going to jeopardize your chances then, no. I'll stay human."

I tightened my arms around his neck and buried my head against his shoulder. I was sniffing, fighting back fresh tears - I couldn't believe I'd just said no. But some things were just more important.

"Bella," he whispered after a moment. One hand stroked my hair while the other ran over my back.

"Bella, the week before Christmas I was in Brazil."

I sniffed again, wondering at this sudden change in topic.

"It was twilight and I was walking through a square. There were crowds of people outside a Church and they were putting up lights and decorations."

I pulled back to look at him, completely confused. He was smiling gently but I could see the pain echoing at the corners of his eyes.

"All the thoughts around me were happy and excited and there was one woman, very old, sitting by the Church steps. Her thoughts were so sharp and perceptive, it was almost like she could read minds herself. And then she saw me."

He brought his hand around to stroke my face. "She took one look at me and thought '_such a tortured soul'._ I didn't think much about it at the time, but now looking back, I think she might have had a point."

"I don't understand." I wiped my face on my arm.

Edward tilted his head to one shoulder as he looked at me. "I don't know if I could _feel_ the depths of pain and love that I've felt, _without_ a soul." He shrugged. "I'm still trying to work it out."

I blinked at him. Now it was my turn to be surprised. Well, not so much surprised as _completely blown away._

"You believe you have a soul?"

"Mm, I don't know."

"I do. I know." I scrambled off his lap and onto my knees. I leant in close, holding his face between my palms.

"I've seen your soul, Edward. And I've experienced it. It's beautiful."

He gave an embarrassed little laugh and turned his face away.

"Maybe," he muttered.

I let go and settled myself back in his lap, my arms wrapped around him, my cheek against his chest once more.

He thought he had a soul. I was grinning, the joy was just filling me up and overflowing and I started to giggle. Edward's arms tightened around me in response.

"Would you still have offered to change me if you thought you didn't have a soul?"

He exhaled, deep and slow.

"I would have. Because it's your choice and I will never deny you your choices again." He kissed the top of my head. "If you believe you would keep your soul, then who am I to argue and tell you otherwise." He shrugged again. "I suppose it all comes down to having faith."

"And you have faith now?"

"Well, I guess I have more than I did before."

I supposed that was something.

"Getting there?" I echoed his words from the night before.

"Getting there," he nodded.

I grinned wide and joy bubbled through me as I wrapped my arms around Edward and hugged him with every ounce of strength in my body.

"So it's a yes?" Edward whispered as I pulled back.

I gave him a cheeky grin. "Mm, I dunno, let me see…"

I stroked my chin theatrically, pretending to consider.

Edward's eyes gleamed and he lunged at me, his fingers finding the sensitive spot underneath my arms as he flattened me onto the bed.

"Is it a yes?" he laughed as he sat over me, tickling.

"I'm thinking!" I gasped a laugh, trying to roll out of his reach.

"Is it a yes?"

I was laughing hard now as his fingers danced over my ribs. My hands were slapping against his chest, my legs kicking against the mattress and I tossed my head from side to side, overcome with giggles.

"Is it...a...yes?"

He could barely get the words out for his laughter, and I couldn't speak at all.

Then Charlie snorted and snuffled from next door. Edward pulled back quickly but I was already in mid-roll. His hand snapped out and stopped me before I hit the floor, but my foot banged into the bedside table.

"Ow!"

"Sorry."

"No, it's my fault."

"Does it hurt?"

"Not really."

"Your father's coming."

Before I knew what had happened I was back in the bed and Edward was gone.

"Bella?"

My door creaked open a crack.

"Dad?"

"You okay?" He rubbed his hand over the top of his head, his face was creased from sleep.

"I'm fine. I think I was just having a dream."

I couldn't see his eyes now, but I could tell he was looking around the room. I wondered if he thought Edward was hiding in here. I gave an exaggerated yawn.

"Okay," he said a moment later. "Well, g'night."

"G'night, Dad."

He closed the door and I heard him pad softly back to his room. A second later the bed springs creaked and from nowhere, Edward appeared on the end of my bed.

"Is it a yes?" He whispered, his teeth white in the moonlight as he grinned.

"Yes," I whispered back.

And now I lunged at him. I threw my arms around his neck and he grabbed me around the waist as he let himself roll backwards off the bed and onto the floor. I gasped as we tumbled and Edward ended up on his back with me sitting on top of him.

"Careful, you'll have Charlie back in here," I hissed.

"Charlie's already asleep, and _I_ know how to roll around without banging into the furniture."

"Oh!"

My mouth popped open and Edward chuckled.

"You think you're so clever, don't you?"

"Yes," he said. "But not as clever as you."

I leant in and kissed him softly. His lips met mine, smooth and slow and I could feel it down to my toes. One day he wouldn't have to be so careful and I wondered what that would feel like.

"How soon?" I breathed as I pulled back. "When will you change me?"

"Whenever you like." He nudged my nose with his. "But there is one condition."

"Mm, what's that?" Anything, anything!

"That you wait until after graduation. That way, it will just look like we're going away to college, or to jobs, or to travel...whatever you want people to think " He leant in and nuzzled my neck before pulling back. "And there will be some degree of closure for your parents," he said, more serious now.

I nodded my agreement.

"Okay, that sounds fair. After graduation." It was only a few months away. I'd still only be eighteen.

And Edward was right - Charlie and Renee should see me graduate, they'd be happy but I knew my parents would always be the hard part of this decision.

But Edward was my future, I knew that.

He rolled me off him gently and stood up, pulling me up, too. He walked to the bed and pulled back the quilt and I climbed underneath. It was late now.

Edward joined me, curling around my back and pulling me against his chest. His hand came up to stroke my arm. Soft slow caresses from wrist to shoulder and back again.

"I'd like you to think about the timing, though," he said softly. "Before you give me a date, I'd like you to think through all the things I've said. There might be things you want to do, or see, that would be difficult, or even impossible, once you're like me." His fingers made circles over my ribs now. "So don't give me a date now. Just think about it."

"Okay."

I felt Edward's hand push my hair aside and his lips grazed over the back of my neck. I shivered and sighed all at the same time and, from behind me, I heard Edward give a satisfied hum.

I watched the moonlight streaming over our bodies. Mine was just a dark, shadowy silhouette, but where Edward's arm curled around my middle all was shimmery and silver. He was beautiful. Not just his body, but his heart, his mind, his _soul. _The smile on my face widened.

Forever.

I lay quietly, with Edward curled around me, grinning into the dark. I knew there were things I was supposed to be considering, but my thoughts hadn't progressed any further than the fact that I could have him forever. His words were on a loop in my head..._I want forever. With you._

My mind wandered lazily through all the things he'd said. All the things he thought he would take away from me.

"You said human achievements mean so much more," I mused.

"They do."

"Why?"

"Because everything is so easy when you're a vampire." He said this honestly and simply, without any trace of arrogance. "There's very little challenge to anything we do. Everything is easy, effortless."

Oh, really?

"Like Emmett moving onto the next level of Super Mario? Or you cooking pop tarts?"

I felt Edward's torso tighten - he was trying not to laugh.

"Touché," he said eventually and I giggled. "Perhaps I should say _most_ things come easily. Is that better?"

"Much."

He chuckled and it was happy and light and warmed me from the inside out.

I went back to looking out the window and snuggled deeper into my quilt. Soon I wouldn't need quilts or sleep or even a bed. Well, maybe a bed. In the darkness I felt my skin glow with blush.

My thoughts kept meandering but as I happily imagined all the things we could do when I was a vampire, other thoughts started pushing their way forward.

I tried to ignore them, focusing on an image of Edward and me, running through the woods together, but these other, errant ideas were determined and I finally gave in and let them have their say.

By the time they'd finished the moon had traveled across the sky and was no longer shining on us.

I sat up.

"You haven't slept," Edward said, watching me curiously as I looked down at him.

I shook my head. "I've been thinking."

He nodded too and sat up.

"I have a date for you," I said softly, looking down at my lap.

"Already?" he frowned. "Do you think you've given yourself long enough to think about it?"

"Yes."

He cocked his head slowly, warily to the side.

"When?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and leant across to turn on the bedside lamp. I wanted to see his face clearly when I told him.

"First, let me say that I understand all the limitations." I settled back beside him. "You talked about me missing sunlight, and warmth...but Edward, _you_ are my light and my warmth, and there will always be places like the meadow where we can lie in the sun. Secret places we don't have to share. And Hawaii has never been on top of my travel list."

He smiled and I linked my fingers with his.

"I'll miss my family, and friends...but you are my future, my destiny, really. And we'll make it work, somehow, right? I don't have to completely vanish, I could still email, couldn't I? Talk on the phone? Send blurry photos?"

Edward smiled. "We can do all those things," he whispered.

"And you talked about children."

He nodded, eyes clouding slightly.

"I don't need that, Edward. I've never been the type of girl that dreamed about being a mom some day. For me it's always been something that might happen, or might not. It's never been something I've planned on."

His eyes watched me carefully, searching. I met his gaze evenly, letting him see the truth.

"And if I can't have your children, Edward, I certainly don't want anyone else's."

He lifted our joined hands and stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers.

"So I've thought about the limitations you mentioned tonight, but I've also been thinking about other things you've said, other times."

"What other things?" he asked.

"About how difficult it is to be changed too young."

He cocked his head. "Go on."

I shifted, holding his hands in my lap and looking down at them.

"You said once, last summer, that there were certain impracticalities to being changed at seventeen."

I looked up and he was nodding.

"And you said it was a little easier for the others, because they'd been older, even if just by a little bit."

He nodded again. "Please tell me what you're thinking," he whispered.

"I want you to change me, but I'd like to try college first...as a human."

Edward's eyes widened. A look of delighted surprise crossed his features.

"Really?"

"Really. You did say you can pass for twenty or twenty one, didn't you?" I added quickly, wanting to be sure on that point.

"Yes. Comfortably."

"It's all in the clothes, right?"

"And the attitude," he laughed. "Oh Bella!" he grabbed me and rolled me on top of him. I put my hands on his shoulders to support myself and he pushed my hair back from my face, holding it out of the way as he smiled brilliantly. "We're going to college?"

"Yes," I grinned, his delight was contagious.

"We're really going to college?"

I was laughing now. "We're really going to college."

He let go of my hair and pulled me down against his chest.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked as he cradled me to him. His answer was prefaced with a long sigh.

"Not that I had a choice, but if I had, I would never have chosen to be changed before I'd really had any part in the world."

He trailed one hand through my hair, twisting strands around his fingers. It made my scalp tingle.

"You think it makes that much of a difference?"

"I do," he said, quietly but firmly. "We bring a lot our human selves into this existence when we're changed and sometimes, if things aren't...," he trailed off and his hand stilled in my hair.

"In my human time I was already regarded as a man, but I'd also led a sheltered life. I'd always been either at school, or worked in my father's office, and I'd never lived away from home. I pretty much toed the line, never got into any_ real_ trouble, but I'd never...I'd never had the chance to find out who I really was. It took decades, and you, to help me discover that."

I felt his lips kiss my hair.

"You are very different from me, in personality and situation," he continued. "But by waiting I'm hopeful that you'll avoid some of the _errors_ I made in my vampire youth."

"Are you thinking about your rebellious period?" I asked gently, knowing how sensitive this topic was.

I lifted my head and rested my chin on his chest, looking up at him. He closed his eyes and his lips pulled tight.

"Carlisle has changed four of us," he said. "Except for Rosalie, Esme, Emmett and I have all slipped-up at some stage. Although Rosalie...but that was different," he muttered. "But I'm the only one who made a conscious decision to go out and kill humans."

He opened his eyes slowly and I could see those days still haunted him. "Teenage angst and vampire instincts - a very dangerous combination."

There was a chill to his words that I didn't like.

"That was a long time ago, Edward. And you also made a conscious decision about _who_ you hunted, and you also made a conscious decision to stop doing it."

He ran his hand through my hair again.

"Things might have been different if I'd been changed later," he said. "But my rebellious period aside, I know it's crossed Carlisle's mind in the past that I might have been too young when he changed me." He shrugged. "I was very difficult," he finally said.

"A moody adolescent?" I smirked.

"Moody and sullen and angry."

"Nothing's changed then," I joked and Edward beamed at me.

"Everything's changed."

I settled myself back against his chest, my cheek resting over his heart.

"Are you worried that I might have a rebellious period?"

"No!" His voice was urgent and he flattened his hand firmly against my back. "No, I'm not saying that at all. Although, you will crave human blood, particularly during the first year, and I'll do everything I can to make that time easier for you, and help you through it. But no, I can't see you ever wanting to do what I did. It's not in your nature."

"But it's not in yours either." I looked up, propping my chin on his breastbone again. "You're not a killer."

He shrugged. "No," he said slowly, but he didn't sound certain. "But when I was human I was desperate to fight in the war, I even argued with my father about it. I told him he couldn't stop me once I turned eighteen, and I must have known that becoming a soldier would very likely involve killing." Remorse shadowed his eyes.

"Yeah, but lots of human boys are like that, Edward. You must have seen that in people's minds. And you see movies about it all the time, how war is glorified and seems exciting to them and when they experience it they get disillusioned and want to come home. They don't _enjoy_ the killing."

His eyes narrowed as he considered this.

"You're not a killer in here," I laid my hand over his chest, on top of his heart. "You were just a teenage boy, like lots of other teenage boys. And you said you bring a lot of your human self with you when you change, right?"

He nodded.

"So, when you became a vampire, maybe you were still in that mind-set and you just found a different sort of war. The murderers and rapists were the enemy, and you were an avenging force, defending and protecting and saving."

He was frowning now and a cold feeling crept over me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trivialise what you went through back then," I said quickly, realising how my analogy must have sounded. "I didn't mean you were just _playing_ soldiers."

"No, don't apologise," he said slowly, clearly still thinking, still letting my words sink in. "It's just...I never saw it that way." He shook his head a little, thoughtful.

I laid my head back on his chest, his fingers found my hair again and a moment later I was yawning. My eyes closed without permission.

"I'm not surprised you're tired," Edward remarked and I could hear he was smiling now. "It's after two o'clock."

He shifted me off him, back onto my pillow. He tucked the quilt over me again and then curled himself back around me.

"Sleep well, love," he whispered.

I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay up, talking about the future, about college, about vampires.

I would have told him this, but I was already asleep.

ooo0ooo

The smile hadn't left my face since I'd woken.

"People are going to wonder what you've been up to." Edward's voice was velvet in my ear as we headed for the school cafeteria. "You look like the cat that swallowed the cream."

I stood on my toes, put my lips to his ear, and purred.

Edward pulled back, his face startled, almost shocked, but then his eyes darkened and a wicked smile curved on his lips. He leant in close, his lips in my hair, his sweet breath brushing over my ear.

"I will ask you to do that again," he growled. "But when we're alone."

My gasp was loud, a couple of people turned to look, and I flushed red when Edward winked at me.

Then I giggled. Edward was so happy, so relaxed. And so was I. Neither of us had fully realised it, but since his return _the future_ had been hanging over us like a rain cloud over a picnic.

But now the sun was out and shining brightly. Very brightly.

I knew that in Edward's backpack he had a fresh batch of new, different college brochures, courtesy of the counselor, and that while I'd slept the night before he'd been on my computer researching courses and classes and campuses.

I'd woken this morning to the sight of him at my desk, frustrated and muttering about my abysmal download speed.

"You can buy me a laptop for a graduation present," I'd yawned and then immediately wondered where on earth those words had come from. They'd just popped out of nowhere.

"Really? Do you mean that?" Edward had spun around in the seat and stared at me, eyes bright and hopeful.

And I'd had to think for a minute if I really did mean it.

"Er...yes. If it makes you that happy."

"It does."

"And I suppose I'll need one for college, anyway."

"You will."

He sort of leapt out of the chair and bounced onto the bed, grinning.

"Thank you," he'd said as he'd nuzzled my neck.

"Shouldn't I be thanking you?" I'd laughed as his nose made its way along my jaw. "You're the one buying me a laptop."

He'd pulled back, and his eyes had been dark and playful as they'd stared straight into mine.

"Then thank me," he'd whispered and I'd thought my heart was going to combust.

I'd run my fingers up into his hair and pulled his face down to mine and kissed him with everything I had. His hands had run up underneath my tank top and over the bare skin of my back and I'd moaned as his lips had sucked on my neck, just like two nights before.

By the time he'd stopped I was breathless and panting.

"Thank you," I'd gasped and then giggled as he'd run his nose over my shoulder.

"You're welcome," he'd grinned. "Anytime."

And now he was still grinning as we stood in the school corridor talking about cats and cream.

"Hi, Bella, you look happy!" Alice almost pounced on me and it took me a moment to respond to her comment and her knowing look.

"I am happy."

She fell into step beside us.

"Good decision," she murmured from the corner of her mouth.

"What decision?"

She rolled her eyes. "_That_ decision," she hissed.

"Oh. You saw that?"

"Uh huh," she nodded, grinning. I looked up at Edward as he watched Alice, obviously seeing the vision in her head.

"Well I'm so glad both of you can see my future," I whispered, scowling. "Maybe you'll let _me_ in on it sometime."

"Sorry, love," Edward's arm snaked around my waist.

He lowered his voice, speaking softly into my ear as the crowds passed us. "Alice's vision is of the two of you together, arms around each other, and you're...like us." His smile lit up his face, his eyes were brilliant and I couldn't stop the matching grin that spread across my face.

"How do I look?"

"Stunning." Edward ran his hand up the side of my neck and into my hair. "Like always."

The cafeteria was noisy when we arrived. We sat at our usual table where Jessica and Angela were deep in the throes of discussing prom dresses.

"What do you think?" Jess slid a boutique catalogue under my nose. Edward's eyebrows went up just enough that I noticed, but mine nearly left my forehead.

"Um, Jess, that's really...," I stared down at the picture of a dress that was little more than a tight slash of blood red satin.

"I know," Jess bubbled. "My mom says it's too showy, but I really want to make a statement, you know, it's _senior prom,_ I want to go out with a bang!"

"Yeah, you'll certainly make a statement in that," I smiled.

Alice ran a critical eye over the picture.

"You'd look better in a softer neckline." She was all business as she studied the dress. "This model is much taller than you and she's a different shape."

Jess stared blankly at Alice. I wondered if perhaps she was offended, but then I watched as her eyes took in Alice's clothes and stylish appearance. A second later Jess was all questions.

"What would you suggest? A different colour? What sort of neckline?"

Alice took the catalogue, licked the tip of her finger and began elegantly flicking through the pages.

"Now this would work for you." She showed Jess a picture of a plum coloured dress with a softer neckline and a longer, floaty skirt.

"That's nice," Angela smiled. "Really nice."

"It is, isn't it?" Alice grinned at her then turned back to Jess. "The colour is perfect for your complexion, and the cut is very flattering. See how it draws your eye lengthways, not width ways?"

Jess peered closely at the page.

"And if you wore your hair up, with drop earrings...," Alice trailed off, smiling. "Very elegant. Very sophisticated."

I could see Jess mulling all this over as she stared at the dress - would she go for sophistication over showy? Elegance over exhibitionism?

Her furrowed brow and tight lips pointed to the struggle raging within. But after a moment her face relaxed and she smiled.

"You're right," she said. "It is elegant and sophisticated." She looked up at Alice. "You should be a fashion consultant."

"Yes," Alice beamed. "I should."

"Are you going to help Bella with her dress?" I didn't bother being offended by the pointed look Jess gave me.

"Actually, I'm not going to prom," I said.

Jess looked shocked, Angela frowned, Alice rolled her eyes and Edward gave my hand a squeeze of support.

"Of course you're going," Alice said and I sighed. I didn't want to argue with her here.

Luckily, Mike Newton and his Shakespeare text provided a distraction.

Mike slouched up to the table, dropped heavily into a seat and threw his copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ across the table.

"I don't get it," he grumbled. "Mr. Berty can give my essay a D minus, he can insist I re-write it, but _no way_ is that the greatest romance of all time." He pointed dramatically at the dog-eared text. "I mean, they _die_. That's not romantic."

"It's more than romance." Angela reached over to the book, picking it up. "It's a tale of love that wouldn't be denied, but it's also about the individual going against society."

"It's a tale of stupidity, that's what it is." Mike shook his head. "I say if they hadn't killed themselves they would have broken up a month later. And they'd look back and wonder what they ever saw in each other."

"But it's _the_ classic love story." Jess sounded bewildered. "Isn't it? They're the star crossed lovers. It was all fate's design; they had no control over it."

"Fate didn't pour the poison or hand over the knife," Mike snarked, swinging back on his chair. "Still don't get it."

"What's this?" Angela pulled a leaflet out of the book and Mike rolled his eyes.

"Mr. Berty gave it to me. He thought if I saw the play performed it might _help my understanding of the text,_" he air quoted. "He said it might be useful when I re-write my essay."

"_The Port Angeles Players Present Romeo and Juliet_," Angela murmured, reading the brochure. "Are you going to go?"

"No," he scoffed. "I'll just go on-line and look up the study notes and re-write those."

Angela shook her head disapprovingly as she handed Mike back his book.

ooo0ooo

We went to the Forks Public Library after school. I had work to do and I wanted Edward to see the results of his generous donation.

He scoured the shelves while I wrote my essay, tucked away at a table in the corner.

"All in order?" I asked when he joined me.

"Seems to be," he smiled as he pulled out his chair. "I'm glad it's been useful but my main motivation was to make things easier for you. If I achieved that then I'm happy."

He opened his backpack and pulled out the pile of college applications and brochures.

Edward had already prepared his applications to Seattle and WSU and now we were looking at other options - other universities where there were cloudy skies and courses in English Lit and Architecture; colleges with lots of wildlife nearby and the option of night classes.

He passed me the brochures.

"Are you happy with these?" he asked and I began flicking through.

"Dartmouth?" I stared at the brochure.

"It meets the criteria," Edward said casually.

"But I'm not..."

"You're not what?" Edward arched an eyebrow, challenging me.

"You really think I could get in? I mean, _without_ a donation to the Bella Swan Library wing?"

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Of course you can," he said. "I know what they're looking for in the application essays so I can coach you with that, but your GPA is good...," he trailed off, shrugging. "You have as much chance as anyone else."

Dartmouth? Really?

"But the fees..."

He gave the most exaggerated eye roll I'd ever seen and I started giggling.

"Okay, Dartmouth."

Edward's eyes rolled back to me and he smiled and started filling out his form.

"Where will we live?" I asked suddenly. "I can't see you residing in the dorms, somehow."

"No," Edward chuckled. "I suppose...," his face turned serious as he considered. "I suppose we'd find somewhere else to live. Unless _you_ want to live in the dorms?"

"What? No! I want to live with you."

As soon as the words came out I realised what I was saying.

Edward and I would be living together.

I bit my lip, wondering what he was thinking. He looked down at his form, frowning, as he tapped the paper with the end of his pen.

"We can work that out later," he said quietly and I nodded.

"Will your family come, too?"

"Probably Alice and Jasper, I'm not sure about the others." He looked up suddenly, eyes worried. "Are you concerned about chaperones?"

I snorted.

"Chaperones? What century are you from? Oh yeah, I forgot..."

I was rewarded with my second exaggerated eye roll for the afternoon.

"It's a valid question, Bella."

"No, I'm not concerned about chaperones, Edward."

I rolled my eyes back at him, a smile tugged at his lips and he went back to working on his applications. He wrote at human speed, but the page still seemed to fill quickly and easily.

"Did you just write your Dartmouth essay?" I asked, bewildered, and he nodded. "Wow. It took me nearly two hours to write my English essay last week. And I was really familiar with the topic."

"_Romeo and Juliet_?"

"Yeah."

"What grade did you get?"

"An A."

He smirked. "So, I'm guessing you didn't write that if they'd just waited a few weeks they would have got over each other and broken up?"

"No," I laughed. "I didn't."

He leant forward now, his elbows sliding smoothly over the polished wood as he cupped his hands around the back of his neck.

"What did you write?"

I shrugged. "Mostly what Angela and Jessica said at lunch. I just covered the themes that the teacher had already outlined."

"Must have been more than just covering the themes to get an A."

I leant forward too.

"I said it was more than just the inevitability." I traced my finger over the table top as I spoke. "You can look at someone's personality and say certain behaviours are inevitable, but the message in the story is that they were _destined_ to be together, no matter what. And their love is so strong it transcends everything else, nothing can keep them apart, not social convention, or family pressure, or even death. There are no earthly binds to their love. It's saying I'll do whatever I have to to be with you. It's saying I love you _more than my own life._" I leant back, shrugging.

Edward watched me through intense eyes. "That's very powerful," he said quietly. A blush crept over my cheeks and I looked down at my lap.

"That's just the way I see it," I murmured.

ooo0ooo

Charlie helped again with dinner that night. We talked about school, his work and the funny story the speeding truck driver told him to avoid a ticket. He even asked how things were with Edward and I could see he was really trying. I wondered if I should tell him we were applying to the same colleges, and then decided against it.

Jake called in after dinner, just as I was getting ready to go to the Cullen's. Charlie was happy to see him, they talked briefly, about fish, and then my dad went back to his game on the flat screen.

"So you were just in the neighbourhood?" I asked Jake as he followed me into the kitchen.

"I wanted to see how you were," he grinned his wide, toothy grin and I found myself smiling back, just as wide. It was good to see him.

"You look a lot better than you did on Monday," he said.

Monday? Had it only been five days ago?

"I am a lot better," I answered. "Do you want a drink?"

"Nah, I can see you're getting ready to go out. You going to see Edward?"

"Yes."

"How are things going there?"

"Things are good," I smiled.

Jake was leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, looking defensive.

"And he's staying this time?"

"Yes." My voice was a little harsh and I folded my arms across my chest, too. "He's staying."

"Good. 'Cause if he hurts you again..."

"Jacob!" I snapped, startling him.

"Sorry," he held up his hands, palms forward. "I'm just looking out for a friend."

My sudden flare of anger faded.

"I know, sorry. And I appreciate it." I smiled to let him know there were no hard feelings. "But we've talked a lot and there's nothing for anyone to be concerned about. We're in love, he's staying and I. Am. Happy." I spelled it out for him.

Jake watched me closely for a moment.

"Then I'm glad," he said. "I don't understand it, but I guess I don't have to. I'm just glad you're happy again."

"Thanks." We stood grinning at each other.

"How's Charlie feel about it?"

I groaned and Jake's shoulders shook with a quiet laugh.

"You don't have to tell me; I get it. So, you'll come by the Res sometime?"

I frowned. "Um, sure. I guess."

I knew I sounded uncertain and Jake rolled his eyes.

"You can bring Edward," he said and my mouth popped open.

"But, the treaty..."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure Callum told you things have relaxed a bit now...after what Edward did for Seth. And now Callum's in some sort of video game challenge with one of the others." He shook his head in exasperation and I laughed.

"That would be Emmett and the Super Mario Brothers."

"Yeah," Jake chuckled. "So that kind of involves Leah, too, and Sam just thinks maybe we should re-think things, keep the treaty but update it a bit."

"That's...," I didn't know what to say. "Thanks Jake. I'll tell Edward tonight."

"I think he probably knows. Sam was going to speak to the head vamp this afternoon."

I crossed the kitchen and pulled Jake into a hug.

"Yeah, okay," he chuckled, hugging me back.

"Oh, and by the way," I pulled back and punched him in the arm, softly. "You told Callum that Edward stinks - he does not."

Jake chuckled again. "Sure he does."

"He does not."

"Does too."

"Does not."

"Are you two fighting?" Charlie called from the living room.

"Nah," Jake called back as he grinned at me. "We're just discussing perfume."

"Perfume?" Charlie sounded confused.

"Never mind, Dad," I called. Then I mock-glared at Jacob.

"Edward probably thinks _you_ stink, too."

"I'm sure he does," he laughed. "Anyway, I'd better get going."

He headed for the front door, stopping to say a quick goodnight to Charlie on his way.

"Oh, and Bella?" He turned on the doorstep.

"Yeah?"

"You might want to shower before you go to the Cullen's."

"Why?"

"I think you smell fine, but we hugged just now so Edward's probably going to think _you_ _stink_."

It took a moment for me to realise what Jake meant, and then I groaned.

"Jaacoob," I whined.

"Hey, _you_ hugged _me, _remember?"

"Ugh!"

He laughed as he headed for his car and I shut the front door and stomped up the stairs to the bathroom.

ooo0ooo

My hair was still wet when I pulled up outside Edward's house.

The front door opened and Alice barreled out, onto the porch and down the front steps.

"I get her first!" she was yelling and I heard Edward's voice as he appeared right behind her.

"She's not a toy, Alice!"

"What's going on?" I looked from Alice to Edward.

"Prom!"

"She doesn't want to go, Alice."

"Let her decide, Edward."

"She has decided."

"But she hasn't seen the dress, yet."

A breeze blew up, stirring the leaves at my feet and sending a wintery shiver through me.

"Sorry," Edward mumbled and swept me into his arms.

A second later I was standing on the living room rug. The fire was blazing and Edward was draping the purple angora rug around my shoulders. The main lights were off, there was just the dim light of the side lamps and the glow of the fire. The room was warm and inviting.

"Hi Bella." Jasper looked up from the computer in the corner of the room, smiling quietly.

"Hi," I smiled back as Alice grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the sofa. Edward groaned and ran his hand through his hair.

"Look!" Alice thrust a picture in front of my face. It had been printed from the computer and showed a catwalk model wearing a gown of soft-falling, turquoise fabric. I'd been sort of expecting an ambush like this ever since the conversation at lunch.

"It flounces," Alice beamed. "And with silver heels it'll look stunning on you."

Edward heaved a sigh and folded himself onto the floor. He stretched his legs out, leant back on his hands, cocked his head to one shoulder and gave me an apologetic smile.

"Sorry," he mouthed.

"It's okay," I mouthed back, then turned to Alice who was eyeing the picture critically.

"I think maybe we could curl your hair into ringlets...no, swept up would be better."

She grabbed my ponytail and held it up.

"Alice...," I put a hand on her arm. "It's a lovely dress, but I'm not going to prom."

She pouted and dropped my pony tail. "But you'd look so good."

"Alice...," Edward warned and she waved him away.

"Alice, your efforts would be better spent on someone who really liked that sort of thing," I said kindly but she frowned.

"Like who?"

The idea came from nowhere and was forming in my mind as I spoke.

"Angela and Jessica are going to Port Angeles sometime next week to look for dresses. They've asked me to go along to give opinions, and I will, but I'm sure they'd love it if you came too. You're the expert after all, you'd have them looking a million dollars."

Alice's face lit up.

"I would. Angela is so tall, I could work wonders with her."

"And you can steer Jessica away from anything too short. Or tight." Edward drawled from the floor and Alice and I both laughed.

"But are you sure you don't want to go? You only get to experience senior prom once as a human."

"I'm sure. Really. I've made my decision."

She looked at me closely, then nodded smiling. "Yes, I can see you have."

Jasper stood up from the computer and walked over.

"Are you ready, Alice?"

"Just give me a sec." And she disappeared up the stairs before I realised she'd even stood up.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Hunting," he smiled, lips closed. "How's school?"

"Fine. Struggling with a history assignment at the moment."

"Oh?" Jasper's brow furrowed slightly and he took a seat on the arm of the lounge chair across from me. "What's the assignment?"

"Researching the balance of social, political and economic causes of the Civil War."

Jasper's eyes lit up, gleaming like I'd never seen before. He slid off the armrest and into the chair, leaning forward eagerly as he spoke.

"I can help you with that. Who's your teacher?"

"Mr. Maxwell."

His lip curled just slightly.

"Maxwell," he snarled. "His understanding of the Civil War comes from reading _Gone with the Wind_ and episodes of _North and South._"

Jasper obviously felt passionately about this. My eyes flicked to Edward.

"Jasper was a Major in the Confederate Army," he explained, as if that was the most normal thing to say in 2006. "He's still bitter because Mr. Maxwell gave him a C on his final assignment last year."

"Oh."

"The man's obviously biased towards the North," Jasper shook his head then leant forward.

"Bella, it would be my pleasure to help you with your assignment. And I guarantee you won't get a C."

I grinned. "Thanks, Jasper. That would be great."

He bowed his head and then stood as Alice appeared. She'd obviously changed into hunting clothes.

"We'll see you later," she chimed. "Have fun." And suddenly they were gone.

I looked at Edward, still stretched out on the floor.

"You stood up to Alice," he said.

"I did. And it worked!"

He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow.

"Join me?"

I slid from the sofa and onto the rug beside him. We were in front of the fire and when I took his hands they felt warm from the heat.

"Mm," I closed my eyes. "You're toasty."

Edward chuckled. "It's not every day I hear that."

"I should hope not." My eyes snapped open and I pretended to glare at him. He laughed again.

"So, are you telling me _I'm hot_, Bella?"

"Absolutely." I kissed his hands. "Where are the others?" I looked around. The house seemed silent except for the soft crackle of the flames.

"Everyone's gone out," he said, and he gave me that crooked smile. "We have the house to ourselves."

"Ah."

He brought his hands up to my face, stroking my face.

"Oh, Jacob came by. Has Sam talked to Carlisle?"

"He has. He came earlier, with Quil and Embry. They're relaxing the treaty."

"It's good, isn't it?"

"It is."

He leant in and kissed me under my ear.

"It makes it easier for you to keep seeing your friends." He nudged his nose along mine. "But I don't want to talk about the wolves right now."

"What _do _you want to do?"

Edward looked at me from under his lashes.

"Purr for me?" he whispered shyly.

My heart was somersalting in my chest as I put my lips to his ear and gave him my best. This was fun, discovering all the little things that Edward liked.

"Mm," Edward's eyes closed and his lips curved up in a smile.

"Like that?" I asked when I'd run out of purr.

"Just like that."

The flames were reflected in his amber eyes as he leant in close to kiss me.

"It sounds like a soft growl," he whispered.

His lips parted, just slightly, as our mouths met and his hands wound in my hair. The kiss was soft and slow and Edward leaned back, laying down and pulling me with him until I was on top of him. His mouth trailed from my lips to my jaw while his hands played around the hem of my shirt, then they slid underneath and caressed the bare skin of my back, like he had done in my room that morning.

I moaned softly.

"Is that okay?" His lips moved against my throat.

"Uh huh."

His fingers trailed over my spine, over the sway of my lower back.

My hands were in his hair as I arched my neck, giving him more access to kiss and suck at the skin there.

"That feels so good," I whispered and I felt him smile.

Edward's hands came slowly around to my ribs and ran over the bones there. His fingers felt like they were playing the piano; soft, gentle touches that were like a symphony on my skin. Gradually, very slowly, his fingers moved higher. My fingers clutched at his shoulders, fisting in the fabric of his sweater.

My body felt like it was on fire, my blood was burning and pounding through me and I didn't want him to stop. His fingers inched higher, and higher, until they grazed the lace edge on the sides of my bra.

Edward's fingers stilled and I knew he was unsure.

And suddenly I wanted to do for him what he'd done for me.

I sat up and he looked at me puzzled, confused.

"Did I...," he started to ask and I shook my head. I was straddling his thighs like I had a few nights before, and I began to slowly unbutton my shirt.

"Oh," Edward's eyes widened in understanding. "Oh."

He blinked a couple of times and then swallowed, hard.

"Are you sure?" he said and I nodded.

My fingers were shaking as they pushed the buttons through the holes and Edward's eyes followed their every movement. There were only six buttons, but it felt like sixty and my heart was pounding harder and faster with each one that I opened.

Finally, I pushed the last button through and my shirt fell open.

"Oh!"

I watched Edward's eyes darken as they swept over me and his lips parted. He shifted slightly beneath me and I stayed very still.

"Words fail me," he whispered and then his eyes came up to mine and I could see the overwhelming love there. And the desire.

He licked his lips and then tentatively raised his hands, pushing the shirt just over my shoulders, opening it a little wider, letting the soft, blue fabric frame my chest.

I wondered for a moment if I should take the shirt off, I would have been happy to, but I was letting him lead this.

My bra was ice blue with lace edging and Edward touched one finger to the lace at the top of my right breast.

"Can I touch you?" His eyes were blazing and I nodded, tossing my pony tail eagerly over shoulder and out of the way.

Edward's fingers were still warm from the flames. With incredible tenderness he traced the lightest touch on the bare skin above the lace. The skin was sensitive and a faint shiver of pleasure rolled through me.

He followed the line of the bra, moving slowly over the swell of one breast, into the valley in between and then up and over the swell of the other breast.

He was mesmerised.

And I was on fire.

But I kept perfectly still.

"I can see your heart beat," Edward whispered. He moved his hand and rested his fingers over the pulsing flesh as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. Then his fingers trailed down and he gently cupped my breast in his palm.

"Oh," he whispered. "So perfect." He looked at me with a smile of heartbreaking love and wonder. I felt my heart stutter in my chest and I knew he would feel it.

He lifted his other hand to my right breast and held it, too. His fingers squeezed gently and then slowly he ran his thumbs over the fullness of each breast and my head fell back as I moaned at the sensation.

It felt so good. Too good. Like electricity sparking through me.

Everything in me was urging me to move against him and I had to bite down on my lip, hard, to stop myself. If it felt this good with the bra on, I wondered how it would feel without it. And then I wondered how soon I could find out.

Edward's touch grew bolder, stroking, kneading; exploring and learning.

Then he sat up and wound his arms around my back. I could feel the tremor of his hands against me.

He brought his face in close and kissed the bare skin of my left breast, right over my heart. Then he moved across and kissed the other breast to match, his lips caressing the skin in between.

My body was humming with the sensations he was pulling from me. And seeing his head between my breasts was...no, there were no words.

I let go of his shoulders and fisted my hands in his hair, holding him against me. He didn't seem to mind; his hands pressed me closer and his tongue came out and swirled over me, dipping into the top of my cleavage, and I moaned.

Edward groaned and his body tightened. His fingers curled into claws on my back and I felt the tremors running through him. He was nearing his limit. I stayed very still, letting him kiss over my neck and the top of my breasts. But the feelings were too much and when I moaned again and arched my neck Edward growled.

And I knew that was it.

He snapped his hands away quickly, then froze. And so did I.

His chest was heaving, his arms were shaking, his hands sat flat on the floor. He licked his lips as his eyes, heavy lidded and dark with desire, stared into mine.

"I think..." His voice was deep and rougher than I'd ever heard. "I think..."

"Too much?" I panted.

He swallowed and nodded slowly.

"Okay."

He swallowed again and gently eased me off him. He lay down and pulled me beside him, hugging me against his side with one arm while the other was thrown over his face. His jaw was tight, the tendons in his neck stood out like ropes under the skin.

"That was pretty amazing," I whispered and started re-buttoning my shirt. It was a bit awkward, but I managed.

From under his elbow I could see Edward's lips curve into a smile. His breathing gradually slowed and he moved his arm away. His fingers grazed my cheek.

"It was more than amazing."

He looked so shy.

"Would it be wrong of me to tell you I've imagined that scenario before?"

My mouth popped open. My heart was doing a happy dance, punching the air.

"No. No, it's not wrong. I...have you?"

He nodded, lying on his side now, his hand trailing down and resting on my hip.

"And this was so much more than any fantasy. _You_ are so much more."

I dropped my eyes.

He'd imagined it. A smug smile was tugging at my lips...and now I wondered what else he'd imagined. I wondered if I'd be brave enough to ask. I opened my mouth and closed it. Twice.

"What are you thinking?"

Okay, here we go.

"I was just wondering, do you do that much? Fantasise, I mean. I know it's a personal question, I just...wondered." I drew my finger through the thick pile of the rug. The deep burgundy of the wool probably paled against the blush on my cheeks.

"Maybe talking about things we'd like to try might help with the, um, practicing."

I stared furiously as the rug and then, as the silence stretched, I screwed my eyes shut. I'd obviously taken things too far. He probably thought I was a deviant.

"One day, I would like to undress you with my own hands. And kiss every inch of each new piece of skin that I expose."

Oh my...

My eyes shot open. Was I brave enough to look at him?

"_One _day," he clarified.. "When I can be sure I won't tear your clothes, or anything else."

Actually, I kind of liked the idea of him tearing my clothes off.

I took a quick peek at Edward's face. He was still shy, there was a tentative smile on his lips.

"Would that be something you'd like?" he asked.

"Yes, I'd like that. Very much."

His hand left my hip and came up to stroke my cheek.

"I want to feel your hands on me," he continued. "_All_ of me. And I want to feel mine on you."

"I'd like that, too."

He smiled.

"You are incredibly beautiful, you know." He leaned in and kissed me sweetly.

Then his face became serious and he sat up. I watched, puzzled, as he stared into the fire for a moment before turning to me. He pulled one hand through his untidy hair.

"Bella, are you free Saturday of next week?"

I snorted.

"Yes." What did he think I'd be doing? "Why? Do you want to do something?"

He was chewing on his lip, obviously puzzling over something, thinking it out. Then he nodded sharply.

"I'd like to take you out."

"Take me out? Do you mean, like, on a date?"

"Yes. On a date."

He was serious about this. And it seemed important to him.

"Um, okay. That would be...great. I'd like that."

His smile lit up the whole room.

ooo0ooo

The days that followed were busy.

On Saturday we collected the Vanquish from Portland. Edward and I sat in the back seat of the jeep while Emmett drove and Rosalie fiddled with the stereo and argued with Edward about music selection.

"You're kidding?" Edward scoffed at one point as we headed along the 101 . "That song is appalling. Listen to those quarter notes, and the minor chord is..."

"Edward, when you are in your car, you can play what you like," Rosalie snarked back, cutting him off.

"Actually, Rosie," Emmett sounded hesitant. "This is my car, and I don't like that song either," he grimaced, obviously waiting his wife's wrath.

"Fine," she snapped and crossed her arms over her chest. "Then you choose something."

Emmett grinned, slid a new CD in the stereo and the car was filled with the sounds of Andy Williams crooning _Moon River._

Edward and Rosalie both groaned and Portland seemed a very long way away.

On Sunday we drove the Vanquish to Seattle so Edward could order a new Volvo. He test drove three, asked my opinion on each and then chose the fastest one - like I knew he would anyway.

The salesman was rubbing his hands together.

"You say you want _all_ the optional extras?" I could practically see the dollar signs in his eyes.

"Yes," Edward said simply. "All of them. Except the sun roof."

On Tuesday I went to Port Angeles after school with Alice, Angela and Jessica. It took all afternoon but Jess and Angela returned home with the perfect dress, shoes and accessories and Alice was actually considering going into business.

"There are so many people out there who need someone like me," she mused.

On Thursday I worked at Newtons and this time Edward dropped by. He bought two pairs of hiking boots, a new backpack and kissed me soundly before he walked out the door, whistling, leaving Mike scowling from behind the stock room curtain.

And through all this I wondered what Edward had planned for our date on Saturday. He wouldn't tell me where he was taking me and I didn't know if I should be worried or excited. Sometimes I'd catch him smiling to himself. Other times I'd catch him smiling at me. There were several times he seemed pre-occupied and thoughtful and I could only speculate what it all meant. He hadn't asked about my passport so I guessed we were staying in the continental US.

By the time Edward knocked on the door at twelve o'clock on Saturday I was excited and anxious. I'd changed outfits three times and had finally settled on my blue blouse, my good grey pants and the charcoal coloured jacket Renee had bought me and I'd never worn. My hair was out, falling in waves over my shoulders and my locket was on display against my chest.

"You look beautiful," Edward said as he stepped into the hall and handed me a small bunch of white and yellow flowers wrapped in blue tissue paper and tied with a silver ribbon.

He'd never bought me flowers before and the simple gesture delighted me more than I ever thought it would.

"Thank you. They're lovely."

"You're very welcome," he smiled and his eyes were shining.

I started giggling as I realised what he was doing.

"Edward, you're courting me."

"Yes. I thought it was about time."

I found a vase, put the flowers in water and then took Edward's arm as he led me out to the car.

"We have reservations for one o'clock," he said, holding open the passenger door of the Vanquish.

"Where are we going?"

He slid into the driver's seat and the engine purred into life.

"I thought we'd start with lunch at Bella Italia." He looked at me quickly, gauging my reaction.

I was smiling.

"And after that, I have seats for _Romeo and Juliet_ by the Port Angeles Players. And then...," he looked back out the windscreen and seemed shy all of a sudden. "I thought we could see where the evening takes us."

There were butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I was all excitement and anticipation.

"Sounds good," I said as the car wound along the road.

Edward held open the door of the restaurant for me and the waitress greeted us as we walked in.

"Table for Cullen," Edward said and she blushed and stuttered her way to the same private booth we'd had the first time we'd been here - almost a year ago.

I slid into the booth and the waitress removed the small _Reserved_ sign and set out two menus.

"Did you ask for this table?"

Edward nodded and I smiled at my sentimental vampire.

"So, is this where you tell me you're a vampire?" I mouthed the last word as I leant across the table and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Yes," he mouthed back and handed me my menu. "You should stay away from me."

I laughed as I looked at the pasta choices.

"Nope," I said. "You're stuck with me."

"Good," he grinned over the top of his menu.

Lunch was delicious. There was tortellini on my plate and Edward fed me lasagne from his.

By the time I'd had half of his and half of mine I felt like I was about to burst.

"Desert?"

I shook my head.

"I think I'm going to be rolling out of here as it is." I puffed out my cheeks and Edward laughed.

"Come on, then," he said. "If I'm going to roll you down the street to the theatre we'd better start now."

The Port Angeles Theatre was full, their production of _Romeo and Juliet_ was obviously popular, and deservedly so.

I sat, enthralled, for the next two hours as we watched the tragic love story play out. Edward never let go of my hand, his thumb stroking gently over my wrist. My head rested against his shoulder and every now and then he'd kiss my hair, or lift my hand to his lips.

When the tears rolled down my cheeks Edward handed me a linen handkerchief. I looked at him, surprised, and he shrugged.

"I brought it just in case. I thought you might need it," he whispered.

It was late afternoon when we left the theatre. The sky was darkening, twilight, and though it was winter the weather was mild.

"Would you like to take a walk?" Edward asked. "It doesn't seem too cold."

"I'd like that."

He smiled and tucked my arm through his.

"What did you think of the play?"

"I loved it. The story's just so much more _intense_ when you see it on a stage with live actors."

He nodded his agreement.

"Did _you_ enjoy it?"

"Very much," he said. "And I think...since hearing your take on it the other day, I have a new appreciation for the characters."

I squeezed his arm.

"Thank you for today, Edward; it's just been...the best."

He smiled and bent his head, brushing his lips over mine.

We walked across the park to the footpath that ran around the edge of the harbour. The cloud cover was still thick, but in the distance, over the Olympic Mountain range, the sun was shining through, turning the mountains spectacular shades of purple and silver. It was beautiful.

I leant my head against Edward as we walked. No-one was around, the water was lapping gently at the harbour wall. Boats bobbed up and down in the softly fading light.

Edward led us over to a seat which gave perfect views over the water and up to the mountains beyond. We sat quietly, his arm was around my shoulders, holding me close.

"Let me know if you get too cold."

"I will."

The date had been perfect, but now I sensed a shift in Edward's mood. Nothing bad, he just seemed...was he nervous?

I was about to ask if everything was alright, when he spoke.

"Bella?"

"Mm?"

"We're going away to college soon."

"Mm."

"And, if you're agreeable, I'd like to do things properly."

He shifted, angling himself now so he could face me. His eyes were wide and sincere. And very serious. My heart sped up a little as realisation started to dawn on me. He took my hands in his.

"Bella, I know I'm from a different time, and some of my values might seem old-fashioned, but..."

He stopped, looked down at our hands and smiled as he shook his head.

"I had a whole speech planned," he said. "But now..."

He let go of my hands and stood up, looking at me with eyes brimming with emotion. Slowly, he got down on one knee.

"Oh!" My hand flew to my mouth.

Edward reached into the shadows of his overcoat, finding the breast pocket. I watched his fingers closely as they emerged slowly, holding a ring. An oval diamond, set in a band of gold.

"This was my mother's," he murmured softly.

Tears were blurring my vision and I blinked them back furiously, not wanting to miss a second of this.

He took my left hand, holding it tenderly in his though his hands were shaking and so were mine.

I could feel the sob coming up from my chest.

Edward swallowed, eyes blazing, brilliant and raw with his love. His lips parted and he took a slow breath.

"I love you, Isabella. I will always love you. Would you do me the very great honour of marrying me?"

I didn't have to think twice.

"Yes!"

"Yes?" There was amazement in his eyes. And joy.

"Yes! Yes!"

Edward's face broke into a heartbreakingly beautiful smile, then he bent his head over my hand as he slid the ring onto my finger. It went on smoothly, fitting perfectly, and both our heads were bent, looking at my left hand. Even in the dim light of twilight the diamond sparkled.

"It looks beautiful on you." Edward's voice broke and I grabbed him and pulled him to me. He was still on one knee and I was hugging his head against my chest.

"I love you," I whispered into his hair. "I love you."

He unwound himself and stood up, bringing me with him, lifting me up and swinging me around. We were both laughing now, heads thrown back as he spun us.

"You said yes!"

"I said yes!"

"Yes!" he cried out, laughing.

He stopped, and still holding me above the ground, he pressed his lips to mine. And it was all there in that kiss, everything - our hearts, our souls, our love, everything.

We broke apart, both of us breathless. Edward set me on my feet. His thumbs ran over my cheekbones and he pressed his forehead to mine as he looked into my eyes.

"You said yes."

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, they really make my day and I appreciate every one :)**


	14. Chapter 14: Getting There

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Sorry this took a while. It's a really, really looooong chapter, and there were some parts I struggled with before I was happy with them. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.**

**And huge thank you to Edward's Eternal! Muah!**

We were engaged.

Edward and me.

We stood in the park, staring into each other's eyes, absorbing what had just happened.

Then Edward took his hands from my face, opened his overcoat and tucked me inside, under his chin, as close as he could get me. My arms circled his waist eagerly and I pressed my cheek against the hardness of his chest, over his heart.

"I swear I can feel it beating," he whispered. "I know it's not, but I can feel it."

I wriggled one hand up and over his side, across his chest, letting my fingers trace over the place his heart would be. Then I pressed my lips there in a kiss. Edward sighed, and his arms squeezed me even closer.

I lifted my head and his eyes were fiery gold, blazing and brilliant with love as he smiled at me.

"I promise I will make you happy, Bella."

The raw emotion in his words, in his eyes, was my undoing and the tears I'd been fighting started to spill over my cheeks.

"You already do," I whispered.

He closed his eyes as he leant in and brushed his lips over mine.

"Come on," he said as he pulled back slowly, grinning and nudging my nose with his. "Let's go tell people."

ooo0ooo

"We have an announcement."

The pride and excitement in Edward's voice was loud and clear. His hand was clasped around mine, squeezing over and over, as we stood in the Cullens' living room with his family assembled around us.

I smiled at the curious, expectant faces. In the background Alice was grinning, bouncing up and down on her toes and hugging herself - it was clear she already knew.

I looked at Edward. His smile was brilliant, the joy was radiating from him; it was alive, an energy, I could feel it. And I knew he could feel mine.

He turned to look at me and I wondered how he was going to tell them. It would probably be something formal.

_Bella has consented to marry me...Bella and I are to be married...I've asked Bella to be my wife…_

He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and turned back to his family, grinning.

"We're engaged!"

There was a beat of silence. And another.

Then eyebrows went up and jaws went down. Alice giggled but Esme broke first.

She rushed at Edward, throwing her arms around his neck and I let go of his hand so he could hug her back.

"I'm so happy for you. So happy," she cried into his chest, then pulled back and looked at him with deep joy. Then she turned to me and grabbed me in a gentle but enthusiastic hug. "Bella, you've brought such happiness. I can't wait for you to be part of the family officially."

And then everyone joined in.

We were congratulated and hugged. There were exclamations and cheers and Carlisle's joy mirrored Esme's as he grabbed his son in a fierce hug that Edward returned.

Alice squealed as she threw herself at me.

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!"

And even Rosalie's smile was genuine.

My ring was examined and admired and Edward was slapped on the back and punched on the arm by his brothers, but he didn't seem to mind. But when Emmett started with some ribald comment Edward cut him off and Rosalie whacked her husband over the back of the head.

"Not in front of the bride," she snapped and then turned to me. "So does this mean you're staying human?"

I knew Edward had told them our decisions about college and my change so her question surprised me.

"Well, for a while. A couple of years, there are ways I can fast-track my diploma, depending on where we get accepted. But I'm still going to change. I don't want to be too much older than Edward."

Her eyes went flat and I could see this displeased her. I wondered if this was part of her problem with me – Edward had told me once that Rosalie struggled the most with being a vampire. I didn't know the circumstances of her change, but I guessed she would have said no if she'd been given a choice.

She continued to stare at me. A few feet away Emmett and Jasper were already planning a bachelor party, teasing Edward with threats of night clubs and shaving cream while Alice jumped on his back, hugging him tightly around the neck. But even with all that going on around him, I could feel his eyes on me as I stood with Rosalie.

Her expression was still blank, and it unnerved me. What did she want me to say? That I would give up the chance of forever with the man I loved more than my own life? And then I realised that maybe that was the key.

"I want what you have with Emmett," I said. "I want to know that I'll never have to lose Edward, and he won't have to lose me. I don't want him to ever be alone again."

And that seemed to hit the mark.

There was a flicker of surprise in her eyes, and then I could see realization dawning. Her eyes softened, and so did her expression. Her gaze moved across the room to Emmett where he had Edward in a headlock while Alice still clung to his back and Esme was calling for calm.

Rosalie watched for a moment and her love for Emmett was there in her face. She turned back to me and gave a curt nod, but I could see in her eyes that she got it.

She favoured me with another smile as she reached out and gave my hand a squeeze and from Rosalie Hale that spoke volumes.

I smiled back. She nodded again and then glided across the room to her husband.

"So when's the big day?" Jasper shouted above the uproar.

Edward pulled out of Emmett's grasp suddenly and with ease – it was obvious he'd only put up with brother's attack because he chose to. He pushed his hands through his hair as Alice slid off his back. The bronze strands stuck out in all directions and made me smile.

"We haven't got that far yet," he said, reaching for me. There was still hair hanging in his face and I pushed it out of the way. It fell straight back and he gave me a shrug. His eyes glowed with happiness and as the joy bubbled up inside me my words spilled out.

"June twentieth. I want to get married on June twentieth."

Edward blinked at me.

"That's my... "

"Birthday. I know."

There was silence around us and suddenly I felt very self-conscious. Maybe I should have asked him first.

"Unless, you know, we don't..."

I stopped talking and started chewing my lip.

Edward lifted his hand and pressed his thumb against my bottom lip, pulling it free from my teeth.

"June twentieth," he smiled at me, his face alight with love. He turned to his family.

"We're getting married on June twentieth."

"This June twentieth?" Alice's voice was a squeak. Edward turned back to me, his eyes wide with the question.

"Yes," I answered.

"But it's the beginning of February now! That's not even five months away, and it'll be just after graduation!"

The horror on her face was clear, but I didn't understand. She started pacing, ticking things off on her fingers.

"There's the dress, and all the best designers are booked up months and months in advance, June is really pushing it, but I'll see what I can do. Then the flowers, the cake, oh and the invitations, of course you'll want parchment, not paper – all these things need time if you're going to do them properly. And the venue! The best hotels are booked out at least a year or two in advance!"

I could feel my stress levels rising already as I listened to her speech. We'd been engaged an hour and already Alice was planning our wedding down to the details. But when she actually pulled her hand through her hair, just like Edward, it made me laugh.

"It's not funny, Bella." She stopped suddenly. "At this rate you'll be wearing something _off the rack_."

She hissed the last words.

"Alice," Jasper's voice was gentle. "Maybe you should let Edward and Bella have some say in all this."

Alice's mouth popped open as she looked at Jasper. He raised an eyebrow, she scowled, his eyebrow went higher and her scowl deepened. Jasper added a second eyebrow and a tilt of his head and Alice sighed, defeated. A second later she gave me a sheepish grin.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just so excited. Obviously this is your day, your decisions. I might have got carried away."

I could see the disappointment behind her smile.

"That's okay." I walked across the room to hug her. "Going by what you were just saying I'm sure we'll need some help. I've never organized a wedding before."

"Then I can help?" Alice's eyes glowed and I nodded.

"Help," I clarified. "Not organize. We're not doing the Waldorf."

"No?" She pouted for a second. "Oh, well. We can still do something nice."

Then the smile was back on her face as she clapped her hands again.

"I can help! I can help!"

"Actually, Edward," Emmett was smirking as he leant against the fireplace. "I can probably help out too. You know, if you need any hints or tips or instructions with anything."

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Edward rolled his eyes.

"And on that point, I think we'll take our leave."

He grabbed my hand and towed me upstairs behind him. I could hear the voices as we went.

"What did I do?" Emmett was chuckling.

"Don't tease him," Esme scolded.

"I don't think Edward is going to need your help." Carlisle's voice was firm.

"Hey, I just thought he might have questions."

"Emmett!"

It sounded like the whole family was in on the last one. In front of me Edward cringed as he pulled me into his room and closed the door behind us.

He turned on some music, perhaps to block out his family, and we curled up together on his leather couch.

"Hmm," he sighed as he kissed me softly. "So, no Waldorf? Are you sure? It's a very nice hotel."

"Are you serious?"

I pulled back to search his eyes.

"That it's very nice? Yes." He leant in and kissed my neck.

"I...it probably is, but..."

"We could have the grand ballroom. A twelve tier wedding cake."

"But...but..."

I felt his chuckle before I heard it.

"Argh!" I pushed against his shoulder and laughed. "You had me going for a minute there."

"Sorry, I couldn't resist." He was grinning, all amber eyes and perfect teeth. "Am I forgiven?"

"Mm, this time."

He chuckled again and nuzzled my ear.

"So what sort of wedding would you like? Something small? Just family?"

I took a moment to think. This was something that had never crossed my mind before now.

"Yeah, I think that sounds good. Family and a few friends. Do you think we could have it here?"

"I'm sure we could." His face lit up and I nestled in close to him.

"Have you been to the Waldorf?"

"I've stayed there twice."

"How come?"

"Concerts. The New York Philharmonic and Simon and Garfunkel."

He stroked his thumb over the diamond of my ring. The stone sparkled in its fine gold band of filigree.

"It's beautiful," I whispered.

"I wasn't sure...," he started. "At first I was going to buy you something new. And then I wondered if you'd prefer to choose your own. I couldn't decide and then, in the end..."

"It's perfect, Edward." He smiled, eyes warm and deep. "So, it sounds like you've been planning this for a while."

"About a week."

"Since that night in front of the fire?" My blood heated at the memory.

"Since that night. Although I had thought about it before. But I never...it just didn't seem possible."

"Because we're different?"

His fingers stroked over mine as he stared at my ring.

"There's that, obviously, and those differences are so great that for a long time I couldn't see how they could be overcome. But also...I didn't think marriage was high on your agenda. I thought you would say no."

Oh.

My heart constricted in my chest, especially as I realised that he was right. There was a time when I would have said no.

"Marriage was never something I really thought about before," I admitted. "I guess I just saw it as a piece of paper that didn't mean anything. At least, in my parents' case it didn't." I chewed on my lip as I thought.

"While you were gone, and since you've come back, I've been seeing a lot of things differently, more clearly...," I trailed off as Edward's fingers played in my hair.

"The night you gave me my pocket watch, and you spoke about the future...," he paused. "You were telling me then, weren't you?"

I nodded and I didn't think his eyes could get any softer.

"That was the night I thought that maybe.._.maybe_ one day she will say yes."

"Yes."

His lips brushed over my temple.

"When should we tell your father?"

Oh. Well that question just burst my bubble.

I sighed and sort of slumped against Edward. He rubbed his hand over my arm.

"I don't know. But I do know we're not going to get a reaction like we did from your family."

"I know."

I stared out the window at the darkness as I tried to figure out when would be a good time. Then I realised there wasn't going to be a good time. I sat up straighter and took a deep breath.

"How late is it?"

"Six thirty."

I nodded. The weekly round-up on the fishing channel started at seven – he'd been unreachable for ninety minutes.

"Now. Lets tell him now."

Edward was surprised.

"Right now? Are you sure?"

"Yep," I nodded. "I'm on a post proposal high and I'm feeling invincible. I know he's going to say I'm too young, I know he won't be happy, but I also know he loves me...I'm hoping that will help."

Edward studied me for a moment. Then he nodded and stood up.

"Okay, let's go."

oo

Edward held my hand tightly as he steered the car with the other.

"Are you nervous?" he looked across at me and I nodded.

"Yeah. You?"

"A little. But not as much as before."

"Before?"

He gave an embarrassed little chuckle as he shook his head.

"When we were sitting on that seat in the park...I've never been more nervous."

"Really?"

"You didn't notice?" His voice held surprise.

"Mm, maybe I did notice. Just a bit."

He laughed. "Just a bit," he muttered. "I _hoped_ you'd say yes, I _thought_ you might, but I couldn't be sure."

"Your hands were shaking."

"So were yours."

I gave his hand a squeeze.

"As soon as I saw you getting down on one knee, it was a complete shock, I really, really hadn't been expecting it, but I knew right away it was what I wanted."

I shifted, pushing myself up in my seat, ignoring the console and the gear stick, so my lips were by his ear.

"I want to be your wife."

The car swerved slightly and Edward let go of my hand to grab the steering wheel. A low growl rumbled deep in his chest and a second later the car was parked by the side of the road.

Edward's hands were in my hair, his mouth was on mine, hard and urgent, and I was kissing him back with everything I had.

When we broke apart, panting and breathless, I ran my fingers over my lips, trying to keep the feel of Edward's touch as his eyes blazed.

"We'd better keep going," he muttered as he forced his eyes back on the road and his hands back on the steering wheel. "Before I...,"

He shifted in his seat as he put the car into gear.

"Before you what?" My voice was breathless.

"Before I start the honeymoon early."

ooo0ooo

The cruiser was in the driveway, Charlie was in the kitchen and my stomach was in knots.

My dad gave Edward a civil, if frosty, greeting and then frowned when we told him we had some news.

We were a wary, hesitant line as we moved into the living room. Charlie took a seat, perched on the edge of his chair, alert, guarded and clearly suspicious.

Edward held my hand tightly in his as he squared his shoulders and told Charlie that he'd asked me to marry him. My heart sank as I watched my father's face pale.

Edward talked about college, love, me, and wanting to do things the right way. My father listened, his fists clenching tight on his knees while his jaw hardened.

"I knew it was coming," he muttered once Edward had finished, and he rubbed his hands over his face.

"The way you look at her, and the way she looks at you I knew it was coming. I just didn't want to see it. Just didn't think it would be so soon."

He shook his head and stared down at the floor. His shoulders slumped as though he'd suffered some great defeat and my heart ached for him.

"You want this, Bella?" he asked me though his eyes and words were directed at the living room rug.

"Yes, Dad. I want this very much."

He sighed and brought his face back up. His eyes were red-rimmed but dry.

"I know you don't need my permission," he said gruffly. "I realise you'll do it anyway, but for the record, you're too young." He stuck out his chin defiantly as he turned to Edward. "And _you're_ too young." He stabbed a finger for emphasis.

And I understood. He and my mother had barely been any older when they'd married and he didn't want me to be hurt the way he had.

Charlie sighed and his eyes dropped back to the rug. He still sat on the edge of the seat, his elbows rested limply on his legs and his hands hung loose between his knees.

Beside me Edward squared his shoulders and cleared his throat. Charlie looked up as Edward spoke.

"Chief Swan, I love your daughter, more than anything, and my commitment to her is absolute and unwavering. That will never change."

It was a simple statement, but the tenor in his voice, the sincerity in his face and words, seemed to reach Charlie as nothing else had. He and Edward stared at each other for a long time.

The clock on the cabinet ticked. Two minutes passed. Three. Four. After eight minutes Charlie nodded.

"How are you going to support her?"

"Dad!" My indignation was fierce. "I don't need to be supported! I can take care of myself!"

"It's a reasonable question, Bella." Edward's voice was smooth and I rolled my eyes. Of course Mr 1918 thought it was a reasonable question. I let go of his hand and sat back in the sofa, crossing my arms across my chest as Edward leaned forward.

"My birth parents left me very well provided for...," he began.

He talked about his inheritance, owning the family home in Chicago, investments and shares and high interest bank accounts.

Charlie obviously hadn't been expecting this. And neither had I. I fidgeted as Edward continued. Money talk always made me feel uncomfortable and Edward was obviously laying it all out for my father, wanting to ease his fears.

Charlie's mouth was hanging open slightly.

"So, it's like a trust fund?"

"Something like that."

"Does Carlisle handle your investments?"

"Carlisle has been very helpful over the years," Edward answered vaguely but Charlie was frowning now.

"Then those cars, that Vanquish...it's not Carlisle's, is it?"

"No."

Charlie blew out a breath and leant far back in his chair now, dragging his hands over the top of his head.. Edward's hand tightened on my knee, I could feel a tension in his body and I knew he didn't like whatever it was that Charlie was thinking.

"Are you going to want some sort of prenuptial agreement?"

Charlie eyed Edward warily.

"No!" Edward was adamant, shaking his head. "Everything that is mine will become Bella's. Everything."

Charlie nodded and silence fell again. My feet ground circles into the rug, my fingers plucked at the sofa.

"When?" Charlie asked after a moment, turning his attention to me now.

"June twentieth."

"June twentieth, huh?"

I nodded and Charlie sighed.

"I want you to be happy, Bella. That's all your mother and I have ever wanted for you." I could see him struggling - speeches weren't his forte.

"And I can see that you and Edward are...well, I can see." He let out a long breath, nodded and slapped his palms down on the arm rests of the chair and I knew that a decision had been made. "Guess I'd better rent a tuxedo – I don't want to miss the chance to walk my daughter down the aisle."

"Oh, Dad!"

I flew out of my seat and stumbled, nearly falling into his lap as I threw my arms around his neck.

"There will be an aisle, won't there?" he asked as he rubbed his hands over my back. "You're not going to run off to Vegas or anything?"

"No," I grinned as I pulled out of my hug. "There'll be an aisle." I was sure Alice would come up with one.

Charlie stood then and Edward did the same. I could see relief in his eyes and in the lines of his face.

"The same rule still applies," Charlie was using his Chief's voice now as he addressed Edward. "If you hurt her, if she so much as sheds a tear because of you..."

"I understand, Chief Swan."

"Good." My father shrugged. "And, I suppose you should call me Charlie," he grumbled as an afterthought.

He extended his hand and Edward took it.

"Does your mother know?" Charlie turned to me.

"Er, no." A new knot started deep in my stomach.

"Well, when you tell her, if she, you know, makes things difficult...let me know."

My mouth dropped open in surprise and Charlie shrugged again.

"I want you to be happy."

Half an hour later, after a phone call to Renee and the dissolution of my curfew, Edward was sitting on the kitchen counter, trying to help me with dinner. Charlie was in the living room, knocking back a much needed beer and comforting himself with the fishing channel. I had left-overs warming in the oven for him while I prepared grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches for myself.

"Is this right?"

I looked at the tomato Edward had sliced perfectly - each piece exactly the same width.

"Yeah, that's great."

He smiled, pleased.

"What's next?"

"Um, you can grate some more cheese."

I handed him the block of cheddar and the grater and turned back to the bread.

"How's that?"

"Oh, er, yeah, that's good."

He'd grated the whole block before I'd even picked up the next slice of wholegrain. I got a bowl to put the excess in and stored it in the fridge.

"Is this enough for your dinner?" he asked.

I nodded, assembling the sandwiches and sliding them under the grill

"It's more filling than it looks. Anyway, I had a big lunch. And I'm too excited to eat much."

Edward grinned.

"I'm too excited to eat at all."

I rolled my eyes and he pulled me to him, drawing me in between his legs, locking them around me, as he sat on the counter top.

"Is Charlie...?"

Edward tilted his head slightly, listening.

"Engrossed," he answered.

I reached up, smiling, and stroked his face.

"Telling my parents went better than I expected," I said and Edward chuckled.

"It did. Are you over your shock yet? You weren't expecting Renee to be so agreeable, were you?"

He widened his eyes and dropped his jaw in mock shock, obviously mimicking my reaction.

I laughed too.

I'd been expecting my mother to launch into the _'you're too young, you'll ruin your life'_ speech.

Instead, after a moment or two of silence she'd given me the _'you've always had an old head on young shoulders and I trust your judgment'_ speech.

I shook my head, still blown away by her offer to make paper swans out of napkins for the bridal table.

"And Charlie's really okay?"

"He's okay, though he'd still be happier if we waited."

Edward ran his hands through my hair. It felt good and my body relaxed against his.

"Your father really does just want your happiness," he told me. "He just wishes your version of happiness and his were the same."

"And his version is?"

"College, job, no boyfriends till you're thirty."

I snorted a laugh.

Edward's legs tightened around me, pulling me closer so I was pressed up against the counter, and against him.

He bent his head, tilting it so his lips met mine easily, ghosting across my mouth sweetly. I sighed and my head fell back as he moved his attentions to that place behind my ear.

"Mmm..."

"You like that?" His lips whispered against my skin.

"Mmm...uh huh."

His tongue swirled over the spot again and I shivered. He pulled back, a smug smile on his face and ran his hands through my hair again, pushing it back from my face.

"I love you," he mouthed.

"I love you, too."

He hugged me close, tucking me under his chin. I drew abstract shapes over his chest, puckering the linen of his shirt. I'd never felt so content.

"Edward?"

"Mm?"

"What you said in the car before, about starting the honeymoon early?"

"Mm?"

I hesitated now.

"Um, is that something that's going to happen?"

He didn't answer straight away. He kissed the top of my head and then leant back on his hands, head cocked slightly to the side.

He sighed as he watched me, then lifted a hand to twirl a piece of my hair around his finger.

"That's something we need to decide together."

"Do you want to wait?"

"I don't know." His brow furrowed. "I think...what do you want?"

I rolled my eyes.

"I think you know I'm ready."

He smirked and ran his finger along my cheek.

"Ready...," he mused. "I want you," he said quietly. But behind his smile I could see something else.

"But you'd like to wait, right?"

He nodded slowly.

Then he dropped his eyes and seemed unsure all of a sudden. He took a deep breath and traced some lazy spirals over the inside of my wrist.

"I know it's an old fashioned idea...," he looked up at me now through his lashes, eyes smoldering, his voice was hushed and rough. "But I'd like the first time to be as husband and wife."

The muscles clenched deep in my belly and my heart took off. When he put it like that, looking and sounding _that way_...suddenly waiting seemed like the sexiest thing in the world.

"I'd like that too."

Edward smiled softly. He closed his eyes slowly and his lips parted as he leant in and kissed me. His hands reached around to my back, rubbing circles there before slowly sliding lower, down, over the swell of my bottom, and squeezing gently.

"Mm...," I pulled back and ran my tongue over the shell of his ear, delighting in the way he shivered. "That's new."

He chuckled, deep in the back of his throat as his hands gave another gentle squeeze.

"I'm exploring."

Oh?

"So, exploring is okay?"

"Mm, yes." He ran his lips over my neck. "Exploring is okay. Exploring is good. If you want to, that is."

"I want to." I nodded enthusiastically and his hands squeezed just a little harder.

I ran my palms over his thighs, my heart pumping a punishing rhythm now as I moved my fingers higher. "How far can we explore?"

Edward's lips left my neck. He pulled back a little and then rested his forehead against mine. His hands stayed on my bottom.

"I'm feeling more confident about being with you - but we still need to take things slowly."

He gave me an apologetic smile.

"I want you so much," he explained. "All these emotions, the sensations, and urges are still so new to me. And so strong.

He swallowed as his eyes, intense and deep, held mine.

"For so long I'd felt nothing, and then suddenly there was you and I felt..._everything_. It's been confusing and overwhelming and terrifying."

He gave another apologetic smile.

"I'm not human, I'm a vampire. I know my control is very good, I've proved that to myself many times, but my immediate response to anything new, any new sensation or touch, will always be instinctive. Usually it's only a split-second, even less, before my more human side comes into play, but in that split-second I could move too quickly, hold you too tightly - especially if I'm feeling overwhelmed, and you do overwhelm me, Bella."

He arched an eyebrow, searching my face carefully, making sure I understood. He ran his fingers along my cheek and up into my hair.

And I was all sorts of hot.

"I need to work my way up to..._things_." His lips were on my neck again. "Familiarise myself."

"So we'll do some slow exploring then," I breathed.

"Mm." His lips were like satin brushing over my skin, his fingers were under the back of my shirt, trailing over my spine.

"And playing," he murmured.

"Playing?"

"Mm hmm."

Oh, this was sounding so good. My knees actually started to feel weak and I was glad I had the counter, and Edward, to lean against. I wondered what exactly he had in mind.

He focused his mouth on my collarbone, his hands firm as they continued to massage and knead my backside. My hands slid up into his hair, feeling the silken strands between my fingers.

"Bella?"

"Uh huh?"

"Maybe we could buy a bed."

Now that was unexpected.

"I thought we were waiting?"

"We are," he murmured, lips trailing over my throat and up to my chin. "But exploring will be difficult on my couch."

His hand moved higher up my back, pressing me close. "Or while your father is sleeping in the next room."

His lips trailed down to the hollow of my throat.

"But, Edward, _your _family..."

"Are out a lot."

He sucked gently on the skin there and my head fell back.

"So, can we buy a bed, Bella?"

My yes was more of a moan, but I think he got the idea.

His lips moved over mine now, slowly, softly and I felt heat and warmth flowing through me.

"What would you like? A four-poster? Timber? Iron?"

"Anything."

He chuckled and pulled back. I whimpered and pouted at him.

"There's smoke coming out of the griller," he whispered and I grinned.

"That's one way to describe it."

Edward chuckled darkly. "No, seriously, there's smoke coming out of the griller."

"Huh? Oh! OH!"

I wrenched open the griller door and pulled out the tray.

"They're not too burnt," I picked one up and dropped it again straight away.

"Ouch!"

Instantly Edward was beside me, his icy lips on my seared fingers.

"I suppose I can just scrape off the black bits," I muttered and Edward chuckled as he released my hand.

"Don't you laugh, this was your fault."

He stood behind me now, as I started scraping charcoal into the sink.

"How was it my fault?"

"You distracted me," I growled.

"Mm?" Suddenly his hands were on my hips, his lips on my neck.

"And you're doing it again. Go away."

He chuckled again and went back to his spot on the counter.

"I feel better about burning the pop tarts now," he grinned.

ooo0ooo

The bed arrived two days later.

The black leather couch had been pushed up against the wall and I sat on it, cross-legged, while I watched him assemble the frame of ornate black iron, decorated with metal roses on curling vines.

The mattress, still wrapped in plastic, leant against the opposite wall.

Folded in a basket in the corner were the brand new, freshly laundered white cotton sheets and a silk coverlet. It was gold, to match the carpeting on the floor.

"It's beautiful. And it's massive," I said, shaking my head.

"Well, we chose king sized."

"Will there be any space left in here?"

"Enough."

"Can I help?"

"No, just keep me company."

I leant back on the couch, watching Edward perform manual labour, watching his fingers move smoothly and efficiently, listening to the music coming from the stereo. I'd chosen this track, amid much eye rolling from Edward. I giggled as I thought again of his reaction.

"Seriously, Bella? The theme from Rocky?"

"You must like it, Edward, or why would you have it in your collection?"

I'd been rewarded with another eye roll.

"I liked it in 1976," he'd muttered.

And it was obvious he never threw any of his music away. My eyes had roamed along the wall of shelves that groaned under the weight hundreds of albums and CDs. He was better stocked than most music stores. The organising committee for prom should come here to choose the music. _Edward's Music Emporium_ - I chuckled quietly to myself, imagining their shocked, bemused faces. Although they wouldn't be as shocked or bemused as they had been at our engagement news.

We'd told Callum first. We'd been in the Library and he'd looked from me to Edward and back again before finally grinning.

"Married? Really? You're kidding? You're not kidding? That's...wow...that's so...grown up!"

Then he'd hugged me warmly and shaken Edward's hand before asking if he was invited to the wedding and could he tie tin cans to the back of the Vanquish.

Angela had been genuinely happy, pulling me into a tight hug before smiling shyly at Edward.

Beside her, Mike had been stunned, frowning as though he hadn't understood.

"Married?" He'd tried the word out. "Do people still do that?"

Angela had rolled her eyes and pulled him away into the non-fiction section.

Jess had been shocked, but if her mouth dropped open then Lauren Mallory's hit the floor. She'd offered sour congratulations before turning and stalking away, leaving Jess staring and uncharacteristically silent.

But Jess' silence didn't last long. She'd ambushed me in history, gushing over my ring and rattling off question after question - did Edward get down on one knee; what did he say; did he choose the ring; when was the wedding going to be, and where; how many bridesmaids; would I change my name?

Some questions I answered, others were too personal to share, and some I had to admit I hadn't even thought about yet.

She offered suggestions for colour schemes and told me what she'd have for her own wedding. She even drew me a sketch of the dress.

It had been lunch before I'd been able to catch up with Edward.

"So what are people thinking?" I'd asked him as we'd stood in line with our trays.

He picked up a slice of pizza and a can of soda. "It's a mixture. Some think we're too young, some wonder why we don't just live together, a few think you're pregnant." His features clouded and I squeezed his arm. I guessed that was to be expected.

"But most of the girls are trying to imagine how I proposed."

His nose had wrinkled.

"Apparently I'm capable of all sorts of florid, sickly sweet speeches."

Then his head had snapped towards Jessica, sitting at a table in the corner. I'd heard the low snarl he made and saw his lip curl just slightly. Jess had been speaking animatedly with Angela who'd been biting her lip, shaking her head.

"What's that about?" I'd asked.

"Nothing," Edward had said quickly. "Here, have an apple."

Now I shifted on the couch, stretching my legs out in front of me as Edward grabbed a new handful of screws and I wondered again what it was that Jess had been saying. But as I opened my mouth to ask, Edward stilled. He cocked his head, in that vampire way, and started to smile.

"Come on," he said, dropping the screws and holding out his hand to me. "We have a visitor."

It was Callum.

He was standing just inside the front door talking to a smiling Esme.

"Are you following me, Callum?" I joked as I came down the stairs. "I just saw you an hour ago."

He grinned and came towards me.

"It's not always all about you, Swan. I'm here for a re-match with Emmett. Hi Edward."

Edward smiled back.

"Although," Callum continued as he looked down at my ring. "I am glad to see you're still engaged." He sighed theatrically. "And they said it wouldn't last."

I poked out my tongue and he laughed.

"I'll leave you to it," Esme smiled as she glided past us and up the stairs.

"You've raised a few eyebrows at La Push," Callum grinned at us.

"La Push? How do...oh, you told them?"

"Nah, Leah said Charlie called Billy this morning. News spread from there. She says congratulations, by the way. Leah, I mean."

"Charlie told Billy?"

"Yeah. And Jacob's going to come by and see you later to say congratulations."

I was listening to Callum, but my mind was trying to get around the idea of my dad sharing our news.

My smile was huge as Edward's arm snaked around my waist and gave a squeeze.

"So, is Emmett here?" Callum was back on track - it was game time.

"Emmett won't be long," Edward told him.

"Is it okay if I wait?"

"Of course." Edward motioned to the sofa and Callum settled himself in comfortably. He reached forward and grabbed the box of games from the coffee table.

"Whoa, I thought this wasn't being released for sale until November."

He held up a case, eyes huge.

Edward just shrugged and Callum nodded appreciatively.

"Have you played it yet?"

Edward grinned and nodded. "It's really good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I gave him a nudge towards the sofa.

"Go ahead, show him."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and Edward grabbed the games consoles from the cupboard and handed one to Callum. He took up his preferred gaming position - sitting on the back of the sofa, feet planted firmly on the cushions, hit the remote for the flat screen and started the game.

"This is amazing!" Callum gushed as he and Edward blew things apart, including each other.

"Whoa! Geez!" he cried out suddenly. "Edward, how do I..."

"Control A!" Edward yelled, leaning backwards so it looked like he was about to fall off the sofa. His hand was a blur as he operated the controls. "Hit control A!"

The words _Game Over_ flashed across the screen.

"Argh, too late." Callum looked up at Edward. "Again?"

"Hey, hey! Game time!" Emmett came through the door, rubbing his hands together and grinning. He dropped down in the middle of the sofa and Edward and Callum shifted to make room for him.

"Prepare to die," Callum mock sneered and Emmett laughed.

"That's already been taken care of, my friend."

There was a cold, gentle hand on my arm and I turned.

"Alice."

Her eyes were bright as she tugged on my sleeve.

"While Edward's busy playing, can we have some time?"

"Sure."

She was trying so hard not to be pushy and I really appreciated it.

I sat on her bed and watched as she took something out of her dresser.

"This arrived in the mail today," she said.

She held out a magazine and my hand flew to my mouth.

It was a copy of _Vogue Living_, battered and bent and looking like it had been around the world. Twice.

"My gift subscription."

Alice nodded.

"And I read the card." Her voice was unusually quiet. "I would have called you. And I would have told Edward. I'm so sorry it didn't arrive sooner."

She hugged me and I rubbed her back.

"It's okay, Alice. I know you would have. I was counting on it."

She pulled back and I looked at the magazine in my lap. On the cover was a rustic, dark wood table with a lime green bowl in its centre, flanked by two chunky white candles. This had been my first step in finding Edward. It seemed so long ago now.

I started flicking idly through the pages.

"If you see anything you like maybe we could use it for the wedding." She pointed at a glossy picture. "Like this."

It was a living room, and everything was white. Everything. Walls, floor, furniture, curtains, rug. There were two silver vases on the mantle piece and a huge silver-framed mirror on the wall.

"It's striking isn't it?"

"Striking? Or stark?"

Alice considered. "You're right, maybe it is a bit stark. Especially for a wedding. But that's okay, there are lots of other ideas."

She stood up and went to her closet.

"Hi Bella." Jasper appeared in the doorway smiling. "Did you get your marks today?"

He'd helped me with my civil war assignment. We'd spent a couple of evenings at opposite ends of the Cullen dining table, while we discussed the topic and I made notes.

I thought Jasper was probably more anxious about my result than I was.

"I got an A minus," I said brightly. "I'm really pleased, and Mr Maxwell said it was a very thorough analysis. I couldn't have done it without you, Jasper. Thank you."

He waved my thanks away as his eyes narrowed and sparked.

"A _minus_?"

I nodded and Jasper shook his head, muttering.

"A _minus._ That was an A plus standard essay. The man's obviously a damned Yankee."

Suddenly Alice was at his side with a comforting smile.

"We know that, Jasper. You shouldn't be surprised. And A minus is a good mark."

Jasper looked into her eyes and his face softened.

"You're right." Then he turned to me. "That's great, Bella."

Then Alice started to shoo her husband away.

"Now go play with the others," she said. "We have important things to discuss. Oh..." she stopped, head cocked, eyes glazing over slightly. "Emmett is going to throw his controller at you, so watch out."

"Will do"

He gave her a quick wink and then he was gone.

"Now, where were we."

She sat back beside me.

"Here!" She grinned hugely as she dropped the folder onto the bed beside me.

There were bridal magazines, brochures for caterers and florists, sketches of wedding gowns and a large piece of card with maybe a dozen small pieces of fabric attached to it.

"What is this?"

"Just something I've been putting together. To _help_ you, that's all, just help."

I looked at a brochure advertising laser light shows and temporary dance floors.

"Um, Alice, we've been engaged for two days."

"I know. But Edward decided over a week ago. I've been getting this together since then."

Oh. Of course.

"So you knew a week ago?"

"Yes. He went back and forth for a while, trying to decide where to propose. He started with the top of the Eiffel Tower, but of course the logistics of school and Charlie ruled that out."

"Paris? He was going to take me to Paris?"

"Yes," she giggled. "Very romantic. Then he was going to fill your house with red roses, but in the end he thought you'd prefer something simpler."

I thought of lunch at Bella Italia, Romeo and Juliet, a walk in a park at twilight, Edward getting down on one knee...

He'd made the right choice.

"What are these?"

"Fabric swatches!" Her face was bright, excited. "For your dress."

"They all look the same. All white."

"No, they're not. This one is Sienna Frost, this is Subtle Snow, New Hampshire Cream, Arctic Ice, Ivory Coast..."

"It sounds like a geography lesson. And they still all look white."

She frowned and tilted her head.

"The difference is obvious to me," she mumbled. "Maybe its vampire vision. Is there anything you like?"

"Um, I don't know." I studied the little squares of silk and satin.

"Well, what sort of dress would you like, that might give us an idea."

"Can't you tell me?"

She gave a silvery laugh.

"You're too undecided, Bella. Right now you're just a fuzzy white blur."

A fuzzy white blur - yeah, that sounded like me.

I sighed and flicked through the bridal magazine.

"I think...I think I know what I _don't_ want."

"Mm, well that's a start. What_ don't_ you want."

"I don't want a strapless gown. Or a train."

"Mm, well that eliminates almost all the dresses in that magazine. Strapless is very in, but you're right, it's not really you, is it."

She gave a very patient sigh.

"Okay, well, let's look at lingerie."

She picked out a catalogue.

"Um, I already have underwear, Alice."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm talking about special underwear, for the honeymoon."

I looked at the models wearing scraps of lace and silk and satin.

"I don't think so."

"Don't be silly, you have to, Bella. It's a special occasion, and there are some lovely pieces I've picked out for you. You have to have..."

"I don't have to have anything." I gave a stern look and Alice's face fell.

"Sorry. That was pushing, not helping, right?"

"Right."

She sighed. "I'm trying."

"I know. And I appreciate all this," I pointed at the book. "I really do. But I need to do things my own way."

She nodded. "I understand."

"But I_ was_ wondering…" I was grinning now, waiting for her reaction to my question. "Alice, will you be my maid-of-honour?"

The surprise on her face was real and I had no idea how she hadn't seen it coming.

Her excitement was back and she threw her stone arms around me and hugged me hard.

"I'd love to! Yes! What do you want me to wear?"

Already with the clothes?

"Um, whatever you like," I laughed as I mumbled into her hair. "You always look stunning."

A second later she was across the room grabbing a pencil and paper.

"I'll make some sketches tonight. Are you happy with Max Moreland?"

"Who?"

"New designer. He's very good."

"Yeah, sure." I shrugged.

"Excellent. I'll fax these off tomorrow, hopefully he'll be able to fit me in."

Her brow was creased in concentration as the pencil flew over the page and I had the feeling our time together was over.

"I just think I'll go find Edward."

She waved an elegant hand without looking up.

"Fine. Good. Yes."

I was chuckling to myself as I headed for the stairs and found Edward already on his way up.

"Here you are," he smiled. "Wanna help me make the bed?"

I put my hand in his and he led me up to the third floor.

I sat on the leather couch again. It only took two more minutes and the bed was finished.

We unfolded the sheets and smoothed them out over the mattress and tucked them in. We fluffed up the coverlet and plumped the pillows and set them in place.

"What do you think?" Edward asked, draping his arm around my shoulders as we stood back to admire.

"Beautiful."

He took one of my hands in his and spun me around, twirling us and then toppling us onto the bed.

It was soft and puffy and I laughed as the coverlet billowed up around us.

"So, you like it?"

"Very much. You've built a very nice bed."

He pulled me on top of him and I supported myself with my hands on his shoulders. Edward shook back the hair that had flopped into his eyes.

"Do I get a reward?"

He was getting so much bolder lately.

"Mm, maybe."

His hands gripped my hips and I sighed as he smiled up at me.

"You seem to like it when I do this." His fingers squeezed and kneaded gently.

"Mm, yes."

He increased the pressure just slightly, watching me closely for my reaction, making sure he didn't grip too hard.

"It's been a big couple of days," he mused and I nodded.

"It has. But a good couple of days."

"Very good."

I stared into his eyes. They were darker today. He'd have to hunt soon.

"Did you win your game with Callum and Emmett?"

"Of course."

He turned his head and his lips brushed over my wrist.

"Is Emmett sulking?"

"Yep. Was Alice trying to organise the wedding?"

"Sort of. But she's trying not to take over."

His lips caressed my other wrist.

"I asked her to be my maid-of-honour."

"That would have made her very happy."

"It did. She's sketching her dress now."

He gave a low chuckle.

"And can you believe my dad is telling people? Isn't that great?"

"It is, yes."

"And it sounds like Jake is cool with things."

"Mm."

He reached up to push my hair back behind my shoulders, exposing my neck to him.

"Bella?" He ran kisses over my throat.

"Mm, yes?"

"I really don't want to talk about Alice or Charlie or Jacob right now."

I giggled. "Okay. Neither do I, really."

"Good." He smiled that smile, the crooked one. Mmm...

"But there is something I do want to ask you."

"What's that?"

"What was Jessica thinking that had you so stressed out at lunch?"

Something flickered briefly through Edward's eyes. Then, with very deliberate casualness he let go of my hips and bent his arms behind his head. He stared innocently at the ceiling.

"Nothing."

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't tell me that, Edward. You were snarling. What was she thinking?"

"Bella, I don't spend all my time in Jessica Stanley's head."

"Edward!"

I slapped my palms down playfully on his chest.

"Ow!" he cried out and rolled away from me.

"What?" That couldn't have hurt him. I scrambled over to see his face.

He was snickering.

"Don't do that. You scared me."

"Oh, _now_ I scare you? _Now?_"

I rolled my eyes again and realised what he was doing.

"You're trying to distract me."

He sighed and sat up.

"Yes, I am. But you are obviously not one to be distracted."

"No."

He was smiling as he looked down at the gold coverlet.

"So?"

"So what?" He turned the smile on me. His eyes were all smoldery and hot and I steeled myself against their power.

"You will not dazzle me, Edward. Tell me what had you freaked out."

He pulled his hand through his hair as my mind sorted through the possibilities.

"Strippers."

My mouth popped open. Nope, that wasn't on the list of possibilities.

"Strippers? You mean, exotic dancer type strippers?"

He nodded.

I didn't get it. Why would that have him so...oh! Strippers for _me_.

"Was she thinking about bachelorette parties?"

He nodded again.

"With male strippers?"

Another nod.

"For me?"

"Yep."

"Oh."

My face flushed as I thought of things I'd seen on television and heard from other people. One of Renee's friends had a stripper at her fortieth birthday party. I didn't want some strange man in a G-string grinding against me while I sat on a chair surrounded by an audience.

I'd have to find a subtle way to let Jess know I didn't want that...no, wait, subtle didn't work with Jess. I'd have to have a t-shirt made - _No Strippers_.

"You're very quiet," Edward's voice broke through my thoughts, and there was the faintest hint of worry in his eyes when I looked up.

"Mm? Oh, I was just thinking about it."

His face froze and so did his body. I realised a second later that he wasn't breathing.

"Edward, what...?"

"Is that something you'd want?" he whispered and I could hear his anxiety now. His eyes had filled with jealousy and hurt.

"No!" I said quickly, reaching out to stroke his face. Silly vampire. "No, it's not. Definitely not."

A relieved smile broke over his lips. His eyes calmed and he lifted my hand to kiss the inside of my wrist.

"Then what _were_ you thinking?"

"I was just wondering why Jess thinks I would want some strange man taking his clothes off in front of me."

His lips trailed from my wrist, along my arm and up to my elbow, his nose nudging my sleeve out of the way as he went.

"I think she would be doing it more for herself," he murmured. "But, if you did decide that is something you'd like..."

He let go of my arm and stretched out, leaning halfway off the bed as he pressed some buttons on the stereo. The sounds of an instrumental piece filled the room - a slow, seductive beat.

"I'd be happy to oblige."

He stood up from the bed, moving very slowly to the music. He moved well, smoothly, like he and the music were one, and I could feel the heat flowing through my body. He wasn't really going to...was he? I gasped when he brought one hand up to the buttons on the cuff of his shirt sleeve.

He smirked and I giggled.

"Oh."

Slowly, he undid one sleeve. And then the other. All the time his eyes stayed on mine as my heart began a pounding rhythm of its own, almost louder than the music.

I swallowed as I watched Edward's hands move to the front of his shirt. His eyes were still on me, full of mischief.

His fingers worked smoothly as he started with the top button, pushing it through the hole. As he moved to the next button, and the next, his shirt slowly opened, gradually revealing the sculpted smoothness of his chest. The music was building and I was blushing furiously. I covered my face with my hands, but peeked through my fingers. I couldn't take my eyes off him and a cheeky, crooked smile spread across his face.

I knew this was all in fun, but it was hot, too.

So hot.

My heart was thumping, it was almost painful, and my blood was like fire in my veins as the music pulsated around us and Edward's body moved to its rhythm.

When the last button was undone Edward's shirt fell open. He gave me a dark look, an exaggerated pout. I laughed. He threw his head back and his chest expanded. Then he rolled his shoulders, his muscles flexing in delicious slow motion as he shrugged the shirt away.

It slid down his arms and dropped to the floor.

He brought his head forward again, eyes on fire as he stared at me and I realised I wasn't breathing.

He ran a single finger from his breastbone, slowly, down to the top of his jeans. Then his fingers moved back and forth, sliding from hip to hip, slipping _just _inside the waistband.

Dear Lord, how far was he going to go?

Then, the music changed mood and tempo, becoming faster now, and lighter. Edward bent down and scooped the shirt off the floor. He swung it around above his head, lasso style, as he gave me that crooked grin and I giggled again.

Then he winked, and threw the shirt.

Over me.

I fell back on the pillows, laughing, but before I could pull it off Edward had pinned me to the bed. He grabbed the shirt away and was running kisses over my throat and neck as I gasped.

"I don't want anyone taking their clothes off for you...except _me_."

"No-one," I gasped. "And I don't want you doing that for anyone else…but _me._"

"Only you," he whispered against my throat. "Only for you."

Then he lifted his face and studied mine.

"Does that mean you liked it?"

Duh!

"I liked it very much."

Edward smiled and shifted, laying beside me now, draping his leg over mine. Our heads were side by side on the gold silk pillows.

His finger stroked down my arm slowly - a barely there touch that left goose bumps and fire in its wake. I was glad I was wearing short sleeves.

"I like it when you touch me like that," I whispered.

Edward smiled, his eyes cast down, watching as his fingers journeyed from my shoulder to my wrist and back again.

"What else do you like?"

Mmm...really?

"Well, I like it when you hold me tightly." I touched the hand that was touching my arm. "I like the feel of your hands on me." I swallowed, feeling braver as I watched Edward's eyes gleam. "I _want_ your hands on me. _All_ of me."

"Not too cold?" Edward gave a quick, guarded laugh.

"No, not too cold. I never feel cold with you."

I took his hand and placed it on the bare skin of my chest, above the neckline of my shirt. His fingers flexed against me, massaging lightly.

"You have beautiful skin," he whispered. "I've thought often about all the places I'll kiss you."

"Where?"

He shrugged a shoulder as he smiled softly.

"Everywhere."

"Tell me?"

He moved his hand from the flat of my chest, down to the first button of my shirt. His eyes asked permission and I nodded, taking my lip between my teeth to stop the moan I was sure was about to escape.

He eased the button through the hole, exposing more of my skin and the edge of my bra. Today it was plain white.

He moved on to the next button and the next, his eyes following his fingers, until my shirt was lying open.

Edward sighed.

"Here," he said, lowering his head and kissing over the tops of my breasts. I moaned softly as Edward kissed his way down my body until his lips grazed over my navel.

I felt my skin ripple and contract with the sensation and I sucked in a breath. His mouth had never touched me there before.

"And here." He moved lower and his lips came down gently near my hip.

I shuddered and Edward froze.

"Pleasure," I said quickly and I felt his body relax.

"Oh." He smiled and ducked his head before kissing me there again. "Good."

Mmm...

Edward hesitated before lowering his face again and swirling his tongue from my navel up to the bottom edge of my bra. My breathing was fast and I gripped the coverlet in my fingers.

Edward lingered for a moment, planting delicate kisses in a line across my stomach, around to my ribs and down my side. The skin was so unexpectedly sensitive there. I let out a shattered sigh.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered.

His hands trailed up my sides and slowly pushed my shirt off my shoulders, bringing it smoothly down my arms and over my hands. Then Edward dropped it on the floor.

He sat over me and his eyes were soft and deep and very appreciative as I lay, almost panting, beneath him. Taking my lip between my teeth, I hooked a thumb under the strap of my bra and moved it back and forth slowly, wondering if he wanted to explore further.

Understanding registered in Edward's eyes. The movement of his chest quickened as he spoke.

"Let me?"

He undid the clasp easily and I felt the tremble of his fingers against my skin as he slid the straps from my shoulders and down my arms.

"Oh."

He gasped as his eyes took me in for the first time.

"Bella..." His voice broke, his throat moved and I reached up to touch his cheek.

Very slowly, his hand came up to my cheek, his thumb smoothing over my cheekbone, before trailing down to cup my breast.

His touch was tender, almost reverent, as he grazed the sensitive skin. His thumb brushed back and forth and I sighed again and moved, arching into his touch, watching him smile, watching the awe and wonder in his eyes as my body responded to him.

It was bliss.

He used both hands now, treating the other breast to the same pleasures, making me hum and moan.

And I watched him smile again.

His fingers slowed, his eyes came up to mine, dark and wanting. His lips parted, just slightly, and it was my turn to understand.

I whispered _yes, _and slowly, Edward lowered his head.

His mouth was like music on me, making my body sing and my voice was whimpered sighs as I wound my fingers in his hair.

I could feel his body tightening against me, I could hear his own breath, fast and ragged, and his hands were fists in the gold silk.

He arched over me and the soft tremor running through his arms and shoulders told the effort behind the exquisite gentleness of his lips and tongue.

And I was lost in sensations that were so intense and new.

My hands ran over Edward's back, clutching at the muscles coiled beneath the skin.

I raked my nails down his sides. He trembled and hissed. His lips released me but he didn't pull away.

He was still over me and I watched the fire that blazed in his eyes gradually soften and calm and his lips curved into a sweet smile of triumph.

He held my face in his hands. He kissed me, slowly, deeply. Tenderly.

"We're getting there," he whispered, and then collapsed onto the bed beside me.

We lay wrapped in each others arms, my head nestled in the crook of his neck while his hands played over my spine. We were still, quite, enjoying the closeness, the feel of skin on skin.

Through the window the sky grew dark outside.

"There's something I'd like to try. One day." His voice was soft and there was the faintest trace of hesitation.

"Mm, what's that?"

I made circles on his chest with my finger.

"One day I'd like to make love to you in the meadow."

My jaw nearly hit the mattress. Outside? Edward wanted open-air sex?

And then I felt his body tense.

"But if you don't want to…it was just a thought..."

"No, it's not, I just..."  
I lifted my head to see his eyes.

"I love the idea."

"Really?" He smiled and I felt him relax again. "I know it's outdoors, but it's very private there. And we'd choose a warm day, we could feel the sun on our skin, and the breeze."

"You've got it all planned out, haven't you?"

"I might have thought about it once or twice."  
He smirked a little and let his fingers play over my side.

"What about you?" he asked. "Is there anything you'd like to try?"

There was and I could feel myself starting to blush now.

"Um, mm, in the shower?"

His eyes widened and his mouth curved up in a grin.

"The shower?"

"Uh huh."

I ducked my head but instantly his fingers were under my chin.

"Don't hide."

I lifted my eyes and stared into his.

"I'd like that too," he whispered and then the mischief was back in his eyes. "Soapy Bella, mmm... That's definitely something to look forward to."

"You hadn't thought of it before?" He'd thought of sex outside but not in the shower?

"Actually, I have," he confessed shyly.

I laughed and he pulled me close again.

"What else do you look forward to?"

"Lots of things."

"Like what? Tell me what you like."

I shifted, resting my chin on his chest, placing a kiss over his heart. Then inspiration struck me and I gave a soft purr.

Beneath me Edward's body tensed and he gave a wicked smile as he bit into his bottom lip.

"Mm, I like that." His voice was low and deep and his eyes gleamed.

He wound his fingers in my hair.

"I like hearing you," he said. "I like your purr. And the sounds you make when I kiss you, and touch you. You whimper when I kiss you here."

He moved so he could touch his lips to the hollow beneath my ear and I did, indeed, make a little whimper sound - I'd never really been aware of it before.

"And the way your skin heats under my fingers, even though I'm so cold."

There was wonder in his voice, and awe.

"And I love the sound of your heart," he smiled. "It tells me everything your mind doesn't."

He lowered his head and gently touched his lips to the swell of my breast. My heart took off and Edward smiled as he proved his point.

"Tell me more?"

His lips brushed over my temple, moving softly down to my jaw and then my lips.

"I think about what it will be like to lie naked with you, skin on skin," he whispered as he smiled and rubbed his leg over mine. "No denim."

A soft giggle escaped me and he nuzzled his nose in my hair.

"I want to see all of you." His voice was soft in my ear, velvet, and it made me shiver. "I want to kiss, and learn, and discover, every inch of your body, and know you're mine, really mine, in _every_ way."

Oh. My...

"I want that too," I barely managed a whisper. "I mean, I want to see you...all of you. And know you're really mine."

I could see desire in his eyes. And love.

His fingers trailed a delicate path between my breasts and over my stomach, making circles around my belly button.

He took another breath and swallowed hard.

"I want to bring you pleasure. I want to hear my name come from your lips when I'm inside you."

Oh dear Lord, I was on fire again.

"And I want to kiss my way down your spine, and over the sway of your back, while you lie naked on our bed, _this bed_, sleeping and sated after I've made love to you."

All the breath left my body.

I was a hot puddle, melting into the gold coverlet.

He brought his hands up and cradled my face gently between his palms as he looked into my eyes.

"When we make love...physically, I know it will be powerful - just the touch of your _hand_ on mine tells me that...I can't even imagine the sensation of sinking into you, feeling you take me in, surrounding me with your warmth, and your love."

His thumbs stroked over my cheekbones.

"But I know it will be so much more than that." His voice held some deep, scorching emotion that took hold of my heart. I brought my hand up, touching it to his cheek, staring into his eyes.

"It will be like I'm touching your soul," he whispered. "As I give you mine."

ooo0ooo

The weeks that followed were busy.

I saw a lot of Jake - he finally got around to finishing painting Charlie's ceiling. He was happy for me, even if he was slightly bewildered.

"So you're really okay that one of your best friends is marrying a vampire?"

He'd shrugged.

"I've seen what you're both like when you're apart - you're definitely better off together, even if I don't understand it." He'd given me a cheeky grin. "I guess I'll just have to get used to the smell."

Esme was overjoyed that we wanted the wedding at home. The house was repainted, inside and out, and the gardens re-landscaped. The sight of Edward, Emmett and Jasper, on ladders with brushes and tins, flicking each other with paint, had me laughing for a long time.

Alice took Charlie in hand, organised tuxedo fittings and tried to teach him to waltz, despite his protests.

"You'll want to dance with the bride," she told him. "And she says she won't have lessons so one of you has to look good."

We booked Reverend Webber to perform the ceremony.

We chose traditional vows, the Reverend gave us a serious talk about commitment and there was more paperwork involved than I'd expected.

"1987?" I raised an eyebrow as I looked at Edward's birth certificate.

I was lying on my side on our bed. Edward was beside me, hair still wet from a post hunting shower as he bent his head over his share of the forms.

"Of course. I can hardly show the Reverend a copy of my real one," he smirked.

"Do you still have it?"

"It's in a safe deposit box in Chicago."

I ran my fingers over the paper, over the writing that said Edward Anthony Masen. Then I looked at the forged adoption papers that made him Edward Anthony Cullen.

"Will I be Bella Cullen or Bella Masen?"

Edward looked up.

"We can be Masen if you like. I still use that name sometimes, for some things. "

I thought about it.

"Cullen, I think. I fell in love with Edward Cullen."

He smiled and nodded.

And of course there was the music to select.

We sat on my bed one night, tossing around ideas.

"What do you want to accompany you down the aisle?" Edward asked me.

"That sounds very formal."

He gave me a quick, half smile.

"I'm a formal kind of vampire. Do you want Wagner's _Bridal Chorus_? Or Pachelbel's _Canon_? Perhaps something less traditional?"

He shrugged, waiting for me to answer.

But instead I started to giggle.

"I know, how about the theme from Rocky? I know where I can get a copy." I winked at him. "And I could come bouncing down the stairs and then jog up the aisle to you while I'm shadow boxing."

I gave a little demonstration and punched Edward in the arm.

Edward rolled his eyes and reached out, giving me a gentle shove. I fell back on the pillow, laughing.

"Very funny, Bella." He was trying to frown but his grin kept breaking through.

I sat up again.

"Actually, I'd kind of like _Ode to Joy_."

"_Ode to Joy_?"

"Yeah. If that's okay with you."

"That's fine with me." He gave me the crooked smile as he lifted me up and sat me astride his thighs.

"What are you doing?"

"This."

And he pursed his lips and blew an icy stream of air down the front of my t-shirt.

I giggled and wound my hands in his hair.

"What are you up to?"

"I'm open to suggestions." He grinned and raised his eyebrows.

"Then I suggest you add _Ode to Joy_ to the list."

He pouted and I started to laugh, but the laugh became a squeal when the phone in his pocket started to vibrate...against my backside.

Edward actually snorted as he shifted me off his lap and reached into his pocket.

"Carlisle?"

And then I watched as his smiling, snorting face creased into a frown.

"Er, no, we haven't," he said awkwardly. "We've decided to wait."

Edward's frown deepened as he listened and then his mouth dropped open and his face looked like thunder.

"No!" he hissed. "That's not possible."

His eyes closed. He didn't speak but a second later he snapped the phone closed and then stared down at it as it sat in his hand.

"Edward?"

I reached out, resting my hand over his but it was as though he didn't know I was there.

The phone buzzed again and he flipped it open and shut so quickly the movement was a blur.

"Edward? What's happened?"

My unease was rapidly growing, heading for full-blown panic and I tugged on his arm urgently. His face and jaw were hard, his eyes empty and black as he stared, unseeing, down at the phone.

"Edward, please?"

The phone buzzed again, and again he shut down the call.

When it buzzed a third time I tried to grab the phone out of his hand but his fingers were clamped down tight around it and I might as well have been trying to move a mountain.

"Edward..."

Tears started stinging my eyes. I choked back a sob and that seemed to bring him out of his daze. His head snapped up quickly, eyes startled. Then he reached out and stroked my cheek, his eyes so full of sorrow and pain that I felt like my heart had broken and shattered into pieces.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, screwing his eyes closed as he rested his forehead against mine.

"What? What is it?"

He pulled back and dragged his hand through his hair. Then he stood and walked to the window, his movements slow and heavy, and he rested his hands on the sill as he stared out at the dark.

I tried to swallow, but my throat was so tight it hurt. I thought of grabbing my own phone and calling Carlisle myself, but suddenly Edward spoke.

"I can't make love to you until you are changed." His voice was flat, empty.

And I was completely and utterly lost.

"I...what? I don't understand. Edward, I don't..."

And then suddenly it all came gushing forth. He spoke rapidly, his words like machine-gun fire, as he started pacing, pulling at his hair with both hands as the words tumbled out.

"That was Carlisle, he's found...those files of Callum's father...there are...we can't have sex...not until you're changed...it's too dangerous...it would kill you...I had no idea or I would never have agreed...I _should never_ have agreed...when I think of how close we've come..."

He stopped suddenly and bowed his head, nursing it in his hands.

I was stunned, watching him. My mind was a maelstrom, nothing made sense.

"Edward, you have to talk to me, I really don't..."

He dropped his hands and his head snapped up. His eyes burned with pain and anguish and the self-loathing I hadn't seen for a long time was making a fast come-back.

"I could get you pregnant," he hissed. "And it would kill you._ I, me, I_ would kill you."

He smacked his fist into his chest and his hands were shaking now.

"Pregnant?" My voice made no sound as I mouthed the word.

Edward's eyes burned with pain as they bored into mine.

"I...I thought vampires couldn't have children," I whispered hoarsely.

"Female vampires can't." His voice was flat again. "But apparently male vampires can with human women."

He buried his head in his hands again and I tried to absorb his words.

"Did Carlisle...are you saying we could have a baby?"

"No...," he groaned, and suddenly he was pacing again. "Don't say it like that. Please don't say it like that."

His voice was laced with pain. Suddenly he sank onto his knees in front of me. Very gingerly he took my hands and I was glad of the contact. I gripped his hands and held on hard.

"Bella, this is not a happy event we're talking about." His voice was gentler now, but the pain was there in his voice, in his eyes. "No pitter patter of tiny feet."

I searched his face, trying to understand.

"Then what would it be?"

He didn't answer. His lips twisted and he stood up and went to stand by the window again.

"Edward, tell me."

"I don't know," he ground out.

"You don't know? Then...," I shook my head. "If you don't know then why..."

"I know enough!" he snapped. Then his shoulders slumped and he turned back to me.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."

He came to sit beside me again. I stroked his cheek. I could see he was struggling. The habit of a hundred years told him to shut down.

"Will you talk to me?"

He shook his head.

"I have to see Carlisle." Abruptly he stood and moved back to the window.

"_You_ have to? What about me? This involves me, too."

I scrambled off the bed and grabbed my jacket from the back of the rocking chair.

Edward turned and held up his hand. And I could see it in his face - he'd made the decision for me. He was shutting me out again.

I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach and my body was cold. Was this how it would be? At the first sign of any trouble he'd go back to his old ways – shut me out, decide things without me?

"We're in this together, remember?"

I waited, hurt and frustration burning inside me. We were deadlocked as we stared at each other and I didn't know who was going to crack first. It felt like hours, my nerves were stretched to breaking, but finally Edward dropped his hand and let it hang limply by his side.

I'd been holding my breath and as my head began to spin I took a sharp gasp and the sudden intake of air stung.

Edward sighed. And then he held out his hand to me.

Relief, pure and sweet, flowed through me, leaving me feeling weak and shaky, but whole again.

"I'm so very, very sorry," he said quietly. "I'm an idiot."

I nodded and he gave a weak smile.

"Come on," he said. "Let's go."

Carlisle was the only Cullen at home when we arrived and he greeted us at the front door.

"Are you alright?" he asked Edward and his voice was full of the concern that was clear in his eyes. Edward shrugged before giving a curt nod.

"Have you told Bella?"

"I...sort of...I don't think I explained very well."

Carlisle turned to me and raised an eyebrow in question but before I could say anything Edward spoke again.

"I was an idiot and I panicked," he admitted, running his free hand through his hair while his other held mine.

I could see Carlisle understood and he reached out to put a hand on Edward's shoulder.

"Will you come and let me explain?" he asked, looking at both of us. "And it's important to know, it's not all bad news." He looked pointedly at Edward. "You didn't let me get to that part on the phone."

We moved upstairs and sat in the comfy leather chairs of Carlisle's study while he talked about his discovery of just half an hour before.

"As you can imagine, I was completely shocked when I came across this. Of course, we all know the myths, but I'd had no idea it was possible in reality."

Carlisle turned the computer screen so we could see Callum's father's files and then we listened as he explained about a remote community in the South American rainforests in the late 1800s; about a beautiful man with red eyes whose skin shone and sparkled in the sun; about the three wives he took, one after the other; their short-lived pregnancies, just one cycle of the moon, that left their bodies battered and ruined; how the first two died when the off-spring tore itself from the womb with its teeth; but how the third wife survived because the vampire changed her immediately after birth.

"Callum never said anything about this," I muttered.

"Callum hasn't looked through everything," Carlisle explained. "And this wasn't in the vampire section. It was in a sub-folder labeled _succubi and incubi_."

I sat staring at the screen, trying to work out how I felt.

An idle thought flitted through my mind and I wondered vaguely if one day I could be like the third wife. Maybe we could have a child and time it with my change.

Edward's hand was on mine, squeezing over and over. I looked down and saw the veins standing out in his wrist, and across the back of his hand. I stroked my thumb over his skin, hoping it felt soothing. He gave me a soft smile and lifted my hand to kiss.

I smiled back.

"I understand this is very personal," Carlisle was saying. "But I still believe you can have the honeymoon you were hoping for."

I was surprised to hear that and hope flickered inside me but I held my breath, waiting for Edward to protest and deny and claim that he wouldn't touch me until I was changed. Instead he leaned forward, head cocked slightly and asked...

"How?"

"Contraception," Carlisle answered matter-of-factly and he turned to me. "You can't become pregnant if you're not ovulating."

"Then you're recommending a hormone inhibitor?" Edward asked and Carlisle nodded.

"I'd suggest an injection, four times a year. That way you don't run the risk of forgotten pills."

Edward blew out a breath and sat back in his chair. It was a moment or two before he turned to me, but when he did his eyes were a little calmer. Then he stood, lifted me effortlessly into his arms and sat down again with me in his lap.

"If you'll excuse me," Carlisle smiled and he stood and left the room.

"Where's he going?"

"He's giving us a moment," Edward smiled.

His lips grazed my temple as he held me close.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

I let out a long breath.

"Shocked. But relieved that we found out now and not later."

Edward nodded his agreement.

"Me too," he said. "So relieved."

"But I'm also..."

"What?"

I thought about how to say it.

"I wish it was possible."

I braced myself for Edward's reaction.

"Me too."

"Really?" A tiny spark of hope flickered deep inside me. "Then, maybe I could be like the third wife?"

He gave a soft smile. "I wish it was possible, Bella, but _not_ at the risk of losing you." He ran his hand through my hair. "It's too dangerous."

The hope flickered and faded.

I was about to protest, and there had been a time when I would have, but now, when I thought about it, he was right. There were too many unknowns, too much risk.

I leant in and kissed him then nestled against his chest while his arms surrounded me.

"We have each other," I whispered and Edward's lips pressed a kiss to my forehead.

We were quiet for a long while. Edward's fingers stroked over my arm gently. From downstairs I heard the sound of music from the stereo, and laughter. The rest of the family must be home.

"So what do you think?" Edward asked. "Is contraception something that you would like to consider? Or, would you prefer to wait until you're changed? I'll understand if you do. The decision is yours, Bella."

I lifted my head, finding his eyes. His beautiful, ochre eyes that looked at me with nothing but love - no fear, no recriminations, no self-loathing.

"What?" he asked.

"You're different."

His lips quirked up at the corner.

"Different how?"

"There was a time you would have been tearing yourself up over this. You would have been telling me you were a monster who should never have touched me and you'd refuse to sleep with me while I was human."

He gave a dark laugh.

"Weren't you there when I got the phone call? I thought I did do all that."

I laughed too.

"Yeah, I was there. And I know you panicked, and I know you thought all those things, but you didn't give in to them, Edward."

I cupped his cheek and he turned his head to kiss my palm.

"And I think, honestly, if the situation had been reversed, my first reaction probably would have been the same. You were just trying to protect me."

He pushed my hair back from my face and kissed me. His lips told me he loved me, how much he cared and I knew I would always be the most important thing in his world.

When he broke the kiss he rested his forehead against mine.

"You didn't answer my question," he said.

"Mm?"

"About the contraception."

I laughed again. "What do you think?"

He smiled.

"I think I love you."

ooo0ooo

The wedding drew closer.

I visited a doctor in Port Angeles to start the contraceptive injections. At first Edward insisted on coming with me until I pointed out that I didn't really want him reading the doctors thoughts from the waiting room while she examined me. I swear his embarrassed face almost blushed.

We took trips to Seattle with Alice to look at things like satin chair covers and damask table cloths.

"Do we really need all this?" I whispered to Edward as we stood in the middle of _Happy Event Hire and Wedding Accessories_.

He shrugged.

"I don't know."

We watched Alice flit around with her notebook, her excitement building as her mind leapt from one fabulous idea to the next.

Eventually we'd been able to talk her down. Instead of white satin chair covers with gold silk bows we settled for plain, ordinary chairs and simple white linen cloths for the buffet table. Instead of elaborate crystal serving platters we opted for the elegance of silver.

"Taper candles, or floating tea lights?"

Alice held up a sample in each hand.

"Er, taper candles?" I looked at Edward.

"What do the tea lights float in?" he asked.

Alice rolled her eyes.

"Glass bowls of water, of course."

"Oh. I thought it might have been champagne."

He smirked, eyes twinkling, and I giggled at his joke but I could see the light bulb go on over Alice's head.

"Yes!" she hissed. "Pink champagne, all bubbly and fizzy and...pink! That would be so spectacular! And different!"

"Taper candles," Edward said quickly. "We want taper candles."

He grabbed a box from the shelf.

"Are you sure?" Alice was clearly disappointed.

"We're sure." Edward used his firm voice and Alice shrugged.

"Well, okay." She flipped to the next page of her notebook and her excitement was back.

"Ooh, how do you feel about ice sculptures?"

oo

At the end of March my truck died.

It broke down on the road between La Push and Forks and Edward had to come and rescue me.

"We could probably try a new engine," he muttered, frowning as he looked under the hood. It was propped open, steam was pouring out and Edward had his sleeves rolled up, grease on his hands and forearms as he did mysterious things to the inner workings. "But I think it's beyond repair."

"It is not," I snapped and even I could hear the whiny, petulance in my tone. "It's fine. All it needs is..."

There was a thunk as the front bumper fell off, basically proving Edward's point as it landed at his feet.

I scowled at the traitor truck, grabbed my bag from the cabin and stalked over to the shiny new Volvo. I climbed in, crossed my arms over my chest and stared determinedly out the window as Edward slid smoothly into the seat beside me.

His voice was casual when he spoke.

"Audi or Saab?"

I huffed a breath and stared harder out the window.

"Audi."

oo

At the beginning of April we received our acceptance letters to Dartmouth.

I was excited, Edward seemed completely unsurprised and Charlie was dumbstruck.

He stood in the living room, reading my letter over and over.

"Dartmouth? That's just...Dartmouth."

He shook his head as though he couldn't believe it and then looked up at Edward and me.

"I'm real proud of you, Bells. Real proud." His eyes shone and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "You too, Edward, congratulations." Charlie and Edward's relationship had started to thaw. "And I bet your family is proud."

"They are," Edward smiled.

But then Charlie's smile melted into a frown.

"The fees..."

"Won't be a problem," Edward answered. Charlie met his gaze for a moment and then nodded.

"I guess not," he murmured and looked back at the letter in his hand. He read it again and his grin was back.

"Dartmouth."

So we started looking for somewhere to live. We spent hours scouring real estate sites on the internet, trying to find something that matched our very specific criteria - somewhere secluded, not too built up, shaded access from car to house, not too far out of town.

Right now Edward was scanning through a real estate magazine he'd been sent in the mail.

"Nope...nope...too small...too many neighbours...only a single garage...nope...too far out of town..."

"What's wrong with a single garage?" I turned from my laptop - my graduation present had come early - and leaned over the back of the chair to look at him.

He was sitting on the bed and he stared at me blankly for a second, as if I'd just spoken another language.

"We have more than one car."

I shrugged. "I've always just parked on the street, I can do it again."

His eyes widened. "Not the Audi," he said and I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from laughing.

"It's..."

"No," he sat up shaking his head. "No. Don't say '_it's just a car, Edward'. _It's an _Audi_̧ Bella."

I closed my lips tight.

"Well, we could bring the portable garage with us."

I thought of the steel and canvas construction that had been taking up Charlie's driveway for the past two weeks.

"I don't think so."

"It does the job here."

"The cars will be properly garaged."

He was using his firm voice. Mmm...

"Is this you putting your foot down?"

I tried not to smirk as Edward frowned. He hesitated for a moment.

"Yes," he said finally. "It is."

"Okay," I said, smiling now. "We need somewhere with a double garage, then."

"Triple."

"Triple?"

"There's the Vanquish, too."

"Oh." I frowned. "That's going to make things harder."

"I know." He pulled his hand through his hair and seemed relieved that I wasn't going to argue about the absurdity of two college students owning three luxury cars between them. But Edward loved his cars, and that wasn't going to change – I'd just have to go with the flow.

"I could always put the Vanquish in storage nearby," he murmured. "I do that sometimes."

"So, double garage, then?"

He nodded. "Double garage."

"Or, what about a single garage with a carport out the front?"

His eyes tightened.

"Double garage."

The firm voice was back and so was my smirk.

I climbed off my chair and onto the bed, purring as I crawled along Edward's body.

"What are you doing?" His lips curved in a smug, satisfied smile as he dropped the magazine and laid back against the pillows.

"It's too long since we've done any exploring."

"Since last night?" He cocked an eyebrow as he offered me a wicked grin.

"Like I said, too long."

I nibbled on his neck and he sighed, running his hands down my back.

"You feel tense," he whispered, turning his face so he could catch my lips with his. "Do you want a back massage? I'll go get the oil."

I smiled against him. Massage, yeah right.

"Your hands always slip," I murmured, kissing him again. "They end up on my breasts every time."

He flashed me a dazzling smile, looking at me through those lashes.

"Do they? How careless of me."

His lips moved to my throat, then my collarbone, while his hand inched its way under my shirt.

"Of course, if you'd prefer not to have a massage..."

"Edward?" I sort of moaned his name.

"Mmm, yes Bella?"

"Go get the oil."

ooo0ooo

It was late April before I finally found my wedding dress.

It was in a bridal boutique that Renee had discovered on-line and she treated us to a mother and daughter weekend in Portland so we could check it out and have some girl time.

"I just thought of you as soon as I saw their web page, honey," Renee gushed as we stood in the middle of _Something Old, Something New_. "It just screamed out _Bella_ to me."

The boutique specialised in replica wedding dresses from different periods and as soon as I saw the Edwardian style gowns I knew I was in the right place.

Sometimes my mother was so in-tune, it was scary.

My choice was a simple, elegant, floor length ivory gown with delicate embroidery over the bodice and Renee teared up as I modeled it.

"Oh, honey, you look beautiful."

I felt beautiful

When I walked back into the dressing room there was a message on my phone. It was from Alice and it was just one word.

Perfect.

ooo0ooo

It was the beginning of May.

The wedding menu was decided, the cake was ordered, and we'd spent an afternoon in Tiffany's choosing our wedding bands – gold for me, platinum for Edward.

The guest list was almost finalised and we were nearly ready to do the invitations.

"Um," Edward looked at me hesitantly across the table as I drank a hot chocolate in _Books, Beans and Beats._ "I need to ask you something."

The tone of his voice had me immediately on alert.

"What is it?"

"The guest list." He took a deep breath. "Obviously Carlisle and Esme would like to invite the Denali's, but, it would mean inviting Tanya."

I only just stopped myself from spurting coffee all over the table. And all over Edward. As it was, a little trickle made its way down my chin and onto the front of my top.

Tanya.

I dragged my napkin over my chin.

I hadn't thought of her since that night I told Edward about my trip to Denali.

And now that I _was_ thinking of her it made my skin prickle.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable," Edward was saying.

My first reaction was to say that no, I didn't want her there.

But the Denali's were extended family to the Cullens. It would be rude not to invite them, and even ruder to invite them all except Tanya.

Geez, so it wasn't just humans that had these problems.

"But, they're like your family."

"But you are going to be my wife."

Wow. He wouldn't invite them if I said so.

But what would it say about me if I said no? That I was so insecure and threatened I wouldn't have her at my wedding?

My wedding.

My wedding to Edward Cullen.

Yeah, _my wedding to Edward Cullen_.

The boy is _mine._

I sipped serenely at the remains of my hot chocolate. I would be the bigger person.

"She's not going to try and grab your gear stick again, is she?" I asked tartly and the corner of Edward's mouth twitched.

"No. Absolutely not."

He leaned forward, his eyes darkening as he whispered.

"There is only one hand that has ever been _there_. Or ever will be."

He lifted my hand to his lips, his eyes dark and fiery as he kissed each knuckle before placing a soft kiss on my palm.

My heart was doing it's sexy dance as my mind reveled in the memories of some of our more recent explorations.

"Yeah, okay," I mumbled. "She can come."

oo

Meanwhile, the housing situation in Hanover, New Hampshire, seemed dire.

"We'll end up living in a tent," I mused as I scoured another website on Edward's laptop.

Edward laughed but kept his eyes on his work.

"How's it going?" I asked, peering over the screen.

We were in the Cullens' dining room. Small squares of ivory vellum were spread across the table, their ink drying as Edward hand wrote each wedding invitation and envelope. We could have had them printed, but this felt more personal somehow. And luckily his hands didn't get tired.

"You have such nice writing."

"Thank you."

"Mine's like a scrawl. Will it be nicer when I'm a vampire?"

"Probably."

He set another card aside and slid a new piece of vellum in front of him. I watched his long fingers as he dipped the nib of his pen in the tiny bottle of ink.

"Did you use ink pens when you were at school?"

"I did."

I looked at him as his hand moved across the page and tried to imagine him as a school boy.

"Did you ever break your nose?"

"What?"

He looked up, his hand instinctively going to his face.

"Why do you ask that?"

"The photo of you in my locket," I held it up. "Your nose bends slightly to the left. Did you break it?"

"Oh," he grinned. "Yeah. I fell out of a tree."

My eyebrows shot up.

"What happened?"

He leant his elbows on the table and cupped his face as he explained.

"I had a tree house and my friends and I used to play pirates, or Robin Hood, things like that. One day it was my turn to walk the plank, I stepped out of the tree house onto a branch and fell."

"Ouch! That must have hurt."

"I think it probably did. Anyway, I broke my collar bone and my nose."

He reached up again, wriggling it with his fingers.

"The collar bone healed fine, but the nose was never quite right after that."

He grinned at me. His nose was perfect now.

"You didn't lose that memory, then?"

He shook his head.

"No, we don't actually lose our memories, they're just not as clear as vampire ones. It's like looking through a silk screen at something, they're sort of cloudy."

"So I'll remember your proposal?"

"Absolutely. And I'll remind you of it every day, anyway."

He leant across the table, lifted my hand and kissed it.

"Was it a good tree house?"

"It was the _best_ tree house." His eyes sparkled. "My father built it for me."

He went back to the invitations but my heart melted a little as I watched him. His bronze head was bent over his work as his hand moved smoothly across the paper, his fingers expertly creating the curves and swirls of our names and the date of our marriage.

His father had built him a tree house and it obviously meant a lot to him. I wondered suddenly if he wished his parents were here to see him now. Did he wish he could tell them he was getting married? Did he imagine their proud smiles?

His hair flopped over his eyes and he blew it out of the way with a quick breath. The stray strands lifted gently and then flopped back down again. He frowned and tried shaking them out of the way, tossing his head quickly, but no luck. Finally he resorted to the hand, his long fingers pushing the hair back and holding it out of the way.

His eyes caught mine.

"Are you crying?"

"No," I sniffed.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. Just...dust." I sniffed again to prove my point and turned back to the laptop quickly.

I clicked through screen after screen, house after house and blew out my cheeks. Maybe we should just buy a motor home and live in that.

I was just about to log off and start putting the invitations in their envelopes when I saw it.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Edward looked up again. "Found something?"

"I think so."

"House?"

"No. Look."

I turned the laptop to face him.

"Land?"

Fifty acres in thick woodland, just released and newly approved for development. And it was only twenty minutes out of town.

My excitement was building as possibilities began to form in my head.

"We could build. You're studying architecture, you could design something. You could have a triple garage."

"I'm not studying architecture yet."

Edward's brow furrowed as he studied the small photo.

"It says there's a creek," he murmured. "And a natural clearing."

I could see his mind starting to tick over.

"What do you think?"

"Build our own home," he murmured to himself. "I think...," he tilted his head to one side, studying the picture from a different angle. Then he tilted it the other way in one of those fast vampire moves. His eyes darted over the screen quickly.

"Bella, I think it might be a very good idea."

Over the next few days we received a surveyor's report, aerial photographs, an official land valuation and lots of gushing, enthusiastic phone calls from the real estate agent.

Our inspection flights were booked for the following weekend.

And in the meantime Edward started to draw.

It was fascinating to watch him, the way he created perfectly straight lines, and angles, curves and arcs without the use of rulers or compasses.

"What sort of kitchen do you want?" He looked up, expectant and excited.

We were in his family's kitchen. I was eating the pasta Edward had cooked me while I went over a final wedding checklist with Alice and Esme. Edward sat on the stool opposite, creating our dream home on the enormous sheet of drafting paper in front of him.

"Um, just a normal one."

"Do you want it to open onto a living area or separate and enclosed, like Charlie's?"

"Actually, I kind of like the idea of an open kitchen."

He smiled and a second later it was on the paper.

"You need a games room," Emmett called from the living room.

"And a library," Jasper added.

"Music room," Rose put in, tapping an elegant finger on the paper.

"And in-law accommodation," Esme smiled. "So we can come and visit."

"And Bella's going to need a separate dressing room with huge walk in closets." Alice grinned at me.

Edward rolled his eyes.

I took the pencil from his hand and drew a large rectangle at one side of the paper.

"What's that?" he asked.

"That...," I said proudly. "Is the auto pavilion." Edward blinked at me. "Or you might call it a garage."

His mouth split into a wide grin.

"Tell me about this auto pavilion." He folded his arms on the bench in front of him and rested his chin on them as he watched me.

"It will have room for eight cars."

"Eight?"

I nodded and began drawing smaller rectangles inside the bigger one.

"Three of ours, four of your family's, and one of Charlie's - when he comes to visit."

"Sounds good," Rose nodded appreciatively. "I like the way you think."

She gave me one of her rare smiles and I returned it eagerly.

"What's that?" I pointed to a new room off the living area that I hadn't noticed before.

"Er...," Edward ran his hand over the back of his neck. "Actually, that's a billiard room."

"Billiard room?"

He looked uneasy.

"Yes? I've always wanted one."

"Can you play?"

"He tries to!" Emmett called out again.

"I beat you last time we played!" Edward retorted and I heard Emmett's laugh.

"Edward's very good," Rose said. "I've never won a game against him."

"Then we definitely have to have a billiard room," I nodded. "You can teach me to play."

Edward flashed me a brilliant smile.

"I'd like that."

ooo0ooo

We stood in the natural clearing of the fifty acres, looking up at the overcast Hanover skies.

"It's well secluded, but not too far out of town." Edward said. "There's plenty of wildlife nearby, I wouldn't have to be too far from you when I hunt. And it's a good level site, it would be an easy build."

He was looking with a critical eye, evaluating the strengths and weaknesses of the land. But I'd already fallen in love with it.

We'd spent the last three hours exploring. The narrow track that led from the road to the clearing would adapt well to a driveway, similar to the bushy overgrown access the Forks house had. We'd discovered the creek and kicked our shoes off and rolled up our jeans so we could paddle and splash each other with the cool, crystal water.

And now we were back in the clearing. It was a large area of soft grass, surrounded by a dense wall of forest. There was enough room for the house, the garage and gardens.

Edward pulled the house plans from his pocket and spread them on the ground. He secured each corner with a rock and we crouched down and studied them.

The house would be two storeys. Downstairs there would be a large living room with fireplace and a library nook, the kitchen and dining area, a study and the billiard room.

Upstairs was our room, or the master suite as Edward called it. It was large, with a sitting area for reading, an open fireplace and its own bathroom. Also upstairs were four smaller bedrooms and another bathroom. It seemed huge for just the two of us, but eventually it would need to accommodate the extended family as well.

"This would be the best orientation," he pointed to the right. "We'll get the morning sun."

"Sounds good."

All around us was silence, peace and calm. I breathed in deep, enjoying the scent of late Spring and approaching Summer.

"Edward, could I be changed here? Is it remote enough?"

He considered a moment, looking around us at the woods.

"Possibly. I think so." He smiled at me. "If this is where you'd like to be. Otherwise we could go to the house in Alaska."

I shook my head.

"I'd like to be here, if I can."

"I'm sure we can manage that." He smiled again and looked back at the plans. "We'll have plenty of room for all the family, and we'll need them for support."

I nodded, understanding.

A gentle wind came up, tugging at the corners of the plans.

"What happened to the ensuite? It's bigger."

He straightened out of his crouch and sat on the ground, cross-legged and plucked at some of the soft grass.

"I thought we could have a bigger bath," he said. "One that will comfortably fit two people."

"Oh." I grinned at him and he grinned back. "That sounds like an excellent idea."

He stretched out his legs, reached for me and brought me down gently so my head rested in his lap.

He ran his fingers through my hair as his eyes wandered back to the plans.

"There's plenty of space to play with, we can always extend if we need to."

"Extend? Edward it's huge. Why would we ever need to extend?"

His eyes came back to mine.

"I was thinking, maybe...if we needed a nursery."

I frowned, wondering if I'd heard him right.

"But...what? I thought that was impossible."

He shrugged and gave a half smile.

"Um, apparently not. It seems it is possible. It _might_ be something we can consider. One day. If you want to. If we _both_ want to."

I sat up.

"I don't understand."

Edward nodded. "Neither did I. But Carlisle, being Carlisle...," he rolled his eyes, smiling. "...has been researching vampire reproduction ever since that night. And he's found out quite a lot."

I sat up and listened while he talked about the coven in South America that Carlisle had contacted, how he'd learned that there were other human women who had given birth to hybrid babies and been changed after delivery; how with the right preparation, care and a diet supplemented with blood, the pregnancy could be much less traumatic and delivery could be made by caesarean section ahead of time...without the teeth. .

"What about the babies?" I asked, laying down again in his lap and still trying to wrap my head around it and trying not to get my hopes up.

"Very beautiful, by all accounts. And highly intelligent. Interestingly, there seems to be some variation in their development, depending on whether they take more after the human mother or the vampire father."

"Like humans taking after one parent more than the other?"

How I was more like Charlie than Renee.

"Something like that," Edward answered. "Those that take after the vampire fathers tend to have an accelerated growth pattern and seem to reach maturity in only a few years. Some are more like the human mother, so their growth rate is closer to a human child."

I was grinning now and a small spark of hope ignited inside me. My mind was a flurry of possibilities. Maybe I could really give Edward a family of his own.

"Did you know Carlisle was doing this?"

"No, he's kept his thoughts very guarded. He only told me yesterday, while we were hunting. I wanted to..._absorb_ the information before I told you - so I could be calm and rational."

"So, does this mean we can..."

"Just _consider_ it, Bella. That's all I'm agreeing to right now - we can consider it, one day, when you're ready to change. And we've found out more information."

I beamed up at him and he smiled.

"You do realise how overbearingly protective of you I would be?"

"Yes."

"If you think I'm bad now, then..."

"I know, I know. But you could look after me, and attend to all my cravings. Bring me pickles and ice cream or whatever it is pregnant women crave."

"No, I couldn't, because I wouldn't be leaving your side for a second. I'd have to send Emmett for the pickles and ice cream. Though I don't think that's what you'll crave."

Edward frowned and I stroked his hand.

"I know."

His fingers hooked over mine, tangling them with his.

Edward sighed. The breeze blew some strands of hair across my face and he pushed them back.

"I think we're getting a bit ahead of ourselves," he said.

"I know," I agreed. "Right now it's just something to consider, I know that. And that's all I'm asking for...lets just consider it. No promises."

His eyes smiled into mine and I suddenly realised the old Edward would have probably kept this information to himself.

"Thank you for telling me."

He ran his finger down my nose, smiling.

"Well, we're in this together."

He bent down and kissed my forehead.

"So, what do you think, Bella?" He looked around at the clearing and up at the sky. "Shall we buy it? Does it feel like home?"

The breeze came up again and I watched it dance through Edward's hair, lifting and tossing the bronze strands.

He sighed heavily as he looked around. It was a rich, contented, happy sound and it matched the expression in his eyes.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him.

"I'm thinking that so many times I've thought the things I wanted were impossible, and every single time you've proved me wrong."

I reached up to stroke his cheek.

"I love you," I whispered.

His answering smile was bright and brilliant.

"See? There you go again."

**A/N: Many, many thanks for all the reviews and messages. I read them all and appreciate the time you've taken to give me feedback and let me know what you think, thank you.**

**There's only one chapter left now. It will be shorter than the last few, and hopefully it won't be so long before it's up.**


	15. Chapter 15: Tuxedo Time Part I

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Sorry this took longer than I thought it would. And, I know I said this was the last chapter, and it is, but it was getting so long that I've split it into two. So this is the last chapter, part I. There will be a part II.**

**Thanks to Edward's Eternal! Hope all is well :)**

**From the Point of View of Edward Cullen**

**September 15th, 2005**

Bella's eyes closed as I pressed a kiss to her forehead. This would be the last touch, the final caress. My lips lingered, her skin was like fire against mine, reminding me that this was the end and now began my descent into hell.

"Take care of yourself."

I would never know how I managed to keep my voice so calm, so cool, so steady. The words sounded casual, every-day, but this was my final, desperate plea for her safety.

She stood there, rigid, a statue, but her agony was loud and clear in the anguished beat of her heart. It was carved in the lines of her face.

I forced myself to turn and walk away. My hands curled into fists, my fingernails cut into my palms.

Then I began to run.

My carefully mastered control crumbled and the searing pain that had been waiting to descend crashed over me now - it was a tidal wave, breaking me down and pulling me under. I felt as though all the light and air and warmth had been sucked from the world...from _my_ world, but the void had been replaced with a pain that consumed and swallowed me whole.

I had hurt Bella, and proved that I was the monster I had always thought myself to be.

I ran, but the sound of Bella's heart followed me. Its frantic, desperate beat tore at me, and I had to force my legs to keep going - each step harder than the last, as though I was sinking into quicksand.

But when I heard her cry my name, her voice laced with such desperation and pure despair, I stumbled and my knees hit the forest floor.

I was gasping - needless breaths rasped from my lungs. I couldn't move, the shock and pain was so acute it was paralysing.

I'd never heard her like that, and I realised, vaguely, that I was clutching at my chest.

What have I done?

I tried to pull myself together but the depth of pain in her voice had left me stunned, blind-sided and shaking.

She cried out again.

My body shook and my breath shuddered in my chest.

I ground my teeth together as I bit back my own cry that was clawing to be let out.

What have I done to her? _What have I done?_

I returned to the mantra I'd been reciting for the last two days - I'm saving her, I'm saving her, I'm saving her.

I forced myself to relive James' attack and Jasper's near-miss. I remembered her body, broken and bloody on the floor of the ballet studio. I saw every scar on her legs, her arms, her wrist. I saw Jasper's teeth, wet and glistening with venom, as they snapped just inches from her face. I remembered the fear in her eyes and in her heartbeat.

This was why I had to leave.

I'm saving her, I'm saving her, I'm saving her.

But while I churned through those memories, other memories came, forcing their way through, unbidden and taunting. Gut-wrenching memories that tore at me - every smile Bella gave me; every touch; every look, the adoration and love in her eyes; her trust...dear Lord, her _trust_ in me.

I would never have that again.

I had betrayed the only woman who would ever love me.

And she loved me_ for me_. Without question or judgment.

No-one would ever love me again.

What have I done?

My fingers clawed at the earth. I wretched and shuddered with the guilt and the pain and the overwhelming sorrow.

What have I done?

But this wasn't about me. It was about Bella.

My pain and loss were inconsequential, meaningless. If leaving her saved her life and her soul then it was worth every agony I had just inflicted upon myself.

She cried out again and I moaned as her agony lanced through me. For a brief moment, in the face of her pain and my memories, I wondered if I had underestimated her feelings for me. In a flash of horror and panic I wondered if maybe Bella wouldn't survive this.

But I shook my head and scrambled to my feet.

No. She couldn't love me _like that_. It was all wrong. _I _wasall wrong. She couldn't love me like that.

She was human; humans adapt and change; she'd move on...that's what humans did. They fell in and out of love every day. She was eighteen and this was a first love...when she was older, with a family, she'd understand why I'd done this. She would even be glad.

I was running again, cutting a path through the trees, but then I heard her footsteps crashing through the foliage.

She was _chasing_ me.

The breath was knocked from me and I staggered, almost falling again.

After everything I'd just said and done to her, she was _looking for me?_

Oh, Bella...

I didn't let myself think anymore about what that might mean, but the thought was there again, at the back of my mind, grinding my shredded heart to pulp.

But when I heard her fall, her feet stumbling in the leaves, her palms hitting the ground, I stopped again.

My hands were fists at the sides of my head, alternately pounding my skull and tearing my hair as I paced, growling and snarling. Everything was pulling me back to her; the need to check that she was alright was overwhelming. But if I went back I would never be able to leave again, I knew that. I'd lift her up and carry her back to her room and curl myself around her and beg her forgiveness and never leave her side.

I would stay.

That was what I wanted.

But this wasn't about me.

I'm saving her, I'm saving her, I'm saving her.

Twigs broke and the dry leaves scattered and crackled as Bella struggled to her feet. Her breath was fast and shallow - gasping, choking and raw.

I forced my legs to run again and I tried to block out the sound of her cries, her heartbeat, her feet pounding the earth as she searched for me.

"Please, don't do this..." I whimpered and I didn't know if my breathless plea was directed at Bella or myself.

Despair was swallowing me whole. My body was wracked with an agony that burned fiercer than the fire of my change.

Dear God, what have I done? _What have I done?_

I reached my car and wrenched open the door. It swung back and crashed shut as I revved the engine too hard. I pulled out onto the road and the anger and guilt and pain welled up inside me and I let out a wounded roar as my fist slammed through the window. Glass flew everywhere, showering me and gouging a long scratch across the dashboard as I drove away from Forks...away from love, life, meaning. All of it...over.

ooo0ooo

**June 20th, 2006**

"Now?" I looked at Esme hopefully.

She studied the neat rows of simple white, wooden chairs that Emmett and I had just set up. The lawn had been cleared of last minute twigs and leaves and Jasper had just finished a final check on the fairy lights that were strewn through the trees.

Esme turned and gave me an indulgent smile as her hand came up and affectionately cupped my face.

"You're done," she beamed. "Now go get ready."

I grinned and leant down to kiss her cheek, and then I ran for the house.

I could hear the excited thrum of Bella's heart as soon as I came through the door and I knew that if my own heart could beat it would have burst out of my chest by now.

I took the stairs three at a time, but on the second floor I stopped.

Bella was in Alice's room. I could smell make up and hair gel, I could hear the sound of a brush pulling through hair and though I was tempted to peek I blocked my sister's thoughts. I wanted my first vision of Bella to be as she came towards me down the aisle. But I could hear her voice, her soft laughter, her excited whispers.

"Is he back yet?"

"Yes."

"Can he hear me?"

"Yes."

She giggled and I was transfixed as I stood opposite the paneled door that separated us.

"Hi Edward," she whispered.

"Hi Bella." I whispered back and grinned as Alice passed on my message.

"He says _Hi Bella._ And now he's going to get ready," she added pointedly

Still grinning, I managed to drag myself away and head for my room.

I was already pulling my clothes off as I kicked the door shut and moved to the bathroom, leaving a trail of t-shirt, jeans, sneakers and socks behind me.

I turned the water to hot and stood under the spray, letting it fall and splash over me as I scrubbed away the residue of last night's bachelor party hunt and wondered if I should use shampoo. It wasn't something I normally did, just letting the water run through my hair was usually enough, but maybe today I should.

I lifted the bottle and flipped the cap and the artificial smell of pine forest assaulted my senses. I snapped the bottle closed. I didn't want to smell like that, and I didn't think Bella would like it. I put the bottle back and pushed my fingers roughly through my hair, deciding to just go with the water. There would be no synthetic pine forest, Bella liked my natural scent, she liked me the way I was.

And that was the miracle in all this.

She liked me the way I was.

I shut off the water and grabbed a towel, dragging it over my hair before tying it around my waist.

Back in the bedroom the late afternoon sky was turning from grey to silver. Through the glass wall I could see more activity on the lawn below. Esme was instructing Carlisle to move the temporary dance floor a little further to the left.

I walked to the closet, dropped the towel and reached inside to the Armani suit bag that hung in the middle of the rack. I pulled down the zipper and lifted the classic, black tuxedo out of its tissue paper wrapping. I laid it carefully on the bed.

My wedding suit.

This was really happening.

I took a deep breath.

Just a few months ago I'd been a wreck of a man, curled up in whatever hiding place I could find, giving myself over to misery and despair.

There'd been so many times I'd almost given in and come back. As Christmas had approached I'd cracked. I'd actually called Bella...and hung up.

I'd called again on Christmas Day.

And on New Year's Eve.

And a couple of times in early January.

My whole body would shake as I would clutch my cell phone - I was like an addict wanting just one more hit. But I couldn't risk hearing her voice, I knew that would be the end of me. So I'd just listen to the phone ringing, knowing that halfway across the world in Forks she would hear it too, and for those few seconds we had a connection, however small, as we both listened to the same sound.

And then I'd hang up.

That seemed so long ago, now.

And I was such a different person.

My eyes traveled to the middle section of shelves on my wall. I'd never kept photos before, but now in front of the medical textbooks and beside my dusty old globe of the world, there were three.

Our graduation photo.

I'd matriculated once as a human and more than a dozen times as a vampire, but this was the first time it really meant something. This time I really felt like I was on the threshold of the future.

Bella and I stood beside each other outside the school auditorium. We were smiling in our hideous yellow gowns as we held up our diplomas. Her cap was sliding off, and she was trying to keep it in place with one hand while she grinned at the camera. She didn't liked being photographed, but you wouldn't know it from this.

Next to it was the photo from Seattle.

Bella had thwarted Jessica's attempts for a bachelorette party and instead we'd all gone as a group to see _Linkin Park_ in concert just the week before.

Angela had taken the photo inside the arena as we stood in our seats, singing along with the lyrics. It was a candid shot, though I had seen it coming in her thoughts. Bella was laughing, looking up at me, her face brilliant and alive as she clapped her hands. I was grinning, watching the stage, with one arm around her waist and the other in the air, my raised fist beating time with the music.

It had been a great night.

Afterwards we'd started the long walk back to the parking garage. Mike, Jessica and Tyler were still singing and Eric and Ben were playing air guitar. Angela snapped photos of their sidewalk performance while Callum and Leah looked on, laughing. Everyone was sufficiently distracted so as we walked I moved my hand from Bella's waist and slid it slowly into the back pocket of her jeans. She gave the slightest start, I'd surprised her, but then she looked up at me, grinning. I winked, kissed the top of her head and she nuzzled closer as we kept on walking.

And right then I'd felt just like a normal teenage boy.

A normal teenage boy who owned the world.

The third photo was another candid. It had been taken at First Beach by Callum during a bonfire. We were sitting on the sand. Against the blackness of the night the light of the flames gave us a golden glow and we were surrounded by tiny, luminous sparks. Bella sat between my legs, resting against my chest. My arms were around her waist and her head was bent slightly to her shoulder as I gently nuzzled her neck. Her eyes were closed and she was smiling. Her hands covered mine over her middle and the diamond on her finger caught the firelight, flaring brightly, like a star.

It was a beautiful picture. I could have stared at it for hours. But not today.

I turned back to my suit.

I reached out and ran a finger slowly down the tuxedo's narrow, satin lapel.

I'd owned many suits over the last ninety years, but none as important as this one.

I was getting married. This was really happening.

I grinned and went back to the closet. I took the crisp white shirt from the hanger and pushed my arms through the sleeves.

My fingers trembled as I tried to work the buttons and my grin widened. It wasn't nerves that made me shake; it was pure excitement, sheer anticipation. In a little less than an hour Bella would be my wife. My chest swelled at just the thought of it and when I heard fresh giggles come up from Alice's room I started laughing myself.

I pulled the trousers on carefully, making sure not to rumple or crease the fabric. I tucked the shirt in neatly, making sure the tucks and gathers were smooth and evenly distributed - no bunching. I grabbed fresh socks from the drawer and was pulling them on as I heard Emmett's thoughts.

A_re you decent?_

I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, come in."

The door opened and Emmett stood there in his own tuxedo.

"You're standing up to put your socks on?"

"It's not like I can't balance on one leg." I frowned at him. "And I don't want to crease the pants."

"Oh, right. Your hair's wet."

"I know, I'll just let it dry."

"You'll drip on your suit."

How could I have not thought of that?

I snatched the towel off the floor and rubbed it vigorously over my head a few times.

"How's that?" I pulled my fingers through the strands - it felt drier.

"Now you look like a haystack."

"Great," I winced, though the comparison made me smile inwardly. I'd told Bella her hair was like a haystack once, a long time ago, on that first morning.

I opened the closet door wide and looked in the mirror that hung behind it. Emmett was right.

"You might need, I dunno, some sort of gel."

"I hate gel. I think I just need to comb it." I did own a comb, I just didn't use it very often. I pulled open a drawer and started looking. "What did you want anyway?"

"You can't tell?"

"Not right now. Not easily. Your thoughts are unusually vague and I'm a little pre-occupied."

I grinned at him and he chuckled.

"I can imagine. I just wondered if you needed a hand with anything."

"Nope." I looked up triumphantly, holding the comb in my hand. "Everything's under control."

I started trying to tidy my hair and Emmett sat at my desk. He leant back, hands clasped over his stomach, and swung himself around in the swivel chair.

"Was there something else?" I asked.

He shrugged as I heard Jasper approach. There was a soft knock and he opened the door.

"Need any help with anything?"

"I've just asked him," Emmett cut in. "He says he's got it all under control."

"Good."

Jasper walked into the room and sat on the edge of the desk.

"The dance floor is finally in place," he said.

"I still think you should have gone with the disco floor," Emmett said. "Those flashing lights would have really been something. And you could have done your disco moves."

"I thought it was _you_ with the disco moves," I snarked.

"Hey, yeah! You're right!"

He jumped up quickly and did his best Saturday Night Fever pose. The swivel chair shot back against the wall.

I laughed and shook my head while Jasper snorted.

"Do you still have that trophy?" Jasper asked. In his mind I saw the silver cup Emmett and Rosalie won in a nightclub disco dance-off in 1978.

"It's around somewhere," he said. "Do you still have yours, Edward?" he grinned.

"No."

"What trophy?" Jasper frowned as he looked between us.

"Nothing," I answered quickly.

"It was a ribbon." Emmett was chuckling. "His team won a square dancing demonstration in 1948."

My head dropped forward in defeat as I groaned. It had been one of the more embarrassing moments in my various school lives. I tried to get a handle on Emmett's thoughts, but he was too busy remembering me in the red checked shirt with the blue neckerchief, the cowboy hat made of cardboard and the broad gold ribbon draped from shoulder to hip that said _First Place._

"How come I don't know about this?" Jasper asked.

"Because you didn't turn up until 1950."

"Because I said we'd never speak of it again!" I snapped, glaring at Emmett, who was back in the swivel chair. His mental taunts had followed me for months after the event.

"Grab your partner, dosey doe!" he could barely speak through his laughs. In his mind he was reliving me tipping my hat, bowing to my partner, linking arms as we swung around the square. Then clapping my hands and tapping my foot as the other couples took their turn. Every now and then we'd all had to yell_ Yee Ha!_

Jasper's smirk took over his face. "I thought you didn't like country music. Was it a school thing?"

"Of course. I'd hardly go square dancing out of choice."

"He tried to get out of it," Emmett broke in. "But it was teams of eight and Carlisle didn't want him to let his team down."

"I was blending in," I muttered.

"Hey!" Emmett sat up straight, eyes wide and I could see the idea forming in his head.

"No!" I shook my head vehemently. "Absolutely not! No!"

"Aw, come on, it'd be fun! Different!"

"No!"

"What?" Jasper looked like he was watching a tennis match, taking rapid glances back and forth between us.

"I am not doing the bridal waltz to _Achy Breaky Heart_!"

Jasper threw his head back, laughing.

"Ah, but it wouldn't be the bridal waltz," Emmett corrected me. "It would be the bridal line dance. Everyone would join in - it'd be a great ice breaker!"

"No!"

"Do we have a copy?" Jasper grinned.

"No, we don't."

"We can just download it," Emmett shrugged. "And Rose is playing DJ, she'd do it for me."

"Why am I even bothering to argue about this?" I threw up my hands in frustration. "I'd know what you were doing before you even did it."

"Not if you're pre-occupied and my thoughts are unusually vague." He quoted my own words back to me.

I narrowed my eyes and bared my teeth and Emmett laughed again.

"I'm just playing with you," he rolled the chair closer so he could clap me on the shoulder.

I could see the sincerity in his thoughts and hear it in his words when he spoke again. "I'm just playing. Seriously, Edward, I wouldn't do it to you."

I nodded and relaxed a little and the mood in the room shifted.

"So how are you feeling?" he asked me. "You okay?"

How was I feeling? The grin was back.

"I didn't know it was possible to feel this happy. Or excited."

"Actually, he's left happy and excited _way_ behind," Jasper drawled. "He's well on his way to euphoria right now."

I laughed. Jasper was right.

"Do you want me to send some calming vibes your way?" he offered.

"No. Definitely not." I shook my head. I'd never have this day again - I wanted to feel _everything._

"I dunno, Edward," Emmett was smirking and his mind told me where the smirk was leading. I rolled my eyes in advance. "Maybe you should listen to Jasper. You don't want to peak too early - could be very disappointing for all concerned."

Jasper snickered as Emmett wagged his eyebrows and I glared. Again. I ignored the comment and moved to the closet to grab my shoes.

"But seriously, Edward," Emmett's tone had changed now and so had the tenor of his thoughts. "If there's anything you want to talk about...you know...um...I know this is all, er, kind of new for you. There might be stuff...if you have questions..." He trailed off awkwardly, eyes on the floor.

And while Jasper didn't speak out loud, his mind told me the same thing...he was there for me if I wanted.

There was silence. It was true that Bella and I were moving into uncharted territory. But I knew we'd find our way - we'd figure it out and learn together.

"No, no questions," I finally answered. "But thank you - both of you."

Jasper smiled and Emmett nodded.

And there was silence again while we all stared at our feet.

"Hey, last night was good," Jasper said suddenly, looking up. "You don't normally go for grizzly, Edward."

Thankfully, their bachelor party threats of covering me with shaving cream, or worse, covering _my cars_ with shaving cream, never came to fruition. Instead we'd gone hunting, deep into the park and beyond, up towards the border. And for the first time in a long time, I'd let myself go.

R_eally_ let myself go.

Since Bella and I had been together every hunt had just been an inconvenience that kept me away from her for too long. Mostly I'd hunt quickly and alone, going through the motions and bringing down whatever prey I came across while my mind was focused on getting back home.

But last night was a celebration - I was leaving my single life behind and I gave myself over to the hunt, and the party mood, completely.

We sped through the woods, shouting and yelling into the night as we'd leapt over rocks and boulders.

We dived from a cliff top into the icy, black waters below, just for fun, and then we raced each other as we climbed back up to the top. I made it first.

I stood on the cliff top, arms raised, head thrown back, and let out a cry of triumph that roared and echoed across the wind and over the ocean - but it wasn't just the race I'd won.

My _life_ was a triumph and I was celebrating.

Then we ploughed back into the woods, tearing through the trees, the water ripping from our clothes as we ran. We stalked our prey and I relished the chase as I gave myself over to instinct and nature. After the bear I brought down a mountain lion and a wolf. I took my time and feasted with my brothers.

Definitely a good night.

"We should do it again," Jasper smiled. "When you're back from your honeymoon. A welcome home hunt."

"Sounds good," I smiled back.

"If he's still in any condition to hunt by then," Emmett muttered and wagged those eyebrows again. "He might be a bit wobbly on his legs."

"Everything always comes back to sex with you, doesn't it?"

He shrugged. "Most people think about it, I just say it."

Actually, he had a point. I'd been thinking about it a lot lately. I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck and Jasper smirked.

"I've just taken Bella's bags down to the car," he said. "Do you want me to take yours?" He nodded towards the duffle bag in the corner.

I smiled. "Thanks."

I grabbed the bag and as I handed it to him he wrapped his free arm around me.

"I'm really happy for you, Edward. Really happy."

His gesture had come without forethought and I smiled as I hugged him back.

"Thanks, Jasper."

Then Emmett stood as Jasper stepped aside.

"I should probably let you finish getting ready. You still don't have your shoes on."

As I looked down at my socks he pulled me into a fierce hug, slapping me on the back.

"You deserve this, my brother," he whispered roughly.

His words moved me and I couldn't speak, but I nodded my response as I returned the hug and he understood.

"See you downstairs," he said, clapping me on the back again before he and Jasper walked out the door.

A few seconds later I heard the trunk of the Volvo open and then close as Jasper stored my bag inside, next to Bella's.

Excitement burned through me.

Our bags were in the car.

This was really happening.

In less than an hour I'd be married.

This time tomorrow we'd be on our honeymoon.

_Our honeymoon._

I hoped Bella would like the location. Carlisle and Esme had generously offered the use of their island and I'd accepted gratefully. But I wanted to keep it a surprise and I laughed now as I remembered Bella's attempt to tickle the secret out of me.

I let myself be pushed back on the pillows of our bed while she sat astride me, my wrists locked in her hands. Her beautiful brown eyes were bright with determination.

"Tell me!"

"No."

"Tell me!"

"Can't. It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one."

"Will I?"

"Yes."

"What will I like about it?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"Good try, Bella. But not good enough."

She glared.

"Don't make me tickle you, Edward." She was trying to scowl at me, and failing.

"I'm not ticklish, remember?"

"Not in the normal places maybe, but I've learned a thing or two about you recently, Mr Cullen."

Her hand let go of my left wrist and descended to my stomach. The muscles of my abdomen clenched as she pushed up my t-shirt and clawed her fingers over my bellybutton.

Sensation shot through me like lightning and Bella grinned.

"Not fair!" I gasped and pulled my knees up, rolling her off me.

She pouted and sat back on her heels.

"How will I know what to pack?" She held out her hands, imploring. "Do I need snow shoes? A bikini?"

"Just pack both." I pushed up on my elbows, smiling sweetly.

"Argh! You are impossible."

She slapped her palms onto the coverlet and I grinned.

"I know."

And she grinned back. And kissed me. And told me I was the most frustrating vampire she had ever met. And I grabbed her and threw her gently onto her back, making her squeal. And I held her as I laughed.

"Alright, I'll tell you," I whispered, smiling as I kissed the shell of her ear.

"Nah," she smiled back. "Surprise me."

I nuzzled against her neck.

"How about if I just say...pack for the sun."

"The sun?" She scrambled to sit up. "But you'll sparkle!"

"Uh huh."

And then she raised an eyebrow and the corner of her lips quirked. It was a sure sign she was up to mischief and I couldn't wait to hear what she was going to say.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Mm, do you sparkle all over?"

Her question floored me for a second, but I recovered quickly and arched an eyebrow in return.

"You'll have to wait and find out."

She dropped her eyes and traced her finger over my heart.

"I'll look forward to it," she whispered.

I lifted her fingers and kissed them.

"Me too."

That had been three nights ago and I'd replayed the conversation and her tickle attack many times.

I had surprised myself since I'd come back. My behaviour sometimes seemed out of character with the man I'd been before, until I realised that I _wasn't_ that man anymore.

I used to feel guilty about loving Bella. I had thought it was wrong of me to want her the way I did.

But not now.

My mind calculated how many hours now until we arrived at Isle Esme - how many hours until I could love her completely, and show her with my body what I felt in my heart and in my soul.

My body began to stir and I bit down hard on my lip.

"Not now," I murmured to myself. "Not yet. Later."

I imagined Emmett disco dancing in his white three-piece suit and that did the trick. I shook myself and let go of my lip.

A sudden burst of laughter floated up from Alice's room and I heard Bella's voice. I had been tuning them out, but now I was tempted to let myself eavesdrop for just a moment.

"No way, Alice. They'll look like spiders."

Spiders? What on earth...?

"They're not big ones, Bella. They're very fine and it's just to give definition."

"My eyes are defined enough, thanks.."

Ah, false eyelashes. I was glad Bella said no - she didn't need any of that.

I smiled and tuned out again.

I picked my t-shirt off the floor and rubbed it over my shoes, removing the specs of dust that no human would see but which were glaringly obvious to me. I turned my feet, this way and that, making sure the black leather was spotless. When I was satisfied I dropped the t-shirt and crossed the room to the small bedside table. Sitting inside were my pocket watch and two Tiffany ring boxes.

I took the watch and opened it, running my fingers over the engraving of Bella inside the cover. She had no idea how much this meant to me...her own declaration of serious intentions, like my locket had been for her.

Maybe she _did_ know.

I closed the case and ran my thumb back and forth across the fine pattern on the silver. At the top was the loop where, a hundred years ago, a chain would have gone. My father's watch had had a chain of thick silver links. I could remember he wore it every day, without fail - he would slip the watch into his pocket and attach the chain to his waistcoat. He had treasured the gift from my mother and it had been buried with him when he died.

I wondered if my parents could see me now. I wondered if they knew.

I blew out a breath and opened the watch case again. Bella's beautiful image smiled up at me once more and I smiled back. Then I closed the watch, slid it into my pocket and pulled the two ring boxes from the drawer. Carlisle was standing up with me today as my best man, I'd need to give him the rings before the ceremony.

I flipped open the lid of Bella's box. The plain gold band was smooth and perfect. I would have bought her one studded with diamonds, but she had wanted something simpler.

"I don't ever want to take it off," she'd said as we'd sat at the counter in Tiffany & Co. "And I'd worry about the stones falling out when I'm, you know, _hunting_." She'd mouthed the last word and I had to admit her logic sent a thrill through me.

"Then plain it is," I'd smiled.

I slipped her ring onto my little finger and smiled when it only made it as far as the first knuckle. Inside there was a one-word inscription..._forever. _

My chest expanded with a deep breath of satisfaction. I couldn't wait to put this on her finger. The ceremony was less than an hour away, but that still seemed too long.

I slid the ring off as I heard Bella's voice again.

"No fake fingernails, Alice. I don't want claws like Jessica's mom."

The exasperation was clear in my sister's response.

"I'm just shaping the ones you've got, Bella. Relax."

I looked down at my own nails. I'd scrubbed underneath them when I was in the shower but now I checked again.

I ran the pad of my thumb over their edges. A few months ago they'd been jagged and broken and I'd had to even them with my teeth and smooth them with a steel file - the type stonemasons use to shape granite.

I knew that Bella had noticed my hand the night I came home, but she'd said nothing about it until very recently. I stared at them now and remembered the night two weeks before when she'd asked me.

We sat at a red traffic light as we left Port Angeles and my hand was tapping against the steering wheel in time to the music that played from the car stereo. It was a cd of mixed songs I'd put together but hadn't played in a long time.

"You like this song," Bella smiled and I nodded.

"It's Nat King Cole. Do you like it?"

"It's okay, for an old person's song."

I rolled my eyes and she laughed.

"I know, I know, the fifties produced some of the best music around...you've told me."

There was a time when her teasing me this way would have made me feel self-conscious about my age. Now I saw it as the easy acceptance of the differences between us and I welcomed the teasing.

The light turned green and I moved my hand to the gear stick, shifting it into first. Bella covered my hand with hers, linking her fingers through mine, running her thumb over my skin - over the edge of my fingernails.

"The night you came home they were broken," she said quietly.

Her comment surprised me and I tensed.

"They're smooth now," she murmured.

Her voice was gentle, soft and I knew she wouldn't push me if I didn't want to talk. I swallowed and looked out the driver's window at the rain that spattered the glass.

"It happened when I came back to Forks the first time."

Bella's gasp was almost inaudible.

"Was it Victoria?" she whispered.

"Yes."

"Did she hurt you?"

Her fingers clenched around mine.

"No."

Bella lifted my hand and kissed it.

"Will you tell me?"

I didn't really want to talk about it. But I didn't want to keep things from Bella and apart from a brief mention the night of my return we hadn't discussed Victoria - I supposed the conversation was overdue.

In truth I'd tucked that episode into a far corner of my mind and locked it down tight. But it hadn't gone away.

I took my hand from Bella's and gripped the steering wheel.

"I'm not sure how much Jacob told you," I said, staring out at the road.

Bella's voice was barely above a whisper as she gave me a summary of Jacob's version of events. It was accurate, even down to me roaring and lunging at Victoria at the top of the cliff and my coming out of the ocean holding her head. How I shredded her body on the sand.

I winced, wishing she didn't have those images of me in her mind.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel and I took a slow breath before I spoke.

"When we were on the cliff top Victoria showed me, in her mind, exactly what she had planned for you."

Bella shivered. "The hand in the box, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"But what?"

I wondered if I should say anything more.

"That was only the start of her plan, Bella, and probably the most merciful part." My lip curled, my voice was a snarl. "Victoria wasn't going to let it end there."

My mind unlocked the dark corner and all the vivid, detailed images Victoria had shown me flooded out - Bella chained in a box, alive and screaming while Victoria...

My body gave a sudden, violent shudder. It would have taken Bella weeks to die. The steering wheel started to bend as I tried to keep my composure.

"My rage was even more savage than she had anticipated. She gave up wanting to fight me and focused on trying to escape instead. She dived into the ocean, I went after her." I paused, unsure how many details to give Bella.

"When I got her by the throat I tore into her with such force I...I broke my hand. My fingernails shattered when they ripped through her skin."

Bella gasped and her hand flew to her mouth.

"But, you're like stone!" She grabbed at my hand. "How could...?"

"As I said, there was some force involved." My voice dropped and I flexed my hand in hers. "The bones rejoined almost immediately, before her head hit the sand, but fingernails don't regenerate or grow."

"So that's why..."

I nodded.

My eyes closed as Victoria's sick plan for Bella continued to fester and poison my mind.

And suddenly I _needed _to hold Bella.

I needed Bella to hold _me_.

I swerved hard onto the side of the road and pulled her into my lap. She came eagerly, and my arms engulfed her as I buried my head in the crook of her neck. I could feel her heart pounding against my chest and I focused on that as I clutched her, using its sound to drive away the horrific memory I'd set free.

"It's okay, Edward, it's okay." She held me, running her hands over my back as I curled around her in the small, awkward space. "I'm here, it didn't happen, it's not going to happen. I'm here. You saved me."

I shook my head against her. My mind exploded with _what ifs_ that had been locked away for the last five months and now I was drowning in them.

"I left you exposed and vulnerable. She had her _hands _on you...she was in _your room_...she could have so easily..."

"No! Edward, I'm okay, you saved me!"

She grabbed my face and pulled it up to hers.

"You. Saved. Me."

Then she pressed her lips to mine in a kiss that was fierce and demanding and possessive.

And I responded.

I found the catch on the side of the seat and lowered it down.

I rolled us, Bella was beneath me now and I covered her body with mine. I couldn't get close enough. My hands grabbed her hips as our bodies pressed together. This was need, this was affirmation. This was _life. _

She was alive and vital and beautiful and _mine. _

I kissed frantic, desperate kisses over her throat and chest, feeling her pulse pounding under my mouth.

Feeling the life flow through her.

Bella moved beneath me, her knee banged against the door and I pulled her leg out of the way. I didn't think she'd even noticed.

Her hands were under my shirt, her nails running over my bare chest. I hissed and she arched into me, moaning as my lips sucked on the skin of her throat. Her knee hit the door again, harder this time. She flinchedand suddenly I realised exactly where we were.

I stopped.

"I'm sorry," I panted, pulling back a little. "I just...I needed..."

"I know." There was understanding in her eyes. "And don't ever apologise for that." She was breathless, smiling, as she ran her hand over my cheek. I smiled back as I took some breaths and tried to bring my body to heel.

"You deserve better than to be groped in a car."

She chuckled softly and ran her hands through my hair.

"You weren't groping, and anyway, I was doing it too." Her fingers trailed lower and she gave my backside a playful squeeze. "And it's not just a car, Edward...it's a Volvo."

I snorted.

"Even so...you deserve better."

Bella smiled, but her expression changed.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, pushing my hair back, stroking my face, searching my eyes. Her own were so deep, so full of love and concern and care - her eyes wiped out every bad memory and feeling.

She was here. She was with me and she was alive.

"I'm okay."

"Sure?"

I pressed my forehead to hers and closed my eyes.

"I'm sure."

"Wanna just sit for a while?"

I nodded. "I think so."

We climbed into the back seat and Bella curled up beside me, her head on my shoulder while I wrapped my arms around her.

We sat quietly, listening to the music, sharing kisses.

The song on the cd changed. Bella looked up at me, an amused frown on her face.

"From Nat King Cole to Bon Jovi, Edward? Seriously?"

I smiled and started singing. _"Take my hand, we'll make it, I swear..."_

She laughed and shook her head.

"Are you telling me now you're a closet head banger?"

I grinned and kissed her.

"I have my moments."

Now I ran my thumb over Bella's wedding ring again before I returned it to its velvet setting and put the boxes on my desk.

"Alright," I heard Alice's voice again. "Now, which underwear did you end up choosing? The white lace or the..."

I lunged across the room, leapt over the bed and hit the stereo button. Music blared out of the speakers, drowning out the voices below.

Taking Bella's clothes off later would be like unwrapping the best present in the world and I didn't want to spoil the surprise. Although now I had the tantalizing vision of white lace in my mind...

I shook myself, pushed the distracting images away and focused on the music.

It was a new indy band I'd just discovered. They produced interesting music and this piece was loud and vibrant and alive and it matched my mood.

My hands beat a rhythm on my thighs.

The thoughts of my family had just been a background hum to this point, but now as I played along to the music, new thoughts filtered through, more obvious than the others. My mind caught them, loud and clear, and I gasped.

"No!"

I flew down the stairs, past Rosalie and Esme, and out to the garage. As I ran I heard Emmett groan.

"Aw, geez. He's coming. You thought about it, didn't you, Callum? You had to go and think about it."

"I couldn't help it. It just came out."

"After I told you what would happen..."

"Hey, I'm not used to having to block my thoughts, okay?"

"You don't have to block them, you just have to think of something else. Recite poetry or something."

"I don't know any poems."

"Computer code, then."

I almost skidded into the garage and saw them standing there, beside the Volvo. They held up their hands in surrender.

"It was just a sign," Emmett shrugged. "No shaving cream, honest."

My head snapped around to Callum who looked very sheepish.

Emmett frowned and followed my glare. "Were you thinking about shaving cream, McLeod?"

"Not seriously...maybe just a bit."

"Hey!" Emmett dropped his hands. "We agreed we weren't doing that!"

"I know, I know! I was just imagining what it would look like, that's all."

"Yeah, well, _imagining_ is enough to get you in trouble around here."

Emmett picked up a large, square piece of cardboard that was lying on the roof of the car.

"We were going to tie it to the back bumper with some tin cans and junk." I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

The cardboard was white and written across it in big, black letters were the words _Just Married._

"Oh."

I stared at the sign as Emmett continued.

"It's traditional. And it was just a bit of fun, but if you don't want..."

"No, it's fine." The smile started stretching across my face. "You're right, it is traditional." And I'd be happy to drive around advertising the fact that Bella had just married me.

Emmett smiled and his eyes gleamed.

"So we can go ahead?"

"Yeah. Just maybe..." I hesitated.

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe wait until after the ceremony?" I muttered.

"Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. We're not actually married yet, I don't want to jinx anything."

I knew it was a stupid thing to think, but that didn't stop me thinking it anyway.

Callum snickered. "A superstitious vampire - that's funny."

I rolled my eyes. "I just don't want to tempt fate."

"Nah, it's cool, Edward," Emmett smiled and put the sign back on the roof of the car. "I get it. We'll wait till after the ceremony. And that will give us more time to find enough toilet paper to wrap the car in."

"Emmett!"

He held up his hands, grinning as he backed away, out of the garage.

"Just joking! Just joking!"

I shook my head as I turned to Callum.

"At least toilet paper won't ruin the paint work," he chuckled. "So, are you nervous?"

"Only about my car."

Callum snorted and I relaxed a little.

"No, I'm not nervous. Not at all. I can't wait."

Then Callum frowned and his mind shifted away from the Volvo and the wedding. This was a different thought, one that had been flickering through his mind every time I'd seen him lately. And of course he knew that I knew.

"Ah, so it's tonight?"

He nodded. "After we leave the reception. You and Bella have kind of inspired me."

"So, are _you_ nervous?"

He shrugged.

"A little." Then his words tumbled out, leaving his mouth almost before he thought them. "I've got the ring, I think she'll say yes, but you can never be sure, can you? I mean, I know we're right for each other, it was like _boom _as soon as I saw her, and we both want this, we've even talked about it, sort of...but there's still that..."

His mind struggled to find the word he needed.

I remembered my own proposal to Bella, getting down on one knee, mouth dry, hands shaking as I took hers.

"I'd never been so nervous," I confessed, hoping it would make him feel easier.

"Really? You?"

I nodded.

"But, you knew she'd say yes."

"I _thought _she would. But as you say, I couldn't be sure."

"What if she'd said no?"

I shrugged, not even wanting to think about that. "It would have hurt." It would have crushed me.

Callum pulled his hands through his hair and scowled. "It's really putting yourself out there, isn't it?"

"It is."

I had never felt more exposed, or fragile, than in that long half-second between my question and Bella's answer.

Callum sucked in a breath. "I guess the imprint thing should take the guess work out though, shouldn't it?"

"I would think so," I smiled. "Leah loves you, Callum. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"No?"

"No."

He nodded, and scuffed at the floor with his shoe. In his mind he started rehearsing his proposal. I tuned out.

"Did you know Bella was _the one_ as soon as you saw her?" he asked suddenly, using air quotes.

"Er, no, not exactly," I murmured, surprised, and rubbed my hand over the back of my neck. "The, uh, vampire thing got in the way for a while."

Callum nodded and his thoughts shifted again.

"I asked Harry for his permission a couple of nights ago," he said. He folded his arms across his chest and leant against the workbench. Normally I would have adopted a similar, human-style pose to keep the mood relaxed, but I wasn't about to lean on anything. If I got grease on this shirt...

I shoved my hands in my pockets instead.

"I'm assuming it went well?" I could see in his mind that it had.

"Yeah, really well."

"I'm glad. How is Harry?"

Callum frowned. "His heart's in a bad way. The doctors are talking about trying a bypass."

I nodded. I'd heard the struggling, strangled beat of his heart at the bonfire the week before, and I didn't think surgery was going to help. Sometimes hearts just give out and there was nothing anyone could do. I just hoped he'd be able to see his daughter marry. In Callum's mind I could see plans for a short engagement.

"Hey, what's under the sheet?" he asked suddenly, changing the subject and pointing to the large, bulky shape in the back corner of the garage.

I debated for a moment whether I should tell him - no-one knew apart from my family. But then Callum was practically family these days.

"It's for Bella," I said. "But it's a surprise."

His eyes lit up. "I won't say anything. Is it a car?"

I nodded, grinning and walked over to the corner. I pulled back the sheet carefully, mindful of the dust that had collected on it already.

"Whoa, you're kidding!" Callum exclaimed. "It's her truck!"

Bella had been so upset when her truck finally fell apart on the road from La Push, and though she liked her new Audi, I knew she missed the rusty red rattle-trap that worried me every time she drove it. She liked its style and its character, but it had been a gift from her father, and I suspected that was the real reason she was so attached to it.

"I had it fixed," I said as Callum ran his hands over the new paintwork. The original shade was long discontinued and I'd paid extra to have the colour matched and reproduced.

"It looks the same, just..._newer. _What have you had done?" He opened the passenger door and looked inside.

"Well, it's been fully detailed inside and out. The body panels have been smoothed and specially reinforced and the rust has been removed. There are roll bars between the roof and the internal lining and the engine and all the mechanics are new. Brakes and clutch, too. And tyres." Special all-weather, all-terrain tyres. Callum was nodding approvingly.

"You kept the seats?"

"I didn't want to change too much. They've been re-sprung and the tears in the leather have been repaired." And I'd kept the stereo.

"It looks great." Callum took a deep breath. "Still smells the same."

"I know," I smiled. That was part of the plan.

He pulled out of the cabin and shut the door. It gave a solid, rattle-free thunk.

"You should get her a fancy knob for the gear stick," he said. His mind filled with images of 8-balls, sparkly globes, spiders in perspex, _flowers _in perspex, and then...

"Pacman?" I snorted. "You have a Pacman _gear knob_?"

He smirked. "Wanna make something of it?"

"No," I chuckled, holding up my hands. "Not at all."

"It wasn't my first choice," he shrugged. "But the visor on Darth Vader's helmet kept digging into my hand."

"Oh." Of course.

Callum walked to the front and lifted the hood. He gasped when he saw the brand new Vortec 8100 big-block V8 engine and began doing a mental tally of what everything had cost. His final guess didn't even come close.

"Where did you get it done?"

"There's a specialist garage in Seattle. It's spent the last couple of months there."

Rosalie had offered to do the work here, but I didn't want to risk Bella finding out what I was doing until I was sure the truck was safe to drive again. "It just came back yesterday afternoon, that's why I haven't had a chance to tell her yet."

"And it drives okay?"

"It does," I grinned.

The truck had arrived on the back of a car carrier just before my bachelor party. My brothers had patiently waited while I'd taken it on a quick trip to Port Angeles and back to satisfy myself that I'd be happy to let Bella drive it. It had passed the test with flying colours.

"What will you do with the Audi?"

I shrugged. "We'll keep that too."

"When are you giving it to her?"

"I don't know yet."

I did know, I just wasn't going to say. I was hoping we could sneak out of the reception some time this evening so I could bring her here and show her. The thought pleased me as Callum closed the hood and I replaced the sheet.

"She's going to love it," Callum said as we headed back towards the garage entrance.

"I hope so."

"You know she will. Anyway, I'd better get going. I've got to get back home and change and then pick up Leah and get back here and I've only got thirty five minutes to do it in." He looked at his watch and then at me. "If we're late you'll wait, won't you?" he smirked. "You won't start the wedding without us?"

I shook my head very slowly as I returned his smirk.

"I am not waiting for _anything,_ Callum."

He chuckled "Yeah, I get that." Then he shot a wistful look at the Volvo as he headed out the door. More visions of shaving cream filled his head.

I growled very softy and he held up his hands in defense.

"Not planning, just imagining."

"You'd pay for a new paint job," I said. "And if the start of my honeymoon is delayed by _one minute_ because I have to switch cars..." I smiled wide, showing all my teeth.

"Yeah," Callum laughed again. "I get that too. See ya!"

And he disappeared as I started chuckling.

It was interesting how Callum had fitted in with us so comfortably, especially given his background and his rocky introduction via Angela's movie night. He'd been a good friend to Bella and now he was a friend of mine. My first human friend - apart from Bella.

And I recognised how much he'd impacted my life and I was grateful for that.

His question about when I'd known Bella was _the one_ had been a little confronting though. My heart was set the night I heard her say she loved me in her sleep, but in truth, I was ashamed to admit I hadn't realised we'd belonged together until very recently - until the day I came back to her.

I'd been on my way to Yellowknife. Victoria was dead and Bella was safe. I no longer had any role in her life and I was going to disappear, deep into the wilderness. I hoped that somehow, time and remoteness would dull the edge of my pain.

I didn't like the chances.

I sat in my seat of the plane, head buried in my hands, wondering why we were so long in taking off. The thoughts around me were a nagging buzz and I tried to ignore them and the powerful pull that was drawing me back to Forks - back to Bella. I tried to stop thinking about what I'd seen in Jacob's thoughts. And Sam's.

What had I done to her?

I exhaled heavily and leant back against the head rest. I needed a distraction. The man beside me shifted uncomfortably and raised his newspaper higher, like a paper shield.

I picked up the in-flight magazine but its front cover of a happy couple frolicking on a beach made me angry and I stowed it back in the pocket of the seat in front.

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes and then rubbed my hands over my face a couple of times.

I told myself she would move on. It had only been three months, these things take time. She'd find someone and she'd fall in love. She'd get married.

My hands clenched on my knees. My feet ground against the foot rest and its metal railing bent and buckled.

Beside me the man turned in his seat, facing as far away from me as he could.

I'd done what was best for Bella. She'd have a human life. She'd be happy. She'd find someone else - a good man who would love her and she'd be happy.

Except no-one would ever love her the way I did.

No-one would ever love her the way she should be, the way she deserved to be - so completely, so purely, so absolutely.

I let out a choking sound and buried my head back in my hands.

No-one would ever love Bella the way _I _would, because _I _was the one who was _meant_ to love her.

Me.

I'd been drowning but at that moment I broke the surface.

We were _meant _to be together.

I gasped and sat back in my seat, my movement faster than it should have been. Beside me the newspaper shook slightly.

I was _meant_ to love her, and she was _meant _to love me.

Bella had told me this, over and over, but I hadn't listened. I hadn't believed it could be true.

But I believed it now.

I stood quickly and grabbed my backpack from the overhead locker.

I was trying to move at a human pace as I headed up the aisle to where the stewardess had just shut the doors.

I was going back. And I'd love her again, if she'd let me.

Just hours later I was in her yard.

Her eyes were dark and almost frightened as she stared at me and I thought my body was going to shatter with the emotion of just _seeing _her again. Her heartbeat was almost painful in my ears.

There was so much to tell her, so much she needed to know. I didn't know where to start but I knew that words weren't enough. So I did the only thing I could to convey the depth of my love and remorse and my undying commitment.

I bowed my head and dropped to my knees.

And I hoped she understood.

..._I'm sorry...I lied...I love you...I will never leave you again...my life is yours..._

But she said _no._

And that word destroyed me. I'd done too much damage, I was too late. My eyes screwed shut against the pain. I deserved this, but I didn't know how I would survive it.

But when I heard her drop her jacket on the ground I looked up and saw the locket at her throat. My locket.

It was almost vibrating against her chest from her fast, frantic breaths and I wanted to cry with pure joy at the sight of it.

And when I lifted my gaze I looked in her eyes and I saw love.

Love.

_For me._

And my body began to shake with the wonder of it.

She was running. Her feet were pounding over the ground, kicking up the snow and I was on my feet.

By some miracle I had another chance. Bella was running to me. And this time, as she ran, I opened my arms wide.

"Edward!"

Rosalie's voice called me back to the present and I took a couple of deep breaths as I refocused on now.

There was dust on my pants and I brushed it off as I walked out of the garage and back across the lawn to the house.

Rosalie met me on the front steps.

"Do I have grease on me?"

I couldn't smell anything but I turned around so she could check, holding my arms outstretched.

"No, just dust." She brushed her hand over my back. "There, done."

I turned around and she was smiling softly.

"Thank you, Rose."

"No problem." She pushed some hair back from my face in a surprisingly affectionate gesture. "You look good."

I smiled again. "Thanks. So do you. That dress looks lovely on you."

She shrugged as if it didn't matter but I knew she enjoyed the praise - she didn't hear it from me very often.

"Special occasion, you know. And speaking of which, I was wondering if you wanted me to play some incidental music before the ceremony, while the guests are arriving? Maybe some Mozart?"

"Mozart is good."

She nodded. "You'd better finish getting ready," she stepped aside to let me pass. "You don't want to keep the bride waiting."

Definitely not.

I hurried past Alice's door, trying to block out a conversation about garters. Back in my room I changed the music to something softer and checked my appearance again in the mirror.

Combing my hair hadn't worked. It was all over the place, as usual, and I decided to just let it go. Bella liked it this way, anyway.

I ran my t-shirt over my shoes again. I retucked my shirt. I took the black bow tie from the drawer and ran my fingers over its silk.

E_dward, may I speak with you, son?_

"Of course, come in."

Carlisle's thoughts preceded his knock on my door.

"Not long now," he smiled as he entered the room.

I leant back against the bed post and folded my arms across my chest. Not long now.

"I've waited almost a hundred years for her, Carlisle - this can't come soon enough."

He chuckled softly.

"I know. It's been quite a journey."

I smiled at his understatement.

"It has. And I've made so many mistakes, it's a miracle we've made it to this point."

I shook my head at my past stupidity.

"Perhaps you wouldn't have made it to this point without the mistakes."

"Perhaps."

I understood his point and it was something I'd thought myself from time to time. I would never forgive myself for hurting Bella. There was no excuse for what I did or the way I did it, but I also recognised that if I hadn't left we would probably still be dancing around each other, locked in a spiral of hurt feelings and misunderstandings - I would be holding Bella at arms length and Bella would be fighting to get closer. And today would have been just another day, not our wedding day.

"Do you have the rings for me?"

"Yes."

I handed him the two boxes and he slipped the rings into the breast pocket of his jacket, patting it down as he did so.

"I'll keep them safe," he smiled as he put the boxes back on the desk.

"I know." I smiled back.

Carlisle's eyes were warm as he watched me. In his thoughts I could see various images of me over the past eighty eight years. And his thoughts were like any father's - me as a newborn needing constant supervision; my first hunt; my first car; the day I returned home after my rebellious years; my first highschool; my college graduations; fighting with Emmett and Jasper; the day I brought Bella home to meet the family; sucking venom out of her wrist in the ballet studio; caring for her after her attack; his argument with me over my leaving; his joy at my decision to return; announcing my engagement; and now.

"I'm so proud of you, Edward," he said. "And it will be an honour to stand up with you today as your best man."

I mumbled a quiet thank you, looking at my shoes and not quite trusting my voice.

"You have changed so profoundly since you met Bella." He took a deep breath and his hand gripped my shoulder. "And it has been my very great privilege to see you become the man you are now."

My throat tightened. His words, his sentiment, overwhelmed me. I couldn't speak, so I nodded, more in acknowledgment, than agreement.

"And, I know your parents would be very proud of you today," he continued quietly. "I believe they're with you, Edward."

My breath caught in my throat. My eyes burned from tears that wouldn't come. Carlisle's words were like a blessing.

"Thank you," I mouthed. "Thank you."

His hand squeezed my shoulder.

"I have something for you. I thought today was appropriate."

He reached into his pocket and held out a small paper packet. I looked up, surprised. His thoughts told me nothing.

I was curious as I shook the packet gently over my palm, my mind rapidly sorting through different possibilities, but my breath stopped and my heart clenched when I saw what slid into my hand.

My eyes darted up to Carlisle's.

"How?"

**A/N: Mmmm, what's in the packet?**

**Part II is in progress. **

**In an old interview on the Twilight Lexicon Stephenie Meyer said the cd Bella was listening to in her room in Twilight was Linkin Park. And Edward had the same cd in his car - so that's why I had them go to a Linkin Park concert, in case you're wondering :)**

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them all. I read each one and reply to as many as I can - if I haven't responded to yours yet, I'm sorry, but please know they make my day.**


	16. Chapter 16: Tuxedo Time Part II

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**It took a while before I was happy with this chapter, that's why it's been so long coming, sorry.**

**Thank you Edward's Eternal!**

My father's watch chain sat curled in the palm of my hand. I stared at it, bewildered.

I took in every detail - the distinctive oval links; the slightly worn clip at the end; the smooth t-bar that would slip through the button hole of his waistcoat. From one end hung a small, silver disc, shaped like a shield, the initials EM engraved on it in florid script. I curled my thumb over my palm and gave the chain a nudge, as though to make sure it was solid and real and not some illusion.

A slew of cloudy memories flooded my mind - watching my father slip his watch into his waistcoat pocket and attach the chain; seeing it on his valet stand; watching him polish the silver case and chain with a soft cloth so it wouldn't tarnish.

When I was very young I had liked the little shield - it made me think of the Knights in armour in my storybooks. Sometimes, my father would unclip the chain and let me hold it and I'd play with it. I could remember how heavy it felt in my hands.

I looked up at Carlisle and asked my question again.

"How?"

"It's been in storage, with the other things from your house. I remembered it when you showed me the pocket watch Bella gave you." He paused. "I'm sure your father would want you to have it, especially today."

Emotion overwhelmed me and my throat tightened. My mind span as I took all this in.

"I thought...my mother asked that it be buried with him when he died. The nurse told me."

Carlisle nodded. "She did make that request, and I made sure it happened. But it was just the watch. There was no chain on it when he came into the hospital."

In my mind he always wore the watch and chain together, but of course that wouldn't have always been the case. He didn't always wear a waistcoat, especially if the weather was warm. And that September in 1918 had been warm.

And then I grimaced slightly as I recalled the cold Wednesday in 1919, fourteen months after my change.

My house had stood untouched since my parents' deaths and Carlisle and I had gone back so I could collect what I wanted and decide what to do with the rest. But I hadn't been as ready for a return as I'd thought - the memories were too much and the house felt too different. _I _was too different. I had sat, overwhelmed, unable to move further than the sitting room, clutching my well-worn copy of _Oliver Twist_ that had been left lying on the end-table, while Carlisle painstakingly packed and labelled every item in the house.

"We'll send everything into storage," he'd said kindly. His hand had rested comfortingly on my shoulder. "And you can decide what to do with it later - one day, when you're ready."

I had nodded, clutching the book tighter and staring at the painting of lillies on the wall. I could see each individual brush stroke.

"Are you sure there isn't anything you'd like to bring with you?"

He'd spoken gently and though I'd shaken my head he waited, very still, beside me. There was nothing I'd wanted - everything here was just a reminder of what I'd lost, but after a moment I changed my mind and nodded.

"You want to bring something?"

"Yes, please."

So Carlisle had collected my prized globe of the world and the small photo album from the study and my mother's jewellery box and we took them with us. I hadn't known to ask for the chain I hadn't known it was there.

And the _one day_ had never come. I had never felt ready. I had never even looked at the inventory list Carlisle had written.

I let the chain run through my fingers. I rubbed my thumb over the little shield, feeling my father's initials under my skin. And now I smiled as I took my own watch from my pocket and attached the chain to it. I didn't have a waistcoat, but I tucked the t-bar securely through a belt loop.

My father had worn this on his wedding day, now I was wearing it on mine.

The love and thought behind Carlisle's gesture meant as much to me as the watch chain itself. I hoped he knew that.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I whispered as I embraced him. "Thank you very much."

His thoughts told me he understood.

In the distance I could hear the engines of two cars as they turned into the driveway. One I recognised as Charlie's cruiser.

"Sounds like the guests are starting to arrive," Carlisle said as we parted. His hand squeezed my upper arm. "I'll see you down there."

I nodded. "See you down there."

With one last smile Carlisle left the room.

I inhaled slowly and took even longer to exhale. My eyes flickered to the book shelf where _Oliver Twist_ sat now. It had come with me too that day.

I leant back against the bedpost and pulled the watch and chain from my pocket and looked at them again.

They looked like they were made to go together and that made me smile. My thumb stroked along the chain once more and for the first time since my change I truly believed that my parents would be proud of the man I'd become. It was a good feeling.

I heard Renee's voice float up from the front porch - the second vehicle must have been a rental car. I tucked the watch away again and listened.

There were friendly greetings and then Carlisle directed Renee and Charlie to Alice's room while Emmett took Phil under his sizeable wing and offered him a pre-wedding beer.

When Renee and Phil had arrived two days earlier we'd had a picnic on the lawn so the two families could get to know each other better. This was easier for us than a sit down meal at a restaurant - it wasn't so obvious at a picnic that half the people weren't actually eating.

Their reactions to us had been interesting. Phil had had a normal, human response. His every instinct warned of danger and told him to run but his heart rate slowed and his thoughts gradually calmed when Emmett started talking baseball and Carlisle engaged him in a conversation about rotator cuff injuries.

Renee took us all in her stride - just like when she'd briefly met Carlisle, Alice and me in Phoenix. It seemed her sense of self-preservation was just as poorly developed as her daughter's.

And Charlie, of course, was long used to us.

The conversation had been relaxed and friendly...Florida real estate prices, the weather, wedding arrangements. But Renee was nostalgic, much to Bella's embarrassment.

Now, as she came upstairs, Renee was eager and excited to see her daughter as a bride. From her thoughts I could see that she and Charlie had brought a family heirloom, a pair of silver hair combs set with sapphires, for Bella to wear in her hair. Renee wondered if the combs would suit Bella's hairstyle, if they counted as the something old _and _the something blue of the bridal tradition, and whether the sapphires had come from India or Africa.

Charlie's thoughts were also on the hair combs he just hoped Bella liked them.

At the first knock on Alice's door I diverted my attention elsewhere, not wanting to eavesdrop or catch any images of Bella in her parents' thoughts. It was tempting though. I was desperate to see her - this had been one of the longest days of my very long life. But in twenty minutes the wait would be over.

Twenty minutes.

I heard Reverend Webber arrive downstairs. Carlisle was showing him to the end of the living room where the French doors stood open and a small table had been placed at the side.

"This is where they'd like the ceremony to take place," Carlisle was explaining. "Inside, but overlooking the garden."

"Very nice," the reverend smiled and nodded, looking out over the lights in the trees. "Very nice indeed."

Through Carlisle's thoughts I saw him take the _Book of Common Prayer_ out of the small black bag he carried, and the marriage certificate we would sign after the ceremony. He placed both on the table.

This was really happening.

Excitement blazed through me - it was like an energy and I had to do _something _with it_. _I was grinning as I started dancing around the room, singing along with the music that played quietly from the stereo.

In twenty minutes Bella would be my wife.

No! It was less than that now. More like fifteen minutes. And I still wasn't ready.

My tie was still loose around my neck and I quickly worked the silk with my fingers.

I grabbed my jacket from the bed, held it up high and let it slide down my up-stretched arms. I rolled my shoulders and tugged at the collar, helping it settle into place. Then I flexed my arms in front of me and adjusted my shirt cuffs.

Rosalie began playing the piano downstairs and the sounds of Mozart floated up to me. It was probably time to turn off the stereo.

More cars were coming down the driveway, among them I could hear my old Volvo. The Denali's were here. My body tensed slightly.

I specifically sought Tanya's mind as she and her family greeted Carlisle at the door. She admired the room, the candles, the flowers. She exchanged greetings with Emmett and Jasper. Her thoughts seemed innocent enough and I hoped they would stay that way. After a moment I tuned out again and focused back on getting ready. And then I heard my name.

Tanya was asking Rosalie where I was.

"He's upstairs, getting ready." Rosalie continued with Mozart as she spoke.

"Ah. I was hoping for a quiet word with him."

"Tanya he's practically a married man. In ten minutes he will be don't you think you should give up now?"

Tanya gave a light laugh. "Believe me, Rosalie, I know that ship sailed a _long_ time ago."

"I didn't think the ship was ever in the dock."

I had to smirk at Rose's retort. No, the ship had never even sailed close.

Tanya laughed again. "That's true," she said. "I just wanted to say congratulations, that's all. I'm truly glad he's found happiness...but my good wishes can wait until later."

Her thoughts returned to admiring the flower arrangements around the room but I was still wary. I wouldn't enjoy asking Tanya to leave, but I wouldn't hesitate to do it if I had to - if I thought for one second that she might upset Bella.

Tanya had never been anything more to me than a friend. She was smart with a quick wit and she could be fun to be around, when she wasn't trying to relieve me of my virginity.

But I was angry about the way she had made Bella feel when they met and I resented her insinuations about me.

I'd been relieved that Bella hadn't believed anything Tanya implied, though I knew it had bothered her. And that bothered me. But Bella had graciously agreed to invite Tanya to the wedding and I smiled now as I remembered the night I told her the invitation had been accepted.

We were on Charlie's sofa, watching a movie. Bella was curled up against me, the afghan rug wrapped around her, keeping her warm. My arm was draped over her and my fingers played in her hair.

"The Denali's have replied to the invitation," I said softly during a lull in the on-screen action. "They're all delighted to accept."

My body was tense as I waited for Bella's response.

Surprisingly, she smiled as she looked up at me.

"Good. They're your family and I'm looking forward to meeting them," she said. "And as long as Tanya keeps her hands off you then I won't have to make a scene and take her down."

She mimicked a karate chop and I laughed, relieved. I pulled her closer, into my lap now, and kissed her.

"She won't be making any moves on me," I trailed my lips over her throat. "And anyway, there'll be a room full of men to keep her distracted."

Bella pulled back and looked at me surprised. "She won't try anything with the others will she?"

"No. She'll behave herself for our sakes, but she's a succubus - she'll be busy, mentally sizing up every man in the room, imagining different, er, _scenarios._"

"Really?" Bella's nose wrinkled as she grimaced and I wondered if maybe I shouldn't have told her that. Then she frowned and I could see she was puzzling over something.

"What are you thinking?"

She considered a moment longer and I tried to be patient. But I was anxious now, and patience was never my strong point. I was pulling my hand through my hair, getting ready to prompt her when her lips curved into a wicked smile.

"Tell me," I whispered, searching her face, trying to see what was going on in her mind.

She giggled.

"Bella...please?"

"Mike Newton."

"Newton?" Why was she thinking of him? _Why was she thinking of him?_ "What about him?"

She rolled her eyes and rubbed her finger gently between my eyebrows.

"Stop the vamp face and I'll tell you."

"The vamp face?"

"Uh huh. You always do that whenever you hear his name. Your eyebrows cut down really sharply and your eyes narrow into slits. Your jaw goes all hard - makes you look like a vampire."

"I am a vampire."

"I know," she grinned and kissed me sweetly on the forehead. "Relax. I was just thinking that, from what you've told me before about Mike Newton's mind - Tanya sounds like a female version of him."

It took a second for me to register what she'd said - and then I burst out laughing.

"Actually, Bella, you're not far wrong."

She giggled again. "Maybe we should introduce them to each other at the wedding," she joked and I laughed harder.

"Oh no," I shook my head. "He might _think _like Tanya, but he certainly doesn't have her experience. He wouldn't last five minutes. She'd kill him."

Bella gasped, shocked.

"No!" I realised how that had sounded. "No, I didn't mean _that_, just that he wouldn't be able to...um, keep up." I grimaced. "Trust me, I've seen the pictures." I tapped my finger to my temple.

"Oh. Of course." She frowned and now_ her_ eyebrows cut down sharply, _her_ eyes narrowed.

I rubbed my finger over the little lines that creased between her eyebrows.

"Vamp face," I murmured, smirking and she gave me a very exaggerated eye-roll.

"What did Tanya show you? Was she imagining _you_?"

She bristled as she spoke and I hesitated.

"Sometimes it was me," I said carefully. "But mostly she liked to show me her past conquests with other men."

"Human men?"

I nodded. "It was like an inducement, a way to encourage me. I'd shut her thoughts out quickly, or change the subject, but her mind works very quickly and...well, I've seen enough."

Bella nodded and became quiet again, thoughtful. I began to worry that I'd said too much, but I wanted nothing but openness between us - I never wanted to keep anything from her again.

"Bella?" I stroked the back of my hand over her cheek and she leant into me. "It doesn't matter what she thinks, love. I'm yours." I took a deep breath and tried not to grit my teeth. "Just like it doesn't _really matter_ what Newton thinks, because I know you're mine."

"I know." She let out a slow breath. "I know you're mine, I know there was never anything between you and Tanya, but I just wondered..." She started fiddling with fringe on the rug "When she'd show you those images...were you ever tempted?"

I answered immediately. "No. Not once."

"So nothing ever, um, stirred?"

I frowned and she began blushing furiously.

"Stirred?"

Her blush deepened and she nodded down at my lap.

"Oh. No." I smiled as understanding dawned. "No. Nothing ever stirred." I squeezed my arms tighter around her and kissed softly over her collarbone. "That's just for you." I whispered.

"Just me?"

"Mm hm." I kissed up her throat. "Just you. My body won't go where my heart doesn't lead, Bella."

And that was so true.

Over the years I'd had literally thousands of offers - from Tanya, from other vampires, from humans, and my body had never responded to any of them the way it did to Bella. It wasn't just love that was new to me - it was lust, too.

Now I exhaled sharply and rubbed my hand over the back of my neck. Bella could arouse me with just a touch. When she'd bite her bottom lip I'd have to look away and recite the Magna Carta. In Portuguese.

But there would be no more Portuguese after tonight.

And now I needed to focus again.

I squared my shoulders and pushed my hands through my hair. I rubbed the tops of my shoes over the backs of my trousers. My body was practically humming with excitement. It was time to head downstairs.

"Edward, may I come in?"

Esme.

"Of course." I smiled and opened the door wide. Esme was beaming as she entered, her excitement obvious on her face and in her thoughts.

"You look very handsome."

"Thank you."

I brushed my hands over my jacket.

"Nervous?"

I shook my head. "Everyone asks me that," I laughed. "No, not nervous. Excited."

She nodded and her eyes swam with a joy almost as deep as my own.

"I'm so happy for you Edward," she said. "And so, so proud." She took a deep breath, the beaming smile still in place. "Here, for your lapel." She held up a single, cream rosebud. "It's come from the bride's bouquet."

I smiled wider as Esme pinned the flower carefully to my lapel.

"From Bella's bouquet?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

She watched me closely as my fingers touched the petals. They were so soft.

"Do you want me to help you with your tie?"

"Why? Is it crooked?"

Immediately my fingers were at my neck, feeling the knot I'd just tied.

"Only a little." She lifted her hands. "May I?"

I lifted my chin and her lips twitched as she reached up to help me.

"My hands were shaking when I did it," I said. "I suppose I should have used the mirror, but I haven't needed to do that since I was human."

Esme laughed as her fingers worked deftly and quickly.

"Actually," I remembered. "My mom used to do this for me sometimes, when I was young."

"Oh." She was surprised, and moved by my words. Her eyes softened and her throat was working. "Well, I'm glad I can do it for you today," she whispered.

"Me too."

She nodded, understanding, and gave my tie a last tug.

"There. All done."

Her eyes ran over me in a final inspection and she nodded approvingly.

"So handsome. Can I hug you? I don't want to rumple anything."

Immediately I scooped her into my arms, this woman who had loved and cared and worried over me for eighty years.

"Thank you, Esme. For everything."

I felt her nod against me.

"You deserve every happiness that today will bring, Edward." She pulled back and ran her hands over my jacket. "Are you ready?"

I took a deep breath.

"Yes."

"Good."

She smiled, gave me a last pat on the cheek and then turned to the door.

"Esme?" As she turned back I offered my arm. "May I escort you downstairs?"

Her surprise dissolved into another warm smile. She inclined her head as she settled her hand in the crook of my elbow.

"Thank you, Edward."

"The pleasure is mine."

oo

I stood in front of the open French doors. The living room was filled with family and friends. Carlisle was beside me, Alice was beside him and everyone was facing the stairs as the strains of _Ode to Joy _filled the room.

My hands were shaking, clasped in front of me. I was breathless, impatient, my body strung tight with anticipation. I could hear the soft rustle of silk. I could smell the scent of roses.

I saw Charlie appear around the corner of the landing. There was a glimmer of white.

And then I saw her.

The rest of the world fell away and I was blind and deaf to anything but Bella.

I had known she would be beautiful, but I hadn't been prepared for this.

She was glorious.

And nor had I been prepared for the intensity of the emotions that flamed through me - the wonder and the joy were bewildering. My throat tightened, my chest was on fire and I blinked against the burn at the backs of my eyes. How had I ever been foolish enough to deny this?

Bella's eyes found mine straight away and through the soft cloud of veil that covered her face I could see the light dancing in her eyes, the tears that brimmed, and the beautiful curve of her lips as they broke into a radiant smile. _For me._

I could hear the pounding of her heart, I could see the heated flush of blood beneath the porcelain of her skin. Her hands shook too, like mine, and the bouquet of roses trembled slightly.

She was beyond beautiful and this was surreal.

Bella in her wedding gown, on her father's arm, coming down the aisle to _me._

_Me._

My chest swelled with pride and exaltation_. _

This moment had seemed so impossible for so long...now it was here I was going to savour it; every step, each breath, every heartbeat. The soft sway of silk around her hips and legs; the fall of tulle over her shoulders; the gentle swell of her breasts as they rose and fell above the neckline of her gown; the glint and glister of sapphires and silver in her upswept hair; the cream of her skin against the white of the silk.

And the love in her eyes. The deep, pure, passionate love in her eyes.

_For me._

Her father put her hand in mine.

"Are we ready?" Reverend Webber asked.

Bella nodded, her eyes never left me.

I kept her gaze as I answered.

"I'm ready."

Our vows were simple, traditional, but when Bella held my hands and promised to love, honour and cherish me I thought my heart would explode with the force of my joy.

My voice was strong and sure when I made my promise to her and the tears that fell over her cheeks told me she felt the same.

We exchanged rings, the reverend declared us husband and wife and told me to kiss my bride.

I lifted the veil.

"Hello," I whispered and Bella gave a breathless giggle.

"Hi."

Then my hands cradled her face gently as I leant in and she threw her arms around my neck. Our lips met. There were cheers and applause from our families and friends and I felt like cheering myself.

But I was busy.

Kissing my wife.

My lips moved with Bella's as my hands slid down to find her waist. I pulled her closer, her arms squeezed tighter, I never wanted to stop...but people started clearing their throats.

We parted. Bella pouted and I chuckled as I tucked her into my side.

"Later," I promised and I delighted in the blush that covered her cheeks.

And then we were swamped. There were hugs and congratulations from family and friends before Reverend Webber called for everyone's attention.

"Before the party gets too far underway," he grinned. "I just need Mr and Mrs Cullen to do a bit of paperwork."

Mr and Mrs Cullen.

A nuclear bomb couldn't have wiped the grin off my face.

The reverend indicated the certificate lying on the small table.

"Ooh, this will make a great photo." Angela readied her camera while Jasper brought a chair for Bella to sit on.

I stood behind her, watching as her hand signed _Isabella Swan_ for the final time. I leant over her shoulder and we smiled for Angela as she took some photos. Then we swapped places. Bella's hand rested on my shoulder as I signed and Angela's camera flashed again. The light bounced off my wedding band.

Music played, food was brought from the kitchen and set up on the linen-covered buffet tables that lined one wall. I tried to keep a hold of Bella as we mingled with our guests.

"Now you're really my sister!" Alice was bouncing on her toes as she threw her arms around Bella, who returned the hug with one arm. Alice scowled at me. "This would be a lot easier if you would let go of her, Edward."

I shrugged, grinning, and kept my arm in place, clasped around Bella's waist.

Alice rolled her eyes. "I'll let you know when it's time to get changed."

"Get changed?" Bella gasped. "I've only just put the dress on!"

Alice shrugged a shoulder. "We have a schedule to keep. Go keep mingling, you have forty five minutes till it's cut-the-cake time." She gave a little wave and danced off to find Jasper.

"Schedules?" Bella looked at me, bemused. I ran a finger along her cheek.

"Welcome to the family, love."

She laughed and it was beautiful.

There were more congratulations. More hugs.

Renee was in tears. "Oh, honey. You're so grown up...my little girl. It's all gone by so fast, there are so many things I wish we could do again." She looked at Charlie. "It just seems like last week we were changing diapers and doing midnight feeds, doesn't it?"

Charlie rubbed his hand over his chin. "Yeah, well, I don't know if I'd want to do that again."

We all laughed while Renee wiped her eyes and Charlie shook my hand and welcomed me to the family.

Jessica was almost incoherent with excitement and Newton was trying to be formal and polite but his thoughts told a different story. I steered Bella away quickly.

The Denali's came to greet us and when I formally introduced them to _my wife _they were delighted at the obvious pride and happiness in my voice.

Tanya was gracious and polite, in word and thought, and apologised to Bella.

"The last time we met I said some things that might have been misleading. I hope I didn't make you doubt Edward at all."

"Not at all," Bella replied, smiling, though her heart beat had picked up a little. I pulled her closer and kissed her temple as she nestled against me, resting her hand on my chest, marking her territory. Her small display thrilled me. "I could see what you were doing," she continued. "And it was never _Edward_ that I doubted."

I bit my lip, trying to hide my smirk and Tanya dropped her eyes, abashed - something rare for her.

_She's a strong woman, Edward_, she acknowledged in her thoughts and I was glad to see she recognised that.

"I'm glad you found him." Tanya lifted her eyes and though she spoke to Bella she looked at me. Her thoughts were genuine. "I've never seen him so happy."

"I didn't know this sort of happiness was even possible," I smiled. I lifted Bella's hand from my chest and kissed her wedding ring.

Tanya nodded. In her mind she wanted to touch my cheek, just a simple gesture of innocent affection, but she saw the barely perceptible shake of my head and restrained herself. Then she turned back to Bella again. "I hope we can be friends."

Bella nodded. "You're like a cousin to Edward, so of course we can be friends."

Tanya gave a mental sigh. _Cousins. I've been put well and truly in my place. _

"I'll leave you to your guests," she smiled and moved off towards the other side of the room where her family was catching up with Carlisle and Esme.

I bent my head and whispered in Bella's ear as I pulled her closer.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"You handled her beautifully. And without the karate chop."

"Yeah, she was lucky this time."

We posed for photos. There were speeches, toasts were made - Carlisle formally welcomed Bella to the family and Charlie wished us happiness. Champagne was poured, the cake was cut and then suddenly it was time for the first dance.

The day that had seemed to last so long was moving too fast - it left me with a strange mix of emotions as I led Bella to the centre of the dance floor. This was a day I never, ever thought I'd have and I didn't want it to end, but another part of me couldn't wait to say good-bye to our guests and take Bella away and start our honeymoon - and our life.

My mind drifted again to Isle Esme. I'd told Bella to pack for the sun. She'd bought a new swim suit and I wondered what it looked like. I hoped it was a bikini, maybe one of those ones with the bottoms that tied in bows at the sides. I'd like to see her in one of those, and I could undo the bows slowly, like a present - one at a time, or maybe both together. Or, maybe with my teeth. I sighed and squeezed Bella's hand - so much to look forward to.

The music started, a slow instrumental piece we'd chosen, and I could hear the nervousness in Bella's heart as everyone gathered around to watch.

"Do you want to stand on my feet again?" I winked, referring to prom the year before and she laughed.

"Not really."

"How about we just do a soft sway around the floor?"

She nodded and I took her in my arms for our first dance as husband and wife.

She nestled her head against my chest.

"This is nice," she whispered.

"Yes, it is."

We moved slowly and I closed my eyes, just enjoying the music and Bella as we danced under the soft lights in the garden.

Bella seemed surprisingly relaxed and we made it through our first dance easily. When the next song started and some of the guests came to join us she didn't seem in a hurry to go anywhere.

"More?"

"Yes, please."

I turned her around so her back was against my chest and I wound my arms around her waist. We stayed in one spot, just swaying gently back and forth. Her shoulders were exposed above the sleeves of her dress and I bent to kiss the creamy skin. She turned her head to allow me access.

There was a flash of light.

"Sorry," Angela grimaced as we looked up, startled. I hadn't seen it coming. "It was just such a beautiful shot. Really beautiful. I hope you don't mind."

"We don't mind," I said gently.

Bella turned back to face me. She put her arms around my neck and smiled, but then her eyebrows came together as she frowned at something over my shoulder.

"What's Emmett doing?"

I twirled us around so I could see what she was looking at.

I didn't know whether to laugh or growl.

"Emmett's line dancing," I said. "Specifically, the _Achy Breaky Heart_ line dance." I exhaled sharply. "He tried to convince me earlier to do that instead of the bridal waltz." At least he'd waited and let us have our first dance, and most of the second.

Bella snickered.

"It doesn't really match the music, does it?"

"Thankfully, no, it doesn't."

Emmett was grinning at me and nodding as he moved through the steps on the far side of the dance floor.

I glared and mouthed _very funny_ at him and he laughed.

"He's alone," Bella said. "Is it still _line _dancing if he's alone?"

"I don't know what it is."

But he had started to attract attention. Renee had been dancing with Charlie but now she gave a squeal and went to join Emmett.

"I haven't done this since 1995!" she cried and fell into step beside him. "Come on, Phil, join in!"

"I guess now it's a line," I sighed.

Suddenly the music changed. But it wasn't _Achy Breaky Heart,_ it was _Personal Jesus _by Depeche Mode and, strangely, its beat and rhythm suited the dance.

I looked at Rosalie, in charge of the stereo, and she shrugged apologetically.

_Sorry about my husband, _she thought. _But at least you like this song, don't you?_

I nodded. The song was a favourite.

Reverend Webber fell in step, so did Callum and Leah. Esme pulled Charlie into line and Jessica, Ben and Jacob joined in. Alice dragged Jasper onto the floor.

I started to smile.

"Shall we?" I looked at Bella.

"Um, okay. I've never done it before, though."

"Don't worry, neither have I." The square dancing didn't count - it wasn't in a line.

So we joined in, too.

And it was fun.

We all shuffled and turned and stomped, laughing as we moved in a shaky line across the floor.

Although Bella's dress made things a little difficult.

When the song ended she fell laughing into my arms.

"That was so much fun."

"It was," I grinned back. I lifted her up and kissed her hard as Emmett clapped me on the back.

"Told you it would be a good idea," he said. "You can thank me later." Then he boot scooted his way over to Rosalie while the line broke up and _Crazy Little Thing Called Love _started playing.

I set Bella back down and tugged on her hand. I thought now might be a good time for my surprise.

"Come with me? I want to show you something."

Her eyebrows came together as she smiled, curious.

"What is it?"

"It's in the garage."

"The garage?"

I nodded and started pulling her gently across the yard. She looked around her, back at the house and the dance floor.

"But won't people wonder where..."

"They're all busy...eating, talking, dancing..."

"Oh." She smiled wider. "So what's in the garage?"

"Come and see."

I towed her behind me then realised she was having trouble keeping up in her heels and gown. So I scooped her up into my arms. She gave a little squeal and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I thought this part came later," she said. "Unless we're going to live in the garage and you're about to carry me over the threshold _now._"

I laughed. "No. We're not living in the garage. And yes, this will happen again, later." I kissed her quickly as I strode across the grass. I was feeling a heady mixture of nerves and excitement, anticipating her reaction.

"Now close your eyes."

She did as I ask.

"I don't like surprises, remember?"

"Then why are you grinning?"

She laughed.

I slowed down as I pushed open the double doors with my shoulder. I moved carefully between the Vanquish and the Volvo, sliding past the Mercedes, the Jeep and the M3, till I came to the back corner. I balanced Bella with one arm while I pulled the great, white sheet off the latest addition to the Cullen stable.

"Alright," I whispered. "Open your eyes."

There was just a beat of silence and then...

"No way! No way!" Her head snapped around to look at me. "Are you serious? Seriously, are you serious?"

I started laughing as Bella struggled to get free of my arms. I set her down then stood back to enjoy her excitement.

She ran her hands over the front fender, the hood, the rims of the headlights. Her eyes were huge, her lips moving softly in silent declarations of disbelief. My face almost hurt with the grin I was wearing. It was pure delight watching her - touching, examining, re-acquainting herself with an old friend, but then I lunged forward and grabbed the flowing silk of her dress just before it snagged on the bumper.

She gasped and her face paled as she looked down, watching me lift the fabric carefully out of the way. She grimaced.

"Please tell me I didn't rip it."

"No," I smiled up at her. "You didn't rip it."

She blew out a breath, relieved.

I straightened, still holding the hem of her dress in my hands.

"You walk, I'll follow."

There was a flicker of confusion in her face, but then her lips curved into a smile as understanding dawned. She giggled.

"It's a good thing I didn't go for the full train."

"Probably," I grinned.

And then she turned back to her truck.

"How?" She asked but didn't give me a chance to answer. "And when? When did you do this? And how? The paint is new..." She moved around to the side of the truck and opened the door. I was two steps behind her, holding her dress up and out of the way. "Oh, the seats are fixed!" Her hand was at her mouth and I could smell the salt of her tears as they pooled in her eyes.

"Oh, Edward!" She turned sharply, the dress twisting around her legs as she threw her arms around me. "Thank you, thank you."

The silk dropped through my fingers, swishing delicately to the floor as I lifted my hands to pull her against me.

"You're very welcome."

She sniffed against my tuxedo.

"How?" she asked again.

"There's a garage in Seattle. They specialise in rebuilding cars." I gave her a brief run-down of what had been done as I stroked my hands over her back.

"Why? You hate my truck."

I sighed. "Because you like it. And it's a gift from your father, it's important to you."

Her arms tightened around me and I watched the silk of my lapel darken beneath her cheek.

"Happy tears?" I hoped.

She nodded. Then she stepped back suddenly and pulled open the door, grinning again.

"Lets get in."

I held her dress again as she scrambled into the driver's seat and sat behind the wheel. She ran her hands over the dashboard.

"Edward, I really, really don't know what to say."

She lifted her skirt and pumped her foot on the clutch. I could see a narrow band of lace above her knee - probably the garter I'd heard mentioned. My chest tightened a little.

Bella was bouncing in the seat.

"Re-sprung?"

I nodded.

"Edward..." She threw her arms around my neck again. "This is just...I love it. I love _you_. Thank you."

She pulled back and tapped her fingers over the steering wheel.

She sighed and then looked at me giggling.

"Alone at last," she said and I started laughing.

"Are you enjoying your wedding, Mrs Cullen?"

"Very much. And you, Mr Cullen?"

"Very much."

"When I saw you waiting for me I started to cry, I was so happy," she whispered and my breath caught in my throat.

"I know," I breathed. "I can't cry, but I felt it too."

She lifted her hand and very gently ran her thumb over my face, just below my eyes as though she were wiping tears away.

"I know. I could see it. I can see it again now."

I leant in and kissed her, our lips moving softly together. It was awkward with her dress in the confined space, but I pulled her carefully to me, sitting her sideways in my lap. Bella ran her tongue over my lip, I stroked one hand over her back and I slipped the other under her dress, pushing it back and running my fingers back and forth underneath the lace of her garter.

"You are beyond beautiful this evening," I murmured against her neck. "I like the dress. You would have worn something like this if we'd married in my human time."

"I know," she sighed. "That's why I chose it."

My lips trailed lower, across her collar bone and glided over the small amount of cleavage that hinted above the neckline.

"I used to think dresses from that time were all high necks and heavy lace," she whispered. Her fingers danced over the back of my neck.

"Not evening gowns. They were like this." I kissed over her heart, feeling the throb of its beat beneath my lips. "Elegant, very alluring."

"I'm alluring?"

"Extremely." The cream of her skin coloured pink and I kissed my way up her neck. "It feels so long since I've seen you."

"I know." She took a slow breath. She moved her fingers from my neck and joined them with mine, playing with her garter. "How was the bachelor party?"

"I had fun." I smiled against her skin and she pulled back to look at me.

"Really?" She knew I'd been reluctant to leave her. She studied my smile and then smiled back.

"I'm glad."

She kissed my forehead.

"What about your evening?" I asked.

I swirled my tongue behind her ear and her breathing hitched. "Um, good. Uh, mm, Jessica called and suggested we go out, but I really wanted an early night."

My tongue stilled. I hadn't seen anything in Jessica's thoughts. Alice hadn't seen anything. Had she decided to go ahead with the girl's night that Bella had thwarted? Had she planned something with strippers after all? My easy mood began to fade and anger and jealousy started pulsing through me at just the thought of some greased-up, muscle-bound, hairless ape wagging his...

"What did she suggest exactly?" My voice was calm.

"Just pizza in Port Angeles," Bella laughed. "No strippers, don't panic."

"I'm not panicking."

"You've gone white, Edward."

"I'm naturally pale," I said. "Actually, I'm more like _un_naturally pale, but you know what I mean." Relief rushed through me and I dropped my eyes as I realised how irrational I'd been. But there was nothing rational about the way I loved Bella.

Bella laughed again and she lifted a hand, running it along my jaw. "Like I said, I told her I wanted an early night. I think she was being kind - she thought I might have been nervous."

"Were you?" I looked up into her eyes and my good mood was back.

"Everyone keeps asking me that."

"Me too," I chuckled.

"No. I wasn't nervous, I was excited. What about you?"

"Excited."

She started giggling. "I was lying in bed, wishing I'd picked June fifteenth, or May first, or April the seventh for the wedding date. Or even June nineteenth because then we would have been together, instead of apart." She ran her thumb over my lips. "And then I remembered why I chose June twentieth." She leant in to kiss me. "Happy birthday, Edward."

Her words sparked through me like lightning. I clutched her tightly as I crashed my lips against hers. She responded, and I tried to get us closer, trying to wind my fingers in her hair, fighting the pins and combs and lengths of tulle so I could hold her and keep her lips pressed against mine. My body was painfully aware that Bella was my wife now, and that we were alone, and if I listened to my body the honeymoon could very well start right here. Right now.

I was convincing myself to stop when Bella spoke.

"We need to slow down, Edward," she panted.

I froze. I nodded, pulling back and resting my head against hers. My eyes were closed as I tried to calm my breathing. I gave a quick laugh.

"What?" She pushed my hair back from my face.

"_You're_ stopping _me._"

"Yeah, how about that." She was breathless. "I won't be stopping you later though."

I opened my eyes.

"Good."

We were still for a moment, and quiet, and then Bella continued to investigate her truck. She turned the knobs on the stereo. She checked out the wipers. She opened the ashtray and her eyebrows shot up.

"Quarters?"

"In case you need to call. And you don't have your cell. Or it's run out of charge." I wondered if she would think I was being over-protective.

"Oh." She smiled and opened the glove compartment.

"A flashlight?"

"Just in case."

She put her arms around my neck. "Thank you for taking care of me," she whispered and I was happy.

"It's my pleasure."

She rested her head against my shoulder. My hand rested on her knee and she stroked her fingers over my skin, feeling the bumps of my knuckles, the smooth curves of my nails. She rubbed her thumb over my wedding ring.

"That first day, in biology, did you ever imagine we'd get this far?"

I sort of half laughed, half cringed. "It wasn't exactly my first thought, no."

She laughed, too. "Me neither. But I thought you were beautiful the first time I saw you. In the cafeteria."

"The vampire lure."

She shrugged. "Maybe at first."

"Your mind was silent...that intrigued me."

"Until you smelt me."

I winced. "Yes."

"I remember your arms," she murmured softly.

"My arms?"

She ran her fingers from my hand, over my wrist and along my forearm, feeling me through my shirt.

"Your sleeves were pushed up, I was surprised by how muscular you were." She squeezed my arm a little tighter and I flexed. It made her smile.

"I'd never seen eyes so deep as yours," I said. "So deep and warm - I thought I would get lost in them."

"I thought you'd never be interested in someone like me," she whispered and kissed my cheek.

"And I kept waiting for the running and screaming." I sighed. "And look at us now."

She laughed and nuzzled closer.

"It crept up on me slowly," I said softly, smiling. "I didn't know what I was feeling, I didn't understand. I just knew there was no turning back." I let out a long breath. "Despite my high level intellect I'm not always the sharpest tool in the shed, to quote Emmett."

"Emmett said that about you?"

"And worse."

Bella snickered. "This should be interesting - what else are you _not sharp_ about?"

"Ah, that would be telling. But now that you're married to me I'm sure all my awful secrets will be revealed."

She started laughing. "There are _more _secrets? Like what, do you howl at the moon?"

"No, that sounds more like Jacob."

She snickered again. "Do you turn into a bat?"

"We've already established, a long time ago, that I don't."

"Do you leave your dirty socks all over the floor?"

My smile faltered. I usually tidied up a bit when I knew Bella was coming over, she hadn't actually seen my room in its natural state. She noticed my hesitation.

"Oh. You do?" she asked.

"Yes, but I'll stop."

She smirked. "What about wet towels?"

"I'll stop that too."

She threw her had back and laughed.

"It's okay. I leave wet towels around too sometimes." She touched my wedding ring again. "What else?"

"Um." I tried to think what other annoying habits I might have as I realised that soon our lives would actually come down to these small details of day to day living together.

Obviously I didn't snore or leave the toilet seat up. And squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle wasn't an issue.

"I get cranky if anyone mixes up my music."

Bella nodded. "I could have guessed that.

"How?"

"Edward," she rolled her eyes. "Anyone who has such a specific filing system has obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it and they would be upset if it got messed up."

"Oh."

"So I'll try to put the music back in the right spot."

"I don't think I'd mind so much if it was _you_ that messed it up."

She gave me a squeeze.

"I don't like it when people put dvd's back in the wrong case," she frowned. "Renee did that all the time - drove me mad."

"I don't do that."

"Good."

"Um..." I'd just thought of another potentially annoying habit.

"What?"

"When I'm in the shower, sometimes I draw with my finger on the steamed-up door, but it leaves marks behind on the glass afterwards. It can look messy and I don't really bother about cleaning it too often."

She blinked at me and then started giggling.

"What do you draw?"

I shrugged, smiling. "I don't know, just stuff. Music, doodles. Edward loves Bella."

She stopped giggling.

"You write Edward loves Bella on the shower door?"

"Sometimes."

She stared at me and suddenly I was wary, not sure of her response. Was this creepy? Did it bother her?

Her eyes filled again. "Edward that is so romantic."

"Not an annoying habit?"

"No. Not at all." Her bottom lip quivered just slightly. "Although if the door starts to look _too_ messy you'll be the one cleaning it."

"That's a deal."

She threw her arms around my neck and I was grinning. I was planning to have every shower with Bella anyway, so hopefully there wouldn't be any time for drawing in the steam.

She shifted again and began toying with my bow tie.

"Um, I leave books lying all over the place," she said.

"I've noticed. That's okay, I do too."

"And, um..." she seemed awkward now. "There's an old album of Renee's that I really like to play sometimes. She got me a copy on cd."

"What is it?"

I wondered what had her so embarrassed.

"The Monkees."

I groaned and my head fell back against the seat. "The Monkees, Bella? Seriously?"

She nodded, biting her lip, trying not to laugh.

"Manufactured, formulaic, 1960s bubble gum pop."

"Yeah, but they were pioneers of it," she laughed. "And Renee has the TV series on video."

I groaned again.

"How did I not know this about you?" I grinned at her and she shrugged, smirking.

"Does it make a difference?" she asked.

"Not in the slightest."

I kissed her.

"Don't worry, I'll only play it when you're not around. It just kind of has happy memories for me. Renee would put it on when I was little and we'd dance around the living room together."

She started humming _I'm a Believer_ and I shook my head, but to show my acceptance of her appalling taste I put my lips to her ear and began singing softly.

_Then I saw her face_

_Now I'm a believer_

_Not a trace_

_Of doubt in my mind._

_I'm in love, I'm a believer..._

But my voice cracked as I sang the next line.

_I couldn't leave her if I tried._

I lowered my eyes.

Bella took my face in her hands, understanding. She kissed me softly, then rested her forehead against mine.

"Edward, as painful as it was, I don't think we'd be here now if you hadn't left. I think it actually worked _for us_ instead of _against _us."

All the breath left my body.

She had just echoed the words Carlisle had said to me earlier, before the wedding. They were the same thoughts I'd had, but had never expressed to her. I'd barely expressed them to myself.

My eyes searched hers. "It's hard to think of it that way when I know how much it hurt you."

"I know you feel that way." She kissed me again. "But you also know I'm right, don't you?"

I gave a very heavy sigh and shrugged. "Yes, you're right," I admitted, and then the corner of my mouth twitched in an almost smile. "We wouldn't be sitting in your old truck, on our wedding day, singing Monkees songs."

Bella's face lit up.

"That's right."

I buried my face against her once more.

"You can play that cd whenever you want, love."

She held me and I relished her touch, her warmth, her comfort. And each time I realised that I'd have _this_ forever I felt like I was going to burst.

Her dress had fallen over her knees and I pushed it back so I could play with the garter again.

"You like that don't you?"

"I do." I flicked the elastic and then looked up at her through my lashes - I knew she liked it when I did that. "I think I'm supposed to take it off in front of everyone and fling it into the crowd, aren't I?"

"I think so."

I shook my head. "I won't be doing that," I murmured. "This is just for me."

"Mm, I'm fine with that."

I was kissing my way along Bella's collarbone when I stilled, and listened.

"What is it?" she asked.

"We've been missed." I straightened up. "We'd better go back."

"How long have we been out here?"

"Sixteen minutes."

I helped Bella out of the truck and then scooped her up into my arms again as I carried her back to our wedding reception.

There was more dancing and more mingling. Bella was excited as she told Jacob Black about her truck.

"So you were checking out your truck in your wedding dress?" Jacob shook his head. "That is such a Bella thing to do," he chuckled. "But can I see it? The truck I mean, not you checking it out."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Of course you can see the truck. Oh, we probably shouldn't disappear again just now though." She looked up at me, questioning.

"Probably not," I said. "But Callum or one of my brothers can show you. I think Bella and I are needed elsewhere in a minute."

"Where?" she asked.

I held up a finger, asking her to wait. A second later Alice was upon us.

"It's time," she sang, beaming.

"Time for what?" Bella looked from Alice to me.

"To get changed," I answered. "It's time to go."

"Really? Already?" Then her surprise became a grin. "Lets go. I'll see you later, Jake." She gave him a quick hug and then Alice took Bella by the hand and started leading her away towards the stairs.

"Wait," I moved after them.

"What Edward?" Alice was clearly exasperated with me. "If you want to get away on time I need to help Bella out of her dress _now_."

"Actually, Alice, _I'd_ like to help Bella out of her dress." My eyes moved from my sister to my wife. "If you would like?"

Bella bit her lip and nodded and Alice let go of her hand. She folded her arms across her chest.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" she asked me, cocking an eyebrow.

I was about to answer when Bella spoke up.

"I think it's a very good idea," she whispered.

Alice rolled her eyes.

"You've got ten minutes," she said. "And then I'm coming up."

Bella giggled and I grabbed her hand and towed her quickly through the house and up the stairs.

I closed the door of Alice's room behind us.

"This is something I've thought about a lot," I whispered.

Bella stood in front of me, eyes bright, her breath coming quickly as I moved towards her. I reached up, sliding my hands into her hair, and began to remove the pins that held her headpiece in place.

I lifted the veil and draped it over the bed. Bella sighed.

"Does that feel better?" I asked and she nodded.

I took out the silver combs and the remaining pins that were holding her hair in place. Then I tugged my hands through the strands, bringing them down to hang loose around her shoulders.

"Beautiful," I whispered and Bella smiled. I ran my hands over her scalp, massaging as she sighed against me. Then I trailed my fingers over her bare shoulders.

"Turn around for me?"

She did and my fingers moved to the line of buttons that ran down her back.

As I undid each button the dress began to fall open, and I could see more and more of what she wore beneath.

"Is this a corset?"

She nodded as I stared at the satin ribbons that laced up her back..

My body was stirring, my chest was tight and I could hear how ragged my breaths were. I undid the final button and the dress was undone. I pushed it from her shoulders and the silk rustled and sighed as it fell to the floor.

My hand trembled as I reached out for the ribbon that held the corset closed.

"May I?" My voice cracked as I tugged gently on the end of the ribbon and Bella nodded.

I undid the bow and then gently worked the ribbons, my fingers weaving back and forth, up her back, unlacing her - each pass revealing another tantalising inch of skin. As the corset spread open I ran a slow finger down her spine and she shivered. Her hands held the lingerie in place at the front.

"All done," I whispered and she turned around.

My eyes travelled over her. Her hair was tousled and waved around her face, she was biting her lip and her eyes danced with the desire and want that I felt. Her hands shook as they held the corset against her and below it she wore small pants of white lace. And then there was the garter above her knee. Was she really mine? Really? I looked at the wedding band on her finger. Yes, she was mine.

I got down on my knees.

"Put one hand on my shoulder."

She did and when I knew she was supported I lifted her foot. My hand slid very slowly along her ankle, her calf, my fingers ghosting over her skin. She shivered, and sighed, my hand came up behind her knee, caressing the skin there in small circles. Bella let out a slow breath, her eyes closed, and I slipped my thumb beneath her garter and pulled it down her leg. She watched me tuck it into my pocket as I set her foot back on the floor.

"Mine," I mouthed and she gasped.

I stood again. I leant in and kissed over her shoulders, her neck. She was trembling very slightly, or perhaps that was me. I ran my hands over her bare arms and she sighed.

"Edward..."

"Alice is on her way up," I whispered. I was at once annoyed and relieved by my sister's intrusion. I gave Bella a soft kiss on the lips. "I'll see you downstairs." And then I went to my room.

I shed my clothes and stored the garter in my bedside table. I grabbed the khaki pants and the linen shirt from the closet and put them on. I pulled my jacket from the hanger and took the passports and plane tickets from the desk drawer. I shoved my wallet into one back pocket and my cell phone in the other. Then, on impulse, I grabbed the guitar that had sat in the back of the closet for the past fifteen years. It would probably need new strings but I could pick those up along the way somewhere and I liked the idea of serenading Bella on the beach.

I headed down the stairs, stopped half way, swore under my breath and raced back up again. I burst into my room. I'd left my suit lying on the bed, but now I grabbed the socks and the shirt from the floor, along with the jeans, t-shirt and socks from earlier. I carried them into the bathroom and dumped them in the hamper. Might as well start my new habits now. Then it was back downstairs, guitar in hand, and everyone had come in from the garden and was milling around waiting for us to leave.

Jacob sought me out and we stepped back towards the dining room for the quiet word I could see he wanted to have.

"Emmett showed me the truck - it looks great. That was a nice thing to do."

"Thank you."

He nodded. "Bella's a good friend."

"I know."

"You'll look after her." It wasn't a question.

"You know I will."

"I wouldn't have thought a va...," he stopped. "I wouldn't have thought someone like you would, you know, invite someone like me to his wedding." He frowned. "I wouldn't have thought someone like you would even have a wedding."

"I wouldn't have thought so either, but I'm glad you came."

"But you know if you ever make her sad this truce is over."

"I won't make her sad."

Jacob studied me for a moment. His eyes darted to Carlisle and Esme, arm in arm, smiling at each other; then to Emmett, hugging Rosalie, whispering in her ear and making her laugh.

"No," he said. "I don't think you will."

He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

In the thoughts of those around me I could see Bella coming down the stairs. I turned and saw her looking for me. I strode through the guests and took her hand.

"You play guitar?"

"I'm a man of many talents."

She smirked. "I'm learning a lot about you tonight."

We made our way around the room, hugging our families and promising to catch up with friends when we returned from our honeymoon.

"You're not moving to Hanover just yet, are you?" Jessica asked.

"No, we'll be living here for a while," Bella answered. "Until the house is finished."

"When's that?"

"September we hope."

I'd promised our builders a bonus if they had the house finished by September, and in the meantime we'd live in my room here in Forks and make regular trips to New Hampshire to supervise the project. Emmett and Rosalie had agreed to make visits while we were away, to make sure things were going to schedule.

Callum hugged Bella and shook my hand.

"Good luck with later," I said quietly and he blew out a breath.

"Yeah," he gave a nervous laugh and took a quick glance at Leah talking to Bella. "Who knows, in a few months you could be dancing at _our _wedding."

"Mm, not if your father's going to be there."

Callum's mouth popped open. "I didn't think of that. We'll have to find a way to work that out - I want you guys to be there. Maybe...how do you look in sunglasses and a hat?"

I laughed and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Maybe you could have a themed wedding and I could come as Darth Vadar."

I sighed as soon as the words were out of my mouth. "It was a joke, Callum. Just a joke."

"I know," his eyes were bright as he thought about it. "But there are distinct possibilities."

"Mm, well, I wouldn't mention those possibilities to Leah."

I shook my head and moved on, shaking more hands, accepting more hugs while Bella did the same. And finally, we were done.

The Volvo was parked out the front. It was wearing the huge _Just Married_ sign and had a mixture of tin cans and shoes tied to the bumper. There wasn't any shaving cream.

I held the door open for Bella and she climbed in. As I slid into my seat there was a cheer and applause from everyone gathered on the porch.

I revved the engine and looked at Bella. She was glowing, grinning hugely at me.

I grinned back and revved the engine again.

"Ready Mrs Cullen?"

"Ready."

ooo0ooo

**June 21st 2006**

The morning sun streamed through the glass that wrapped around two walls of the bedroom.

Outside the waves lapped at the sand.

Sprawled beside me in the king sized bed was my wife.

My beautiful wife.

The white cotton sheet was twisted around her, her hair was spread across the pillow. She lay on her stomach, arms folded under her head, sleeping peacefully. Smiling.

I'd been watching her for hours now, wondering if it was too soon to wake her. The temptation was strong, but I resisted.

She needed her sleep. We'd had a long day.

And a longer night.

I sighed, contented. Bella shifted slightly. She didn't wake, but the sheet moved, exposing more of her back.

So beautiful.

So mine.

_Really _mine.

In _every _way.

I leant over and did what I'd promised her I'd do one day. I kissed my way all down her spine, and across the sway of her back, while she lay in our bed, satisfied and sleeping, after making love with me.

I rolled onto my back, tucked my hands behind my head, grinning.

It had been so much more than I'd ever imagined it could be. So much more. My eyes travelled to the puddle of midnight blue satin on the floor and I groaned.

It had been late when we arrived here. I carried Bella over the threshold and through every room in the house, coming to this one last.

"This is amazing," she breathed as I set her on the floor. I stood back and watched her look around. She opened the glass doors and a breeze blew in from the beach. The gauzy white curtains that surrounded the four poster bed billowed slightly.

I walked up behind her and made a slow circle with my finger tip over the back of her neck.

"Would you like to take a moonlight swim with me?" I thought this might be a gentle way to work up to things, especially if Bella was feeling nervous. I pushed her hair aside and ran my lips lightly over her shoulder.

"Mm, um, I don't know." She sounded uncertain and I mentally chastised myself. It had been a long journey, she was no doubt tired. She probably wanted to sleep. Disappointment crashed over me, but I'd waited ninety years, I could wait another night - and Bella's comfort would always come before my desires.

She turned in my arms and looked at me through her lashes. "We've waited so long, Edward...I don't really want to wait any longer." It took me a moment to realise what she meant. "But if you want to take a swim..."

"We can swim tomorrow." I pulled her closer, pressing my body against hers. "Or the next day." She smiled, and gave me a very chaste kiss on the lips. "It was a long trip. Perhaps you'd like a human moment?"

She nodded and walked into the bathroom where I'd left the bags. The door closed behind her.

I heard the sound of her clothes coming off and my body reacted immediately. I pulled my hands through my hair.

This was really happening.

I was going to make love to Bella.

Tonight.

Now.

This was really happening.

Suddenly, I was nervous.

I was confident that my vampire nature was well under control, exploring with Bella these last months had shown me that. But I was still nervous about...well... I was nervous.

I wanted to please her.

I wanted this to be perfect.

But I'd never done this before.

And first times were rarely perfect.

But this was _us. _

_Us._

This would be perfect _because_ it was us_._

I pulled back the curtains of the bed, tying them in place at the posts.

I turned down the sheets. I plumped the pillows. I took some candles from the living room and lit them and placed them around the bedroom. When I turned off the lights the room was bathed in a soft, golden, flickering glow.

I thought about music, but decided against it. I wanted this to be just Bella and me.

I pulled my hands through my hair again.

This was really happening.

I was going to make love to my wife.

Bella started the shower and suddenly I needed a distraction.

I needed to swim.

I strode out through the doors, shedding my clothes as I went, and plunged into the water. I struck out, enjoying the feel of slicing through the ocean. It calmed my nerves and sharpened my focus.

I surfaced a short distance out and pushed my hair off my face. I took a few deep breaths, looking at the soft flicker of lights coming from the house. Bella was in there. Soon she'd be in my arms. In my bed. I struck out back towards the beach again.

The shower stopped as I came back into the bedroom. Bella's heart was racing and I took a couple of deep breaths.

I grabbed two towels from the linen closet and dried myself with one while I pushed the other over the floor with my foot, mopping up the little puddles of sea water I'd left.

And now I wondered what to put on.

It seemed stupid to get dressed in my clothes again.

Should I just get into the bed and pull the sheet up to my hips?

In the end I tied the towel around me just as Bella opened the bathroom door.

My breath caught. My body tightened and every cell was focussed on the vision in front of me.

She was stunning in a short slip of blue satin.

She came towards me, our eyes locked. We linked hands. I ran my fingers back and forth, slowly, between hers while my thumbs stroked her wrists. She smiled.

And there was no need for words.

My hands moved from hers and trailed along her arms, slipping the straps of her nightgown from her shoulders. The fabric shimmered and shimmied its way down her body and I couldn't help the soft moan that came from my lips. From my heart.

Her naked body was perfection. She was exquisite and she smiled softly as I gazed appreciatively.

Slowly she reached out and tugged on the towel and her eyes widened as it fell away from my hips and dropped to the floor, exposing me to her for the first time. She bit her lip then smiled and she lifted her eyes to mine as she gently caressed my cheek. I turned my face and kissed her palm, holding her hand in place with mine. My thumb stroked over her wedding ring.

I lifted her into my arms, kissing her softly as I carried her across the room, relishing each slow step and the feel of her naked against me.

I laid her on the bed and climbed on beside her. She reached for me, pulling me down to kiss. And there would be no more waiting. This time there would be no stopping.

I kissed her. I took my time, worshipping her with hands and lips, caressing new skin and hearing new sounds as she gasped and moaned and sighed my name.

Her hands were soft and slow as she touched and stroked and held me, and I was lost, deep in sensations I'd never known.

Our eyes met. Our fingers twined and our gaze held as I sank into her.

I cried out her name. There had never been anything like this. Bella's warmth, her love, surrounding me. I was soaring, spiralling. The sensations overwhelmed me and I could have wept at this closeness, this intimacy, at this incredible gift she was giving me - herself.

I was aware my body was shaking.

She gasped my name as she locked herself around me, taking me deeper and making me growl, low and deep.

I gave myself to her - heart, body, soul. With every move of my body I declared my love and Bella came to meet me, over and over, answering me.

When she threw her head back, trembling, and cried out my name I knew there had never been anything so beautiful. And I was lost, consumed. My body coiled tighter, spiralling higher, and then with a roar I was cut loose. I broke, shattering, falling free as I shuddered and gasped.

And I had never felt so powerful. Or so fragile.

I buried my head in Bella's neck, breathless and panting, feeling the thud of her pulse. There were so many feelings, so much I wanted to tell her, but all I could manage was her name...

"Bella..."

She held me as I came back to myself. She stroked my back and the curve of my ear and told me she loved me.

"I love you, too," I whispered and pulled her closer, curling my body around her. My mind was still trying to believe what had just happened, but through my euphoric haze of wonder there was something I needed to know.

"Bella, are you alright?" My voice was hushed, my hands moving gently over her, making sure as she curled into me. I touched my fingers to her chin, lifting her face, and I sighed when I saw she was smiling.

"I'm perfect." She stroked my cheek. "You were_ so_ gentle, Edward. Everything was...perfect."

I smiled back, relieved. She was alright. She was perfect. I kissed her softly.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she drifted into sleep as we listened to the waves playing on the sand.

I smiled now as the sun moved further into the room. Bella stirred, and rolled over, draping her arm over my torso as she settled her head on my chest. She let out a long sigh and I ran my fingers lightly, slowly, over her back.

So beautiful.

Her skin felt like silk against mine.

Bella's heart beat changed, and her breathing, and I knew she was about to wake up. Anticipation ran through me, and excitement.

A moment later she lifted her head, smiling, and looked at me through sleepy eyes.

"Hi," she said.

"Good morning."

I pushed back the hair that had fallen over her beautiful face.

"Yeah, it is a good morning," she gave a little giggle that set my heart on fire.

"Did you sleep well?"

I ran the backs of my fingers over her cheek as she rested her chin on my chest.

"Mm, very well." She turned her face and kissed my thumb.

"How do you feel this morning?" I rolled onto my side, propped up on my elbow, facing her.

She sighed."I'm just...blissful," she smiled. "That's the closest I can get. I'm blissful."

"Blissful is very good," I grinned.

"What about you? How do you feel?" She began kissing over my chest.

"Me?"

"Uh huh."

I blew out a breath and held her tighter.

"I've been trying to work that out while you were sleeping."

Bella tensed slightly in my arms.

"Were you disappointed?" she whispered and my mouth dropped open in shock.

"No! No! I didn't mean...no!" I started laughing and cupped her face with my hands. "Bella it was the best night of my life!"

She was smiling again and laughing now at my enthusiasm.

"Physically it felt...I can't find words, in any language...it was pure ecstasy. Mind blowing. Beyond belief is probably as close as I can get."

She laughed again, blushing now and pressed herself against me. My body began to stir and I started stroking her shoulder, letting my fingers dance over her skin and play in her hair. "It's just that, it was so much more than that."

"I know," she whispered. "For me, too."

I traced my thumb along her jaw.

"I knew it would be," I said. "But I hadn't been prepared for just _how much_ more. I'd had no idea, I didn't know..." I leant my head back against the headboard and closed my eyes. "It was like..." I shrugged and gave her a crooked smile. "It was like I'd been lost for a very long time, and last night you found me."

Bella's eyes brimmed.

"No tears," I whispered and ran my thumbs across her cheeks, catching them. She sniffed.

"I just..." She shook her head. "I love you."

I pulled her up onto the pillow with me and kissed her. She wound her fingers in my hair and ran her leg along mine. My breath caught and when she pulled back and I saw the spark in her eyes.

"Hey, Edward..."

"Yes, Bella?"

She bit her lip.

"Want me to find you again?"

I grabbed the sheet and threw it off us. It billowed like a cloud and fell to the floor.

I stretched out to my full length beside her and winked.

"Come and get me."

**A/N: I know this was supposed to be the last chapter, but it all got so loooong, so there'll be a brief final chapter where we bring Bella full circle in her journey with Edward.**

**Thank you all for reading and for the lovely reviews, they make me smile and laugh **


	17. Chapter 17: Epilogue: A Winter's Day

In September, Edward Cullen carried me over the threshold of our new home. We unpacked boxes, we arranged furniture. We put our wedding photo on the bookshelves. We made love - in the bedroom; and the living room; and the billiard room.

October sped by and November flew.

But in December a Christmas tree pushed its way through the front door - and a new tradition started.

**December 2006**

Like most mornings, the sound of the juicer greeted me as I came downstairs into the kitchen. There was a pile of orange skins on the granite counter, the toaster was toasting, the coffee was percolating and Edward was standing amongst it all, his back to me as he filled a glass with orange juice.

He tossed me a smile over his shoulder as I went to him. I kissed his cheek, running my hand down his back and over his behind. He lifted an eyebrow when I squeezed.

"Here," he smiled, handing me the glass with one hand and pulling me against him with the other. He kissed me full on the mouth, his hand moving over my curves, and I was breathless when he let me go. He nudged my nose lightly with his before he turned back to the counter and I went to sit at the table to catch my breath.

Being married to Edward was fun.

I watched as he reached out swiftly to grab the pop tarts that shot up from the toaster. He put them on a plate, poured me a cup of coffee and then brought them to the table.

"Thank you," I smiled.

"You're very welcome." He pushed his hair out of his eyes and sat opposite me, swinging back on his chair, just like he usually did. But this morning there was a sneaky smile on his lips.

"What?"

"You're beautiful."

I rolled my eyes. "I know that…but there's something you aren't telling me. Come on, spill."

He chuckled. "You know me too well."

"Mm…"

He gave me that crooked smile and leant forward, resting his elbows on the table. He drew circles on the table top with a long finger, his face down now, concentrating on his invisible doodles. He was avoiding eye contact.

"There's an errand I need to run this afternoon," he said simply. "Will you be alright driving yourself home after class?"

Errand? Immediately my curiosity was piqued but he was deliberately being vague so I knew better than to ask outright what it was - I'd work my way around to it.

"Of course I'll be alright. But why don't we just go separately today? I'll take my truck. Or the Audi."

"Mm, but then I don't get to enjoy the pleasure of your company on the drive in." He looked up now, smiling. "AndI'd like to use your truck this afternoon, if you don't mind. I'll run back here after lunch and pick it up."

He needed the truck?

I raised my glass of juice, swirling the contents absently, watching the pulp sway back and forth. Edward went back to his circles. He knew I wanted to know; I knew he was hedging. Under the table our feet were playing footsy.

"So, what's this errand?" I almost sounded disinterested…almost. But he knew how curious I was – he'd hear it in my heartbeat.

"You'll have to wait and see," he smiled again, looking up now. I groaned internally, not because he obviously had a surprise planned, but because my curiosity was off the scale now.

And that was new for me

There was a time when a conversation like this would have had me panicked and frantic, wondering what extravagance Edward had planned – but not now. Now I loved the thought behind his gestures. And I loved the joy it obviously gave him.

So instead of the panic I went for the pout. And Edward laughed.

"Modern American poetry this morning?" he asked, changing the subject.

I nodded. "We're starting Gwendolyn Brooks today."

"She's good."

"I know. I'm looking forward to it." I finally took a sip of orange juice. "So, basics of form and function for you?"

"Yep," he grinned. "Also known as _how to make a bus shelter look good_."

I laughed and set the juice down. "I'm sure you'll design beautiful bus shelters...if our house is anything to go by."

I looked around me at the restaurant quality kitchen with the cathedral ceiling and exposed beams; the high glass wall with French doors that opened onto the garden.

He shrugged, smiling, his mouth curving deliciously at the corners as he watched me bite into a pop tart.

"How is it?"

"You know," I mumbled through my mouthful. "You're really getting the hang of these."

"I should hope so," he smiled. "I've had almost six months to get it right."

Six months. I shook my head.

"What?" he asked, still smiling.

"So much has happened." I sighed as I reached for my coffee.

Wedding, honeymoon, then Edward had carried me over the threshold of our new home on September 2nd and college had started later that month.

"We've been busy," he agreed.

"We have."

I smiled as I looked at him over the top of my coffee. He'd used my favourite mug - the white one that said _I love Rio_ on it in big, black letters and a bright red heart. The one he'd bought for me from the airport gift shop the day we flew home from Isle Esme.

It had been a wonderful honeymoon.

Perfect.

Romantic, playful, sexy, relaxed.

Isle Esme was a tropical paradise.

And Edward did sparkle all over.

We'd spent hours laying on the beach, letting the sun warm our skin, while small waves rippled and licked at our toes.

We swam and played - chasing each other along the sand, splashing each other at the water's edge. And Edward was as graceful in the water as he was on land. He could turn perfect somersaults - two, three, seven in a row! And he could swim like a dolphin. Sometimes he'd drop below the surface and I wouldn't know where he was until he'd tug on my legs and pull me under as I squealed in surprise.

He taught me to snorkel, though the fish would disappear whenever he was in he water. But once he was confident that I knew what I was doing he would sit on the sand and watch me while I swam just below the surface, following the jewel-bright fish that darted here and there among the seaweed and rocks.

We would walk, exploring every inch of the island - its open beaches, its secluded places, its rainforest and jungle.

In the shadowed depths of the rainforest was a lagoon and waterfall that Edward was eager to show me. It was perfectly round and perfectly beautiful. He held my hand tightly as we made our way in bare feet over wet rocks that rimmed its edges, heading for the small, pebbly beach that led into the turquoise water. We'd stood, letting the spray from the crashing waterf splash over us. I wriggled my toes in the wet sand. Suddenly, Edward let go of my hand, stripped off his shorts and dived into the water, naked. He surfaced a second later in the middle of the lagoon. He was grinning as he shook his wet hair out of his face and beckoned me. I hesitated, I'd never skinny-dipped before. But a second later I was grinning and I slipped out of my sundress and undies and waded into the water, reaching for Edward's outstretched hand.

But some days we would barely leave the bed. We'd spend hours making love, discovering each other. And learning. Edward's hands, his lips, his body, brought me pleasures I never knew existed.

And I did the same for him.

Edward giving in to his desires was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Braced above me, or on his back beneath me; in bed, on the sand, in the water, behind a waterfall; hearing him cry my name, head thrown back as he shuddered and shook - it was my own private paradise every time, right there in his arms.

Every morning he made me breakfast and brought it to me in bed.

Every evening we'd bathe together, washing the sand and salt from our skin and hair.

There was a hammock tied between two trees, just outside the house, and sometimes we'd lay there, head to toe, and Edward would play the guitar and sing to me, or sometimes he'd read - one of the books from the library, and I wished those moments could last forever.

There were a couple of cloudy days and we'd take the boat to the mainland and browsed the shops and the markets. Edward's arm would be curled around my waist, holding me close, as we'd move through the crowds. If we saw something we liked he'd barter and bargain in perfect Portuguese and it was fascinating to watch him. Now we had art work hanging in the living room, there was a vase on the dining room table and a sculpture in the hall. And there was the bracelet on my wrist.

Yep, a perfect honeymoon.

I took another mouthful of coffee and stared out the wide windows that looked onto the clearing. The grass was carpeted, white and glistening, as the snowflakes swirled and floated gently downwards. They reminded me a bit of...

"Bella? You're blushing." Edward's foot nudged mine. "What are you thinking about?"

I bit my lip and felt my face heat, not from embarrassment but from desire.

"Isle Esme," I whispered, looking at him through my lashes. "And feathers."

"Ah." He smiled and leant forward across the table. He lifted my hand to his lips and whispered too. "The pillow fight."

I nodded slowly, biting my lip harder now as I let the memory play out in my mind.

I'd been lying on my towel on the sand, soaking up the sun. Edward had come out of the ocean, dripping wet in his board shorts, and shaken himself like a dog, spraying me with water. I squealed and jumped up, laughing and running for the house. He chased me across the sand, laughing too, letting me lead.

He was right behind me as I raced into the bedroom and grabbed a pillow from the bed. I turned, holding it up.

"I have a pillow," I warned, trying to sound menacing through my giggles.

Edward skidded to a smooth, elegant stop and raised his hands in surrender.

"Then you clearly have me at a disadvantage, Mrs Cullen."

I smirked.

He took a slow step forward. I jabbed the pillow at him and he retreated quickly.

"Careful," he grinned. "That thing could go off."

I was trying to keep a straight face - and failing.

Suddenly Edward lunged for the bed and grabbed a pillow of his own.

"Ah ha!" He held it up, victorious, switching it quickly back and forth from hand to hand. "Now we're evenly matched."

He began to circle me and I followed, moving around him. We were grinning, our pillows ready, each of us taking a jab here and there. Edward's hair hung over his forehead, into his eyes, little rivulets of sea water running down the sides of his face. Every now and then he'd blow out a sharp, upwards breath, trying to move the hair out of his face. His chest and shoulders and arms were wet and glistening. His board shorts were making tiny puddles on the floor and I tried not to slip in them. Apart from our breathing the room was silent. His long fingers curled around the pillow's edge.

The circle got tighter. And tighter.

I kept my eyes on Edward's. His gaze was hot, like fire, and every now and then his eyes would wander over me and the bikini I wore. His look would darken and I had a fair idea how this was going to end. My body was on alert.

We continued to move slowly, the circle tightened - smaller, closer.

And then I swung.

My pillow connected with Edward's shoulder at the same time his hit me on the arm. We were laughing now as I went for his stomach and he got me around the hips. We went back and forth like this, giggling, laughing, whacking each other as we danced around the room. We both knew he could grab me before I'd even see him move, but he liked to play, and this was fun.

We ducked and weaved, then Edward lunged for me and I leapt onto the bed, standing on it, using my new height to bring the pillow down, square, on top of his head.

"Yes!"

There was a ripping sound and suddenly the air around us was full of feathers.

"No!"

And Edward used that moment of distraction to drop his pillow, grab me behind the knees and tip me backwards onto the bed. I was laughing again, and so was Edward, as he crawled over the quilt, sat between my legs and bent over, dragging his wet head the length of my body. I bucked and writhed beneath him, his damp hair tickling me while his hands held my arms still above my head. And all the while the feathers floated and spiraled down, covering the bed and us.

"I'll...get you...for this...Cullen!" I gasped and giggled.

"I look forward to it," he grinned, and continued rubbing his head over me.

But soon it was his_ lips_ moving over my body, trailing across my skin, and my feet were pushing his board shorts off his hips and down his legs while he let go of my arms and his fingers pulled my top free. The laughter stopped.

Edward's lips moved lower now, kissing, sucking over my belly button and moving beyond. He stopped at my hip, right near the bow of my string bikini. I gasped as he placed a small kiss in the hollow there. He lifted his head and his gaze made its way slowly along my body until he met my eyes. My chest moved with fast, shallow breaths and I tried to anticipate what he was going to do. He watched me closely, and I watched him as he took the end of the bow between his teeth...and pulled.

I was panting now. Edward's tongue slid across my skin to my other hip, and I watched his teeth untie that bow too.

Then, he took the small piece of fabric in his mouth and pulled it away.

My breaths were coming faster as Edward groaned and his hand fisted in the quilt beside my legs. Then he blew a slow, cool breath on the sensitive skin he'd exposed and I gasped and whimpered, my thighs shaking as my head pushed back into the bed and my hips arched upwards. This new sensation had me making sounds I didn't know where possible.

Edward blew another breath, even slower this time, and my world span and spiraled and I was nothing but raw, aching sensation.

There were feathers across my stomach and Edward picked one up now. He trailed it over my breasts and between them, circling in a torturous figure-of-eight, then along my body, whispering, teasing, criss-crossing from side to side, leaving no square of skin untouched. I was gasping, writhing, as Edward played my body like an instrument, making it sing and sigh.

And all the time his eyes stayed on me, mesmerised, transfixed, his amber eyes gleaming fire as he continued to graze the feather in spirals, downwards now, lower, towards my thighs. Then his lips followed its path. And I was lost.

"Do you like this?" His voice was rough and ragged and I could only moan my answer. My body was quivering now, strung tight with anticipation and want. My fingers clawed at the quilt. My blood was on fire, my heart was about to erupt and burst through my chest.

I felt just the slightest tremor from Edward's body where it pressed against my legs. I lifted my head again. The muscles of his arms flexed as his hands gripped tighter in the sheets. His tongue swept over his bottom lip, once, twice. Oh, Lord...was he going to... was he…?

Then I watched, breathless with need, as Edward slowly lowered his lips and his face disappeared between my thighs.

"Those feathers were everywhere," I murmured and took another mouthful of coffee.

Edward nodded and stood quickly. He scooped the orange skins into the bin.

"I think I'll just go finish getting ready." I pushed back my chair.

"Will you grab my watch?" Edward's voice was thick and there was a tightening in my belly at its sound.

"Sure."

I downed my juice and carried my things to the dish washer while Edward rinsed the juicer. He was moving just a little faster than usual.

Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned the pillow fight - it was going to be a long day now. For both of us.

I hurried upstairs, brushed my teeth and splashed cold water on my face. It helped a little.

From the ensuite window I saw Edward walk into the backyard and stand in the snow, looking up at the sky, letting the flakes fall all over him. I smirked. When there's no time for a cold shower, go stand in a snowfall. He stretched his arms out from his sides, face still upturned. He was smiling now, eyes closed. I smiled too and wondered what he was thinking.

I walked back into the bedroom, grabbed my boots and sat on the leather, cushioned seat of the valet stand that had been Edward's father's. I shoved my feet in the boots and laced them up, then I stood and picked up Edward's pocket watch and chain from the tray at the top of the stand and slipped it carefully into my pocket.

The valet stand wasn't the only piece of Edward's past that had found a place in our home. While we'd been on our honeymoon he had decided he was finally ready to sort through the belongings from his family home, so when we left the island late in August we'd returned to Forks via Chicago. We'd spent two days looking through boxes and crates, deciding what could be sold and what could be donated to museums or charities. And if I'd been worried that it might make him melancholy then I was wrong. I listened and laughed as he told me funny stories about his childhood and shared memories of his parents. His human years had obviously been happy ones. But I'd nearly cried at the end of the second day when he'd asked, almost nervously, if it would be alright to bring some things with him, even though they were old fashioned.

So now, downstairs was the beautiful mahogany dining suite, and the mirrored hall stand near the front door. We'd added some of his old books to our bookshelves, many with his name, Edward Masen, written on the fly leaf. I'd been fascinated, running my fingers over the faded ink, feeling the gentle impression made by the nib nearly one hundred years before.

Holding the books in place were the marble, gargoyle book-ends. On the desk in our study sat the elegant pen and ink set that had been his mother's.

On the top shelf of our closet was a tin full of toy soldiers and a boxed-up train set.

The book-ends weren't really my taste but that was okay, because I knew Edward wasn't overly-fond of my lava lamp either. I was just kind of glad he hadn't wanted the gilded statue of Cupid with a clock in its stomach.

I liked that Edward's past was mixed now with his present and even his future - it felt like here, in this house we'd created, everything had come together for him.

I walked to the wide window seat and picked up my satchel that sat in the corner. Edward was still outside, but heading for the house now, running his hands back and forth through his hair, shaking loose the snow that had settled there.

I slung my satchel over my shoulder and turned to grab my jacket off the back of the rocking chair - but I stopped, startled.

My sneaky vampire was standing just inside the doorway. And he was smiling _that_ smile.

I felt a flash of heat scorch through my body.

I grinned back and dropped the satchel. Edward shrugged out of his jacket.

Looked like it wouldn't be such a long day after all.

oo

We finally left the house but as we stepped onto the front verandah Edward stopped. He lifted his face skyward, and sniffed the air.

"What is it?"

"Snow."

"I know it's snowing." I rolled my eyes. "What's with the sniffing?"

He chuckled and flipped the hood of my jacket over my head so it covered my eyes.

"Hey!" I giggled and pushed it back again.

"There's a storm coming," he said.

"You can predict the weather now? You can smell it?"

He nodded, looking back up at the clouds. "We'll make it to Dartmouth fine, but we might get stuck there, it could be hard coming home." He looked back down at me. "Wanna risk it?"

I wasn't sure. I was about to ask Edward just how _stuck _we would be but my phone vibrated in my pocket.

It was Jen, my friend from social history class. Her text was straight to the point.

N_ot going, 2 much snow. U?_

A second later a new message came through from Ellie, another friend, answering Jen's text to both of us.

S_taying home._ _Snow storm vs The Little Drummer Boy is on cable_ - _no contest._

Edward looked over my shoulder. "I'd say it'll be a quiet day on campus."

I nodded, typed a quick reply text and slipped the phone back in my pocket.

"I can start on my essays," I said and turned back to the house.

"We're staying home?" Edward's face lit up.

"Yes." I saw the glint in his eyes. "But don't get any ideas!" I was biting back a grin. "I'm studying."

He held his hands up as though in surrender. "I wouldn't dream of distracting you from your studies, love."

"Good."

"But you will take breaks, won't you?"

I set myself up at one end of the dining room table with my laptop. De Bussey was playing in the background, I had a hot chocolate beside me, my boots were off, the cosy socks were on and I threw myself into my essay.

I liked college, it was so vastly different from high school. I enjoyed the freedom and flexibility, and I loved the way some of my classes challenged my thinking, made me look at things differently.

And college with Edward wasfun.

We were in entirely different faculties, shared no classes, but that didn't matter. There would be passing kisses in corridors and shared looks across the grounds. And when we did come together again in the afternoon it was with an eagerness to hear what had happened in each other's days.

Some nights we would sit up late, in front of the fireplace, talking about a book or a play or a writer I was studying. Of course Edward had already read _everything_ and we often had differing opinions. Edward would be animated, eyes bright, gesturing as he'd emphasise his point, clearly enjoying the to and fro of our debate. And I'd argue back, waving _my _arms around, making _my _point, sometimes playing devil's advocate just for fun. It was stimulating and exciting and new - and I loved it.

And I'd made friends with Ellie and Jen. We went for coffee sometimes after class, and I'd been to the movies with them a few times - girls' nights. A couple of times Edward and I had joined them and their boyfriends and we'd gone out as a group and that had been great. But I knew the friendships could never be long term - in a year or two I would disappear, yet it didn't worry me. I was really enjoying now, but college wouldn't last forever anyway, and I knew where my future was.

And right now it was sprawled out at the opposite end of the table, papers and books taking up three spaces to my one. His head was bent over his work, one hand fisted in his hair, holding it out of his face. Until we'd started college I'd never seen Edward study or do homework.

"You chew on the end of your pencil when you're concentrating." I smiled, surprised.

"Human habit coming out," he muttered absently as he speed-read his notes.

"I've never seen you do it before."

He smiled up at me as he turned a page, his long fingers flicking the paper so quickly I didn't see it move.

I began to wonder if he'd done his schoolwork at this table when he was a boy.

"Did you sit here to study when you were human?"

"I did sometimes."

"Really?"

He nodded.

I looked along the table and tried to imagine human Edward doing his homework. There was a small mark in the polished surface and I ran my finger over it.

"Did you make this scratch?" I joked and Edward's eyes focused on my finger.

"Probably," he smiled. "I set my trains up here a few times - there might have been a derailment."

I laughed and he grinned, before turning back to his notes.

"Do you actually _need_ to study?" I wondered as I watched him. "I thought you knew just about everything. You never seemed to study at highschool."

"That's because I've done highschool over and over," he grimaced. "But vampires still need to learn things. The knowledge isn't automatically there in the brain when you change. I only know a lot because I've studied a lot." He shrugged. "And I learn very fast."

"And you remember everything."

"Everything," he nodded. "A vampire brain can hold so much more information than a human one. And whatever goes in, stays there."

"It'll be like that for me, too, right?"

He nodded again, smiling. "And you'll be able to focus on many things at once. It will be distracting and disorienting at first, but you'll adjust, and I'll be there to help you. And then you'll be able to hold a conversation with Alice while you play chess with me, build block towers with the baby and hear each individual instrument in a concerto playing on the cd player."

He smiled and my heart fluttered. I loved it when he talked so happily and eagerly about my change. And I especially loved it when he talked about us having a child.

In recent months we'd joined Carlisle in his research of human-vampire offspring and with each new piece of information we uncovered Edward's belief that we could do this grew. Now it wasn't an _if_ or even a _maybe_, it was a _when._ I'd had tears the night Edward curled himself around me in our bed and whispered that he was ready to have a baby whenever I was.

Across the table his smile stretched wider and I knew we were remembering the same thing. His foot pressed affectionately on mine.

"So what's going on in your brain now," I asked softly.

He took a deep breath. "Well, I'm wondering which tree in the garden would be best for a tree house, because every child needs one of those..."

I smiled and rubbed my foot over his.

"And I'm also working out the angles and stresses for a load bearing beam as part of my assignment; it's my turn to cook tonight and I'm planning lasagne so I'm thinking what that will involve; I'm mentally writing my essay on the history of the Bauhaus movement; and I can hear the mailman's van coming down the road trying to deliver as much as possible before the storm hits."

"Wow!" I sat back in my seat. "That's quite a list."

"I know." He gave me a triumphant smile then stood up. "I'll be right back."

He was as good as his word and it was only a moment later he was back in the dining room, snow in his hair again and the mail in his hand.

"Break time?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. I nodded, my essay only needed the summary now, so I stood and followed him into the living room.

We curled up on the couch, me nestled between Edward's legs.

"What have we got?"

"Looks like a Christmas card from Callum and Leah."

He handed me the envelope and I pulled out a card with a cartoon picture of Santa compiling his naughty and nice list on a computer spreadsheet.

"Very Callum," I chuckled.

Callum and Leah were married now. The November wedding had been brought forward and arranged in a hurry when Harry Clearwater's heart took a turn for the worse. He had died in September but he'd seen his daughter walk down the aisle at the end of August with only two weeks of preparation. The short notice meant Prof McLeod couldn't make it in time from his new dig in a remote part of Russia - but his absence meant that Edward could come to the wedding with me.

It had been a small, intimate gathering. The ceremony was held at dusk on the cliffs of La Push. Afterwards there had been a bonfire and party at the Res. Leah had looked beautiful in white with flowers woven through her dark, glossy hair, but I'd I barely recognized Callum in his suit.

"It's a rental," he'd told me conspiratorially as he tugged uncomfortably at his collar.

"I'm surprised you didn't wear your Pac-man t-shirt," I joked. But Callum blinked at me, stunned.

"It's underneath. How did you know?" he hissed.

I looked inside the card and read Callum's brief note ..._ college is good, apartment is small but Seattle's a blast_. _Leah says hi! See you at Christmas._

"It'll be good to catch up with them," I said. "I'm glad we're going back to Forks for Christmas."

I stood up and went to put the card on the mantelpiece, in line with the others we'd received, next to the fancy Christmas candles and the small, ornamental tree. That was the extent of our decorations and the room didn't really look very festive but a tree wasn't really practical. We were going away for Christmas in three days, we wouldn't really have the opportunity to enjoy a tree and it would be all brown and dropping branches by the time we got back after New Year.

I flopped back on the sofa, looking at the other envelope in Edward's hand.

"What else have we got?"

"Just the electricity bill." There was just the subtlest edge to his voice and I knew I wasn't meant to hear it. "Do you want to take care of that?"

I looked up at him. He gave one, curt nod and I reached up to smooth the crease that had formed between his eyebrows. Immediately his face relaxed and he smiled. His thighs flexed against mine.

"You still don't like it, do you?" I asked softly.

He shrugged. "It's not that I don't like it - I understand it, I really do, it just...goes against the grain." He shrugged again, and gave an apologetic smile. "And I don't want to fight again."

"Me neither."

The past six months had been wonderful, but it hadn't been all smooth sailing and pillow fights. There had been real fights too. Mostly just small disagreements, over little things. Edward kept wiping his hands on the dish towel instead of the hand towel in the kitchen and he'd just leave his shoes wherever he happened to take them off.

Sometimes I mixed the rubbish with the recycling, and I kept leaving the garage door open and Edward would grimace and ask me, very politely, not to.

They were only small things, but early in November we'd had a major fight.

We had been driving back home from college on a rainy afternoon. The song on the car radio finished and an ad came on for a local electricity provider. I turned to Edward.

"We haven't had an electricity bill yet. Actually..." I frowned as I puzzled over it "It's been two months and I haven't seen _any _utilities bills come in."

"We had a gas bill last week, electricity the week before that. I've paid them."

"Oh." I was surprised. "You're quick, I didn't even see them."

"They come electronically, direct to my email. I just transfer the money across."

"Oh."

He looked at me, eyes wide and innocent. "Is that a problem?"

"I, uh...well, it would have been nice to discuss it."

"Oh." Now he seemed genuinely surprised. "I guess I didn't see the need."

He didn't see the need? Annoyance flared through me.

"You...are you serious? You didn't see the need?"

"It just seemed the easiest way to handle things," he said simply.

"By hiding the bills from me?"

"What?" His head snapped around to look at me. "I'm not _hiding _anything from you, Bella. Why would you say that?" He was annoyed now, too.

"Then why haven't I seen a bill? Why didn't you talk to me about this? It's my house, too, and I don't even know how much we're spending on things!"

His expression changed. He started to smile now and that made me bristle. My annoyance was well on its way to anger, now.

"Money isn't an issue, Bella, you've seen the bank account."

I had. It was our joint account now and it's eight figure balance always made my head spin.

"You're right, money isn't the issue, Edward. But the fact that you've organised all this without involving me _is._"

He frowned.

"Bella, it's a mundane, routine task. I didn't think it mattered how the bills got paid, as long they did."

"You're missing the point entirely!" I snapped.

"And what point is that?" He snapped back.

I waved my hand between us. "We're supposed to be partners in this. I want us to share the mundane and the routine. And I thought you felt the same."

"I do, but..." He frowned again, and gave a casual shrug of a shoulder. Too casual. "It's just paying bills, Bella."

"No, it's not!" NowI really was angry. "And don't dismiss me like that!"

"Like what?"

I copied his shrug. "Like it's just Bella being silly."

"I'm_ not_ dismissing you. I don't think you're silly, I just..." He pulled his hand through his hair, frustrated, scowling, like he was lost and out of his depth. "I didn't think it was a big deal and I suppose...," He paused and took a heavy breath, like he was bracing himself for something. I noticed he stuck out his jaw just a little. "I know it might seem old fashioned to you but as your husband I feel it's my role to look after these things. To look after _you._"

My eyes shot open as I gasped, shocked.

"You did not just say that," I hissed. "You did _not_ just use the _I am your husband and I'll look after the money_ line."

"I did not say..."

But I cut him off. "That's not just old fashioned, Edward, that's... _insulting_! Insulting to me, and my intelligence and..."

He turned to me, eyes flashing and angry. I stopped talking.

"Then I must apologise." His voice was tight, clipped. "It was never my aim to offend you and if I have done so it was inadvertent and unintended." He took a slow breath. "I was trying to make life easier for you. I would _never_, _ever_ insult you. You've _completely_ misinterpreted what I said."

"Oh! Have I really?" I was all skepticism.

"Yes!" He shook his head and turned back to face the road. His hands were claws on the steering wheel, his chest was moving heavily. "This whole conversation is ridiculous," he muttered. And for me that was like red rag to a bull.

"Ridiculous?" I threw my hands in the air. "So, it's ridiculous because _I_ want to discuss our financial commitments and arrangements?" I was shouting.

"But we're not _discussing _anything!" He shouted back. "You're overreacting to something that..."

"I am not overreacting!"

"I think you are!"

"You called me ridiculous!"

"I did not!"

"You might as well have!"

"Ugh!" He slammed his palm against the steering wheel. It rattled and groaned. "Now you _are _being ridiculous!" he growled.

"Stop the car." My voice was quiet, flat.

"What?"

"Stop the car."

"Why?"

"I'm walking home."

"It's raining."

"I don't care. Stop the car."

There was silence...and then...

"No."

His voice had gone deathly quiet.

"Stop the car."

"No."

"STOP THE DAMN CAR, EDWARD!"

He growled loudly. The car swerved roughly to the side of the road. I got out, slammed the door and started to stomp away. The rain was cold, running down my neck and I pulled the collar of my jacket up and put my head down. The Volvo crawled along beside me. The passenger window rolled open.

"Get back in the car, Bella."

I ignored him.

"You know I could just put you in here myself."

"Yeah, like that's going to make things better!" I snarled at him. "Just hit Bella over the head and drag her back into the cave by the hair."

I thought I heard him muttering under his breath, but I couldn't be sure.

"Bella, just get in the car...please." He was trying to keep his voice steady, but I could hear the anger leeching into his words.

"No!" I folded my arms over my chest and kept walking.

"It's wet and it's cold, you could get sick."

I wavered for a moment. If I caught the 'flu he'd be beside himself. A small spark of compassion flared but was quickly doused by anger as I remembered why I was out here in the first place. How dare he think he could just take things over like that. Who did he think I was - some kid that had to be looked after? Did he think I was helpless, like my _mother_?

I shuddered and kept walking. Suddenly the car sped up, heading away from me. It spun and expertly skidded to a stop further down the road, spraying a perfect arc of mud high into the air.

Edward got out and the car shook as he slammed the door. He stormed back towards me, his face like thunder, eyes wild, glaring, and I wondered what he was going to do. I braced myself to be thrown over his shoulder.

Instead he held out the keys.

"Here," he snapped. "I'll walk. You drive. I can't catch my death twice."

He grabbed my hand and pressed the keys firmly into my palm.

Then he turned, shoved his hands deep in the pockets of his overcoat, and stalked off through the rain. He moved quickly and through my surprise my heart clenched as I watched him go. His posture wasn't just angry, I could see that now. His head was bowed, his shoulders hunched.

He was hurt.

I'd hurt him.

But he'd hurt me, too, I reminded myself. Although now my anger and indignation were starting to fade.

Maybe I _had_ overreacted. What he did was wrong, but what he said was true...he would never insult me. Or upset me. Not on purpose.

I let out a heavy sigh as I watched the distance growing greater between us. The shoulders of his coat were darkening with the rain. Soon he'd just be a dot in the distance. I hugged myself and shivered against the cold and the wet.

Edward had lived through huge social change and a sexual revolution but he was still, in some ways, very much a man of his time. Some of his ideas and beliefs would always be out of step with mine. I needed to remember that, and not deal with it by yelling at him.

"Edward..."

He didn't respond, though I knew he would hear. I was actually surprised when he just kept walking and I realised now how upset he must be. I was so used to him always making himself available to me, no matter what. He was always so ready to please me, to be with me...had I taken that part of his nature for granted? I bit my lip.

My chest tightened and my eyes burned. I hadn't meant to hurt him.

"Edward!"

I could hear the faint edge of anxiety in my voice now. Immediately he stopped, inhumanly still, like a statue.

"Edward!" I took a couple of steps towards him, unsure and hesitant, my feet scuffing on some rocks, snapping some twigs.

His whole body shuddered, I could tell even at this distance, and he shook his head. Then he turned.

And he started running towards me.

His coat flew out behind him as he ran, his hair streamed back despite the rain. I was running too. But I'd only taken three or four steps before he reached me, scooping me into his arms and holding me hard and close.

"I'm sorry," he said, his lips at my ear. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. You're right, I did overreact."

"I should have discussed it with you."

"Yes, but I should have..."

"Lets talk in the car. You're getting cold."

We got back into the Volvo. Edward threw his coat on the back seat and I pulled off my jacket and grabbed the spare one that was always kept in the car for me...just in case. He turned up the heat and clasped my hands with his.

"I'm sorry..." he started, and I thought he was still apologising about paying the bills, but he wasn't. "I'm sorry I didn't turn back the first time you called me." His expression was clouded, troubled, and as he dropped his eyes I realised what this was about. "I shouldn't have kept walking like that, not when you called me."

I lifted our joined hands and put my fingers to his chin, tilting his face to look at me.

"You're allowed to get angry with me, Edward. You're allowed to storm off, it's okay. I know you're not leaving."

He blinked a couple of times. We'd decided a long time ago that we couldn't side-step around our break-up. It was a part of our history, it had brought us to _now_, and we had to be able to talk about it openly and honestly.

He nodded, then the corner of his mouth turned up in a small, almost-smile. "But it was very rude of me to ignore you like that."

"You were hurt."

He breathed deeply and nodded again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms wound around me, too. "I overreacted. I know you'd never deliberately do anything to upset me. And I shouldn't have assumed you'd turn around and come back just because I called you. I shouldn't expect you to dance attendance on me like that."

His eyes softened and warmed. "Dance attendance? You've been reading too much Austen again."

"Maybe. I need it to balance the Kerouac."

He laughed softly.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I was being a bit touchy about the whole _being looked after_ thing. I think..." I hesitated, wanting to explain but knowing it would make me feel and sound disloyal. "It makes me think of Renee," I finally spat out. "How helpless she is unless she has someone to look after her. I love my mom, I really do, but I _hate _the thought of being like that, and I always promised myself I never would be. I guess it's important to me that I know what's going on." I swallowed as I finished my rant and Edward nodded.

"I never meant to imply that you couldn't look after yourself - I know very well that you can." He gave me an apologetic smile. "I'm very new at this," he continued. "And in my human time the husband was responsible for providing for his wife and family. He handled the finances, that's what he did. It was what my father did. For many years it was what Carlisle and Emmett did. I suppose I was modelling myself on that. Even though I know times are different now it's still...it's ingrained in me I suppose." He sighed. "Like I said...I'm new to this."

He smiled, but I had the feeling there was more. I gave his hand a squeeze.

"But there's also...," he paused, hesitant.

"Go on."

He tilted his head to his shoulder, like he was trying to think what to say.

"Well, we discuss our investments, the stocks and shares, the credit card bills, but with the utilities, I guess it comes back to Renee again."

My eyebrows shot up.

He took a breath. "At the picnic the day before the wedding your mother was very nostalgic. I could see in her mind all her memories of you. I could see how much you took care of her."

"Oh." My voice was very quiet and I looked down at the gearstick.

"You only looked about eleven or twelve, but I could see you telling her to put money aside in the old coffee tin in the kitchen so there would be something to pay the bills. When you were a little older I saw you at the kitchen table with her, matching the cash to the accounts. I saw the notices threatening to cut off the phone or the electricity because she had forgotten to pay." He shrugged. "Your face was so worried. I just didn't want you to have to worry anymore." He turned his head and his eyes found mine.

"Oh, Edward."

I squeezed his hand and moved in my seat so I could rest my head against his shoulder. He let go of my hand and curled his arm around my shoulder.

"Thank you for the thought," I whispered.

He kissed the top of my head as he drove.

"But you're right," he said. "I shouldn't have just gone ahead like that. It was presumptive of me. I'll change the arrangements. I'll have the accounts posted to the house."

"Thank you." I felt his lips in my hair again.

We sat quietly as the car wound along the road. Water was dripping from Edward's hair onto his neck. I brushed some of the drops away and he smiled.

"You'll need a warm bath when we get home." He rubbed his hand briskly up and down my arm. Mm, a warm bath sounded good.

"With bubbles," I sighed and he chuckled.

"With bubbles. Definitely."

I lifted my face, looking at him, finding his eyes.

"Will you join me?"

He blinked, surprised.

"May I?"

I rolled my eyes and giggled. "Yes. So will you?"

He smiled then, eyes darkening. "It would be my pleasure."

That had been a month ago. Edward had arranged for the bills to come to the house and now this was the first one to arrive under the new system. He was still holding it out to me. I took the envelope and opened it. My eyebrows went up when I saw the total.

"That seems a lot."

Edward leant forward, resting his head on my shoulder as he looked at the paper in my hand. "That would be the heating," he said. "It's a large house."

"I guess so." I was frowning and Edward pointed at the comparison column for the last bill and the one before that.

"We're fairly consistent with last month, but the month before was less. I think, given the size of the house, and the season, it's not that bad." He shrugged against me. "Do you want to take care of it?"

I set the bill down on the coffee table. "One of us can do it tonight, on line."

"One of us?"

"It doesn't really matter _who _actually hits the buttons, I just need to be included."

He smiled and his eyes softened as he nodded again.

"I get it," he said.

I turned to kiss him but my stomach rumbled.

"Time to feed the human." He gave me a quick peck and started to move. "Do you want me to..."

"Nah, you did breakfast, and you're doing dinner - I'll get this one." I winked. "I know you're the new expert in the kitchen, but I can make a sandwich you know."

oo

The storm hit in full force as I piled ham and cheese onto my bread roll.

I ate lunch on the sofa with my feet in Edward's lap and a dvd playing. While I was in the kitchen Edward had lit the fire in the grate and the flames crackled and burned.

We were watching Alfred Hitchcock's _Psycho. _It had been Callum's wedding present to us and Edward had laughed when I'd explained the significance to him. Today was the first time we'd watched it, although of course, Edward had seen it before.

"Ugh, this is so...creepy," I muttered, cringing into the cushions.

Edward stopped the foot massage and held out his arms. In a flash I had cuddled against him, peeking through my fingers at the screen while his lips caressed my hair.

"It's not scary like a horror movie it's just..."

"Disturbing?" he suggested.

"Yeah. Disturbing. Really disturbing. Like, in a spine-chilling, goose bumpy, I won't shower again, sort of way."

The wind blew up and the windows were white as outside the snow was thrown against the glass. I snuggled closer to Edward, listening to the wind howl. The sound added to the whole atmosphere and the creep-factor of the goings-on at the Bates Motel. I was glad it was the middle of the day.

"It will be over soon," Edward said quietly.

"The movie?"

"The storm. It's about to blow itself out."

"You can tell that?"

He nodded. "And then everything will be very quiet, and very still." He kissed the tip of my nose. "And then we can go have a snowball fight."

I laughed and opened my eyes to his goofy grin.

"Sounds good to me."

The movie ended, its climax leaving my open-mouthed, staring at the screen.

"You're kidding? It was Norman all along?"

Edward laughed. "I'm surprised you didn't already know that."

"I told you, I haven't seen it before."

"But everyone knows the twist in _Psycho_."

"I'm not _everyone_."

"I know," he grinned.

I shuddered again, trying to shake off the creepy feeling. I wanted to distract myself. I wanted to go outside in the fresh, cold air, but the storm was still going.

So we listened to music instead. Edward pulled me into his arms, pushed the coffee table out of the way, and we danced around the living room. He tried to teach me to do The Twist, which was fun but also very awkward - balance was never my strong point. Then we switched to the Salsa. Edward, of course, was very good, and I enjoyed watching his hips sway to the music. He whirled me expertly around the room, grinning as I threw my head back, laughing. But as he extended his arm, meaning for me to spin away from him, I got carried away - I was showing off and I span too far. I crashed into the shelves of the entertainment unit and Edward's cd's crashed to the floor. They were in a heap, out of place, out of order, mixed up and confused. I buried my face in my hands and groaned. Not the music!

Surprisingly Edward laughed.

"But, you hate it when your music is mixed up," I gasped.

"I told you, remember, I wouldn't mind so much if it was you who mixed it up. Especially after such a spectacular spin."

He laughed again and so did I and we got down on our knees and gathered up the CD's.

"It won't take us long," he said.

I handed them to him, one at a time and Edward put each case in its proper place. It was very clear to me that he could have re-stacked the shelves in about two minutes flat and that my _helping _was actually slowing the process down. But he didn't seem to mind. In fact he seemed to be enjoying it. We talked about where we'd been when different songs came out; he told me which of the bands on his shelves he'd seen in concert; why he preferred Elvis Costello to Devo, or Yello to Kraftwerk.

Once the CD's were back in place he asked if I wanted to keep dancing but I suggested we give up on that idea and play cards instead. Edward liked to play games, but I was the only person he could play with - my silent mind meant there was at least some challenge for him.

We sat back at the dining room table.

"What are the stakes?" I asked as I shuffled the deck.

"You want to bet?" His eyes shot open. We'd never done that before.

"Why not?"

He pulled his hand through his hair, unsure.

"I don't know. I guess..." His eyes narrowed now, a cheeky smile forming on his lips. "What do you want to bet?"

"Mm..." I thought for a moment. "Back rubs?"

His lips stretched into a grin and he nodded. "Fine with me. I like your back rubs."

"Oh? And what makes you think you'll be winning?" But I already knew the answer to that one.

Okay, so we'd played cards before and I was yet to win. It was the same with checkers. And Scrabble - who else but Mr Vampire Dictionary would know that a _xebec _was a ship with three masts? Stupid triple word score. But still, there was no need for that level of smugness.

"Okay," I muttered. "So there's a good chance you'll win. But it's not guaranteed...it could be me."

He shrugged casually. "It could. But I also like _giving_ you back rubs, so either way, I win."

I narrowed my eyes and he laughed, but he wasn't laughing fifteen minutes later.

"Yes!" I shouted and punched the air in shocked victory when I laid my full house down on the table. "Yes!" I shouted again, then stopped still. "You didn't let me win did you?"

"No," he said, frowning. He almost seemed confused. "I didn't."

"Yes!" I punched the air again, bouncing in my seat, while Edward stared at my cards, brow furrowed.

"I'm not used to losing," he muttered and looked up at me bemused.

"You're not going to sulk, are you?"

He considered a moment. "I don't know. I think I might." He looked up hopefully. "Wanna play again?"

"Oh no..." I shook my head. "Ain't gonna be no re-match."

He rolled his eyes. "The Rocky quotes," he muttered sourly and I laughed.

"I get a back rub!" I smirked.

"You would have got one, anyway. You know I like giving them to you."

"You really are sulking aren't you? You're actually sulking!"

"Not really," he shrugged and gave me a soft smile. "I like to see you happy."

"Still sulking," I teased and he chuckled lightly.

Then suddenly his eyes were bright and gleaming. He stood quickly and his mood shifted at the same speed.

"The storm is over," he said. "Snowball fight!"

I bundled myself up against the cold and Edward opened the door and walked outside in his bare feet, t-shirt and jeans.

I made the perfect snowball - soft and round and fluffy. I threw it straight at Edward's back but he heard it flying threw the air and raised a hand, catching it neatly without looking. He turned and threw it back to me, with a spin on it this time and it splattered right across my chest.

"Ugh!" While I was distracted with brushing myself off he tackled me, landing me on my back in the snow. And he began to tickle, his long, strong fingers making themselves felt even through the bulk of my layers.

"Stop!" I squealed. "Is this revenge for beating you at poker?"

"Yep," he laughed back.

I managed to wriggle my hand between us, under his t-shirt, and dragged my nails across his belly, where I knew he was sensitive.

He hissed and bucked, moving back sharply, grinning at me as I basked in my own ticklish revenge. I wiggled my fingers at him.

"Well played, love," he chuckled.

We chased each other, throwing snowballs, some hitting, some missing. I got Edward right in the middle of his chest and he dropped to his knees and fell flat on his face, arms spread wide. The snow billowed up around him. It would have been quite dramatic if he hadn't been laughing so much.

We made snow angels and built a snow man. We hunted for sticks and stones to make his arms and face.

"It looks like you," Edward teased and I poked out my tongue.

We played and laughed till the tears ran down my cheeks. But at the first chatter of my teeth I was scooped into strong, icy arms and carried inside.

"That was fun!" I pulled off my hood and shook the snow from my boots.

"It was." Edward's face was lit up, grinning like the seventeen year old he was, his damp hair flopping into his eyes. He grabbed my hand and pulled off my gloves before helping me off with my jacket. "Come and sit by the fire," he said.

He wrapped the cashmere blanket around my shoulders. Then he watched me as I warmed my hands, and I wondered at the soft look in his eyes.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered.

"I'm thinking that I wish I could warm your hands for you."

My heart faltered.

"One day," I said. "When I'm like you."

He nodded, smiling gently. "I'll look forward to it."

I shifted then, moving to sit with my back against the sofa. Edward came and lay down with his head in my lap. The fire had warmed him a little and I ran my hands through his hair. He was almost purring, eyes closed as my fingers scratched over his scalp. I ran my fingers through the silky strands of his hair, letting it play and move between my fingers. Behind his left ear, deep beneath the top layers, his hair was shorter, blunt and bristly. It was just a small section, about the size of my thumbnail. I wondered about it as my fingers stroked over the stubble and then Edward opened his eyes. He lifted a hand and reached up, gently touching my locket that sat displayed on my sweater.

"Oh," I smiled, understanding. He smiled back and closed his eyes again, nestling deeper into my lap.

We sat that way for a while, just quiet, peaceful, in front of the fire, my fingers playing in Edward's hair. He was so relaxed, just the smallest smile on his lips, his long lashes casting shadows on his cheek. He could almost be asleep. I loved it when he was like this. But he wasn't always so relaxed, and I smiled as I remembered the previous Wednesday.

My classes finished later than Edward's on Wednesdays, so I usually took my truck, or the Audi, whichever I felt in the mood for, and Edward drove separately in the Volvo. Last Wednesday when I came home he met me at the door, as usual, but this time he had the pool cue in his hand.

"You're playing?" I asked as he leant in to kiss me.

"Mm, want to join me?"

We walked into the billiard room and Edward racked up the balls.

"I think I'll just watch," I sat in the comfy leather chair in the corner. "I like to watch you play."

He rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what I meant, and proceeded to lean over and make his first hit. Inside my heart gave a little sigh.

"How was your day?" he looked at me over his shoulder as the balls scattered.

"Not too bad. You?"

"Not too bad." He smiled and moved around the table, leaning over to pot the red ball. It fell neatly into its pocket and he moved again as he repositioned himself to hit the yellow ball.

The pool cue slid back and forth between his long fingers, he pressed his hips against the edge of the table as he leant forward, his chest almost touching the green baize surface. His hair fell in his face and he blew it out of the way with a quick breath.

I curled my legs beneath me as I watched him.

"I got invited to a frat party today," I remembered.

There was a tearing, snapping sound as the cue stick broke in two and its point sliced through the green fabric.

"You _what?_" He was standing straight now, shoulders squared, pulled up to his full height.

Oh, geez... and I'd seen those eyes before. He was angry. No wait...he was furious.

"Edward, it's okay..." I got up and went to him. I put my hand on his arm as his eyes blazed at me. "It's okay, really. It was just a party. I said no, of course."

"Do you have_ any_ idea what happens at those parties?"

"I think...I have a fair idea." I'd seen some movies, Renee had _Animal House _on DVD. "Um, have you been to one?"

He rubbed his hands over his face now.

"No, but I've been to enough colleges and read enough minds."

Suddenly he took my hand, staring down at my wedding ring.

"Who was it? Did he not see this?" He rubbed his thumb over the plain, gold band, his voice seething.

"I don't actually know who he was. He only introduced himself when he invited me."

He groaned, his grip on my hand tightened as he shook his head. "And a lot of women wear rings, Edward. I'm a Freshman, he probably didn't expect me to be married." I tried to soothe him. "But I told him I _am _married and that I wasn't interested in his party. He won't be asking me again." I stroked his cheek. His jaw was like stone. "You didn't actually think I'd say yes, did you?" I wondered suddenly.

"No, of course not, but..." There was a growl brewing, he was struggling to contain it, I could tell. He turned away from my touch and grabbed the wooden edge of the billiard table. He hung his head between his arms. "I'm sorry. But just the thought of someone having those plans for _you_...for _my wife..._"

His fingers clawed at the wood. His teeth ground together.

"Plans?"

He shot me a dark look, one eyebrow raised.

"Oh..."

The tension was rolling off him, I could feel it. I stroked his back.

"You want to growl, don't you?"

He didn't answer. I knew he was trying to be calm and rational and all the things he wasn't actually feeling.

"It's okay, go ahead." I hoisted myself up to sit on the edge of the table. I leant in close and whispered in his ear, letting the warmth of my breath linger on his skin. "I like it when you growl."

So he did.

It was low and deep, but as it travelled up from his chest his lips curled back from his teeth and the growl became a full-blown, blood chilling snarl. And it went on for a long time while his fingers carved grooves in the wood.

When he finished I pulled his head against my chest and started playing with his hair. He sank against me, his arms wrapping possessively around my hips.

"Feel better?"

"Not yet."

I held him as hard as I could.

"I wanted you to experience college life," he murmured after a moment. "And I guess being invited to that type of party is a part of that. And I know there will be other invitations, and...I'll just have to deal with it."

I rested my cheek on the top of his head. He shifted, moving one of his legs between mine.

"You know I'm not interested in all that, don't you? And I wouldn't go to a party without you, anyway;

"I know." His hands gave me a gentle squeeze.

"And you know I'm yours."

"Mine." There was a little growl behind his words. It made me smile.

"I think I know what will make you feel better." I leant in close again and ran my tongue around the shell of his ear. My knee nudged suggestively against his groin.

He hissed and I giggled. Then in a pure caveman moment he threw me over his shoulder and strode out of the room and up the stairs, three at a time.

I grinned now as I remembered and stroked my fingers along Edward's cheek.

Outside a small wind blew up, stirring the snow into little eddies across the ground. Edward sighed and sat up slowly.

"If I'm going to do this errand, I'd better go now," he said. His eyes were shining, excited.

"You're still doing that? But what about the snow? My truck won't get through all that."

Edward smiled as he shook his head. "I can manage without the truck," he said, kissing me softly. "And this is something I want to do. I won't be long. No more than an hour. Will you be alright alone?"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course, Edward. I'm alone here every time you go hunting."

He nodded, smiling. "An hour," he said, kissing me again. And then he was gone.

I climbed onto the sofa and started flicking through the tv channels. I decided there was nothing worth watching and had just put some music on when my phone rang.

"Alice!"

Hardly a day went by when we didn't talk.

"I've decided on the Christmas theme," she trilled and I rolled my eyes. This had been going on for weeks now.

"Which is it? The full traditional or the stark minimalism?" She'd been toying with the idea of bare tree branches, painted white, arranged artistically around the house, each baring a single bauble.

"I'm going with Winter Wonderland," she said. "Jasper's just putting the tree up now and it's huge."

"What's that noise in the background?"

"Emmett. He's singing Christmas carols and Jasper's telling him to stop."

"Oh."

"I can't wait for you to see it, Bella! You're going to love it! I have Austrian crystals to hang from the branches, and to decorate around the room, and the baubles are all hand blown Venetian glass."

"Wow, sounds impressive."

"Oh, it will be. So to complete the look, can you make sure you only use silver or white wrapping paper?"

"Um, we've already wrapped the gifts. They're all different colours. And patterns."

"Oh." There was a pause and I knew this was a flaw in her plan. I also knew her brain was ticking over at lightning speed. The solution came to her just a second later. "That's alright, we can work with that. Your gifts can add a bit of colour - they can represent the grass and flowers poking through the snow of the forest floor as Spring comes and winter melts away."

"That's really poetic, Alice."

"I know. And we can always drape some silver tinsel over them anyway. Ooh, wait till you see the star for the top of the tree. It's strling silver with crystals set in it - it'll send sparkles all around the room!"

I laughed. "It'll be like a vampire in the sun."

"Yes!" she cried. "It will!"

And we both dissolved into giggles.

"This is going to be such a good Christmas," she sighed and I knew what she meant. "And especially since you sneaked out of your birthday this year and refused to have a party." I could practically hear the pout. And beyond that I could hear the raised voices of Jasper as he offered to stick the tree somewhere else if Emmett didn't stop his rendition of _Jingle Bell Rock._

"I didn't sneak out of it, Alice. I had a perfect birthday - quiet and romantic."

I'd been worried that Edward would want to somehow make up for the disaster of the year before and do something extravagant. Or that he'd be morose and moody. But he wasn't. He brought me breakfast in bed, then climbed back under the covers with me as he presented me with a stunning Cartier watch.

"Edward, it's lovely." I clasped it on my wrist and admired it. I didn't want to think how much it would have cost...so I didn't. I just appreciated it. "Thank you, I love it."

"You're welcome," he smiled. "But there's something else."

He pulled a large, flat, rectangular package from under the bed. Underneath the pale blue wrapping paper was a painting. A watercolour of the meadow. Our meadow. I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth.

"It's beautiful," I breathed. "The light, the colours, it's like really being there." I reached out to touch the canvas, almost believing I'd feel the grass and trees. I could almost think the flowers were blowing in a breeze. "How? Where did you get this?"

"I painted it."

"You?" I dragged my eyes away from the painting to look at him. "I didn't know you could paint."

He shrugged. "I can do a lot of things."

He wriggled closer, his head resting on my shoulder, and we studied the painting together.

"We won't get back there very often...so I wanted to bring it to you. This was the only way I could think of."

"It's perfect," I'd whispered, my eyes filling with tears that I dashed away quickly. "Thank you."

But my special day hadn't ended there. He took me for dinner that night to a little restaurant that served the best Italian food I'd ever tasted. And later, back home again, he wished me happy birthday in the slow, tender, intimate way that only he could.

Definitely the perfect birthday.

But two days later Edward's mood had changed. I stirred awake with him curled around me. There was nothing unusual in that, but without looking at him I could sense something was wrong. It was in the way he held me... like he couldn't get close enough, like I was a life line he was afraid to let go. I could feel his anxiety and silent desperation. Immediately I was on alert, frightened, wondering what was wrong, until I realised the date.

September 15th.

A year since he'd left me.

Oh.

I could barely move in his locked embrace and when I finally turned in his arms and he lifted his head from my neck I could see the echo of that pain in his eyes.

"Edward..." I whispered, and touched his cheek, stroking my fingers tenderly over his jaw that was taught and hard with tension. His eyes were so sad, his expression full of apology and remorse.

I didn't want him to be like this and I wondered why he was so effected, we'd come so all...but he was Edward. And, of course, his perfect vampire memory meant he could relive every part of that day in perfect recall. On this morning a year ago he would have been preparing his goodbye, perhaps rehearsing his farewell speech, believing this would be the last day he ever saw me.

"Edward..." I whispered his name again. His eyes didn't move from mine and the memories and sadness in them made me want to cry. But I wouldn't let myself.

I kissed him softly and his hands clutched at me. When I pulled back I pushed on his shoulders.

"Lie down," I whispered. He obeyed, and rolled from his side onto his back, but I could see he was unsure.

I shifted, sitting astride him now. I pulled my tank top off very slowly and his eyes opened wide. I let it drop to the floor and I hooked my thumbs into the waistband of my shorts, trying not to be too awkward as I slid them off.

Desire was creeping in now, I could see that, but his eyes also held questions.

I leant forward, bracing myself on his shoulders and letting my breasts lightly graze over the skin of his chest. He sucked in a breath. I felt him stir and harden beneath me and his fingers gripped my hips.

"Bella..." he breathed.

"Ssh." I shifted again, raising myself up and then slowly easing myself down, taking him in, surrounding him. Loving him. Watching the sadness fade away. He bit his lip as he moaned. I let out a long, slow breath of pleasure.

"Bella, I..."

"Ssh," I said again, leaning forward to kiss him, rocking my hips against his. "Let me give you a new memory."

Alice's voice called me back, startling me.

"Bella? Bella?"

"Sorry, I was, um, miles away."

"Mm, I could tell."

"So, uh, what were you...what were you saying?" Was it hot in here?

"Only that I can't wait to see you both. It feels like _aaages_," she drawled and I laughed now.

"Same here, Alice."

The Cullens had actually been fairly frequent visitors. They would come in pairs or as a group and spend a couple of days here and there and we were always excited to see them. And next year we'd see them all the time. Esme had found a big old farmhouse on land about twenty minutes away. She was in the process of renovating and sometime after New Year Carlisle would resign from the hospital, the Forks house would be shut up and the family would move to Hanover. Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, had all enrolled in college. But the newly weds would still have their privacy, Esme assured us. We wouldn't all live together again until I was ready to be changed. The house had been designed with that in mind, and we knew we'd need the extra physical and moral support of our family during my prospective pregnancy and afterwards during my newborn phase. Not to mention that there was no way the Cullens could stay away from their grandchild, niece or nephew.

"And Charlie's actually got some lights up on the house this year," Alice went on.

"Really?" That didn't sound like him. He hadn't mentioned it when he'd emailed two days ago. But then Charlie wasn't much of a communicator - brief sporadic emails, occasional, awkward phone calls. It was easier when he visited, and he'd visited twice. Once not long after we moved in, and again for Thanksgiving.

My dad had Christmas lights up. Wow.

"I think it's a welcome home gesture for you," Alice said. "Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, that's okay, don't worry, I'll act surprised."

"Esme's cooking a casserole for him now. She'll take it by the station later."

Esme had loved cooking as a human, and she'd rediscovered that love recently. Two or three times a week she would cook meals and take them to Charlie at the station, or drop by the house.

"Will you thank her for me?"

"Sure. But Sue Clearwater's been stocking his freezer, too."

"I know," I laughed. "I don't think Charlie's had to cook a meal since I left."

We laughed and then Alice became all business. She could change direction just as dramatically as her brother.

"So, your schedule for Christmas day..." she started.

"Does there need to be a schedule?" I asked, still trying to catch up with the subject change.

"I'll ignore that question," Alice said brusquely. "As I was saying, your schedule...you'll be with us in the morning, then you're going to Charlie for lunch, then in the afternoon you're going to La Push to see Callum and Leah and Jake, and Charlie will visit Billy, then you and Edward come back to us for the evening. Charlie's welcome to come too, of course, but he'll probably want to stay at La Push with Sue." I detected the knowing tone in her voice.

"Alice, Harry Clearwater's only been gone three months. Sue and Charlie are just friends."

"I know, I know," she clarified eagerly. "But she leant on him for support a lot after Harry died, and she's helped him since you've been gone - they've developed a close friendship, and that's all it is, for now. I can't _see_ anything, but I get the feeling one day there'll be more." She paused.

I had to admit I hoped Alice was right - Charlie had been alone too long.

And suddenly a new thought came to me.

"Oh my gosh, Alice...if something did happen between Charlie and Sue, that would make Callum my step-brother-in-law!"

There was silence and then Alice burst into peals of laughter.

"You could have worse," she said. "Leah could have imprinted on Mike Newton."

We were both snickering down the phone, and then suddenly Alice was talking again.

"Ooh, I have to go - Jasper and Emmett are brawling. I have to save the tree!"

"Oh, okay, bye!"

I set my phone back down on the coffee table and stretched out on the sofa. I imagined Alice's winter wonderland. I imagined sitting around the tree, exchanging gifts with the Cullens. Exchanging gifts with Edward.

This Christmas was so different to last.

Last Christmas I couldn't have conceived the changes a year could bring. I smiled as I thought of Edward and me two nights ago, both of us sitting cross legged on our king sized bed, surrounded by Christmas paper and ribbon as we wrapped gifts.

"Your bows are perfect," I'd said and Edward had smiled.

"Have you got the adhesive tape?"

"It's here. Do you have the gift tags?"

"Behind you."

He stuck tape on my nose and I stuck some in his hair. In the end we had a pile of brightly wrapped gifts. They were stacked neatly, now, at the side of the fireplace.

I looked at them from my place on the sofa. It was obvious who had wrapped what. His had perfectly neat corners, straight stripes, symmetrical patterns and, of course, the perfect bows.

Mine were sloppier, rounded corners, droopy ribbon.

Last year I'd wondered what the Cullens did for Christmas. I'd wondered how Edward opened gifts, whether he tore the paper off, or unfolded it neatly. Now, in five days I'd find out - and that would be the best present of all.

I shook my head as more memories of last Christmas crept in.

I thought of Jake and the surprise Christmas tree that had just made me miss Edward even more - how I'd wished it had been him coming through the door that afternoon. And I remembered how, afterwards when Jake had gone, the future had loomed up, dark and empty, and terrified me.

I took a deep breath.

The music had stopped and the house was so quiet now. Suddenly, I was very aware of Edward's absence. I wondered where he was, what he was doing...just like I had wondered last year. My heart tightened in my chest as those old feelings waved at me from the distance. I told myself I was being stupid and while my rational mind knew better, the memories tugged and pulled at me, trying to get my attention. I took another breath and focused on now - this new Christmas, this _first _Christmas.

I focused on what happened with the tree, how it gave me back my birthday gifts, and the journey that had led me on. We mightn't have been here now, like this, without that tree.

I picked up the lounge cushion and hugged it. I thought about putting a movie on, or reading my book, some sort of distraction...anything.

It was so still, so quiet. I felt unsettled and agitated.

There was a noise at the front door and it startled me. Edward had only been gone twenty five minutes, so it couldn't be him. I went to the hall and peeked through the peep-hole in the door, but my vision was obscured by green. Lots and lots of green.

I turned the handle of the door and as I pulled it open some tree branches poked in, curling around the door edge, their fingers of green waving hello. I stepped back. A sob caught in my throat. It was too much, it was like last Christmas, when he wasn't here.

"Bella?" Edward's voice came from the other side of the foliage. "Surprise, love!"

And suddenly the tears were streaming down my face. He kept talking as he pushed the tree, dripping snow on the floor, further into the hall.

"I know we said it wasn't practical, and we're leaving the day after tomorrow, but this is our first Christmas and we should have a tree. We can make our own decorations, or buy some tomorrow if you like, but I should tell you, I make really good paper lanterns...Bella? Love?"

I was trembling now, the tears flowing freely as Edward moved from behind the tree and stared at me, horrified.

"Bella, what...?"

I shook my head and threw myself at him with as much force as I could muster. His arms snapped around me, holding me tightly while I scrambled to get closer.

"Bella..." His hands rubbed over my back and I could feel his confusion.

"I'm so happy," I managed to get out. "And I'm just _so glad it's you_."

Suddenly a look of understanding flashed across his features.

"Oh, Bella, love..." he crooned.

"I'm sorry," I sniffed.

"Don't be."

"It's just...I was remembering..." I looked up at him. "I'm so glad it's you," I said again.

"It will always be me, Bella." He scooped me up into his arms and cradled me close against his chest, my head tucked under his chin. "For a thousand Christmases and more...it will always be me."

I nodded and sniffed against him. "I know."

Still holding me, he bent down and grabbed the tree with one hand. Then he carried it, and me, into the living room. He leant the tree against the wall near the fire place, then set me gently on the floor. We stood there, our arms around each other. I looked up at his face, into his eyes, seeing the love there. He was smiling as his fingers came up to softly stroke my cheek, his touch was so tender.

From somewhere he produced a piece of mistletoe. It was bent and broken and scrappy looking, like it had been crushed in his pocket. It made me laugh.

He held it over my head while his other hand pressed me against him. I smiled up at him as he beamed down at me. He bent his head and his lips grazed softly over mine.

"Lets start a new tradition," he whispered. I nodded and slowly he lowered us to the floor, beneath the branches of the tree. His nose nudged mine as he took my face between his hands. His eyes shone as he kissed me again. "Let me give you a new memory."

**A/N: There, we're done! This was the final chapter of Distractions. I've had a lot of fun writing this, and hope you've enjoyed reading.**

**Thank you so much to everyone who has read, left reviews, sent me messages, recommended and supported this story. **

**And super special thanks to EDWARD'S ETERNAL, Melanie, who beta'd for me. She's been great fun, speedy and so, so supportive - thank you, thank you, thank you! **

**Cheers!**


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